Can a man and a woman be just friends? A psychologist answers difficult questions about friendship

The need for communication is one of the basic human needs. We are afraid of loneliness. We need like-minded people nearby who are ready to support us in word and deed in difficult times, and to sincerely share our joy in happy moments of life. Spiritual Economics has a good word about this: “It is pleasant to have many friends, but a close friend can be closer than a brother” (WBTC, Proverbs 18:24). Indeed, sometimes friends understand us even better than relatives. What is the secret of this phenomenon? Why do people strive for friendship so much? How to find and maintain warm friendships?

What is friendship

Friendship is a close connection between people, the basis of which is trust, common interests, and devotion. In such a union, we freely demonstrate the main traits of our character and moral qualities, and also develop, gain strength, learn new things, and gain energy.

Even in ancient times, people formed communities and survived that way. After all, together it is easier to defend against predators, hunt, and farm. So friendship is a phenomenon with a long history. Only today other aspects come to the fore - spiritual compatibility, interesting time spent together, mutual sympathy. Together with people we have developed and reached a new level and relationships.

The main characteristics of true friendship include:

• voluntary nature;
• reciprocity: a friend helps out and supports, but if the game goes one way, then this is, rather, one person using another;
• the ability to forgive: a loved one is able to forgive mistakes and let go of grievances in order to preserve valuable relationships, he looks for compromises, gives chances, does not cling to minor mistakes;
• independence from external circumstances, such as the opinions of others, moving, changing jobs, etc.

“Both in sorrow and in joy” is precisely about friendship. There is a relevant quote in Spiritual Economics: “A friend loves at all times, a true brother supports in adversity” (WBTC, Proverbs 17:17). This phrase reflects another quality of friendship - its reliability. A loved one can support you in difficult times and sincerely, without envy, rejoice for your friend in the happy moments of his life.

Why is it necessary to be friends with someone?

For a child, friendship becomes the main school of life. In friendly relationships, he learns to communicate, develops psychologically, adapts to society, gets his first bumps, looks at himself from the outside and evaluates his behavior. But it’s also difficult for adults without friends. That’s why it’s so important to invest in maintaining old connections and forming new ones.

Friendship is not only about common interests, memories and time spent together. This is a proven means of preventing depression, relieving anxiety, the fundamental basis of happiness, and therefore good health, regardless of a person’s age, social status and financial well-being. Inner closeness, trust, support, experiencing shared adventures and sensations, the opportunity to share joy and sadness - all this is incredibly important.

However, despite the fact that there is no specific age for friendship, over the years it becomes more and more difficult to keep friends, and even more so to make new ones. As children, we have a sandbox, a playground in the yard, a kindergarten, a school, where it is so easy to establish social connections. And most importantly, we have time to communicate. Where can those who are constantly at work or busy with household chores find friends?

The Secret of Friendship

Friendship is based on a person’s need for communication and support, his still “pack” nature, and sometimes the fear of loneliness. But on what basis do we choose our friends? Why do some people attract and inspire sympathy, while relationships with others, seemingly prosperous and pleasant, do not work out at all?

Psychologists have long been trying to explain the nature of friendship. There are many opinions on this matter: from “opposites attract” to make up for the lack of some of your emotions at the expense of a friend to “friendship is only possible between similar people.”

Each participant in a friendly union strives, first of all, to satisfy his specific needs through it. This mutual goal leads to the establishment of a strong relationship. That's why most often we choose to be a friend someone who:

• is a representative of approximately our same circle;
• has a certain similarity with us in basic parameters: age, level of education, social status, even income;
• shares our interests and is generally guided by a system of values ​​similar to ours.

What spoils friendship

The following moments can destroy even the warmest and strongest relationships. Don't forget: friendship is not only a pleasant pastime, but also, in some way, work. Try to avoid these mistakes:

• Gossiping. Discussing a loved one behind his back, much less revealing a friend’s secrets or talking about him in a negative way, is low and ugly. Sooner or later, a person will still hear rumors that will force him to draw conclusions about you. Spiritual Economics says, “A quarrelsome man is always the cause of quarrels, but a gossiper destroys friendships” (WBTC, Proverbs 16:28). If a person tells his interlocutor something personal about himself, it means that he trusts him. Passing on this information further is a violation of one of the most important rules of a friendly alliance.
• There is no return on your part. If not you, but exclusively your colleague always becomes the initiator of general meetings and entertainment, sooner or later he will think: does he need such a relationship? A person who invests but gets nothing in return feels taken advantage of. This is not the most pleasant feeling.
• Obsessiveness. This is no less common error than the previous one. It is important to understand: a friend may have his own plans. He values ​​his relationship with you, but he also has another life, separate from you.
• Envy. People clearly understand whether their successes make their loved ones happy or sad. They try to stay away from envious people - negativity and even danger emanate from them.
• Self-interest. Doing something for a person only in the hope of reciprocating favors in the future is wrong. And pettiness, which is expressed in constantly reminding a friend of your good deeds for him, is completely unacceptable. It's hard to feel forever obligated. It’s easier to “pay off the debt” and move away.
• Emotional instability. Spiritual Economics says, “Do not befriend one who is quick to anger, and do not approach one who is quick to anger” (WBTC, Proverbs 22:24). It is difficult to communicate with a person who flares up or even insults for any reason. The Antistress course will help you reduce anxiety and stabilize your feelings and impulses.
• Lack of development. In a friendly union, everyone strives to get something for themselves: pleasant communication, support, inspiration, etc. But what can a person who has stopped in his development give? How can he interest others? Especially those who themselves strive for growth and achievement. Our spiritual practices, such as "Bird", will help you become an energetic and interesting person.

Best friends

Best friends are people you are very close to and spend a lot of time with. This is the first person you call when you're worried, upset, or just want to chat. Best friends can often feel like family because they go above and beyond for us during the most important moments of our lives.

Not everyone has a best friend, and that's okay. Some people may have one best friend and others may not, which is also good. It all depends on your personal preferences and what makes you happy.

Such different friendships: varieties

Friendship is a complex concept. There are many varieties of it:

• Children's room. Already two-year-old children show interest in their peers. As they get older, the guys begin to become friends. At this stage, playmates become friends with whom you can have fun, invent something together, and do exciting things. As children grow older, their friendships either fade away or grow with them. Common interests, warmth, and joint hobbies appear. Connections from an early age are often the strongest and most reliable, because people grew up before each other’s eyes and are united by many memories.
• Women's. Communication between women is based on trust, sincerity, the desire to share problems and receive support. It is built on similar views on life. This connection manifests itself in frequent conversations and constant correspondence. All this helps fight stress.
• Men's. Friendship between men is distinguished by reliability, devotion, and strength. It is based on shared interests. Such relationships are characterized more by help in solving the problems of a loved one than by verbal support and intimate conversations.
• Friendship between a man and a woman. Contrary to popular belief, it still happens. The basis for its emergence can be growing up together, common hobbies and interests, professional moments, etc. Sometimes such friendship develops to the stage of love.

Bibliography

1. Akim Ya.L. “Colored houses: poems” M.: Children's literature, 1985, 159 p.
2. Akim Ya.L., Alekseev S.P., Artyukhova N.M., Bianchi V.V., Berestov V.D., Golyavkin V.V. Dragunsky V.Yu., Ermolaev Yu.I. "My world, my country, my friends: poems and stories." Onyx, 2004, 160 years.
3. Explanatory dictionary of the living great Russian language by V. Dahl. Volume I. M. Russian language", 1984, 699v.
4. Collection Dal V.V. Parables of the Russian people. M.: State Publishing House of Fiction, 1956, 991 p.
5. Zhigulev A.M. Russian military proverbs and sayings. M.: Military Publishing House of the USSR Ministry of Defense, 1965, 159 p.

Psychology of friendship: nuances and secrets

The main secret of friendship is that it is possible only under one condition: the satisfaction from communicating with a person turns out to be greater than the work of creating and maintaining this union. The truth may not sound too lofty, but the fact remains that the balance between contribution and return is important.

The psychology of friendship suggests the following points:

• exchange: friends are ready for mutual services and support, they exchange information and energy;
• confidence in your loved one: if you do not doubt your friend’s loyalty and reliability, it means that everything in your relationship is going as it should;
• correct relationships with third parties: the desire to protect a friend from the attacks of others, an adequate perception of his social circle, respect for the other half of a friend, etc.;
• maintaining a fine line between intrusiveness and indifference.

An important point: in friendship, people are always looking for something pleasant. Usually we are talking about things like:

• joint hobbies;
• sincere conversations to help cope with stress;
• inspiration;
• finding a clear example to follow;
• support (both physical and psychological) in difficult situations.

Analyze your friendships. What can you give to others? What do others get from you? This is an interesting and useful activity.

INTRODUCTION

Modern empirical studies of friendly relations, within the framework of sociology, philosophy, psychology, show that friendship is a special type of interpersonal interaction, in contrast to friendship, characterized by high self-worth, boundless devotion, mutual love, mutual understanding, selflessness, depth and intimacy, selectivity and mutual sympathy. In modern society, friendship refers to completely different types of social interactions. The most relevant in empirical studies of the phenomenon of friendship is the possibility of studying a person as a subject of interpersonal communication, endowed with freedom of choice and the right to be responsible for his actions.

The attitude towards “one’s own” and “others”, awareness of the constructive and destructive constructs of personal relationships, motives and needs are the most important components of the internal, subjective world of the individual, which is revealed in full in the process of friendly communication, which determines the relevance of the chosen topic.

The object of research in this work is friendship as a psychological phenomenon.

The subject of research in this work is the psychological characteristics of friendship.

The purpose of this work is to study the psychological characteristics of friendship.

Based on the goal, within the framework of this work, the following tasks are proposed:

— studying the concept of “friendship” in psychology;

- identifying the functions of friendship;

— analysis of friendship as a form of interpersonal relationships;

— research of approaches to the study of psychological aspects of friendship;

— identification of psychological features of the formation of ideas of children of senior preschool age about each other and friendship;

— analysis of the problems of friendly relations in the system of modern interpersonal communications.

In this work, the following works were used in the field of studying the psychological characteristics of friendship: Avdulova T. P., Alberoni F., Andronnikova O. O., Gurevich P. S., Kletsina I. S., Koryagina N. A., Nikishova S. N., Osipova I. S., Rodina A. M., Chirkova T. I. et al.

The work used psychology textbooks, materials from scientific conferences and seminars on the topics studied, and materials from periodicals related to the study of friendship from the point of view of psychology.

How to make new friends

If you don't have friends, it's worth putting some effort into rectifying the situation.

• Develop yourself. Become an increasingly interesting person, whose experience, knowledge and example can be attractive and useful to others.
• Work on your inner world. What matters is the feeling that people have around you. In this regard, working with specialists is effective. For example, our course “How to create an atmosphere of love, abundance and happiness around yourself in just 20 minutes a day” will help you find inner peace and achieve success in all areas of life.
• Expand your social circle. Start going to the gym or visiting interest groups - an art studio, a dance club, etc. Get a dog of the breed that you have long dreamed of, because “dog lovers” often walk together. Join new groups on social networks on topics that interest you. There are many ways to make new acquaintances. Some of these connections, quite possibly, will develop into true friendship in the future.

Dog story

Can animals be friends with people? Friendship lasts a long time, and a friend is needed for fun and help.

Many people believe that dogs are man's most loyal four-legged friends. I studied articles on this topic in the Young Naturalist magazine.

The first dog breeds were not much different from modern dog breeds. In the tomb of one of the pharaohs (2563-2423 BC) a photograph of a hunting site with dogs of different breeds was found. Another photograph shows the pharaoh surrounded by large guard dogs and small dogs. In Ancient Greece, legends were written about dogs; their images were cast in bronze and carved in stone. The Romans used dogs in battle and even carried battle tanks that were specially protected in combat collars and throat collars with long spikes. In France, even the Order of the Dog was founded for courage and devotion. Dogs were later used as messengers in war. Peter the Great's dog accompanied him in all battles and campaigns. He followed the orders of the military leaders and returned with reports. In the twentieth century, Sancerre dogs, signal dogs, and mineral dogs appeared. Shepherd Jack carried 2,932 dispatches with him from 1941 to 1945. The dog was repeatedly crossed across large rivers and was wounded three times. His colleague Dick found 1,728 mines on the battlefields. Based on observations, an American researcher assessed the abilities of representatives of different races. The first place among the smartest is the collie, the second is the poodle, the third is the German shepherd. The stupidest, according to film analysts, is the Afghan hound. 10 Of course, many people believe that dogs are the best four-legged friends. I agree with this opinion. Dogs are loyal, devoted, smart. And these are the most important qualities for a good friend.