How to get your girlfriend back if she left for someone else?

Hi all. Long time no see. Lately I often hear from men that the girl is leaving

out of a relationship
on her own initiative
, despite what the man did for her for a long time. All men are different, but now let’s touch on those who really did devastating things, gave constant attention, were support, support, and helped the woman solve problems.

And after all this, many men think

about
why
they
deserved for all their noble deeds
, done on feelings and crazy love for a woman:
her leaving the relationship.

Many psychologists and bloggers say the following things:

• A woman is a flower that requires care, and if you don’t take care of it, it will wither and die (cool and go away). Thus, as you care for a flower, you will see how beautiful it is and how it blooms.
• A woman loves strong support, attention, care and affection. If all this is there, then she will reward many times more to the man who protects her, appreciates her, and gives everything she needs for her happiness.
• A woman is a reflection of a man.
• Not a single woman will leave a man who makes her enjoy life, and not, like her exes, cry and suffer.
• The more that is done for a person, the less it is appreciated.

Here are a couple of phrases from frequently found public pages and bloggers.

As you can see, the points contradict themselves from different angles. And women receive everything they need from a man, but still cool down and leave, leaving him alone. And he will think, how can this be, he turned her past upside down, covered her past with himself, and she left me, said that there are no more feelings, although you did everything that no one in her life did.

Life is a very interesting thing, especially relationships. And I came to the conclusion that you need to take as many steps towards a person as he takes towards you.

No more, no less.
If there is not the same return to you that you give, then there is no point in continuing further. Everything should be the same, complete balance in actions, attention, care, support, etc.
It is very difficult to meet a person in life who loves you as much as you love him. Otherwise, you pull him out of the shit, from the past, at first he is incredibly grateful and sees madness in you, and then he gets used to it, cools down and leaves.

So, what should a man do if a woman left the relationship on her own initiative and it became a crazy mystery for him, when he did the impossible, she appreciated it, but left, her feelings cooled down?

First

on last messages, farewell messages, so to speak, do not humiliate yourself, do not look for ways to get her back, linger, ask her not to leave and, perhaps, everything will work out.

If a person decides to leave, let him leave.
Don’t hold back, it’s better to remain silent, at most - wish from the bottom of your heart success on the path of life, offer your help in difficult moments, that you will be available and will not leave you alone if your strength is needed.
Be a cultured man, don’t show your grievances, anger, or persecution.
Accept it as it is, over time everything inside you will calm down, the main thing is don’t start insulting, humiliating, talking about being ungrateful and so on. It’s not the woman’s fault that she didn’t live up to YOUR hopes.
After all, you yourself built them in your head and waited for them to be realized. But such is life, there is no justice in it.
Show her that you are strong, don’t make excuses, don’t look for a new approach to get everything back.

“How quickly can I get her back?”

That is, you ask me: “How long should I ignore?” In other words, you are not talking about ignoring, but about its imitation. Because if you close your eyes but try to peek, it’s cheating. If you have this question now, I strongly recommend re-reading the article. You don't understand anything, my friend. You are not ready to return her. You have little guts. You're still pining for her and putting her on a pedestal.

Your goal is not to win back the princess's favor. We want to bring her back to earth and show her who’s boss. But this is not done at the snap of a finger. Need time. First, she will break up with her current one to remember you and be surprised that you have completely disappeared from the radar. And only then total ignorance, which lasts without a single breakdown or jamb for at least several months, will begin to bear fruit. A simple way not to expect quick results is to hope for the worst. Accept that the ignore will last at least a year. In the meantime, you calmly go about your business. She will come back when you are not waiting for her.

Once again the most important thing:

• If you fight for a woman, you only show her that you elevate her. If you stick to its rules, you will lose.
• If you try to fight her current one, you will only amuse your ex. She'll like it.
• Falling in love dies not from lack of attention, but from the fact that you bore her.
• Women leave everyone, even Tony Stark.
• Everyone has a life. By itself, it is not capable of destroying relationships if they are built correctly.
• A girl strives to develop a relationship, and this is normal. It is she who takes steps towards rapprochement.
• The fact that Vasily is so cool is your ex’s rosy fantasies.
• Your separation occurred due to a failure in the balance of importance. You have become dependent on her emotions. Or perhaps you've become close to someone who recently broke up with her ex.
• There is no winner in a game for three, but you can lose nothing if you leave the triangle first.
• Returns should not be an end in themselves. Its meaning is to grow above oneself and develop.
• Victory is possible if you stop feeling sorry for yourself. The one who waits for a return will lose.

Now you see how difficult the topic is getting your ex-girlfriend back. In fact, it is even more difficult, because not everyone can turn off emotions, and the article describes only one side of it - and not in detail. If you want to speed up the return process and avoid mistakes, please contact me for advice. But only if you are willing to work hard on yourself.

Third

don't scroll

her social networks, don’t look at photos,
don’t check
her online and don’t expect anything from her.
Start to get distracted
- new communication with girls, meetings with friends whom you forgot because of relationships, playing sports, continuing your hobby and much more, do everything that will make your brain not think about bad things and not stew in this crap.
Because you get carried away, you want to drink constantly, you think about terrible and unfair things, it won’t make you feel any better, not one bit, everything will only get worse. Start loving yourself and they will love you.

Attempting to return. Nnnada?

Think twice and think very carefully about whether you need to return it. I say unequivocally - do not let her see you as an alternate airfield. “After all, we will remain friends, right?” Of course it's true! On weekends we will go to the bathhouse, fix my car in the garage, and in the summer we will pour the formwork of the country house together. Not funny? And it should be.

Answer:

“Over time, we’ll figure out who we should be friends with.”

There is no need to be a reader of her lamentations in SMS, mail and networks, as the new macho does not act as he should. You are not a good advice bureau.

If you know that she has a different man, think about whether you need to fight her off, because where there is an isolated case, the system can be visible. Do you have nothing better to do than jump around your “betrothed” with a saber and shout to everyone “Zashibu!”?

It rings, you see: “My little bunny,” on the screen and you immediately melt, and cannot speak calmly? Rename her contact to “Sleeping with someone else”, you’ll see, when she calls, you won’t want to be fluffy and run wherever she wants at her request. Immediately the mood changes.

I repeat once again - you can sleep with someone unconsciously if she was seduced competently. But you can’t quickly take a person out of a relationship. This means she was already living with her head on two men, or she was with you “so as not to be alone” until the right one turned up. Turned up.

Think. But know that it often takes more resources and effort to get your old one back than to start a new relationship with a stranger.

Fourth

if she writes to you in a day, two, a week, a month, don’t immediately put on rose-colored glasses, don’t make big pink clouds full of your dreams and imaginations.

Be very careful and vigilant.
Always think about the fact that a person allowed himself to behave like this once, which means he can allow himself a second time.
Yes, you will be glad if you haven’t cooled down yet with her message or call, but behaving coldly, do not show your warmth.
Wait and think. If you give a second chance to a person, then you will give it to yourself - to step on the rake again.

Psychologist's advice

If you want to return your old feelings and relationships, you need to calm the boiling cauldron of emotions and listen to the recommendations of psychologists. And these tips largely coincide with ordinary worldly wisdom, proven over the centuries.

So, experts on human souls advise guys to take the following steps:

1. Analyze whether it is necessary to return your ex-lover. Perhaps you yourself, deep down in your soul, wanted to end this relationship, but now only male pride is crying out in you, not allowing you to come to terms with the fact that it was the girl who left first. If thinking about the situation has shown that love and warm feelings remain, you are ready to change for her sake and put aside reproaches and insults, it makes sense to take active action.
2. Think carefully about the current situation, try to clarify and find out at what point the fatal mistake was made in your relationship with your ex-girlfriend. It is extremely important to forget about the quarrels between you and forgive your beloved if she was the culprit of the separation.
3. Try to organize a meeting with the girl, explain to her again, avoiding scandals and accusations. Be sure to clarify that you have realized your mistake and are ready to resume the relationship. The likelihood of a positive development for you is quite high, especially if you show that you value her feelings and have become more responsible.
4. If your ex-lover does not want to meet, try to keep your distance for a while and wait until she cools down and is ready for a serious conversation.

Fifth

stop being available

Reply to messages less often, show that you are busy and prioritize other things rather than talking to her.
She let you go and missed you, it was her mistake
.
Don’t be fooled by all the words at once, wait for actions and deeds.
Words are all moral deception; what are they worth then if there are no actions behind them that prove their essence?
Be a man, ask a question - answer, ask in return, no more, no less
. Don’t show your interest in her affairs, just be mutual and cold in communication, don’t ask anything yourself, don’t call or write. Let her start thinking about who she lost.

Is it worth getting back together after a breakup - advice

To decide whether you need to get back together again, you can listen to the advice of psychologists:

• Think about the situation calmly . Drawing conclusions and making decisions about the future fate of the couple should be in a calm state, when emotions have already subsided.
• Realize whether the root of the contradictions that led to the break has been eliminated . If controversial issues remain, then soon a conflict situation will arise again, which will lead to the separation of partners.
• Consider whether the relationship is worth the effort . To clear away the rubble of problems, you need to spend effort, time, and energy. You should ask yourself whether it is worth doing this. Sometimes it is better to put all your energy into creating new relationships than saving old ones.
• Weigh the pros and cons". To finally make a choice about the advisability of restoring the relationship, you need to make two lists. In each of them, indicate positive and negative aspects and draw appropriate conclusions.

Seventh

Be active on social networks as an option. You can, of course, disappear from them, that’s also an option. So that she doesn’t see your life, doesn’t see you at all. Perhaps you will think about what is happening to you, how you live and develop.

All this is possible.
If you manage social networks, show her with them that you are fine without her, and not just without her, but that you made her decision with dignity, that you are confident in yourself and are moving on, do not give up and deserve more like a real man. Under no circumstances should you show that you are drinking alcohol like a beast, hanging out with other girls, kissing them, hugging them - all this is not beautiful
.
Just show that you are confident
and do not despair from the loss of love, but
find the strength to continue to enjoy life.

Something went wrong

There can be a lot of reasons, but let me tell you about the top ones, and you can determine yours.

• Falling in love has passed, and at the stage of accumulating claims against each other, you failed or missed the time and the moment.
• Different social status. You are a student - she is from a wealthy family.
• Big age difference in any direction.
• Different views on relationships, family, children.
• Women don't want to see a man's weaknesses. Guys often put her desires above their own, are jealous of every pillar, fulfill her whims, silently endure disrespect for themselves and their affairs, have no goals in life or give up their aspirations because of her.
• They don't care if you love her or not if she doesn't love you.

• One day you can change spontaneously, but you can’t leave for someone else. This is a made decision. You were so inattentive to her that you missed the cooling-down stage, her mood changes and hobbies with a new or former partner. And he also did not determine that she was being seduced and lured away.
• Women with a normally configured “filter” give preference not specifically to the money itself, as paper pulp (we are not talking about employees of the ancient profession - priestesses of love who eat and love), but to those who can earn it and get it.
• A confident man is always a priority.
• She doesn't need someone like you now. This means that as soon as you change externally, morally, professionally, she can easily consider you as a match again.

Bottom line

That's all I have, thanks for your attention. In fact, everyone has their own story, their own views on this topic. There are a lot of life rules that contradict themselves. Therefore, the best thing in life is 2 loving people

. Unfortunately, often - loving and allowing himself to be loved.

All trials will be your hardening. God does not give you difficulties that you cannot overcome.

.
He believes in you as much as you believe in yourself. Therefore, love is a very wonderful feeling, but at the same time very insidious.
She gives you wings, but at one point she cuts off all your wings and you fall to the ground. Like, subscribe, thank you for reading to the end. Always look for the golden mean❤️ Be happy❤️

Instructions: how to get your girlfriend back. 5 steps.

What to do right now

So, your girlfriend left you. I stopped appreciating you and went looking for a better life. Her appraising gaze tells you that you are not the prince she dreamed of. It's disappointing because you don't seem to live up to her expectations.

Your goal is not to adapt to her expectations, but to occupy a significant position in her eyes. Now your balance of importance is upset. Even if some time ago you were a close couple, by her decision, now you are apart. Now she is free and you have no right to demand love and attention from her. To get her back, you need to rebuild the relationship and make her fall in love with you.

There is one general rule that you must remember.

Never talk about a relationship if you don't have one

• Don't sort things out
• Don't confess your love
• Don't ask me to come back
• Let the girl be free
• Accept that she's gone

This text is for those who have already cried and pulled themselves together. If you constantly lose self-control, you need to regain it first.

Each of the 5 steps is part of a balanced strategy. Here she is:

Disappear - -> Change - -> Appear - -> Seduce - -> Build relationships again

Disappear

60% of situations are solved by total ignore.

You can object: “She will forget me and find someone else!” This is a typical fear, especially if the girl is beautiful. At first, ignoring only means that you stop writing and calling her every hour. After a day or two she begins to notice it. And if before this you were extremely annoying, she will begin to feel a lack of communication.

Admit it, you're not in the best shape right now. Your nerves are shattered, your pride is wounded, you look like a puppy thrown out into the street in the middle of winter. It takes time to regain human form.

Stop looking for connections with her and immediately move on to the second point.

Change

She is no longer yours. The right to meet must be earned. Therefore, the period of transformation is the most important. We need to change. And not in words, but in deeds.

Sometimes they ask me: “Can I pretend?” It is possible, but you will have to spend the same amount of effort as with real changes, but these efforts are useless. Sooner or later the deception will be revealed. Playing all the time is stupid.

For many, change means changing clothes. But even if you grow a beard and get a cool tattoo, it won’t mean that you have changed in the way you should have.

The girl leaves for specific reasons. This is usually associated with one of five unattractive qualities for her:

1. Constant tight control
2. Low self-esteem
3. Constantly “begging” for attention from a woman
4. Intense jealousy
5. Self-affirmation at the expense of a woman

If you recognize yourself in them, draw your own conclusions. It is much easier to leave a guy who exhibits such qualities.

There are more attractive qualities - about 20. And these are the qualities that you need to develop in yourself. Choose at least three of them that you are not good at and start changing.

There are 2 ways to change:

1. Actually change, but don't talk about it

If you were jealous, now just don’t ask her where and with whom she spent time, be calmer. I was fixated on work - now listen carefully to what the girl is talking about. Do you want to become more self-sufficient: the very tone of future correspondence can clearly show this.

1. Change and share it carefully

Tell stories from your life in which you showed yourself differently than before. Don't get carried away with bragging, you just need to mention it in passing. He was irresponsible, unreliable - in between, tell me that he promised to hang a shelf for mom and did. Was hyper-obsessive - tell me about the fun you had with your friends. You worked nights and days - tell us how you turned off Wi-Fi over the weekend and spent time in nature.

Of course, one small change is not enough. The change plan should be ambitious and thought out in advance for a week or month in advance.

Here is an example of an action plan I create with a client.

Or: Look at how detailed a change plan needs to be.

(link or screenshot to the change plan)

Set clear goals for yourself and record the results.

There must be a really measurable criterion that you are changing.

You should see the result: 2 weeks ago you thought about her every minute, called her 4 times a day and sobbed into your pillow, but now you don’t cry and can spend time without her and enjoy it.

When she left, you were unreliable, constantly forgot your promises and never managed to get work done on time, and now you have taken on responsibility: helping the family, not making promises if you are not ready to keep them, and trying to do everything on time.

Deadline for changes and ignoring

You need to get in touch no later than 2 weeks later. If at least one communication channel remains, then you need to use it.

To appear

Write - -> Call - -> Meet

Remember: You only have three attempts to return. Appreciate them.

1. Wrote - > she is silent or communication is not being built - > the first attempt failed.

2. I called - > she didn’t answer or the communication went poorly - > the second attempt also failed.

3. Invited to a meeting - > she refused or the meeting went poorly - > all three attempts failed.

Many people think that you need to write and call until the girl returns. I called once, I’ll call 100 more times. People don't understand that they have a limited number of attempts to return. When I talk about this, a person begins to value his actions and weigh his every word.

Three tries is the rule. This means that you need to forget about the girl and move on with your life if she doesn’t want to communicate with you. Continuing to impose your communication on her will only make things worse.

— -> Write

One of the tasks when returning is to fall in love with yourself again.

Start the correspondence with news and a counter question “how are you doing?” The news should be upbeat and evoke emotions. People usually have a dull life, so they are always happy to “feed” on other people’s emotions and listen to something exciting. It's attractive. In addition, the girl expects you to write as before, how bad you feel without her. And cheerful news speaks of changes at least in your thinking.

You don't need to answer her right away. Wait a couple of minutes first, then an hour, then more. It's normal to not respond to messages right away. You are a free man. You may be busy at work or traveling in public transport. There is no need to make excuses.

Chat and pause the dialogue for a day based on her response. It's better if it's her question. This will create a communication gap. This is called a "deferred replica". If she starts texting or calling again, there is no need to answer. Create suspense.

Your text should be less than hers. This is a subtle mechanism for controlling the balance of importance. If a girl responds to your news briefly and without interest, you need to end the conversation quickly, without saying goodbye, and switch to other methods of communication. I'll have to disappear again for a week and then call her.

The correspondence should last until you are ready for the first call.

— -> Call

Each stage brings you one small step closer to the girl.

The first call should grab the girl's attention. She needs to talk to you as if you were an interesting person, so the call needs to be prepared very carefully - like a presentation to an important client. Tell her about a cool event that happened to you recently. This story must be carefully rehearsed. “Test” it on another girl and see what reaction it evokes and what questions the girl can ask in response. A good story evokes emotions: laughter, delight, surprise. If the girl tester does not react to it in any way, it means the story is bad or you are telling it poorly. It doesn't matter how much you have to rehearse. Imagine that this call is the only thing you have to get her back. If you fail it, it will be difficult further.

Work out the reason for the call. If you don’t want to feel the silent question “why are you telling me all this?”, then you need to explain your call. If you can’t think of anything, just say: “I decided to call you, I don’t know why. We haven't talked for a long time. How are you doing?". Your story should not resemble a call from a call center.

Never talk about a relationship if you don't have one

• Don't sort things out
• Don't confess your love
• Don't ask me to come back
• Let the girl be free

If she listens and asks questions, then you are on the right track. Interest is returning. If not, tell her that you were pleased to hear her voice. This will relax her. She won't feel like you want anything from her. You just called to chat and see how she was doing. Goodbye!

The second call should restore her trust in you. If you prepared a story on the first call, now you are ready to listen to all her thoughts and everything that is important to her. How is your mom? Like Dad? How are your studies? The first call is a test call. It shows that you don’t demand anything and are quite adequate. It should relieve tension. The second and third call brings you closer. Therefore, increase the call time. Each stage brings you one small step closer to the girl. Move very carefully towards your target so as not to scare it away. The worst thing is to put pressure: set conditions, bargain. But you need to fall in love again and win her again. We need to communicate like free people.

The fourth call is needed to invite her to a meeting. Find a reason. Invite her to an exhibition, a concert or to a friend’s birthday. It's better than inviting you to a restaurant. “I'm going ___. Let's go together!" - this should be the message. This is a non-binding meeting from which she knows what to expect: something interesting. You are just going to spend time together, not to sort things out. She must understand this.

— -> Meet

Don't rush into battle right away. You need to break up the resistance.

At the meeting, you must make her fall in love with you again. Tell a new rehearsed story. Show how you have changed. Remember: she’s not yours now, which means you don’t need to act like you’re possessive or needy. Be self-sufficient: you are dating to spend time together and nothing more. Don't put pressure on her.

At the second meeting, you can begin kinesthetics. Touch her as if you were getting close for the first time. If she doesn’t mind, you can kiss her. Don't rush to drag her to bed again. Keep calm. Draw the line: break the kiss yourself and say goodbye. Don't wait for her to tell you that she's not ready yet. If she is not ready for kinesthetics, put it off for next time.

On the third date, you can be more active. If she allowed herself to be kissed last time, then she has already become noticeably closer. You can move on to seduction and build relationships again.

Seduce

You were already lovers. Most likely, you know what to do next.

Rebuild relationships

To prevent a girl from leaving the relationship again, you need to ensure that the reasons for separation do not arise again. Once she's gone, it's too late to make a fuss, so it's better to prevent problems in advance.

Why do people break up?

• Unmet needs
• Imbalance of importance
• Unjustified expectations
• Loss of interest

You can read more about what this means in other materials. (links)

We discussed the main steps that need to be taken to return a cold girl: Disappear - -> Change - -> Appear - -> Seduce - -> Build the relationship again.

As you have already noticed, the main thing in this path is your transformation and patience. She doesn't want to go back to where she left - no problem. You're not trying to bring back the past. You disappear only to appear again, and in the future everything will be different. Calculate when approximately this will happen and don’t try to rush things. Direct your vector to the future. A couple of weeks - ignore and change. Another couple of weeks - correspondence and calls, and only a month later - a meeting. Be patient! You have a chance to change, and this is no less important than getting the girl back.

One day you find out that the girl you love wants to break up with you. Strange situation. And her perception is strange. The most important thing now is to calm down and get through this event.

At the same time, you should take a closer look at whether you have a chance and whether it’s worth returning her. Of course, you will have a period of “soul-searching”, when the main question will be: “ Why did this happen? " You fulfilled all her whims, agreed with her, loved her, took her to cafes and restaurants, gave her flowers and teddy bears, was that really not enough for her?

Girls choose guys based on slightly different criteria than men imagine. They choose the strong, and strength is not just physics. One of the main signs of strength is the ability to pursue one’s goal and defend one’s position.
If your significant other is trying to manipulate and play with you, then it is a sign of strength not to succumb to his manipulation. When you don’t agree with her opinion, speak up, give reasons, she will listen and appreciate it.

Open your eyes: misconceptions about the reasons for a girl leaving

I will list the most stupid misconceptions that justify a girl leaving a guy. They are spread by different people, the woman herself could talk about it during the breakup, her friends, your friends, nonames on the Internet, television experts - anyone. It could have been just a shock of air, but you are now too influenced by your emotions. Understand, every day I communicate with a dozen guys who, in one way or another, tried to get their ex-girlfriend back through their own efforts. Almost each of them felt this noodle on their ears, although at first they did not understand its nature. But the fact is that misconceptions made their situation much worse.

1. You paid too little attention to your ex.

Lock two people in the same apartment for a couple of months, and even the most tender lovers will hate each other. What does this mean? That everything should be in moderation. No one likes overprotection and excessive attention. It's the other way around. Girls go crazy over people who don't care about them. Well, or there is - but in strictly limited portions. While a man is busy with a lot of things, his life is in full swing, and a woman is just an appendage (albeit a damn pleasant one), she dotes on him and tries in every way to snatch a bigger piece from him. Over time, many guys completely rebuild their lives: ambitions go away, projects fade away, they completely focus on their significant other. And then she understands: “I’m tired of him.”

The guy is getting hot, he feels like he’s losing her. And what does he do? He thinks he doesn't do enough for his girlfriend. It becomes even more stuffy, and the girl can no longer stand it. She leaves, and even reproaches her ex: “You’ve been paying too little attention to me lately!”

2. You stopped moving forward.

When parting, she states: “You have changed. I fell in love with an ambitious, brave and energetic guy. And now you are an amoeba.” For her, this is a good excuse for her emotions. What matters to her is not what you do, but how much stronger you are than her right now (in all aspects). All this only matters when you eat it. But my friend’s wife said something similar, got a kick in the ass, and a couple of days later came back with an apology. And here’s another thing: Google the biographies of successful and rich people - have women abandoned anyone? I will answer you: yes. For example, the founder of this very Google or the head of Tesla - women left them for other men.

3. Domestic work destroyed everything

This is usually said by those who only pretend that everything material is not important to them. They represent any relationship only up to and including the candy-bouquet period. Everything that follows is not about them. And then when it comes - that’s it, everyday life is stuck, routine has killed love. But man is not adapted to everyday passions in the style of a Latin American soap opera. If you are looking for this in a relationship, then nothing will come of it - they are short-term.

A woman may not lie when she says that she lacks emotions. But here we are talking, most likely, about a certain type of girl - inadequate. Yes, some people really get serious passions every day. But, believe me, it’s better to break up with her now than when everything goes too far and completely destroys your life. Such ladies become a real curse for everyone with whom they have intimacy.

Those who like emotional swings can be identified quite easily. You were constantly quarreling - from the very beginning of the relationship. Then, perhaps, they reconciled just as hotly in the horizontal plane. The peace and quiet remained for a short time, until her eyes became bloodshot again, and her ass began to demand adventure. A normal person knows how to calculate the consequences of his actions, so the craziest thoughts and ideas remain in the head and do not come out. A healthy girl will not depend on crazy behavior. She has enough of a reasonable portion of emotions, and if you don’t overdo it with manifestations of love, then everything will be fine - she will never stop appreciating time alone with you.

4. “Our relationship didn’t develop at all!”

You had a bright start to the relationship, and you quickly felt that it was serious and long-lasting. But the girl did not restrain herself in showing love; on the contrary, she fantasized with all her might about how you would get married, build a house, plant trees and raise sons. You loved her, but you thought to yourself: everything is fine as it is. Why rush into a wedding if it’s already in the bag - look how it hangs on me. She's crazy about me!

There is nothing scarier and more banal than dormant male vigilance. This is how we are designed - when there are no threats, we relax completely. And of course, you will miss the moment when her attitude towards you changes dramatically. And one day, telling your friends at the next break, “My friend loves me so much that she doesn’t ask where I am,” you will receive a message: “Why aren’t you home yet, you freak?” Of course, you will answer in the same vein, and off we go.

You still don’t understand what happened, and you’ll be even more shocked when you get home. Thinking that you are having an ordinary quarrel, you will come up with some excuse for your absence - a school friend’s birthday, for example - but this will no longer matter. In a few minutes you will understand that the quarrel did not happen because of this. The girl will say: “I’m tired of all this. We are marking time. I don't want this anymore." Realizing that separation is looming before your eyes, you immediately begin to apologize.

Early in the morning you wait for the jewelry store to open, having collected all your stash. Then you rush home, anticipating how you will delight your bride. But in response you see a restrained smile and hear: “That’s very nice, but now is not the best moment. I need to think, so I'm taking a break in our relationship. I hope we remain friends." Approximately the same scenario is relevant for married couples, even with children. And it almost always means one thing: she already has someone.

5. Her current one is better than you in everything

Look at the handsome Vasily: tall, stately, generous, smart, brave and hot. She removes kittens from trees in her free time from sex and re-educates bullies. He lives for her, and he bought the ring before they met. As they walk down the street, birds begin to sing, and grandmothers lean out of the windows and give him as an example to their grandchildren. Plus full horoscope compatibility and perfect hearing.

If you weren't blinded by jealousy, you would see that you were the same for her at the beginning of your relationship. So you don’t have to believe her words that he is better than you in everything - this won’t last long. The feeling of guilt that was planted in you from the outside speaks to you.

In another case, everything is polar: her current one is your complete opposite. Did you always take her somewhere? He is a homebody. You are tall, he is short. You were involved in sports, he was engaged in wrestling with a computer mouse. There is no way you can remove him from your ex-girlfriend’s life now, but from your imagination it’s easy.

What to do if the girl left for someone else?

Become a well-rounded person. There is an unspoken theory of the " light and dark halves ". When a man constantly treats a woman with his bright half: he loves, gives gifts, says compliments, then sooner or later the time comes to bring his dark part into action.

The dark part includes slight indifference, a small reason for jealousy. If you constantly “feed” your beloved only the bright half, she will get bored, she will lack sharp emotions, and she will begin to look for them on the side. After all, it often happens that a girl falls in love with someone else and simply leaves a good guy for a real bad guy - this is the very search for the dark side in another person. If you had been able to combine this competently and in doses, she would not have gone anywhere.

These are recommendations for the future, and now to the question of how to return it.

Why bring your ex-girlfriend back?

A guy whose girlfriend has left for another always faces an acute dilemma: how to deal with betrayal. I empathize with those who believe that this is unacceptable. But a man is able to decide for himself, without listening to the opinions of others (unless, of course, he is driven by reason and not emotions). And yet, the essence of the return is not in the desire to again feel the feeling of pure love - there is no escaping the background in the future. It’s worth getting your ex back if only to understand the psychology of women in relationships and not repeat your mistakes again.

The measure of success in a situation where a girl has left you and gone to someone else because of your weakness will be correcting and consolidating your line of behavior. My ex cheated, but we won’t do anything with her - you need to change. The goal is to subordinate your emotions to your mind and take responsibility for managing relationships.

Let me go so she can come back on her own

Longing for the past is natural, but if you have turned into someone who in the evenings looks at photos of them together and sheds a tear, then you can only evoke pity. Pity from others is offensive to a guy, but even worse is pity for yourself, and that's exactly what you're doing. Until you stop, nothing will change. You need to break your vicious attachment to the one who abandoned you. Don't follow her and try not to think about her. Otherwise, ignoring it will not only have no effect, but will also bring problems. She realizes that in fact you have been thinking about her all this time, carefully feigning indifference. And then she will turn your life into a real hell, in which those around you will participate.

Why did the girl leave: 7 main mistakes

In this stressful situation, the most important questions in my head are: Why did she leave me? What am I guilty of and what are my mistakes?

First you need to go deep into your soul, identify your mistakes, but to do this, be crystal honest with yourself.

You may have the following errors:

• Excessive jealousy.
• Humiliated, insulted.
• Her desires are more important, but I forgot about my own.
• You were ready to quit work, classes and ran to meet her.
• Indulged her every whim.
• I suffered disrespect from her.
• You were always the same.

Now, after discovering your mistakes in this list, the main thing is: what not to do after a breakup. Don't write to her, don't call, don't visit her page on social media. networks . Withstand this indifference for exactly two weeks , do not show that you are suffering. After all, she is ready for you to attack her with messages, SMS, calls. And he doesn’t expect any show of willpower or coldness from you. If it’s difficult for you to do this on your own, then overwhelm yourself with a lot of work, working, you won’t have time to think about it, and this is a great distraction from problems and helps you temporarily forget them.

If your main job doesn't help you get distracted, we've put together the 5 best ways to keep yourself occupied during this time.

1. Learn HTML - if you are interested in the world of programming and website building, this will be a great pastime.
2. Start swinging – the world of computers doesn’t interest you? Do you want to be macho? Great, find your nearest gym and start visiting it regularly.
3. Read a book – considering that you won’t be reading 24/7, a couple of books will be enough for this period. We recommend: The Little Prince and The Wizard of Oz. Children's books that help you look at life differently and do not remind you of lost relationships. Well, if fairy tales are no longer of interest, then psychologists advise abstracting from reality. “Fahrenheit 451” will help with this.
4. Online games - all the guys know what “Tanks”, “Dota”, “Ruler” are. If there's a familiar game on this list, congratulations! You have 2 weeks to immerse yourself in a virtual world in which no one will distract you with calls and far-fetched problems.
5. Walking with friends - gather your friends and go have fun: go to the cinema, to a new quest room, paintball, on a trip out of town for a barbecue or just to a new place. Now is the time to do what you have wanted for a long time.

So, when you finally cool down, you can arrange a casual meeting with her. If there is no place for a “casual” meeting, then it would be reasonable to invite her to a conversation, like adults, in order to dot all the i’s. She will see that you are calm and even slightly cold, this will disarm her.

During the meeting, you must clearly follow 4 points: smile, thank her for everything and immediately change the subject, be friendly and leave after 40 minutes of the meeting, citing business. All these points will show her that you are not worried and do not attach undue importance. You are aloof, but charming and completely free.

At the same time, ask yourself: are there any feelings left? Is she still as beautiful as before? Does it smell as good? If the answer is: NO. Congratulations, you are free! If YES, read on.

After the meeting, do not call or write to her. Ask some friend of yours, who your ex-girlfriend doesn’t know, to show you a few signs of attention on social media. network or make your ex accidentally see you somewhere with a girl . Play on her feelings of jealousy. You'll see, she'll write or call you herself.

This method is effective, but it requires real masculine willpower and cold calculation from you. And then it’s up to you to decide whether you want her to return or whether you’ve completely cooled off towards her.

What to do if the girl you love left? Continue to persuade you to return and maintain the relationship? Give gifts? Or indulge in grave insults in order to take revenge? The only answer that comes to mind is to bang your head against the wall, because... all the actions you take do not bring any results.

At such moments, it is important to stop crying, moping, telling friends about the breakup, and drinking alcohol.

It is very important to maintain composure, because by approaching the problem soberly and knowing what to do to get the girl back, there is a much greater chance of restoring the relationship.

So, in this article (click on the link for quick access):

Why she might leave and how not to behave. What to do first. How to proceed next.

Returning your beloved by ignoring

Failure to balance the importance is very bad, but this does not mean that everything cannot be corrected in the relationship. But after the breakup, it will no longer be possible to return her love through any active actions. However, most men fall into a fantasy: “I’ll quickly earn some money, go to the gym for a month, and I’ll make her fall in love with me again!” Well, well, come on, try it. I can imagine your look when she refuses you. She has more reasons to send you than to return: a new relationship, your loss of a leading position in the couple, all the negativity that spilled out at the end of the relationship.

But there are also things that you can use to your advantage. Her weakness is her emotionality. In addition, over time, memory displaces negative memories in favor of happy moments from the past. It is precisely because of this that only ignoring works - it turns the situation back on its head, changing roles to familiar ones.

But ignoring does not work, and rather even harms if it is not complete. Ignoring means disappearing, falling underground, abyss. No calls, SMS, messages on social networks, likes or monitoring of her pages. No attempts to find out how she was doing through friends or relatives. No random encounters. Only then will emotions towards you begin to return, and then after (and if) she becomes disappointed in the new relationship.

Don't get stuck in a love triangle

For any guy, his wounded consciousness tells him: “If you don’t fight for her now, she will understand that you are weak. If you leave, Vasek will not let her go.” Understand that even if you somehow manage to fight her off, she will return on her own terms. That is, you are just a reserve airfield. Until the new Vasily, who can send you. The more convenient you are, the easier it is to cheat you again - you can then come back again in difficult times. She won't fall in love again if you're dependent on her. Let's think logically: she left you, broke everything you built, chose you over Vasily. Do you think your girlfriend can do that? The most important thing now is to admit everything that happened. If you are the first to break out of a three-player game, then in the eyes of everyone else you will look like a winner.

Wrong actions

A lot of guys make a huge mistake. They start:

• call a girl
• ask her to come back
• give gifts
• prove that they are worthy of being with her

Why is this happening?

Their broken heart, damaged pride makes them quickly prove to her and, above all, to themselves, their “goodness,” kindness, reliability and 33 other useful qualities.

Injured pride can force them to insult the girl or take revenge on her in some way.

Broke your heart? What's next?

It’s better to forget about your ego (it’s what makes you ask to come back, as well as perform other useless actions), having figured out what exactly to do to get the girl back.

If you continue to act in the old way (the likelihood of which is very high), you are unlikely to be able to achieve the desired result. It will seem like something urgently needs to be done. Therefore, you will make a lot of mistakes and end up losing everything.

Therefore, discipline, discipline and once again self-control.

Subtotal

The task is to make its decision as calmly as possible. During the dialogue, find out what specifically influenced such an act. All the crap that you are so good and you will remain friends. That it's not about you, but about her - to ignore. These words weigh nothing. Her opinion should no longer matter to you.

Even if she tells you, know that you will never know the whole truth. These are women.

Analytically figure out what attracted and kept you close to her during this time. "Nice tits!" - this is of course a reason, but purely aimed at a 16-18 year old guy. So give yourself more analysis and specifics.

Don't delay breaking up. If you live together, set specific deadlines for the coming dates. Living with traitors is not comme il faut. The fur is easier to pull out in one quick movement.

Direct your freed time and consciousness into another vector of your life. Become the best version of yourself! Why not an incentive to fuck the whole world with a charge of anger at your ex-girlfriend.