2 7218 July 25, 2021 at 08:58 Author of the publication: Natalya Tkachenko
I once had a frank conversation with my ex-husband. Now I understand that if we could talk like that when we were married, most likely we would not have become exes (but that’s another story). One of the topics raised in the conversation was the topic of being ignored. I ignored him, and very harshly - I could not talk to him for weeks.
I became interested in how a man feels when a woman ignores him, and he wondered why I did this.
From this conversation this article was born.
What does complete ignoring mean for a man, how does he feel? Psychology - Love Relationships
What does complete ignore mean for a man, how does he feel? — Psychology — Love relationships
And the only sure way to react to the end of a relationship is to end it on your own. There is no way to support them. Until the desire to return the second partner becomes sufficiently obvious. Here you have to give up little in order to get more in this place or in another. The comment is how a man reacts to being ignored, that the value of a relationship is often determined by the value of those principles that you are willing to sacrifice in order to preserve this relationship.
Conversely, the value of your principles lies in not giving them up for the sake of any relationship.
Because of this contradiction, you will never know what is more valuable to you, a cat or a partner, until you check it. Neither for yourself nor for your partner. Sometimes it can turn out to be how a man reacts to being ignored for both. And the very great value of the cat will turn out to be greatly inflated after several weeks of being ignored. If you don't check, you'll never know how it really is. N - suggests not taking risks if you are not sure, but I usually suggest taking risks to find out the real truth. Measure value, so to speak. In different situations, you can recommend either taking risks or not taking risks.
Especially when this knowledge turns out to be obtained at too high a price. This is very clearly and precisely stated. Indeed, it’s stupid to start if you don’t follow through to the end. I just can't call it a game. This is a very important decision, not a game at all. There are a lot of people who try to use it constantly in relationships. Harassing your partner with silence and ignoring them in order to get by on some of your own terms.
And sometimes it’s also necessary with people of a certain type; it may not work at all except. I just don’t like such quarrels and games of silence. This really stresses me out.
I avoid men like this when they ignore me. But I myself sometimes played it. I prefer not to be silent, but to explode. Silence, only as a contrast, for an explosion. So as not to be monotonous. Very interesting and also clearly formulated. Here N famously drew attention to the official reason for ignoring - to blame them after the fact on external reasons, so as not to take responsibility for the feelings that the partner who is being ignored will receive, for reasons still unknown to him. It’s like he dreamed it up himself, and you have nothing to do with it.
And the other points are also well described. An excellent list of questions to answer before ignoring. Am I valuable enough for a person, will he run to return me and ask for forgiveness? Sometimes, to answer it, you need to test it - taking risks 2. Am I ready to go all the way?
If he doesn't run, am I ready to end the relationship? Yes, this is the most important point. But until you check yourself, you won’t know this either 3. Will this be a punishment for serious how a man reacts to being ignored or just my offense for no reason, because I don’t have enough attention? Or will this be the only way out in this situation? Or is this a necessary measure to save face, in front of yourself and your partner?
What result do I want? What should my partner do to make me stop punishing him? Yes, it is very important how a man reacts to being ignored. Even if he doesn't know what you think about him! When you like someone, or you have already started dating this person, something can happen that often happens to millions of women around the world: And at first it’s not even bad: And most importantly, you are ready to spend your time and energy on the person you want dear: But then something can happen that shouldn’t happen, and most importantly, something that men don’t want - in your dreams and thoughts you go far ahead of both your partner and reality.
An interesting question about the interaction of the sexes: F/M. If, while showing signs of attention, a man suddenly felt ignored - “in the spinal cord” in the words of a famous movie character, then it’s like a red rag for a bull) The hunt begins) And now, until he wins the woman’s attention, he will be concerned about himself. Why is this so? Not for me! I'm not a man! And women use ignoring as a means of attracting attention to themselves. A sophisticated way to flirt. So let men not reduce the value of ignoring, saying that supposedly it is empty for them. Ignoring is a means of winning male attention that has been proven by more than one woman.
Quite negatively, of course, just like they react to being ignored by any person.
For example, when you come to a store and ask a sales consultant where they have cucumbers or tomatoes and whether they are fresh, would you really like whether he would ignore you or answer the question clearly and in detail? What will be closer to you?
It seems to me the second option.
The same is true in relationships between a man and a woman; no man will like being ignored by a girl, especially if this girl is close to him, if she is his soul mate, or if they have a disagreement.
Ignoring is a rather serious problem that should not occur in a harmonious relationship.
If a man ignores a woman, there is no need to rush to conclusions. The psychology of each situation is individual and requires special analysis to understand the reasons. It’s not for nothing that they say that if you want to offend, anger, or puzzle, ignore it.
Ignoring as a method of psychological influence
After interviewing friends and family, I found out that everyone has experienced being ignored - either in relation to themselves or in relation to someone else. There are essentially two goals: to spark interest or to punish. By the way, it is now fashionable to say not “ignore”, but “visit”. Ghosting means ignoring. What is this method and how effective is it?
Why do women do this
Why do women resort to being ignored as a way to spark interest in themselves? You can often hear something like:
“Now I have a situation where I’m not sure what my boyfriend needs. We are together every day, but I feel like some kind of simple furniture. Now he has me, and that’s all. Kind of normal. Where is the attention? Where is the loving look? Want to spend time together? Arrived, had dinner, went to bed, woke up, left for work... That's it! I’m also thinking, maybe it should become a little colder? I don’t want to play these games, but I have to...
When a woman deliberately decides to ignore a man in order to spark his interest, then she is simply not confident in him. And in yourself too. Instead of building relationships on love and trust, she builds them on fear.
Have you noticed how some mothers scare their children by saying: “Oh, are you not listening? That's it, I'm leaving, stay here alone." And they pretend to leave. Some children get scared and run after their mother crying, but there are also those who are not afraid to be left alone...
It is vile to manipulate the feelings of a loved one. Can relationships built on such a basis be truly warm and sincere? Answer yourself honestly.
The tactic of ignoring is like gasoline for a dying fire - it will flare up, but not for long, because there is nothing to burn - the wood is almost burned out.
We have to admit - yes, we don’t know how to do it any other way, because no one taught us how to build a relationship with a man. We act at random or after listening to “wise” advice.
We hear and even agree that in the family everything depends on the woman. This sounds great in theory, but in practice it doesn’t work out well. The intensity of passions gradually fades away, mutual reproaches appear, followed by quarrels, and then a break-up is not far away. Then a new relationship with hope: maybe I’ll be lucky this time?
A happy relationship is not a matter of luck, it is a matter of understanding. When you know everything about your man right down to the hypothalamus, then even the thought does not arise whether you should ignore the man. Because when you feel the slightest movement of his soul, there is simply no need for manipulation and tricks.
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Lyudmila B., marketer, Chelyabinsk Read full text of the result
When silence is worse than screaming
While some ignore in order to spark interest, others do so in order to punish. This is my case too.
When we quarreled, and we did this often, I punished my husband with silence and complete ignorance. Any attempts to reach me were dashed against a wall of silence. If something in the relationship didn’t go the way I wanted, if I couldn’t influence the situation, if I felt like I was losing control, then I resorted to strict ignoring. I was offended, withdrawn into myself and remained silent, demonstrating complete indifference, while resentment and fear raged inside.
“It would be better if you screamed and broke dishes,” he said, “your silence was simply killing.”
- Sorry, I just didn’t know how to do it any other way.
Why do some people throw tantrums, while others are deafened by silence? Why does a person choose to ignore even the most offensive conversation?
Cunning or complexes
As a rule, after a period of waiting, men begin to act and at least try to write to the lady in order to scout out the situation and future prospects. But what does the opposite situation—inaction—signify? The most important thing is not to be afraid of this behavior! There are several reasons for this:
Ignoring is an effective trick. She will really stir up the girl’s interest, strengthen her desire to win her heart, if only in order to assert herself.
Women tend to idealize certain moments, and when something doesn’t go according to plan, they immediately begin to reproach themselves. In fact, when a young person shows a lack of interest, it is much better than deception and disappointment. The main thing is to clearly understand that there is nothing wrong with this. No matter how magnificent you are, you cannot order your heart, as they say.
Maybe his love is your illusion?
Why are you so sure that the man who ignores you is in love with you? Even if he had some feelings, and not only in words, then maybe they had already cooled down? Do you console yourself with the thought that there is some kind of mystery in it that is still difficult for you to solve? And you begin to pursue him yourself. Therefore, here are examples by which you can understand that he is no longer interested in you:
- If he answers your phone calls, his voice will always be irritated. And calls are answered less and less often.
The last thing he wants to do is text back to you. He will not consider it necessary to waste time on an unloved girl, typing letters.
If you look for “casual” meetings with him, he will hide behind his friends in nightclubs. Or around the corner of the house, if you hang around its entrance.
He will definitely get himself a new girlfriend. Even if not seriously, but only so that you notice it and don’t run after him.
If this doesn’t have any effect on you, he will tell you point blank to leave him alone. And most likely in uncultured language. And this will be the point.
Reasons for ignoring
To clearly answer the question about the reasons for the lack of interest in you, carefully study your behavior. What could be wrong:
- When a partner sees different views on life, he believes that you are not his type. If people differ in temperament and enter into a relationship, they often end up in a relationship without harmony and mutual understanding.
- Everyone has some repulsive taboos: style, gait, figure, hair color or other factors. If the young lady does not meet any criteria, then the guy will not pay attention to her.
- Excessive activity and attempts at dominance can also frighten, alarm and enrage. In this case, the young man does not have the opportunity to express himself, which means he will automatically become cold and indifferent.
Reasons why a guy with whom he is not yet very close ignores
1. The simplest reason is “I don’t really like her.”
Yes, a guy can ignore. And before that he looked into the eyes for a long time. Or even asked me out on a date. Or even hinted at living together (!!!). Sent SMS “good morning, good night.” Called him a bunny, a bird. Sprinkled compliments. In general, he seems to like you. Yes, you're sure you like it! How could it be otherwise when a man behaves like this?
Otherwise it could be like this:
- -he was bored
- -he quarreled with his beloved woman and decided to flirt a little, to raise his self-esteem
- -he just wants female attention. Showing a little attention to you, he gets falling in love in return - is that bad? This is how it is energized
- -at the first stage, he really liked you. Beautiful because... But after talking, I decided “no, not mine!”
In any case, the measure of whether he really likes you or not will ONLY be his set of actions towards you!!!
And ignoring is a telling act. It is so?
2. “She’s so beautiful, smart, successful, and compared to her I’m a loser.”
A man ignores the girl he likes if he believes that they are not a couple, that their relationship has no future. There's nothing to start with. He is ready to suffer, to get sick.
But for a relationship, a guy will choose his equal. Because he doesn’t want to condemn himself to suffering. To endless jealousy. The feeling that you are only in the shadow of your woman. Or, to endless, exhausting competition with other applicants.
3. “I studied the theory of pickup and I know for sure that a woman must be ignored in order for her to be interested. The great pick-up artist Pushkin also wrote about this.” That is, a man ignores - does that mean he loves?
Well, that is, the less we love a woman, the easier it is for her to like us. In other words, the guy is literate. And at the same time he will play with you.
However, if he really has feelings for you, then he will still screw up. In looks that last too long. At meetings, seemingly “random” ones. Or, on a special voice timbre, turned on only with you...
Especially considering that women are empathetic, feeling creatures, intuition works. It is she, intuition, who will tell you what to pay attention to in order to notice: But the guy is in love, although he ignores it with all his might!
What to do
Let's figure out how to respond to being ignored. Only by finding the reason for the refusal can you understand how to proceed. By eliminating your biggest turn-off, you will increase your chances of success. Adhere to the following rules:
- You should behave calmly, no matter the outcome, do not despair, because this is not the last inhabitant of planet Earth.
- Don't get hung up on it, keep yourself busy with something important, useful and interesting.
- If you love yourself, it will be easier for others to love you. Get rid of complexes, stop looking for flaws in your appearance, use what nature has given you.
- Change for the better, get rid of bad habits, play sports, improve morally, physically, spiritually. Determine your readiness for dramatic changes.
Only getting rid of shortcomings, doing what you love, loving yourself can help you get out of a difficult situation.
Firstly, doing all this, there will be practically no time left for nonsense. Secondly, this is a kind of tactic to look at yourself from a different angle, rethink the correctness of your actions, or even discover the error in choosing your chosen one. Thirdly, success at work will help you achieve respect and favor, because serious, responsible people are always valued both at work and in everyday life.
Loves or not
Let's try to understand how to behave. You won’t achieve much by staying silent, but the opposite sex doesn’t appreciate excessive attention, so it’s better not to impose, but just wait for a while.
You should never bother, impose, pester with correspondence, this will only push you away even more.
Observe, understand what’s what, even if the gentleman is very shy, then a strong passion will win over time and tell you in which direction to move.
Every representative of the stronger sex wants to be a leader. Give yourself the opportunity to prove yourself. If you really like him, then you will have an understanding of how to behave with a lady. These will be at least some steps and attempts to attract attention. When nothing changes for a long period, you can flirt a little or have a frank conversation, but if after that no changes occur, then leave it alone and forget. Most likely, he is fixated on someone or something else and is simply not ripe for a relationship.
And there was silence
Silence torture can happen in romantic relationships or family relationships, between parents and children, friends and colleagues. It is an immediate reaction to a situation in which a person feels angry, frustrated or depressed. In such cases, as soon as the emotional intensity passes, the silence will pass.
But it may be part of a larger pattern of behavior or mental abuse. When this method is regularly used as a power play, the partner begins to feel rejected, which has an incredible impact on self-esteem.
Punishment of this format is a way to inflict pain without physical, literal bruises. A moment of being ignored or excluded from your life activates the same area of the brain that is responsible for physical pain. The main indicator, for example, of divorce is not quarrels - they are inevitable. On the contrary, when there is silence, then the most serious problems begin. Psychology professor and expert on punishment through ostracism, Capling Williams, believes that ignoring, cold-blooded and silent treatment are used as punishment or manipulation. People may not realize that the situation has caused emotional harm or trauma to others.
Silence is perceived by many as a way to teach a lesson to the person who caused pain. This “treatment,” even if it is short-term, activates the part of the brain that detects physical pain. Of course, the initial feeling is the same no matter who is causing the pain. But in the future, because of the understanding that it comes from a loved one, the feeling intensifies.
Silence occurs when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism, or complaints, and the other responds with nothing but silence and emotional distance. Paul Schrodt, PhD, analyzed 74 studies involving more than 14,000 people. The results showed that omissions are extremely damaging to relationships. They reduce satisfaction for both by reducing intimacy.
Read on topic: “I build walls: why personal boundaries are important”
Tips for couples
Guys are less sociable by nature, so don’t call a hundred times to get advice, ask questions, clarify, find out how you’re doing, or hear your voice. Give your partner more personal space. Perhaps the person was just tired, fell asleep, didn’t feel well, was busy, and you started sounding the alarm in vain.
Let me miss you, don’t bother me unnecessarily. If the chosen one does not take the initiative to contact you within 1-2 days, talk frankly about the further development of the relationship.
Smile, don't let panic take over you. Speak as restrainedly as possible, directly, listen more, delve into the interests of your companion, show care and empathy. Respect each other and be honest.
Alternatively, after taking the initiative, you can move away a little, thereby allowing you to spend more time on personal goals. If you see that a guy does not respond to his efforts, is deceiving, or demonstrates indifference, most likely you will have to say goodbye.
Stress or workload
Have you noticed that the girl used to communicate with you a lot, but now she began to avoid you? But the reason is not always the man; perhaps she has her own personal experiences or is in stressful situations and has “withdrawn into herself.”
Often guys start to push too hard with their attention, sometimes it backfires. After a couple of days, the girl comes to her senses, but during these days the guy with his negative behavior can ruin the further development of events.
There are various situations, for example, a business trip at work, when a person is really busy and does not have time to respond and communicate. And the partner feels like he is being “ignored.” But these are rather selfish feelings on his part.
If you are students, then simply studying is also the reason for “ignoring”.
Don’t forget that sometimes health can also fail, or sudden hospitalizations, etc. Try not to react immediately in a negative way, wait and most likely the girl will get in touch and explain herself.
How to make peace after a quarrel
The situations described above were when a couple either has not yet formed, or in general they do not have problems as such, but only issues with personal space. But what if your significant other turns on ignore after a quarrel?
If you want to smooth out an unpleasant state after a quarrel, then do not rush to talk and apologize. Let your opponent cool down, calm down, and comprehend what happened. Otherwise, you can run into rudeness and a continuation of the scandal.
After waiting for some time, try to talk calmly, carefully choosing your words, get into a position, demonstrate understanding. Choose your time to communicate wisely. Don’t leave out text messages in the middle of the workday, and if you do write, do it once and wait patiently for an answer.
Don’t let them ignore you, tell them that this is unpleasant and you don’t need to behave like that with a loved one.
Try to be offended to a minimum, and never demonstrate indifference in response. Think not only about your own feelings, but also about your other half. If a person does not make contact, continuing to ignore all efforts on your part, then it is worth raising the question of the advisability of continuing such a relationship.
What is ignoring and what types of ignoring are there?
Photo by MART PRODUCTION: Pexels
Ignoring is limiting communication and receiving information. In essence, it is simply a pattern of behavior that helps either protect against unpleasant and traumatic experiences, or influence another person, that is, manipulation.
All manifestations of ignorance can be divided into two large groups:
- ignoring as a defensive reaction;
- ignoring as a method of manipulation, and it can be both conscious and unconscious.
