Situations when a husband insults and humiliates his wife in life occur quite often. “Where are you going with your chicken brain!”, “Will you ever learn to cook?”, “Shut up and listen to what I’m telling you.” These are far from the most offensive phrases that women have to listen to. The cruelest words and obscene expressions are used. And every word resonates with pain in the heart. After all, this is said by a loved one who wants to be liked and receive love from him.
Women are exhausted trying to please the man they love. They try to look better, cook something tasty, arrange a romantic date, but everything is useless. The husband does not even seek to change his attitude towards his half. Insults pour in like from a cornucopia. Sometimes wives begin to think about divorce, but do not always decide on it, fearing problems or even greater aggression from the man. When a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife, what should be done? How to get out of an unpleasant situation? Let's try to figure it out and find a way out.
Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife: psychology of relationships
Unfortunately, many women have experienced insults and humiliation from men. At the same time, they feel unloved, unnecessary, and humiliated. They feel bad and they don’t know how to get out of this state. It seems that the husband has fallen out of love, but this is not so. Otherwise, he would not have tried to remake the second half, offending and humiliating. If a husband calls his wife names, it means he wants to achieve something from her. It is important to understand what exactly. It is possible that love that he did not receive. The crush has passed, but that's not that important. The main thing is to learn how to build real “adult” love. But first of all, you need to understand why a man offends you . Let's name the main reasons.
- The husband constantly humiliates because he does not get what he wants: respect, recognition, love.
- If a husband insults his wife, what does this usually mean? Yes, the fact that he himself is not sweet. Troubles at work, stress, problems with colleagues and friends. If he insults, then most likely he wants to receive support and understanding from his wife. He just doesn’t know how to express his desires and emotions differently.
- The husband humiliates his wife morally when she provokes him. Not only is it already difficult for him, but the other half is also bothering him: he earns little, does not want to take out a mortgage, help with the housework, etc.
- Sometimes women do not understand why the husband constantly yells and insults his wife when she controls him. But what kind of man likes it when people follow him and go into his phone?
- The husband is rude and insulting when he does not see in front of him the cheerful and well-groomed girl he knew before. In front of him is another woman: preoccupied and exhausted, who is not in the mood for fun. And he really wants to return the old woman and the old relationship.
- A man has low self-esteem, and he tries to raise it at the expense of his other half. Here is the next reason showing why a husband calls his wife names. The desire to assert oneself at the expense of another person leads to insults being poured in one after another.
- You can receive insults from your husband if he has another woman and he seeks a divorce. Perhaps he has a feeling of guilt. Therefore, he pushes his wife to divorce in order to blame her for the fact that she wanted a divorce, and not he.
When a wife does not give any resistance and only tries to smooth out the situation and not understand it, then humiliation and insults towards her become a habit that is difficult to get rid of.
It happens that during a quarrel, the husband of the quarrel calls his wife the last words. All families quarrel, but not everywhere it comes to such insults and even assault.
The reason may be that he is drunk or taking psychostimulants. You should also analyze whether he insults you in private or in front of other people. If alone, then most likely he is trying to get something from you. If in public, increase your self-esteem. But in any situation you need to deal with it individually, perhaps with a specialist.
Who are these hysterical women?
They are called women with emotional swings. One moment she is calm, smiles at those around her and looks like a child, but literally a few minutes later she turns into a beast that rushes and rushes for no particular reason. Either a real princess, at whose feet you want to lay the whole world, or a fire-breathing dragon, from which you want to run.
These are real hysterics who have problems with self-esteem. When she is in a suspended emotional state and experiences elation, she should not be praised; when her confidence falls, she turns into a huge bundle of nerves. A woman throws hysterics and scandals with or without cause, but after a while she becomes calm.
There are several signs by which you can understand that your wife is hysterical:
Why even get involved and build a family with such women? It’s easier to get away from the shocks and find a balanced wife. But if a bitchy woman is a beautiful, smart, successful and interesting person, then the man will be very tempted and will not be able to resist the lady. In such cases, a man should know a few rules for taming bitches.
What to do if a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife: advice from a psychologist
When a relationship is built on the humiliation of one person by another, this cannot lead to anything good. Most likely, you need to look for a way out of a toxic relationship. When a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife, including using obscenities, what should you do?
- Recognize the problem. Try to understand why the man began to insult you for no reason. There is no need to withdraw into yourself or become isolated. On the contrary, try to bring him into dialogue. In some cases, only he can save the situation. Perhaps he began to behave rudely a long time ago, but you simply preferred not to notice it. Perhaps he has problems and has a difficult emotional state, but he cannot express it in any other way. For him, the only way out is to insult the woman.
- Find the source of the pain rather than try to drown it out. Complaining to friends, going to the salon and shopping can only drown out the pain, but not destroy it. You need to find the source of the pain to understand where it came from. Then you will not lose yourself as a person. The fear of the future and self-doubt that follows abuse will go away.
- Don't try to change your partner. He is like this, and there will be no other. Of course, he can change, but not according to your wishes, but in his own way. If you want to see him differently, then he may not want it at all.
- Try to accept and appreciate yourself. When you hear from a man that you are a bad mother and housewife, your self-esteem drops. And it seems to you that you really do not meet “world standards”. So why should you conform? If an American woman from Hollywood films manages to make a career, keep the house clean and raise three children, this does not mean that you are obliged to manage all this too. Perhaps you can do something else: do beautiful manicures, paint pictures, or bring joy to people by hosting cool parties. You just need to re-evaluate yourself and find contact with yourself. Learn to enjoy life and remember that a woman’s first place should be herself.
- Determine what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not. The reasons that you fell in love with such a man lie in the subconscious. Perhaps this scenario is taken from a family where the father abused the mother. You don't even realize why you chose this man. But the boundaries of relationships can always be understood. Determine what is allowed and what is not. If a husband insults his wife with obscenities, what should I do? First, understand that he only does what he is allowed to do. Unfortunately, at this stage a woman cannot behave differently; she has attitudes that need to be sorted out. It's most likely a matter of resentment towards parents, mother and father. Each situation will have to be considered separately. Unexpected grievances against parents will in any case affect the relationship with your husband.
If you cannot cope with working on yourself and building relationships on your own, contact a psychologist. You should also think about whether you need a relationship in which you feel humiliated and insulted.
Find out the reason for the tantrums
Hysteria is a way of getting what you want. Two types of women regularly throw tantrums:
- spoiled in childhood.
If the parents spent little time raising the girl in childhood, fulfilled her every whim, did not teach her to overcome difficulties and help around the house, then she begins to resort to hysterical fits already at the age of 3, if her parents do not buy her a toy or take her to kindergarten, and with age her selfish antics only intensify.
- patients with neurosis.
If in childhood a girl was calm and obedient, then the manifestation of hysterics with age may be one of the types of neuroses. Some psychologists call hysteria the first degree of insanity, especially if it is accompanied by streams of tears, simulation of fainting, headaches, heart attacks and threats to commit suicide. In this case, when the first symptoms of hysteria appear, you should call a doctor and give a calming injection.
Husband humiliates his wife morally: what to do?
Psychologists on forums are often asked questions related to moral humiliation in the family. Here is one of the common situations.
Julia talks about how her husband constantly humiliates her in front of strangers. Julia herself is sociable, friendly, with the makings of a leader, which irritates her husband. When she and her husband are alone, everything is fine. But in company, the husband begins to court other women, praise them, and speak unflatteringly about his wife. She might even say that she is not right in the head.
The worst thing is that he tells his son not to listen to his mother, because she “is not right in the head.” As a result, the son does not perceive his mother and does not listen to her comments. The woman is confused and doesn’t know what to do.
Psychologist Anastasia Biryukova comments on the situation.
If a husband insults his wife in front of strangers, then it is better to undergo therapy together. You need to understand what the spouses want to say to each other, but they say it in a distorted way that destroys mutual understanding. It is possible to create harmonious relationships in a couple only by moving away from childhood traumas, behavioral stereotypes and existing projections.
The worst thing is that the child suffers from such relationships, since it is through him that the contradictions in the relationship are played out, which sooner or later will lead to the appearance of psychological problems for him. This is what the psychologist says, answering the question: what to do if your husband humiliates you.
https://www.all-psy.com/konsultacii/otvet/323789/
A similar situation arose with a visitor to the forum https://galya.ru
Jylika claims that her husband constantly insults and humiliates her in front of strangers, calls her names, shuts her up, and does not support her in anything. He called her a bitch only because she advised her to drive on a different road, where she didn’t have to turn the car around.
The husband always complains that he doesn’t see enough of his friends and wants to spend more time with them and not with his wife. An offended woman really wants to get a divorce, but she is afraid of losing the man she has loved since school.
Other women who have had similar experiences are trying to figure out the situation.
Chloe 777 advises being a bitch and responding in the same manner.
Tashe 26 suspects that the husband is eager not for friends, but for another woman. He doesn’t leave because he’s a coward and wants his wife to file for divorce herself. Then it would be possible to blame her for breaking off the relationship herself.
Nata has a different opinion. She believes that there is no need to give men advice on what to do while driving. 99 out of 100 would be sent to hell for such advice. The insults may be related to a marriage crisis of 3.5, 7 years. You need to think about this and not stress yourself out.
https://galya.ru/clubs/show.php?id=462486
Typical example:
“My wife is impossible to please. We have two children who go to school, we have been married for 10 years, we both work full time. No matter what I do, she is always unhappy, even if I try to do my best or give up things to do her errands. The list of tasks she writes to me for the week is huge. Very often I am the one who takes care of the children, taking them to school, taking them to classes.
I have to ask her several times every day how she is doing. At least once a week she gives me a dressing down. And during the day he can make several comments. This has been going on for about two years and I am very tired of it. I began to think that I couldn't do anything right. I let her relieve the tension by swearing at me.
Recently I went to football with my friends; it was the first weekend in six months that I allocated for myself. When I returned home, she was furious. Then she didn’t talk to me for a week. We decided to fix everything and went on a romantic date. But even there she could not relax. We ended up bickering over little things instead of enjoying our vacation.
Why does my wife scream and swear at me? How can I help her relax? All my friends are married, most of them do much less housework, and their wives hardly scold them. I also want to be happy, how can I get my old relationship back?”
When you shouldn't do anything
In what cases should you not try to save a relationship:
- a man openly declares a lack of feelings, the reasons may be different, up to the appearance of another woman, in this case it is unlikely to be possible to save the family, and sacrificing children and oneself is simply pointless;
- not only you, but also your children have psychological problems;
- you feel hostility towards your spouse, there is no more love.
And remember the main thing: if you experience fear of your husband, excessive depression, a feeling of hopelessness and fear for your child, you can always seek qualified help by calling the crisis helpline for women. Believe me, any problem can be solved, the main thing is not to despair.
How to stop a girl from throwing tantrums
If the wife is hysterical, this is somehow understandable, but the girl is hysterical... You need it in the future. We will still consider this issue. The best way to prevent hysteria is to nip its preconditions in the bud.
Try to talk, find out what is bothering your beloved, and whether you can help her with something. Perhaps earlier you showed tactlessness, uttered words that seemed offensive to her. Hug, kiss, just sit next to your woman, perhaps this is exactly what she needs most at the moment. Reassure the anxious girl, promise that everything will be fine with you, and you will make every effort to achieve this.
Sometimes acting as a vest can be very useful. Give your friend the opportunity to speak out, cry, and let off steam. Let her complain about the people who offended her (boss, girlfriend, neighbor). If she understands that you are her reliable support, protected, strong rear, a real man who can lift the clouds over her head with a confident hand, then she will stop being hysterical.
Let the girl be a little capricious, advise her to describe all her “troubles”, for example, in an online diary. When the bad mood passes and the problems are forgotten, you can laugh together at the far-fetched reasons for the hysteria.
If talking doesn’t help, you can film the girl during the hysterical period on a video camera, and then show the recording. Let him admire how she looks at this moment and draw the appropriate conclusions.
If a girl calls you and is hysterical, under no circumstances speak to her in a raised voice, do not adopt her behavior. Communicate softly, calmly, as much as your endurance allows. Tell her that such serious problems should not be solved over the phone. Advise you to wait until you arrive home, and so that the waiting time is not painful, let him take a bath and sleep. Perhaps this will work, and when you arrive home the lady will be calm and reasonable, and then you can talk.
Hysteria in women: how to deal with it. What to do when hysterical and how to calm it down.
Hysteria is one of the most common phenomena that occurs in women. This behavior can cause serious mental disorders, so it should not be ignored. A hysterical wife jeopardizes not only her health, but also the psychological climate in the family. You can help her calm down at home, but it is better to consult a doctor.
Regardless of the reason for the development of hysteria, it is impossible to leave a woman alone with this problem.
The first thing a husband should do is bring his beloved to a conversation and understand the reason for this behavior. Any aggression and denial on the part of the spouse will only aggravate the situation. You should show maximum understanding, listen to your wife to the end, prove that you love her, and are always ready to support her. This approach will defuse the situation and calm the hysterical person a little.
If your wife is hysterical, redirect her attention to something else. Talk to her about the child and his behavior. You can jokingly point out smudged lipstick or mascara. This will distract her from the pressing problem and give her the opportunity to calm down.
If all of the above methods are useless, you can choose a more radical way to calm her down: splash a glass of water on her face. Your wife won’t like this action, but at least it will somehow make her calm down.
Action plan
So, you have analyzed the events taking place, corrected all the mistakes on your part, being a patient, loving wife. If nothing you have done has helped, take some advice from a psychologist.
- Leave the house. Even if you don't plan to break off the relationship, your departure can instantly sober up your husband. Disappear from his life for at least a week: stop answering calls and don’t look for a meeting. And when you return home, let your spouse understand that a quiet life without his screams suits you much more.
- Try to ignore his next attack of aggression. Leave the house or lock yourself in another room and wait until he calms down. Then try to have a normal conversation.
- Try to start a dialogue with all the questions that interest you in some crowded place. Usually domestic sadists behave calmly in public.
Here are some tips from psychologists for those whose husbands do not offend very often or the situation has only become aggravated recently:
- first of all, put yourself and your thoughts in order, not every man can insult a beautiful, well-groomed woman;
- take a walk with your spouse to places associated with nostalgic shared memories, for example, to where your first dates took place - this method allows you to return feelings to families that have been consumed by everyday life;
- look through wedding photos and videos, remember how good you had together.
But what you definitely shouldn’t do is run to your friends and complain about the tyrant. If you feel that you are unwell and simply cannot cope with everything that is happening on your own, take advantage of free psychological help.
