What does self-confidence mean?
Do you think a person who doesn’t trust anyone can be called pleasant? Hardly. Surely this is a gloomy subject with a suspicious look, capable of expecting tricks even from a baby. Distrust of people is a repulsive trait.
Meanwhile, according to psychologists, distrust of people stems from distrust of... oneself. What kind of quality is this and how can you learn to trust yourself and people?
Remember joyful moments together
It's easy to bury yourself in rubble after an incident; it's hard to get out of there. But here's some encouraging news: your relationship isn't defined by what happened. There were good years before the betrayal, right? Now it's time to withdraw from this reserve.
Sit down with your partner. Talk about all the things that got done when everyone was happy; In all the places where we were, it was warm and cozy. It's time to go back there again. Start of dating. This will psychologically return partners to good times. Perestroika is based on this. Only after this stage create new moments.
Betrayal always creates a big mess, leaving behind countless emotional wreckage. Betrayal has sharp claws. It takes a lot of work to heal scars. But they can be healed. Sometimes things have to be torn down to rise from the ashes in a better way.
Positive qualities of an Outcast
Outcasts tend to be mobile, motivated, and determined to succeed in a particular endeavor. Even if a reward is not expected, they will be happy to express themselves in this way. Outcasts are often successful. Where most people would have given up long ago or given up hope of making a difference, the Outcast is persistent and willing to take risks.
The Outcast may not always be a great team player, but he is capable of being an excellent leader. An outcast, in principle, is not afraid of mistakes, uses any opportunities and knows how to take responsibility.
The Outcast is an individualist, he thinks critically and often has extraordinary opinions. These people tend to be attracted to careers that allow them to think outside the box, recognize their individual achievements, and promote recognition. They prefer to do everything on their own, to lead, rather than follow other people's instructions.
Trust means
...relax control. This is especially necessary for women who are accustomed to being responsible for everything and keeping everyone under control: husband, children, dog, cat. It seems that if you loosen control, everything will go awry.
In fact, when you stop controlling everyone, you will feel a huge sense of relief. Life will sparkle with colors, you will have a lot of time for yourself. And household members who have gotten rid of excessive care, in turn, will learn to be responsible for their actions;
…allow others to make mistakes, learn from them and be responsible for them. People are not perfect. They may stumble, but they need to be given a chance to improve.
Be honest
...like a perfectly transparent glass window! To regain trust, the guilty party must be completely transparent. A devotee cannot think for a minute that there are any secrets. Secrecy will create further mistrust.
For example, when the phone rings, don’t say, “I’ll pick up” and go into another room. As a trust buster, there's a lot to fix. Leave aside those feelings that someone is trying to take over someone's personal life. At the moment this is not the most important thing. It's hard to earn trust again, so be open and honest with yourself.
Attempts to define the concept
Psychologists explain the concept of self-confidence in different ways. Some believe that this is the ability to perceive your needs and desires as the greatest value. Although, as for me, this is rather evidence of self-respect and self-love.
Others are sure that only an honest person who does not engage in self-deception can have confidence in himself. Still others believe that this character trait arises under one condition - when the conscience is clear. Fourth – when you manage to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.
Time cures
My son needed jaw surgery at age 19. It was quite a painful ordeal. After the surgeon broke the jaw and put it back together, the son's jaw was closed for six weeks to allow it to heal properly. It was possible to eat only soft food through a small syringe in the mouth. It took a month and a half before the jaw healed.
Unfortunately, betrayal is not like surgery. This is much worse. Fixing a broken heart takes skill and a lot of time. It depends on how long people have been together.
If you are committed to making your relationship work, patience plays a significant role. There will be everything at once: anger, sadness, disbelief, uncertainty, maybe sometimes even shame. There is a lot of work.
Take this gentle step one at a time. Discuss things when necessary. After all, if you keep taking these tiny steps, the next step is healing!
Tear the threads irrevocably
A person who has betrayed his partner must cut off all ties with the intruder in life. No phone calls, no texting, no emails, no coffee invitations. No farewell meetings."
No contact means no contact. If it's over, so be it. Your partner deserves it. There may have been reasons for doing what a person would normally do in this situation, but you had a more compelling reason for restoring your relationship. This is not possible if you are in contact with the “other” person.
Your partner will not be able to rebuild trust if he finds out that you are still seeing and talking to the person who almost ruined your life together.
Good memories
Why doesn't a dog trust people? Because she was treated poorly in the past. This fully applies to people. Quite often, our trust is affected by memories, experiences and life lessons. Moreover, in our actions we strive to rely not on positive, but on negative events. In this situation, psychologists advise changing the vector of attention.
How to trust a person? Start remembering pleasant moments, think about acquaintances that caused positive emotions. Most likely, you will still have a few good acquaintances in your life.
Pleasant memories can set you on a positive wave. Over time, you will stop seeing only traitors and throw off the image of a victim. Can people be trusted? Of course you can. To do this, it is enough to get rid of unpleasant memories.
Control over feelings
Perhaps you have experienced betrayal in the past. And now you want to protect yourself from such events. That is why caution comes to the fore when meeting people. Naturally, negative emotions do not disappear. They are waiting for the right opportunity to prove themselves. And such an opportunity arises when we meet. Thoughts begin to appear that this person too will betray over time; you cannot trust him. In such a situation, you are controlled by past grievances.
Psychologists do not advise forgetting that it is you who should react to the events happening around you, and not those negative moments that once happened in your life. Therefore, you should not be led by your own feelings; decide for yourself exactly how events will develop.
How does an Outcast behave?
- The outcast tends to believe that people will always suppress him;
- often afraid to let people get too close;
- prefers to “go deeper” into a conversation rather than laugh it off;
- expresses his opinion without fear of appearing stupid or boastful;
- often feels that he does not fit into society, does not fully belong to it;
- may be sensitive to any rejection, real or imagined, and often becomes overly or unreasonably resentful of someone who changes plans or does not include the Outcast;
- sometimes such a person lacks tact or empathy;
- An outcast can be selfish and narcissistic, everything should be the way he wants;
- it is difficult for him to cooperate with other people and conduct joint projects;
- is not afraid to take risks and try something new.
Revival of relations
How valuable is your attitude towards yourself? When the dust settles after all, ask yourself these questions:
Despite the circumstances, will you find the strength to bear obligations to a person? Does love still live inside of me? What can be done to survive this crisis?
Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, writes in his Gottman Institute article:
“Are admiration and respect enough to save a relationship? Always be honest with yourself: are we still on the same page and enjoying each other’s company most of the time?”
If the answer is yes, then although the journey is long, it will be a worthy endeavor. If people are devoted to each other, ready to study the situation and work to correct it, then another option may appear.
As soon as you plunge into the pool, don’t stop, go forward. Do not despair. It's either all or nothing here. If you're halfway there, that means you have one foot out the door.
