Research shows that same-sex love between a woman and a woman is at least 25% determined by genes. A woman's sexual orientation is largely explained by the effect of the male sex hormone androgen on the child in the womb. Increased exposure to hormones correlates with more gender nonconformity early in a woman's life (she is often called a "tomboy" as a child), as well as with future orientation.
Some psychologists explain lesbian love by the variability of female sexuality. Unlike men, who are typically sexually oriented exclusively toward either women or men, and whose sexuality is essentially determined at puberty, women have greater "erotic plasticity."
Their sexual orientation may be shaped by cultural influences, changed by positive or negative experiences, and enhanced by feelings of love or affection. Women are much more likely than men to report experiencing same-sex attraction, often during or after heterosexual marriage. So what is it like, same-sex love between a woman and a woman? How can it be described from a scientific point of view?
The main signs of love between women
Open love between women has not surprised anyone for a long time, and it is quite easy to notice a tendency towards same-sex relationships:
- the desire to be close, spend free time together, exchange impressions;
- isolation of interests, the emergence of common projects and “family stories” unknown to others, when a special autonomous aura is formed around a female couple;
- a feeling of attachment, “belonging”, when you want to control and check another woman so that she “belongs” only to her friend;
- performing joint social functions - living in the same area, common household equipment, common purchases and expenses.
Of course, the main sign of love between women and the beginning of a close relationship is entry into the intimate sphere of communication, which seems especially intriguing to everyone.
For some reason, since ancient times, love between women, naked female bodies merging in passionate embraces, have been considered the standard of beauty and natural harmony. While male couples were mercilessly persecuted at all times before the onset of liberal-minded social trends of the 20th century.
The notorious poetess Sappho (7th century BC) from the island of Lesbos, who glorified lesbian relationships, had repeated contacts with men and promoted the idea of universal intimacy and “promiscuity” as an extreme form of natural freedom. It’s just that men had to fight a lot and often, what should lonely, melancholy young ladies do if not console each other with poems and caresses.
Gradually, the concept of “lesbian,” which means love between girls, is becoming outdated, since it presupposes a clear self-identification of same-sex commitment at the level of consciousness and behavior. It is absolutely not necessary to behave in a special way or emphasize your non-standard orientation.
Many female couples manage to maintain lesbian relationships for years without going into details and without asking the opinions of others, following the principle: “Happiness loves silence.” Moreover, many, in parallel with this, have an ordinary family with a husband or self-identify as one of the many genders.
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Logical self-identification3
Who comes up with the restrictions? People themselves set norms and rules, decide what is normal for them and what borders on lawlessness and madness. Nature has not written a set of rules in which love between girls is prohibited.
It’s just that someone analyzes their worldview and is not ashamed to admit that they are different from the rest. A normal situation is when a girl understands that her behavior pattern and lifestyle do not really fit into the image of a romantic and gentle person. She is active, has a strong fighting character, is not afraid of difficulties, and is self-sufficient.
She wants to take care of someone and receive kindness and affection in return. Well, a real brutal man with a mountain of muscles and a thick beard does not fit into this scheme. So it turns out that a woman begins to consider other girls for strong love relationships and creating a family.
By the way, false self-identification also happens. In addition to psychological loss, she is influenced by strict prohibitions. Scientists have long carried out many experiments, thanks to which obvious truths have become clear. In a society where loyalty reigns and strict punishments for violations of certain social norms are not established, people are less likely to abuse trust and forbidden fruits.
The situation is exactly the same with a change of orientation. In countries where this is taken lightly and simply, people often try and experiment and then return to traditional patterns of behavior. Nothing spurs them on, they are not discussed or given special attention. I just wanted to and did it, and came to the conclusion that this is not what it is and is not about me.
Reasons for same-sex love
Historically, many social institutions provoked the emergence of same-sex relationships among both women and men: until the 20th century. the social and labor sphere belonged entirely to men, women were at home.
In addition, I remember long military service away from home, boarding houses and schools with separate education for girls and boys. Acquaintance with the opposite sex and sexual life only after marriage, although no one has canceled the physiological requirements for age.
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Perhaps this is why relationships between girls or a wife’s infidelity with another woman are not taken “seriously”; on the contrary, many spouses encourage new experiences and invite girls for intimate threesome dates.
- Genetic predisposition - an increased amount of male hormones in the body, dominant character traits, a desire to subjugate, to seek recognition.
- Negative experiences with men, unsuccessful family life, when a woman decides to “try” a new relationship and understands that this is the best option.
- Social trends - the desire to seem modern and liberated, independent of the opinions of others. Often shocking connections really become a strong union of hearts in love.
Explanations from psychologists
In essence, the love between two women in a lesbian relationship copies ordinary opposite-sex couples: one woman has a more powerful, decisive character and is the leading link, the other is more dependent and driven.
In intimate relationships, the partner often repeats the man’s behavior pattern, using natural or artificial accessories to achieve pleasure. “Butch” (man) and “femme” or “femme” (woman) are LGBT slang terms that refer to certain roles in lesbian relationships.
But in such couples there is much less aggression and humiliation, the process of dividing household and social functions is simpler, and it is easier for two women to agree and understand each other. The psychology of relationships between a woman and a woman suggests that they use less manipulation and other “forbidden techniques” between themselves, since they can immediately understand when this happens.
They often experience mental distortions with a man; it initially seems to them that representatives of the stronger sex are more decent and obliging. “Divorce” is not considered as difficult and stressful as in the case of a man, when friends and relatives intervene in the conflict.
Yesterday's partners after breaking up may well maintain friendly relations and help each other as needed. Whereas ex-spouses of different sexes rarely maintain friendly relations.
Religious understanding
After the flowering of ancient ideals of beauty and freedom of self-expression, human relationships came under the control of religious dogmas for a long time. For example, Christianity and Islam completely subjugated the concepts and rules of family living. They regulated all aspects of family life: marriage, housekeeping, distribution of family responsibilities, punishment for adultery and other sins.
The “Church Fathers,” who themselves seduced countless young girls and boys, vigilantly monitored the moral purity of their adherents.
And now the church is broadcasting traditional morality about opposite-sex marriages and procreation, which fully fits into the state program for improving demographics.
The Church does not take into account the biological, social, and cultural aspects of relationships, denies the rapprochement of people of the same sex, and in general, looks like a complete anachronism against the backdrop of growing gender diversity.
Cultural-historical concept
You can point out many paintings, books, poems that describe the feelings of a woman for a woman in same-sex love, while men have received such an honor only in recent decades. Half a thousand years after Sappho, the ancient Roman poet Catullus masterfully glorifies in his poems the beautiful Lesbia, who gives tenderness to long-haired girls.
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Then, for ten centuries, the “dark times” of religious cults began; in the Middle Ages, everyone had to submit to a strict routine and church hierarchy, which regulated not only political and economic processes, but also the phenomena of art, poetry, and painting.
So lesbian relationships between women during this period are hidden from the eyes of historians. During the Renaissance, Enlightenment, and the era of humanism, numerous prohibitions were removed from the female body, nevertheless, cohabitation was still considered a “deviation” from the accepted routine.
Pierre Louis's book of prose poems, Songs of Bilitis, has been influential in cultural reflections of lesbian relationships since the 1890s. The first lesbian rights organization in the United States was called the Daughters of Bilitis.
Now this topic has reached the point of absurdity and many are tired of it, just like vegetarianism, feminism, gender equality and the like. This probably happened because lesbianism and the attraction of a woman to a woman ceased to be taboo, and therefore ceased to be interesting, mysterious and no longer excites the imagination. As they say, it's a matter of taste.
Scientists' opinion. Gaydar (from the English gaydar) is a term combining the words “gay” and “radar”, which is used for people with unconventional orientation who are able to find and attract their own kind.
In a study conducted at Northeastern University (USA), 60 heterosexual women and 40 lesbians had to determine which of the ten women represented was a representative of a non-traditional sexual orientation.
As a result, lesbians showed much better results in identifying other lesbians, which is confirmed by life practice.
Smell matters2
The brain plays perhaps the most important role in the formation of attachment or attraction. For example, the orbitofrontal cortex, an area located just above the eyes, is involved in decision making and emotional processing. In 2006, a research team from the Stockholm Brain Institute used positron emission tomography (PET scans) to test how the brain processes sex pheromones, chemicals released by the body to attract sexual partners.
The study found that lesbians and heterosexual men showed greater blood flow in the brain after inhaling a pheromone-like chemical. Interestingly, this resulted in activation of their anterior hypothalamus, whereas the brain's piriform cortex and amygdala are typically activated during odor processing. The hypothalamus is believed to be associated with sexual arousal. Lesbian love is explained by the reaction of a woman's brain to the smell of another woman, which causes a storm of electrical activity in her brain and stimulates her body.
Types of love relationships between women
The types of same-sex relationships between women depend on what motives and attitudes dominate in the psychology of relationships between a girl and a girl; they often repeat, “mirror” each other.
Cognitive, mental motives
Modern ladies are able to quite consciously determine their orientation and carefully choose a friend in their immediate circle or on a dating site. Women are not as impulsive as men, and are able to spend a long time “sizing up” a potential partner, determining their feelings at each stage of rapprochement.
Even with emotional closeness, girls are able to reason quite sensibly about how long this relationship will last, what consequences and results are possible.
They can deliberately make public or hide their relationships, rationally distribute finances, without falling into resentment or hysterics, as is the case with “greedy” men.
Emotive, sensual impulses
Often characteristic of young, inexperienced girls who perceive any attraction as a “sign of fate”, they are capable of suffering, jealousy, and express themselves colorfully in poetry or prose.
They are looking forward to incredible adventures and exciting stories, but many are disappointed when they realize that there is no such thing as unclouded female fidelity and devotion, that material problems can destroy any trust, that friends and relatives are not happy with such a choice.
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Active, behavioral relationships
Built on constant “proof” of their own feelings, a woman tries to show maximum attention to her partner, trying to earn gratitude or encouragement by any actions.
Various attributes of relationships are important to them - gifts, anniversaries, signs of public attention.
Butterflies in the stomach3
Same-sex love between a woman and a woman, like heterosexual love, is a natural chemical process. As part of the response, the human brain signals the adrenal glands to produce more adrenaline and norepinephrine.
Adrenaline is a hormone whose release into the blood causes the heart to beat faster and stronger. The combination of the hormone norepinephrine and dopamine, the hormone of happiness, causes a person to focus attention on the object of his desire... and also experience pleasure and excitement. Cortisol, the stress hormone, also causes spikes—a person is on high alert.
Read more about what butterflies in the stomach are in our article below!
Stages of development of relationships between girls
Lesbian relationships are in many ways similar to traditional ones, because first of all we are talking about spiritual, moral and moral closeness; physiological closeness is a pleasant addition.
According to the observations of sexologists, in opposite-sex couples, less than half of the women enjoy intimate life. Whereas in lesbian sex, almost everyone experiences satisfaction.
- Acquaintance means getting closer, getting to know personal traits that are invisible or unimportant to others. The girls share biographical details and life experiences, checking compatibility on various aspects of the relationship.
- Interest is targeted attention to this particular person, the study of a psychological type, the desire to understand the motives and preferences of this particular woman.
- Courtship is a clear sign of attention aimed at showing your interest and inviting you to get to know each other more closely.
- Rapprochement is a sensual stage of a relationship, the most frank and responsible. Usually it is initiated by a more mature, experienced woman who is ready to teach her friend all the nuances of same-sex relationships.
- Reflection, introspection – a period of “cooling”, when everyone remembers and checks their own feelings, determines their significance and the need for further communication.
Pressure from the side4
Girls who did not receive enough maternal care and love in childhood sometimes look for a gentle and kind lover in adulthood. This is rare and not the best explanation for lesbian relationships.
Rather, we are talking about pressure from close, authoritative people. If a girl at school had very strict teachers, coaches, parents, let’s add cruel classmates here, then she may well succumb to the impulse and fall in love with the closest and most understanding person - her friend.
As a result, not everyone gets better with time. Not every offended and humiliated girl is ready to open her heart and soul to a man. Or perhaps lesbians are the result of sad experiences with men.
Pros and cons of such relationships
psychological compatibility, atmosphere of intimacy and trust, intuitive mutual understanding;
a conflict-free way of resolving problems, the ability to understand each other and come to an agreement without hysterics and disagreements;
full intimacy with a “guaranteed” orgasm, it is women who are able to understand the best way to influence the body to obtain pleasure.
inability to have common offspring;
misunderstanding of others;
housing and material problems;
impossibility of recording relations in accordance with the legislation of the Russian Federation and obtaining a legally valid status.
Myths about lesbians
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Kisses4
Kissing has many social functions, but from a technical and biological perspective, humans use kissing as a way to quickly weed out unsuitable partners. In almost 66% of cases, women stop experiencing attraction after the first kiss.
Women prefer the smells of partners whose major histocompatibility complex (immune system) genes are different from their own. So they unconsciously test partners to find a partner who can produce offspring with the strongest immune system. Although lesbians cannot yet produce genetic offspring, there is no reason to believe that they are not testing the genetic compatibility of their partners through kissing and smelling.
Women's love among celebrities
Same-sex relationships are becoming increasingly popular due to the loss of trust in the institution of family and the need to engage in the reproduction of similar individuals. And public attitudes have changed dramatically; now the “title” of a lesbian in many countries helps to find a job or make a creative career.
Cara Delevingne
The British model and actress often appeared in public with actress Michelle Rodriguez, and later she admitted her feelings for singer Annie Clark.
Cara Delevingne and Michelle Rodriguez
Cara Delevingne and Annie Clark
Kristen Stewart
The American actress began dating her own producer Alicia Cargile, then lured Annie Clark to her place and talks about serious intentions
Kristen Stewart with Alicia Cargile
Kristen Stewart with Annie Clark
Miley Cyrus
The American singer calls herself a punksexual; her partner’s gender does not matter to her; she was in a relationship with model Stella Maxwell.
Miley Cyrus with Stella Maxwell
How long will this last
But while bad guys have the power of hypnosis and magnetism, it's important to note that their methods of seduction wear out pretty quickly.
Although they find it relatively easy to build new relationships, research suggests that over time they have a harder time maintaining their captivating first impression. Don't forget that bad guys tend to have character traits such as selfishness, indifference and arrogance.
Just be careful, since recognizing the true essence of a person is not immediately possible. Bad guys are good at hiding their bad qualities.
You might be interested in this:
- What is FOMO syndrome in psychology and how marketers use it
- The whole truth about female logic: what prevents you from making rational decisions
How to save
Relationships are more serious work than what you do every day in the office. Various crises and misunderstandings can lead to the breakdown of relationships. To prevent this from happening, you should build a correct behavioral line.
- It is impossible to communicate without mutual exchange of secrets. The desire to share feelings or, conversely, to hear details overwhelms the beautiful half of humanity. However, every lady can have her own little secrets. At the same time, you need to be able to keep secrets if everyone has entrusted them to you.
- You should not start a relationship with her ex - this can become a real test for a friend, especially if the breakup was painful.
- Competition and rivalry are excluded. In the struggle for primacy, people become real enemies.
- Moving to another city, vacationing abroad or a business trip is not a reason to stop communicating. It is important to pay attention to a text message, a photograph, an interesting post, or a call. Perhaps she needs help now.
Religion
Almost all official world religions consider homosexuality a sin. Despite the loyalty of modern society in Western countries towards LGBT people, most Christian and Catholic churches, as well as Islam, do not accept individuals who openly declare their sexual preferences in favor of people of the same sex. Religious foundations say that such phenomena are a fall from grace, since God originally intended marriage, the union of the loving hearts of a man and a woman, which gives rise to new life.
However, recently in some Catholic churches and communities there has been a tendency to accept homosexuality as such and openly support sexual minorities.
Curiosity2
Female homosexuality in the public understanding is very different from male homosexuality. If a guy, out of a sense of interest, enters into an intimate relationship with another guy, it will be at least strange. Girls have more freedom in choosing their orientation. By nature, girls are bisexual. This is due to the fact that during sexual pleasures between girls, both participants in the process receive pleasure.
Classic penetration, oral sex and anal sex are natural for a woman. For guys, only the classic of the genre is natural - an active position in sex. Therefore, it is much easier for girls to decide on such an experiment. And if we take into account the fact that intimacy between two beautiful girls excites the imagination of men, we can conclude that such curiosity will even benefit heterosexual relationships.
Friendship concept
Friendship is a special kind of relationship. They are built on selflessness and mutual understanding, on a wide range of common interests and respect for each other. Pure friendship in its ideal manifestation is what distinguishes us from other living beings. This phenomenon has been formed over centuries of evolutionary activity of society.
Full-fledged friendships in modern society take years to build. Durability is the main criterion that distinguishes friendship from friendly relationships. Often friendships are formed in childhood or adolescence and remain with a person for life.
Friendships formed in childhood are considered the strongest. In adulthood, when the character and range of interests are formed, it is more difficult for a person to adapt, to accept other views, opinions, and, as a result, it is more difficult to make friends. As a rule, a person can only have a small number of close friends (1-2), the rest keep a friendly distance.
Daughters - mothers
Often these are very complex relationships, the closest and dearest people sometimes seem to speak different languages or even from opposite worlds. In a mother-daughter union, psychologists identify several models of relationships:
- girlfriends; the mother sees in her daughter, first of all, an independent person, respects her individuality, and, as an older friend, unobtrusively strives to help if any problems arise; In this case, the daughter finds in her mother an object worthy of imitation and wants to be like her;
- rivals; There is an elderly woman and nearby a blooming youth, the first, realizing the decline, directs her irritation against her daughter. Headship can belong to both mother and daughter. The tension in such a relationship is destructive and does not bode well until the eldest woman shows wisdom and proves by deed that she is not an enemy to her child.
- Cold War; Here the selfishness of the daughter, who does not even accept the very possibility of her mother having her own personal life, collides with the mother’s sacrifice, who devotes herself entirely only to the family. As a rule, this situation is typical in single-parent families.
Relationship with a married man
Signs that your ex-girlfriend still loves you
If a girl’s feelings have not yet cooled down, she will always try to maintain contact with her ex-partner, appearing on his social networks, tracking life events and being interested in affairs through acquaintances. She will be jealous and at the same time defiantly post her “happy” photos online.
He will look for an excuse to meet and ask for help.
She will always “accidentally” find herself in those places that her ex visits, trying to unobtrusively remind her of herself. She will complain to mutual friends about how she regrets the breakup and how bad she feels alone, hoping that the information will reach the recipient.
She won’t be stopped late to call and talk about their past together and the reasons for the breakup, especially if she drank a couple of glasses of wine.
In the end, the girl can openly say that she misses her and wants to get back into the relationship.
Natalia
Genetics5
Sex hormones and other factors acting during intrauterine development can influence not only the degree of expression of primary sexual characteristics, but also the development of the brain. These same hormones affect the characteristics of a person’s thinking, including his sexual orientation. It has been proven that homosexuality is inherited.
How to build strong relationships
If you can treat a friend without subtext or prejudice, without demanding anything from her and allowing her to remain herself, you will most likely be able to build strong and long-term friendships. The main rules of close relationship:
- Identify a person with similar interests and goals.
- Do not demand anything from him in return and do not spare anything for him.
- Trust and be sincere.
- Learn to live without envy and enjoy your friend’s happy events.
- Carefully protect your privacy and space, not allowing your time to be occupied only by your friend.
- Stop complaining all the time. Strong communication does not depend on “whining” alone.
- Accept the personality as it is, without trying to impose your current view;
You shouldn't keep in touch just out of respect for the past. In your time, you were able to give a person everything that was expected of you. Going to meetings “out of politeness” means wasting your time on something you don’t like. You need to be able to change people in time to those who will open up new opportunities for you. A woman needs to go to sports, develop hidden talents, take part in trainings, take care of her appearance, and not drown in obligations to a loved one.
