Women are naturally cunning creatures, and they often use hidden manipulative techniques . Yielding to manipulation, a man becomes attached to a woman, dependent on her, and shackled by psychological barriers.
But a more clear analogy can be given: female manipulation, like suppression in psychology, is a kind of game with elements of struggle.
Whoever is able to repel the attacks of his partner leads. The winner receives unspoken privileges. His word becomes decisive in the overall equal choice. A man who loses rounds in a mental duel shows his weakness and automatically becomes henpecked.
But these are lyrics.
It is a fact that women use manipulation. Some consciously strive to learn how to suppress a person, and study various techniques for this. Others do it subconsciously, but still.
A man should at least be aware of them. Forewarned is forearmed. And, best of all, is to be able to counteract female manipulation.
Why do women manipulate men?
It is important to understand that not every girl is fully aware of her motives. To do this you need to have a handful of cynicism and a couple more pinches of selfishness.
But, by nature, many women have a desire to “tame” a man. And such an ambition has a very good reason. A depressed man has no power over the relationship. This means that he will not be able to put forward sharp ultimatums like “Either you stop your nightly walks with your girlfriends, or we are breaking up,” or simply break off the relationship. After all, a woman does not want to be abandoned. A woman wants to manage relationships herself, to act solely at her own discretion. And break off the relationship if she wants it, or if it becomes profitable (a more successful couple turns up).
Now let's move on to the main thing - what tools can be used against a man.
Online “goddesses” revealed how they extract money by humiliating men
Judging by RuNet, financial dominance has already taken root quite well in it: specialized sites and channels are a dime a dozen, and search engines can easily find them. Male clients on these resources are strictly anonymous, but the findom fairies (they call themselves in the Western style “financial dominatrixes” or simply “goddesses”) with their calls can be seen by anyone - except for the modest 18+ mark, their photos and videos are not covered by anything. However, they are fully dressed and their appearance (to my taste) is repulsive - angry and threatening, as are their speeches.
“I will reset your account and your identity! Without tribute – ban!” - this is the slogan used by one of the most popular domestic fairies of these strange games under the nickname Bozhena to attract clients. And here is her latest appeal to clients (their most “gentle” name in findom is slaves, and also “payment pigs” and “walking wallets”): “So, pigs, I remind you that the 16th is the day on which I was born your goddess, mistress of your wallets and empty lives, the purpose of which is reduced to nothing but unquestioning service. Until the 16th, each of you will have to sweat and try hard. On the 16th, attach congratulations in the comments and words of gratitude to each translation. In the meantime, cash grabbers, hand over your wallets..."
Does this approach really encourage someone to flush their hard-earned money down the toilet, otherwise sending money to someone unknown is impossible! After all, the main pride of financial dominatrixes is that they can earn from 10 thousand rubles per hour, not only without meeting the slave in person and without having sex with him, but without even undressing in front of the camera. Male findom fans do not advertise their preferences: clients on resources dedicated to this strange entertainment are not visible to prying eyes until they themselves write to one of the “goddesses.” But hooking up with any of the domestic dominatrixes is not a problem. Another thing is that most of them have already lost the habit of communicating with anyone for free and demand money first, and only then questions - or get banned. And those who respond are laconic to the point of indecency: either they don’t need advertising, or it’s really that simple.
“We communicate on Skype,” explains a 21-year-old dominatrix from the Moscow region with 3 months of experience. – I post my wishlist (a list of wishes with prices for their fulfillment – author), sometimes I just demand an amount or fine for something, clients throw it at me on the card – that’s all.
- Hard to believe!
- Since a guy came to this site, it means he needs it for some reason. Since he chose me based on the photo, it means he wants to get it from me. The rest doesn't bother me. I only know one thing: I don’t have a job, and my slaves provide for me completely.
- Completely - how is that?
— I took out a car on credit, they pay the premiums for me, I spent 10 days in Turkey in a luxury hotel. Well, for a living – clothes, salons, food. But Zoe Noir (the famous dominatrix from London, who forces men to clean their apartment and pay her hundreds of pounds for it - author) is still a long way from me...
“Findom is a fetish, not so much sexual as psychological,” explains the essence of the phenomenon, sexologist Boris Belsky, who lives in the USA. – Men prone to masochism, deprived of the possibility of physical contact with a dominant woman, sublimated this into transferring money to her, just like that, for nothing, without expecting or receiving anything in return. Findom flourished during the pandemic in Silicon Valley, where IT specialists, programmers, and developers live compactly - very generously paid, which does not prevent many of them from remaining timid "mama's boys" who have no experience communicating with women and are afraid of it. Like any developers, they firmly believe in advanced technologies, so even before the pandemic they preferred “virt” to normal sex, often in the BDSM format. And during the pandemic, during which many “madams” began to lack even unlimited Internet, Findom was born. In Russia it is unlikely to take root on such a scale, but here and in Europe there is a real boom. Even those who do not have extra money take out loans for the sake of the “goddesses.”
“I lost my job in a store,” Ms. Marley, one of the most popular financial dominatrixes in the United States, says on the Internet. – I learned about findom from the Internet while I was looking for another job. I tried it and earned about $100 thousand in a year. My slaves' favorite game is siphoning off money. We are talking via video call, and meanwhile I am siphoning money from the slave’s electronic account. The session lasts about 30 minutes, the bets double every minute: the first one is $10, the second one is $20, etc.”
According to the overseas “goddess,” you just need to accept the idea that men who respond to calls like “Where is my money, you piece of crap?!” are really only turned on by humiliation and the inability to control their own finances. The most difficult thing is the first time when you have to overcome yourself and ask for money just like that, for nothing. And then you get used to it, and everything goes like clockwork. Ms. Marley now has 10 regular clients, some of whom pay her daily, others monthly. In addition to contributions (regular cash donations - author), slaves pay all her bills, help her parents, have already paid off the loan she took out to study at the university, bought a tour to Mexico for $5 thousand. Of course, Mrs. Marley no longer has any other work looking for.
“Findom is essentially the same as BDSM, only not in the physical aspect, but in the financial aspect,” says expert in the field of intersexual relations Elena Tolkacheva. – The craving for such games most likely comes from childhood. Some kind of psychological trauma associated with a woman and material wealth in the family. Such men derive pleasure not only from the fact that they can financially reward a woman and see how happy she is, but also from the fact that she demands more and more from them. However, with all her income, the main victim in this game is the so-called “madam.” In fact, the slave gains unlimited power over her, putting her on the hook for his handouts.
“Subconsciously he seeks liberation from control over his own finances, which puts pressure on him, oppresses him, imposing unbearable responsibility,” says practicing psychologist Elena Pikhovkina about the motivation of the “slave.” — Shifting control of his account to the “mistress” brings him relief, like any obsessive action within the framework of OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder. Simply put, one, understanding with his mind that this is pointless, still bites his nails (pulls out his hair, etc.), and the other gives money to a stranger. For him, this is the same way to reduce the level of tension, fear and anxiety. Moreover, “shifting control over one’s financial condition” is required not only by the rich, but also by the poor, tired of feeling guilty for their poverty - hence the loans to “goddesses”. For both of them, this is the result of an overvaluation of money: a person values it so highly, considering it the measure and guarantee of everything, including feelings and relationships, that the responsibility for its presence and safety becomes a heavy burden.
How, for example, those suffering from an obsessive irrational phobia of the “iron being turned on” completely throw it out of the house, just to stop painfully worrying whether it will be pulled out of the socket. There are also likely complexes from childhood associated with a demanding mother, who condescended to communicate with her son only in exchange for an “offering” - a good grade, etc. And, of course, at the head of the “bouquet” of the slave’s complexes is low self-esteem and fear of being rejected. After all, when they only demand from you, and your job is only to give, this frees the “giver” from the horror of refusal (it is he, and not the rudeness of the “goddesses”, who is able to truly humiliate the slave). And with such a set of doctors, you can’t even imagine a better doctor than the greedy “goddess”: she certainly will never refuse someone who gives her money “just like that.”
Fear
The ideal suppression of a person should be targeted. The woman who hits the target most accurately is the one who knows exactly what she wants and how to achieve it. To do this, you need to know your man well, and know which pain points to press with fear.
The simplest thing is the fear of losing your loved one.
If a woman hints through her behavior that she is not satisfied with the relationship and is thinking about leaving it, this will become a very strong motivator for most men.
This borders on blackmail, but blackmail is too direct and therefore ineffective. A man, in the case of open blackmail, will resist such impudence and will not specifically do what the girl wants.
Manipulation of fear works more gracefully: the man himself must draw the conclusions the woman needs. He himself must understand that he is about to lose the most precious thing he has - his woman.
How to resist manipulation ? We need to respond in kind.
A man must show that he values his partner no more than the woman values him (even if this is not the case). Is the girl secretly threatening to break off the relationship if she doesn’t receive expensive gifts?
In response to this, you need to show that he does not want to build a relationship with a materialistic girl. It's likely that you're both bluffing.
But the map is covered. This psychological battle is a draw. We are not talking now about resolving the conflict itself - it can be resolved later and a compromise can be found. Now the main thing is not to cave in and show the girl that the manipulation “doesn’t work.”
Low self-esteem
In order to better understand, it is worth delving into history. Who were the first rulers? Were there women among them? Rurik, Oleg, Igor. Next is Olga. Her reign was completely random, strange, unjustified, with only one goal - retribution. It is worth noting that after Olga, Elena Glinskaya managed to reach state power, but again after 6 centuries and only in the person of the regent under Ivan the Fourth. Then palace coups, again just accidents. The rest of the time, only men ruled the state. What about the veche? Remember, only representatives of the stronger sex could be present there. This natural desire of men to be always ahead, to be in charge is transmitted to them by blood. Therefore, when men realize that they didn’t take something from life, missed something, didn’t achieve something, their self-esteem immediately drops. But you can’t just admit it, you need to try to prove the opposite to the weaker (in this case they are women). And how to do it? Of course, try to show your superiority by humiliating and insulting a woman. After all, not all male representatives know how to feel this line. This criterion should answer the question of why men humiliate women.
Guilt
By causing a feeling of guilt, a woman receives a number of bonuses.
Firstly , the man will ask for forgiveness.
Secondly , he will think that only he is to blame for conflicts (and behind this, thoughts may involuntarily creep in that he does not deserve such a good girl, that he should kiss her feet and be grateful to fate that she tolerates his behavior).
Conflict does not arise out of the blue. In most cases, both are to blame. If a girl is trying to make you feel guilty, think about whether her accusations have any basis? If they do, then apologize, but at the same time, be sure to point out her mistakes. She's not an angel either, right?
Example 1
The boy Petya constantly heard his father insulting his mother when she did something wrong. She didn’t have time to cook borscht before her husband arrived - she’s lazy, she stayed late at work - she’s unfaithful, she bought herself a new dress - she’s selfish, and so on. Peter grew up, got married, got a job where he conducted sociological research. At the last meeting, he was given the task of preparing a study “Why men humiliate women.” He decided to be the first test subject and wrote down on the form: “I think that humiliating a woman is terrible, but if she does stupid things or strange things, I don’t think it’s bad to insult her.” Thus, we can conclude that insults for Peter are a completely normal and natural thing precisely because his entire childhood was built on this. He doesn’t even consider this act humiliating. This is the norm, part of life.
Resentment
A woman’s resentment is a very powerful manipulation. But it is also quite possible to resist it.
Just act natural. Do not react in any way for the first few days (if the offense is serious).
After maintaining an interval, offer to make peace. But do it with dignity.
Do not beg for forgiveness and do not make big concessions - this will mean that you fell for manipulation and, in fact, lost.
Constantly try to find out what exactly the woman was offended by. If she doesn’t say anything definite (which is most often the case), calmly ignore the offense and invite the girl to stop doing nonsense and make peace.
Weak
On “weak”, they usually offer to perform the action that benefits the woman the most. “You're already smoking more than a pack a day. You yourself understand how expensive it is. Don’t have the willpower to quit?”
Here the woman persuades her to make a concession.
You can't just do this. Smoking is truly a bad habit. Even if you were going to quit, you can’t do that here and now.
By making such a concession, you will lose the round and move one step closer to henpecked status.
Is a woman trying to take you weakly? Make a counter challenge.
For example, “Okay, let’s do this: I quit smoking, and you watch less TV series and devote more time to learning English. Is it coming?
Clarifying relationships in front of strangers
Sorting things out on the street is a signal that feelings are rapidly going down the drain. This is not just a matter of etiquette rules. In every person there is a so-called small child who is responsible for the needs for affection, protection and praise. The child's behavior was established in childhood with the help of upbringing and maternal love. Sometimes parents cannot restrain themselves and begin to scold their son or daughter in public.
By releasing negative emotions into the real world, they make children lose a sense of security - a basic need of the body. Public quarrels are the most painful, as internal self-esteem suffers from them.
Masculinity
The same stereotype is used for another manipulation - manipulation on the image of a real man.
“You are so strong, you are so good at this and that. Maybe you can help me?
Again, it is important to understand when a request is justified, and when a woman is taking advantage of the situation and trying to take advantage of you. If words about your masculinity are followed by an offer to take her for a manicure, refuse with a laugh.
But, for example, replacing a punctured tire on her car is not a sin, it is truly a manifestation of masculinity.
Call of Duty
You must! A man can be accused of ingratitude if he does not fulfill a number of conditions.
The girl will try to convince you that you are obligated to do this by default. “We have been together for almost three years. We should get married."
“Why don’t you give me gifts for no reason”? There may be a great many options, but the meaning is the same - a man does not do what he should. Of course it should, from a woman’s point of view.
Countering this manipulation is extremely simple. If you don’t consider yourself obligated, just say so. Be sure to justify the reason. And don't feel any guilt.
A fair amount of cynicism and selfishness in relationships helps to counteract female manipulation and makes relationships stronger.
Why you shouldn't tolerate humiliation from a girl
A man by nature is a leader. And the caustic attacks of a toxic person, the deliberate belittlement of dignity, suppresses the personality and reduces self-esteem. A guy who is humiliated by a girl in a relationship loses the integrity of his nature. His life guidelines are blurred, which negatively affects success in all areas.
The more often a friend resorts to humiliating her partner, the faster his guilt and inferiority complex grows. The feeling of happiness goes away, and the time comes for depression and dissatisfaction with the whole world.
Continuing to endure insults, you doom yourself to loneliness. After all, with the help of gaslighting, a woman, albeit unconsciously, gets you to admit her worthlessness. Which gives her an internal reason to look for a more worthy candidate, capable of “masculine” actions. And he will leave you, like a victim tormented by insults, without regret.
