How to talk to short people

It is not always possible to avoid communicating with someone who is annoying. Many people suffer from the fact that they have to communicate with not very smart people. With colleagues, relatives, managers...

It is almost impossible to determine immediately whether a person is stupid or smart. Sometimes it takes years to discover the truth about a person's thinking. Besides, ignorance of some complex things does not make a person stupid.

Painting by Pablo Picasso

How to identify a narrow-minded person?

1. People with low intelligence often try to pass themselves off as smart.

This is extremely important for them. And it’s strange - many people accept this deception as the truth. The difference between a smart and a stupid person is that the actions of a stupid person defy logic, they are unfounded. Cause-and-effect relationships are broken in stupid people. So if the logic of a person’s behavior puzzles you, this is a reason to think about it.

2. Often narrow-minded people put on the guise of sophisticated, intellectual people.

An example is a person who believes that to be rich means not to embarrass oneself in anything and to throw money around. An intelligent person will understand that in this way you can not make money, but only lose money. Even if you have already earned it from a good job. An example can also be given of a person who constantly criticizes everyone for no reason. He thinks he can change someone's behavior with his words. Although in fact he simply turns those around him against himself.

3. Another feature of narrow-minded people is that they love to offend and criticize others.

Those who are mediocrity often do not understand their stupidity and do not admit their mistakes. A stupid person notices not his own, but other people's mistakes. Often they cannot admit ignorance of any subject and are ready to talk any nonsense just to cover up their incompetence.

4. Stupid people are often boring.

They can be very sociable, constantly sharing some gossip and incidents from their lives.
But all this information, as a rule, is just empty chatter or retelling of other people's stories. Close-minded people do not try to become better, smarter and kinder, but only strive to look like that in the eyes of others. Painting by Pablo Picasso

How to talk correctly with narrow-minded people?

First of all, you need to remember one main rule: you don’t need to try to reveal their stupidity. A fool will most likely not appreciate the effort. He will probably just start behaving aggressively and insulting you in return. A person who admits that he is wrong is most often not actually stupid, because anyone can be mistaken, and only a rational person can admit it.

If you communicate with a stupid person, you should not think that he has the same logic or opinion as you. It is a serious mistake when faced with narrow-minded individuals to measure them by oneself. If an intelligent person has enough knowledge and experience to predict the consequences of his actions, then fools often do not even try to think. Under no circumstances should you force yourself to think about the things that a narrow-minded person is talking about. It is best to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

Source: zen.yandex.ru

What does communicating with people give?

We need people skills every day. Some believe that effective communication is something from the arsenal of business psychology, and that people who do not need to conduct business negotiations do not need to learn to communicate. And this is a big mistake that can be costly.

Communication with people is an important part of our life. Thanks to the ability to clearly express ourselves and listen, we can not only achieve career success, but also make friends, improve relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most conflicts in couples and even divorces are caused not by insurmountable contradictions, but by a simple inability to negotiate. And how many people suffer from loneliness just because they are embarrassed to talk to a nice stranger! In short, everyone needs the ability to communicate. This is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the heights of political Olympus if they had not been such brilliant orators. Steve Jobs is known no less for his speeches than for his innovative computer developments. The legendary beauties of past centuries in ceremonial portraits are not at all striking in their appearance - however, contemporaries in their memoirs praise them not so much for their beauty as for their ability to conduct a conversation.

Should about and “talk” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and nonverbal communication (how we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important - the greatest influence on the interlocutor is not the meaning of our words, but the sound and timbre of the voice, posture and gestures. And, finally, the most important thing is those of our thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. This is fear of rejection, refusal, anger at offenders, etc. They influence the reaction of our interlocutors and determine our level of communication ability.

Why are we afraid to be heard?

What prevents us from speaking? Shyness, fear of saying something stupid or being misunderstood, fear of expressing one's opinion, low self-esteem and even problems with diction - psychology is the basis of all these problems. Often their roots go back to the distant past - to childhood or adolescence. As adults, we forget those unpleasant moments that planted the seed of insecurity in us, but they continue to influence our behavior. An irritated “Don’t talk nonsense!” from parents, painful presentations at the blackboard in class, ridicule from peers - all this in adult life results in serious communication difficulties.

To identify and eliminate the cause of communication difficulties, it is necessary to work with a psychologist. But the first and most important step is recognizing that a problem exists and the desire to solve it.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communicating with people is based on several rules that were most clearly and clearly formulated by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule #1: Be genuinely interested in others.

We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your experience of communication - we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who make us understand that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2: Smile.

Psychological research has shown that people who smile are generally more attractive to us. We tend to attribute to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule No. 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.

By calling a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. For us, a name expresses individuality. This is why many people get so annoyed when someone distorts their name or uses a form they don’t like - for example, “Manya” instead of “Maria”. By using a person’s name in a conversation, you seem to be telling him: “You are an amazing person and a bright personality.”

Rule No. 4. Know how to listen.

It’s sad, but few people know how to really listen to their interlocutor - most often, especially in the heat of an argument, we simply wait for our turn to speak, without delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But demonstrating attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen to the person, ask him additional questions and do not hide your emotions if you hear something new or surprising. And if you remember statements that the interlocutor himself thought were successful, and casually introduce them in the next conversation, he will simply be conquered.

Rule No. 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.

Everyone has their own strong point. If you find the topic that worries your interlocutor, you will win him over. This applies to both business communication and ordinary friendly conversations. Even if the topic doesn’t seem particularly important to you, don’t close yourself down - try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. It’s not for nothing that the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.

Rule No. 6: Sincerely demonstrate to your interlocutor his importance.

The key word here is “sincerely.” This is perhaps the most difficult part of communication psychology. People sense falsehood, and even those who love flattery in all forms will sense something is wrong if your enthusiasm is feigned. Look for what you truly find admirable in everyone, and honestly praise those character traits.

The Art of Effective Communication

Communication with people is an art. To master it, you need to know many subtleties and have special skills, many of which may seem unrelated to communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting interlocutors. What will help us “pump up” our communication skills?

Observation

Sherlock Holmes only needed one glance at a person to find out all the ins and outs about him. It's not just detectives who need observation skills. By noting the behavior, appearance, and facial expressions of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person he is and in what style it is best to communicate with him. In addition, observation is closely related to memory, another important quality of a good conversationalist.

Memory

The more information about a person we remember, the more successful our communication with him will be. If you remember everything the other person told you, you can demonstrate your interest in him. He will be truly flattered.

Broad outlook

“Oh, I don’t understand anything about this!” After such words, few people will want to continue their exciting story about football, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don't need to be a generalist to have an understanding of the most diverse aspects of life. Interesting interlocutors do not isolate themselves in their own little world - they are interested in what is happening around them and can carry on a conversation on any topic.

Sensitivity

The ability to read the emotions of an interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact this is one of the consequences of observation. Psychologist Paul Ekman, who advised investigators from the CIA and FBI, reached unprecedented heights in this skill. He revealed how the slightest contractions of the facial muscles can reveal our true feelings and thoughts. His books gained such popularity that, based on these purely scientific works, a popular series was filmed about an independent expert who can accurately detect lies. Anyone can master this art - for everyday life it is enough to learn to see basic emotions and know the basics of body language.

Constant training of communication skills

Researchers from Oxford found that on average, each person regularly communicates with 20 people - these are friends and acquaintances, family members, colleagues and neighbors. The scientists didn’t stop there - they scanned the brains of volunteers and found that those whose social circles were wider than average showed increased neuronal activity in the area of the brain responsible for communication functions, as well as better communication between different parts of the brain. This is not an innate quality, but the result of regular training of communication skills. The larger the number of people we talk to, the easier it is for us to find a common language with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, with people from different social groups, with people whose interests differ markedly from yours. Talking to strangers will make you a more flexible conversationalist.

Body language is the key to success

What you say is important, but even more important is how you say it. Imagine a speaker who is hunched over, muttering under his breath - how many will listen to his words? Sometimes nonverbal signals are much more meaningful than words. When assessing an interlocutor, we not only listen to what he is talking about - we subconsciously pay attention to his posture, timbre of voice and speed of speech. Basic non-verbal signs are universal; they are perceived equally all over the world. How to behave so that people listen to you?

Sight

“Heavy gaze”, “Looks askance” or “Eyes are burning”, “Looks affectionately” - even in colloquial speech, people who have no idea about psychology note the power of the gaze. With the help of special psychological training, you can learn to look at your interlocutor correctly - openly, but not oppressively, without looking away and constantly letting the person know that you are interested in him. Psychologists distinguish different types of gaze for different situations - business, social and intimate gaze.

Facial expressions

A person is able to subconsciously recognize and interpret the most subtle movements of the facial muscles. Facial expressions are an important source of knowledge about the interlocutor. Knowing the facial expressions of emotions, we not only understand the mood of others, but we ourselves can send them the necessary signals.

Gestures

We tend to listen to those people who stand in front of us in an open position - that is, they are not fenced off by anything. A purse pressed to your chest, arms crossed or hidden in pockets, a leg-over-leg posture, clenched fists - all this speaks of the interlocutor’s desire to build an obstacle between you and to isolate yourself. Conversely, an open posture, smooth and leisurely gestures and open palms signal to others: “I am calm, friendly and open to dialogue.” Communication aces often use the mirroring method, repeating the pose and gestures of the interlocutor with a slight delay - this subconsciously encourages people to open up. However, such techniques need to be learned.

Exercises to develop communication skills

To overcome shyness and learn to communicate with people, you need the help of a specialist. But there are also simple exercises that will help you develop communication skills. You shouldn’t expect miracles from them, but their implementation will prepare the ground for more serious work on yourself.

Conversation with a chair

Speak out loud every day - not with people, but with objects. By the way, talking with a chair or geranium is much more difficult than with a real interlocutor. That is why this training is so effective. Try talking for a few minutes on a specific topic - to start, just tell them how things are going for you. You can mentally make a conversation plan and stick to it. This will help you learn to express your thoughts coherently.

10 strangers

Set a goal for yourself to start casual conversations with strangers every day. Ask the saleswoman's opinion about types of bread, find out from the first person you meet how to get to the clinic, chat about the weather with the concierge at the entrance, ask your neighbor for some salt. This will eliminate the fear of being the first to speak.

I remember evrything

Develop your memory - try to remember what the people around you are wearing, what they are holding in their hands, what color their eyes are, what they told you. In the evening, see how many you can remember in detail.

I praise you!

Try complimenting everyone you talk to during the day. It doesn’t matter what you praise – your appearance (“What an elegant coat!”), personal qualities (“You’re always fun to be with”) or skills (“How deftly you handle the coffee machine!”). The main thing is that the compliments are sincere.

Source: www.kp.ru

Source: tjournal.ru

Why can't I communicate?

Most often, the inability to successfully communicate with other people is based on problems in the field of psychology. It can be:

shyness;
low self-esteem;
fear of “blurting out” something stupid;
fear of expressing your opinion;
problems with diction (lisp, stuttering, burr, etc.).

The causes of these problems often stem from childhood, when communication skills are just being formed. Here are some of the factors that can lead to communication problems:

Rooted complexes.
Serious emotional shock.
A long period of loneliness due to various circumstances, and as a result - social degradation.
Severe restrictions on communication with peers (parents did not let the child leave the house, did not allow him to communicate with other children).

These are all quite serious reasons that require careful and long work with a psychologist. They manifest themselves in the fact that a person cannot even adequately respond to an appeal to him. He withdraws, hides, and can run away.

If a person can carry on a conversation, but does not consider himself a good conversationalist, then this skill can be practiced. There are a lot of different personal development trainings. They, of course, can inspire, but without regular practice, the theory is meaningless. That is why I have selected the most interesting and effective exercises for you. But before we get started, let's learn the basic rules for successfully communicating with people.

Introverted conversationalist

It is difficult to find an approach to introverts so that the conversation becomes open and meaningful. Communication for this type of personality is already a feat, since for them solitude is preferable, because this way they can go into their dream world, where they feel comfortable. Therefore, for an open heart-to-heart conversation, they need to completely trust the person, and this takes time.

To win over an introvert, you need to communicate sincerely, without flattery or familiar antics. Only respectful relations both with him and with his personal space. If he moves one step away from you, you don’t need to move back or take it personally. This just means that you have slightly overstepped your personal space. You should also avoid focusing attention on your interlocutor: for him this will be a terrible discomfort comparable to torture.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.

Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

People to avoid

Whether we like it or not, we will always be surrounded by unpleasant people: they betray, undermine self-confidence, spoil our mood and spread negativity. You should try to refuse communication and interaction with most of them. In this article you will find a list of the types that you should avoid first. It’s worth mentioning right away that if you recognize someone close to you on the list, it will be your responsibility to influence him in such a way as to help him change. But, as they say, this is a completely different story, and if you are interested, you can read other articles on our blog. Read more…

Useful tips for those who want to communicate well

The 6 rules of successful communication considered are the basis, without which it will be quite difficult to win over your interlocutor. In addition to these rules, I want to give you a few more tips that will help in communicating with people.

Maintain eye contact with the other person during the conversation. Your gaze should be open and friendly, not depressing or putting pressure on your interlocutor. Practice in front of a mirror if you are not sure that you can look another person in the eyes correctly.
Always try to keep your back straight and your shoulders back. This is a powerful signal that you are open to communication and are not afraid to engage in dialogue. A confident gait and gestures will complement your image of a successful person.
If you just can’t get rid of shyness and excessive restraint when communicating with unfamiliar people, try to imagine that this is your old acquaintance whom you just haven’t seen for a long time. As a result of such a pleasant experience, your gaze will become softer, your gestures and posture will become more open and friendly. Taken together, this will help to win over the interlocutor and erase unnecessary psychological barriers that make communication difficult.
Develop attentiveness and sensitivity towards your interlocutor. Learn to read the emotions and reactions of your dialogue partner. This will help guide the conversation in the right direction. Also, remember as much information about the interlocutor as possible. Subsequently, you can show your interest in him. This will flatter any person.
Expand your horizons. Read different books to have something to talk about and tell. Be interested in what is happening around you. Then you will become an interesting interlocutor, capable of maintaining a conversation on any topic. A broad outlook is an integral attribute of a person.

To remain a pleasant conversationalist with whom people enjoy communicating, you should never:

complain about fate and discuss your problems;
use obscene language, speak poorly of mutual friends and spread gossip;
harshly criticize your interlocutor, say that he is wrong and stupid for thinking so;
choose topics for conversation that are interesting only to you.

So, we got acquainted with the basic rules and tips. Now it's time to move on to practice. After all, theory without practice will not be of any use.

Manipulative Tactics of Toxic People

Toxic people have a whole arsenal of techniques to poison the existence of those around them. These tactics distort the victims' reality and make them irresponsible. Although all of these techniques are used by ordinary people, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, who will be mostly discussed, use them all the time. In the article we will talk about gaslighting, projections, meaningless conversations, hidden and overt threats and other tactics that appear quite often in the communication process. We will also provide some useful recommendations that will definitely come in handy in life. Read more…

Exercises to practice communication skills

Communication skills need to be constantly trained. This is the only way you will learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.

If your shyness and timidity do not allow you to even approach a stranger, then you should seek advice from a psychologist. The following exercises will help you practice your communication skills.

Conversation with furniture

Every day tell your table, chair or indoor flower about how your day went, what interesting things happened. Try to hold back your fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.

This exercise will help you express your thoughts coherently, logically and competently, not get confused in them, and also adjust your facial expressions and gestures. If you can’t have a conversation with furniture, then a pet would be an even better listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always willingly listen to the stories of its owner.

Monologue in front of the mirror

Go to the mirror and start saying out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, consistently developing them to create an interesting story.

This exercise will help you understand how you look from the outside during a conversation, learn how to write coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 – 3 times a week.

Retelling

Surely you have a favorite blog or site that you read every day - for example, the “In Your Home” blog. This will be very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very long, then retell it gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.

This exercise develops the skill of thinking and speaking at the same time. Thanks to it, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve good results, you need to exercise daily.

Development of someone else's thought

The exercise begins by turning on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.

This training develops mental flexibility and teaches you to find non-standard solutions. Exercise 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

5 strangers

The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Train yourself to start a casual conversation with five strangers every day. Not less! These could be random passers-by, from whom you can ask the time or clarify the route, a consultant in a store, to whom you turn for advice on choosing a product... In general, there should be no problems with finding strangers. They surround us literally everywhere. You just need to leave the house.

To practice your speaking technique, I recommend you watch this interesting video: