- April 5, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Ksenga
Each person creates problems for himself independently. Some people like to live calmly and measuredly, while others like emotions to be in full swing. The first type of people lives happily in marriage, while the second is constantly looking for adventures, which are often called adultery. How to understand that a partner has found a passion for himself? Read about it below.
Causes
Exchanging promises of fidelity in the registry office, most people sincerely believe that the partner standing next to them will be the only lover for the rest of their lives. But time passes, feelings cool down, and the once beloved person ceases to be so. It is not surprising that people whose feelings have cooled try to find love on the side and decide to cheat. Marital infidelity is a common phenomenon in modern society. What are the most popular reasons for cheating?
- Faded love. After a whirlwind romance, feelings slowly fade away, and if the fire is not maintained, it will die out completely. It is not surprising that after 3-4 years of a happy family life, people find themselves living with an unloved person who is not suitable for them at all.
- One of the partners is developing, while the other is standing still. Often a situation occurs when one of the spouses moves forward, realizes himself in his career and learns something new. And the second individual, which is often a woman on maternity leave, stops in her development. A situation occurs in which a smart husband is bored and uninterested in spending time with his stupid wife.
- Boredom and jealousy. With the arrival of a child in the family, a woman spends a lot of time with her baby. The lady has no time to pay attention to her husband. The man is offended and jealous of his chosen one for the baby. And a person tries to find lost love on the side.
Signs
A person who cheats on his legal partner changes his behavior. Only a very inattentive person can fail to notice changes in the character and appearance of a loved one. Signs of infidelity in a married couple are:
- A person suddenly begins to monitor his appearance. A woman who just yesterday was a gray mouse signs up for a salon and becomes a fatal beauty. She wears heels, brightly painted lips and wears revealing dresses.
- Lack of attraction to your legal spouse. A person does not want to spend time with the person with whom he shares a roof over his head. And it's not just about the lack of sex. The person prefers to spend the evening with friends or go to a social event rather than sit at home.
- Telephone conversations became secret. If your spouse stops talking on the phone in front of you, or he has set a password on the phone, it means that the person has secrets. And if these are secrets that you have been noticing for several months, then this is hardly a surprise that they want to give you.
- Emergency situations at work. If your spouse begins to stay late at work, but is not paid for these overtime hours, you should think about whether the spouse is really working solely to improve his working skills in the career field.
Opinion polls
These results can be compared with data from American opinion polls. As it turned out, among Americans, infidelity is provoked by: the wife’s pregnancy (the wife begins to feel unfree, and the wife begins to be perceived as a mother), the birth of a child (the mother’s focus on the child), the wife’s weight exceeding the norm (American husbands get angry if the wife’s weight soon after the wedding increases). According to various studies, American men, like Russian ones, characterize their extramarital relationships as more sexual than emotional.
What keeps American husbands from having extramarital affairs are moral and ethical standards, as well as the fear of losing a woman who plays an important role in their lives, or the fear of consequences that will affect their relationship.
Relationships during infidelity
How does a person who is unfaithful to his partner behave? The technique of adultery may be different, but external signs and relationships will always give the person away. A person will spend less time with his legal soul mate. All tenderness will leave the relationship. A person who has acquired a lover will give all his warmth to him. Even a passing hobby will completely capture a person’s feelings. He will become distracted and fussy. The person will be afraid of messing up somewhere, so he will try to talk as little as possible with his roommates and will not start a conversation again. When asked for intimacy, a person who has a lover will answer that he has a headache, has a lot to do at work, and is also tired. The tension and chill will be so noticeable that the spouses will seem like strangers to each other.
What does the word adultery mean?
The word adultery comes from the French “adulter”. Translation – adultery, infidelity, adultery.
The meaning of the word adultery today is somewhat outdated; instead, the expressions “to change”, “to go to the left”, “to have a lover/mistress” are more often used.
The definition of adultery is the commission of intimate intimacy by people who are not legally married. This word can be used to refer to cohabiting relationships without their official registration. Some consider same-sex relationships (not formalized) to be adultery.
Relationships after cheating
How do people behave when they break up with a lover and return to their family? Tenderness for your legal spouse fills your soul. After adultery, the wife becomes affectionate, and the husband becomes very attentive. Flowers appear in the house, delicious food smells all the time, and the floor creaks from cleanliness. Simple everyday joys, which seemed to be completely forgotten, are remembered. A person understands that he made a mistake, that fleeting love brought temporary pleasure, but nothing good came of it. The person will try with all his might to make amends for his guilt, even if the partner does not know about it. Cheating helps a person understand what is truly important to him and what is secondary. True, from time to time, infidelity destroys families, as partners understand that the marriage was a mistake. In this case, the relationship between the spouses deteriorates. And if men can forgive their wife’s betrayal and let her go without a fight, then women for the most part will fight for their beloved husband and will not give him up to their rival, if only for the sake of principle.
Knife in the back
Any woman who finds out about cheating is hurt and hurt. She remembers the best moments of their life together. Then she was happy, cheerful and carefree with her loved one. But this “beloved” suddenly becomes a traitor, an enemy who stuck a knife in the back, trampling on love, dreams and hopes.
Pain in the heart and unabated horror, extreme stress, and the only cure for all this is painfully slowly dragging time. Thanks to him, pain and resentment will turn into life experience, and former love will be erased into dust and gradually scattered by the wind of memories.
Photo by Nicolas Prieto on Unsplash
A woman is most active in her adventures until the moment of conception, childbirth and further raising of the child. A man is looking for in betrayal: variety, a change in sexual sensations, he tries his sexual fantasies with another woman, because he is embarrassed to show this with his wife, so that she does not think of him as a depraved man.
Many men sometimes feel that everything in the family depends on him, that he has achieved a lot and why shouldn’t he relax, he deserves it. And vice versa, women sometimes complain about their husbands that they are not active, but she wants aggressive sex. For some reason, spouses are sometimes embarrassed to talk about sex and their needs.
Why are people unfaithful to their spouses and end up getting divorced? Where is the main reason? Why is this happening? Why do people, destroying a family, not think about fate, about the psyche of their children, about the fact that they are left without fathers or mothers? Do they even think about this, or do they value their own interests and personal problems more than the fate of their children?
Photo by kelli mcclintock on Unsplash
Betrayal is a terrible blow to a person. It can be so strong that a person cannot recover from it for a long time and sometimes becomes very ill. What to do? How to react? What decision should I make? Break up or endure? Maybe forgive someone who is not mistaken, just confused by a demon?
There are no clues in this matter, there is no clear correct solution. Everything is so individual that there are simply no recipes for this disease. Which position, which solution suits a person, is up to him to choose.
Thoughtful and thoughtless action
Some people believe that adultery does not deserve punishment if it was committed while intoxicated. But that's not true. You need to understand that alcohol only liberates a person. A drunk person will never do something that he would not want to do while sober. Yes, actions may be too indecent, but nevertheless they remain a person’s desire, albeit hidden until the right time in the depths of the soul. Therefore, betrayal is never thoughtless. If your partner cheated on you in a club with the first person he met, it means that the person has long wanted new sensations. A person who passionately loves his soulmate, even in a drunken state, will be aware of his actions. Therefore, do not believe the person who crawls to you in tears and says that he did not know what he was doing. It is not true. Sincerity and trust are the cornerstones on which any normal relationship should be built.
The secret becomes clear
There are many stories and anecdotes about adultery. Not surprisingly, most of them are based on real events. And the main conclusion that should be drawn from all these stories is that everything secret becomes clear. You can believe it or not, but no matter how hard you try to hide the fact of betrayal, sooner or later, it will come to the surface. And it is better to tell about your shameful act yourself than to wait for the faithful to learn this information from the lips of well-wishers. Yes, you will hurt your legal spouse, and you will undermine your credibility, but at least you will remain in the eyes of a person as a person who takes responsibility for his actions. Loving people can go through any problems together, but this can be done when frankness and sincerity prevail in the couple. Therefore, you should not collect skeletons in the closet, they tend to fall out of there.
Is there any benefit to fleeting intrigues?
There are certainly advantages to fleeting intrigues, otherwise adultery would not be such a common occurrence. The positive aspects of adultery include:
- More vivid sexual experiences, getting a stronger orgasm, new sensations in bed.
- A taste of adventure and intrigue that dilutes dull everyday life.
- A temporary feeling of self-importance and need.
- Increased self-esteem and level of self-love.
But all this can be achieved with a legal spouse, growing and developing together in marriage. For example, add variety to your sex life, talk about your desires, try to become more relaxed, add games.
By the way, if people are married, no one forbids them to go on romantic dates and arrange pleasant surprises for each other. It is sometimes useful to change the environment and travel together. If you don’t have money for expensive resorts, then you can take a weekend excursion or go out of town with tents.
It’s worth talking not only about your sexual desires, but also about your moral ones. A loving soulmate will definitely understand how important it is for a spouse to be understood, heard, and important.
Adultery will not solve problems with self-esteem, but will only create further illusions. But a professional psychologist will help you instill self-love.
Should I forgive or not?
How do you feel about cheating? There is no person in this world who would treat them positively. But you need to understand that in any problems that arise in a relationship, two people are always to blame. Adultery is the result of the activities of both partners, one of them was the main character, and the other pushed the first to take decisive action. Couples whose relationships have no problems will not break up because a pretty person appears on the horizon of one of the partners. But families in which there is discord can fall apart over any trifle.
Whether to forgive your spouse after cheating is up to you to decide. But in any case, keep in mind that you are to blame for the person exactly as much as the person is to blame for you. If a person began to look for love on the side, it means that she did not find it at home. Therefore, think about whether you can give your legal spouse what he was looking for from his mistress, or whether you should separate, since you are simply not able to make each other happy.
The nature of infidelity
Adultery is a synonym for the word “treason.” It is used very often in literature and quite rarely in everyday speech. The meaning of this word is not very pleasant. It is associated with betrayal, resentment and disappointment.
Every betrayal has a natural motive . That is, a person decides to cheat on his regular partner not on a logical, but on an instinctive level. This happens at the moment when a person realizes that his partner will not help him fulfill his genetic program .
All people live according to their genetic program. They look for partners for a relationship only for the sake of fulfilling it.
When people are in a relationship for a long time, they develop feelings such as love and affection. For a relationship to be ideal, each partner must experience these feelings, and also understand that this relationship will help him realize the goal laid down by nature.
Usually people understand this not on a logical, but on an instinctive level.
All betrayals are connected only with the fact that one of the partners is not completely satisfied with their relationship. However, society does not consider such actions to be the norm and therefore calls them the unpleasant word “treason.”
Is it possible to survive betrayal?
Many people confirm the fact that adultery is not a reason to destroy a marriage. Some people can accept a person’s infidelity, but others cannot. Think about whether you are able to forgive the person who offended you? If you understand that your soulmate is the best person you have ever met, then the question should disappear by itself. All people tend to make mistakes. Some people make small mistakes, while others make big mistakes that are difficult or almost impossible to correct. If you decide to forgive a person, then first think about whether the person will commit treason again. After all, once you turn onto a slippery path, you can stay on it forever.
How to prevent cheating?
Do you want to live happily? Then you need to do everything to prevent adultery from taking place. It is better to prevent a problem than to think about how to correct the consequences later. What should you do to ensure that the fire of love in your relationship burns forever?
- Give your significant other pleasant surprises.
- Go out of the house together more often. Visit museums, social events, go to the movies and theaters.
- Don't focus on your children. Yes, a child is a great happiness, but it is simply necessary to devote time to your spouse.
- Support your other half in any endeavor.
- Find a hobby together. If a couple has common interests, their chances of a happy life together increase greatly.
