How to learn to communicate with people: rules of effective communication and practical exercises


Effective communication skills are one of the most important and necessary skills to cope with any life situation. Your likelihood of achieving success at work and in the community, earning the respect of your friends and family, children, spouse, boss or co-workers all depends on how effectively you communicate.

Half of what people usually try to communicate to others is lost in the process of translation and interpretation. What you are trying to say may not always be understood correctly by the listener, and this can lead to misunderstandings.

Although many people admit to being ineffective at communicating, each of us can develop effective communication skills over time through practice. Such communication is usually more spontaneous rather than staged or pre-rehearsed, since in this case the speech appears more emotional and convincing.

“Words are the most powerful force available to humanity. We can use this power constructively, using words of encouragement, or destructively, using words of despair. Words have energy and power that can help, hinder, hurt, harm, offend and humiliate.”

-Winston Churchill

Definition of basic concepts

Effective communication - what is it in psychology?

Currently, the importance of communication in a person’s life is constantly increasing, and therefore requires additional study of the technology of effective communication, as well as mastering skills that contribute to this.

The effectiveness of communication in psychology means the optimal way to achieve the goal of communication , in which the loss or distortion of the true meaning of the meanings, attitudes, and reactions transmitted to a person and received from him is minimized.

Books

Effective communication is too broad a topic to cover in one article. You can read more about its conditions and techniques in the following books:

  • “Fundamentals of the theory of communication” O. L. Gnatyuk.
  • “How to talk so that children will listen, and how to listen so that children will talk” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish.
  • “I want to speak beautifully! Speech techniques" Natalya Rom.
  • “Effective communication. Techniques and skills" Ulla Dick.
  • “The Language of Communication” by Marian Bugajski.
  • “Theory and practice of intercultural communication” E. N. Belaya.

We wish you good luck!

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  • Checklist for effective communication

Key words:1Communication

Elements of successful communication

American sociologist G. D. Laswell proposed the following elements of effective communication:

  1. The sender is the person who transmits this or that information.
  2. The message is the information itself that needs to be conveyed to the addressee.
  3. Channel - the way a message is sent - verbally, non-verbally (gestures, facial expressions, posture), using written expression.
  4. The recipient is the person who receives the message.
  5. Acknowledgment is a signal given by the recipient indicating that he has accepted the message.

Criteria

To achieve effective communication, its elements must meet the following criteria:

  1. The sender must choose the optimal channel for transmitting information - verbally or in writing, correctly determine the intonation with which the message will be transmitted, or turn to non-verbal methods.
  2. Information must be clearly, completely and understandably presented to the recipient.
  3. The recipient must confirm that he accepted and understood the information transmitted to him.

Only if these three criteria are met can communication be considered successful.

Basics

Effective communication is based on knowledge of human psychology and perception . An interlocutor who has mastered the skills of effective communication will be in a more advantageous position; it will be easier for him to achieve his goal in communication than an interlocutor who is unfamiliar with these concepts.

Ideally, communication is productive , it is beneficial for both partners and leads to their interaction, strengthening contacts and mutual trust. However, it should not contradict the basic principles of effective communication.

Verbal and non-verbal communication

Effective communication involves both verbal and non-verbal communication. Your body language communicates your intentions just as well as your words. Nonverbal signs sometimes speak more sincerely than the words themselves. Facial expression, hand movements, eye contact, posture, intonation - these are all things people pay attention to when you speak. In the same way, you should pay attention to this when you follow the speech of your interlocutor.

Many people find it difficult to start a conversation, and some don't know how to keep it going once it's started. Social phobia is quite common. Confident communication is not easy, but you must learn to defend your position in front of your interlocutors. If what you say doesn't reach people and doesn't connect with them, then it's unlikely to lead you to success.

Useful tool Board game “Influence Roulette”

This business game will teach players how to persuade and influence anyone in any social situation. Find out the details

Principles

Principles of effective communication:

  1. Communication should be a two-way process. Only if all participants in the conversation are interested in achieving a positive outcome will the prerequisites for its effectiveness arise.
  2. The person to whom the message is addressed must make every effort to perceive it correctly.
  3. The person conveying the message must make it as clear, concise and understandable as possible.
  4. A level of trust must be established between communicating people that is appropriate to the situation being discussed.
  5. The emotionality of communication must correspond to the message being conveyed.
  6. Tolerance, as a means of increasing the effectiveness of communication, should be inherent in all participants in communication.

All participants must follow the principles of effective communication. The more committed they are to complying with them, the more productive their interactions will be.

The dear ones scold - they just amuse themselves. How to recognize the problem and take timely measures?

Not everything goes smoothly in life, and productive partnerships are much less common than destructive ones.
The most obvious and at the same time very common problem is when the parties do not have the same understanding of the goals of cooperation.

A client comes to the agency for online advertising. The action seems to be the same, but the motives are different. The client needs a result with a wow effect, exceeding all imaginable and unimaginable expectations, and at the same time requiring a minimum of time and financial resources on his part. The agency wants to work as usual and conveniently, spend less time and effort on the client, receive timely payment and not answer uncomfortable questions like “why there is no return.” Alas, it is precisely in such cases that there is no return. Because utopian expectations on both sides + reluctance to spend time and effort + hope that “it will somehow resolve itself” = a road to nowhere.

The second problem is lack of trust.

. In the modern world, people are generally not inclined to trust each other; this is an axiom of the 21st century. Here we will take the liberty of repeating the analogy of marriage and business: once deceived, it is difficult, and sometimes impossible, for a spouse to restore warm and trusting relationships with the opposite sex. Also, an entrepreneur who has a negative experience will have great difficulty gaining trust not only in a third-party contractor, but even in his own employees.

But to move forward, you have to accept the past, draw conclusions and work on mistakes: in such situations, both are always to blame, and learn to trust again.

Trust but check.

Control and trust are quite compatible. A professional will always adequately respond to the client’s desire to control the situation: provide access, send reports on time, dispel doubts and clarify unclear points. On the part of the client, to control, trusting, means to feel the boundary between observation and unreasonable interference in the work process.

Negotiate on the shore.

Lack of agreement almost always threatens disappointment. It is important to discuss the stages and conditions of cooperation before the start of work, and not leave them to chance. Very soon it may turn out that the client meant one thing, and the performer meant something else. At the initial stage, you shouldn’t be shy and it’s better to be a bore at something than to later reap the fruits of your own carelessness.

So what is worth agreeing on “on the shore”?

  • identify responsible persons on both sides, and preferably no more than two;
  • clearly define their areas of responsibility;
  • discuss comfortable methods and channels of communication. These can be instant messengers, but it is better to save all the key points in email correspondence. Remember? Trust but check.
  • discuss the type and frequency of reports;
  • request and grant all necessary access;
  • sign the NDA agreement;
  • agree on the timing and stages of work for the initial period. Which? Negotiate!
  • agree on a payment schedule and exchange of documents;
  • arrange scheduled meetings/calls, etc.

Is it difficult not to miss anything?
But it's possible! For example, our agency has a checklist that the manager checks when concluding an agreement with a client. Forgot or forgotten? Another danger that can destroy partnerships is the notorious human factor.

To be more precise, the level of responsibility of specific employees. When the decision makers have agreed on everything, and the employees who will directly carry out the work misunderstood something, forgot something, or neglected something, ultimately there will be inefficiency. At the same time, the employee will not accept the blame, but will try to shift the responsibility to the partner as much as possible. It is sometimes easier for managers to take their word for it than to get to the bottom of the true reasons for the error. This may continue for more than one year, and even with a change of partner, the problem will not disappear.

Don’t rush to label “all clients are fools” or “all performers are lazy and only want money.” How to change the situation? Start with yourself. It can be difficult to admit this, but often the bad that you see in your partner is not his, it’s yours.

Perhaps it is your communications that have not been worked out, and you cannot establish effective interaction on your side. That’s why you end up with the wrong partners.

Conditions

Speech communication will be successful if the following conditions are met:

  1. The content of the speech should correspond as much as possible to the purpose of communication , not contain elements that are not related to the topic under discussion, and be concise and adequate.
  2. The speech must be grammatically correct and accurately reflect the message that needs to be conveyed to the interlocutor.
  3. The presentation of thoughts should be logical and consistent . A well-structured narrative structure contributes to its successful perception by the listener.

Features of modern communications

Communications today have a number of distinctive features:

  • Mediocrity. People, including in the business world, are increasingly communicating through a variety of devices, blogs, social networks, etc.
  • Emphasis on visuals. Today it is common to present your ideas not only with words, but with the help of infographics and other visualization tools.
  • Minimalism. Unlike previous centuries, the requirement of modernity, especially in business, is saving time. Messages should be concise.
  • Unambiguity of wording. Messages should not only be short, but also convey ideas clearly. Business messages should ideally include a conclusion/suggestion.

Factors

What are the factors that contribute to effective communication? the successful outcome of communication :

  1. A favorable environment in which the conversation takes place . For example, if a situation that implies intimacy, confidentiality of communication, makes it possible for those communicating not to be heard by others, this will contribute to a confidential conversation.
  2. Compatible psychological characteristics of the participants in the conversation .
    This includes the gender, age, character and temperament of the participants. As a rule, communication is more successful among people of close age; also, certain types of people by character and temperament interact better with each other.
  3. Same social status. Interaction will be more successful with people belonging to the same social class.
  4. A trusting atmosphere in the team, its cohesion. For example, with established benevolent norms of behavior in a team, professional interaction will be an order of magnitude more effective than in a team in which everyone is accustomed to protecting only their own interests.
  5. Common goals and motives among interacting people. If the situation involves achieving a common goal, as a rule, mutual understanding is established between partners much faster, leading to successful communication.

What are the factors that reduce the effectiveness of communication? These factors significantly reduce the positive outcome of communication :

  1. The situation is inappropriate to the topic being discussed. For example, when trying to discuss a confidential conversation in a public place, the recipient—the person to whom the message is addressed—will avoid the discussion.
  2. Different social status. Communication barriers often arise between people belonging to different social classes.
    It is determined by internal prerequisites about one’s belonging to another class, a feeling of one’s superiority or, conversely, inferiority.
  3. Disunity in the team. The effectiveness of business communication will significantly decrease if, according to established norms in a team, everyone must protect their own interests - even with the awareness that this will negatively affect the solution of professional problems.
  4. Various goals. With the initial desire to achieve different goals, especially if it is impossible to achieve a compromise that satisfies all parties, the effectiveness of communication decreases.

Psychology of dealing with arrogant people

In life we ​​meet different people, and we must be ready for any communication. Often on our path in life we ​​encounter insolent people - these are people who behave shamelessly and arrogantly in order to achieve their own goals and benefits. They don't take anyone's opinion into account, don't care about other people's feelings, and believe that they are always right.

You can behave differently with arrogant people. For example, respond to rudeness with rudeness, ignore, manipulate, put in place. It all depends on the situation and who is in front of you. Being rude to your boss will be fraught with danger, for example.

  1. The first thing you need to do is not be afraid to say no. You need to be tough and not fall for any persuasion or manipulation. If you don't understand the refusal, start ignoring it.
  2. Try not to stoop to the level of insolence, no matter how much you want to be rude. This way you will be involved in his dirty game and are unlikely to be able to verbally defeat a born boor.
  3. The main goal of an insolent person is to throw you off balance and force you to do what he wants. So try to remain patient and calm. Drive him crazy with your calmness and let him go looking for another victim.
  4. Never allow anyone to violate your personal boundaries and mind their own business. You have every right to protect your personal space.

You must understand that all methods of effective communication are based on understanding yourself and your interlocutor. You must learn to understand people, understand who you are dealing with. In any case, respect, acceptance and awareness of the value of each person are the basis of successful communication.

Personality traits that influence the effectiveness of communication

The communication process is influenced not only by general factors affecting all participants, but also by the individual personal characteristics of an individual:

  1. Extraversion-introversion . Extroverts are more active, open to others, and quickly make contact, which makes them more successful in communication compared to introverts who are prone to solitude, reserved, and try not to express their emotions in public.
  2. Empathy . A person’s high ability to empathize with others contributes to a better perception of the interlocutor’s emotions, which has a positive effect on communication. Individuals who are not prone to empathy often cause indifference in response, which complicates the possibility of effective communication with them.
  3. Aggressiveness .
    A character trait such as aggressiveness indicates a person’s tendency to behave aggressively in various situations. This behavioral feature complicates communication, often causes rejection from the interlocutor and a negative response, and reduces the likelihood of prolonging a confidential contact.
  4. Tolerance . Tolerance towards your interlocutor helps to avoid conflict situations and accept his point of view, which creates fertile ground for creating compromise solutions, despite differences in views.

Psychology of dealing with arrogant people

In life we ​​meet different people, and we must be ready for any communication. Often on our path in life we ​​encounter insolent people - these are people who behave shamelessly and arrogantly in order to achieve their own goals and benefits. They don't take anyone's opinion into account, don't care about other people's feelings, and believe that they are always right.

You can behave differently with arrogant people. For example, respond to rudeness with rudeness, ignore, manipulate, put in place. It all depends on the situation and who is in front of you. Being rude to your boss will be fraught with danger, for example.

  1. The first thing you need to do is not be afraid to say no. You need to be tough and not fall for any persuasion or manipulation. If you don't understand the refusal, start ignoring it.
  2. Try not to stoop to the level of insolence, no matter how much you want to be rude. This way you will be involved in his dirty game and are unlikely to be able to verbally defeat a born boor.
  3. The main goal of an insolent person is to throw you off balance and force you to do what he wants. So try to remain patient and calm. Drive him crazy with your calmness and let him go looking for another victim.
  4. Never allow anyone to violate your personal boundaries and mind their own business. You have every right to protect your personal space.

You must understand that all methods of effective communication are based on understanding yourself and your interlocutor. You must learn to understand people, understand who you are dealing with. In any case, respect, acceptance and awareness of the value of each person are the basis of successful communication.

Psychological aspects of the effectiveness of the communicative side of communication

Why is the effectiveness of communication associated with the communicative side ? A special place in communication is occupied by its communicative side - that is, the exchange of information.

At the same time, the effectiveness of communication is directly dependent on how exactly the exchange of messages between partners will be established. The main psychological conditions for achieving effective communication for a person are the following:

  • the ability to express your thoughts;
  • the ability to perceive and understand the interlocutor;
  • ability to interact with a partner.

These skills are formed not only at the conscious, but also at the unconscious levels - from childhood a person learns to make contact, prevent the development of conflict situations, and behave in such a way that others understand him.

How to improve your skills

Completing specialized training will help you develop your communication skills, where practicing models of life situations, even in the event of an error, will not entail irreparable consequences, as happens in life. Professional mentors will help you learn how to resolve conflicts, develop persuasive speech, acquire effective self-presentation skills, and increase the credibility of your words.

In a group of like-minded people, there is an opportunity to creatively approach solving communication problems, test different ways of influencing the interlocutor, use different roles and play out necessary situations. The training course provides a range of techniques and exercises that can be applied in specific situations.

Once you get the first results from the methods in real life, move on to more complex and sophisticated communication options. To achieve greater efficiency, you can practice your communication skills in the company of friends and family.

A culture of speech

Speech culture has a significant impact If a person has a sufficient vocabulary, it will be easier for him to express his thoughts to his interlocutor.

However, speech is not only a way of expressing thoughts, but also a means of understanding the world. An educated person will better understand his interlocutor, which will make communication more successful.

Cultural speech that meets the requirements of etiquette also helps to establish friendly contact with others - addresses consistent with the rules of etiquette facilitate further deepening of contact with the interlocutor.

Technologies for effective communication

Conventionally, effective communication technologies can be divided into two groups:

  • Technologies of persuasion (rational sphere): logic and argumentation are used here. It is assumed that the interlocutor, and you yourself, have a high level of logical and critical thinking. Take these courses to become more persuasive.
  • Suggestion technologies: based on an appeal to the unconscious, to human emotions through verbal means. Since they are often manipulative, we will not consider them in this article.

There are four main methods of argumentation:

  1. The technique of stimulating the imagination involves asking at the beginning of the conversation many questions about the content of the problems that should be considered.
  2. The “hook” technique allows you to briefly outline the situation and, linking it with the content of the conversation, use it as a starting point for discussing the problem.
  3. The direct approach involves getting straight to the point without any introduction or preamble.
  4. The technique of relieving tension requires establishing emotional contact with the interlocutor. For example, a well-timed joke can help with this.

We have already touched on some techniques and skills for effective communication in the article, because they are inextricably linked with rules, barriers and technologies. Let's summarize them and add those that haven't been mentioned yet.

Try to communicate with all people equally : do not behave patronizingly with someone who is lower in position, younger or anything else. This person is, first of all, your communication partner.

Don't complain . This can only be done in exceptional cases. Remember that “people forget what you told them, but they never forget how you made them feel.”

Encourage and motivate your interlocutor . Not only will he be pleased to deal with you, but this technique will also improve your mood. Remember that communication is a two-way process and both sides charge each other with positivity or negativity.

Show empathy . This word has become so firmly established in our vocabulary that we no longer attach much importance to it. But knowing and practicing are two completely different things. Therefore, next time, try to listen to the other person’s answers and consider them from his point of view, and not from the point of view of your biases and beliefs.

Exercise . Yes, you can look for interlocutors and practice on the “battlefield,” or you can first agree with friends or relatives and practice with each other. There are several useful exercises for this:

  • Find a topic. Decide in advance how much time you will devote to it.
  • Let the interlocutor tell a story from his life. Watch him carefully. Then retell this story, also copying gestures and facial expressions.
  • Watch dialogue from a movie without sound with a friend. Try to understand what it is about, how the characters feel and how it all might end.

The language of modern man

must use the full range of communication capabilities to achieve effective communication .

It includes not only good command of speech, but also knowledge about methods of non-verbal communication - gestures, postures, facial expressions, sometimes unconsciously expressing the emotions of the interlocutor.

Knowledge of these nuances allows you to better understand your interlocutor , and, therefore, develop the best communication strategy to achieve a particular goal. Moreover, these skills must be constantly developed.

Effective communication training will help you master communication methods and techniques, which can significantly increase a person’s opportunities for self-realization, achieve success in the professional field, and also improve interpersonal relationships.

What prevents effective communication?

Anything that prevents us from understanding our interlocutor or conveying our thoughts is called a barrier in the field of communications.

There are several dozen of them, but we will highlight the main ones. Some depend entirely on you, others only partially. If you manage to avoid them, the effectiveness of communication will increase:

  • Stress and uncontrolled emotions : When you are stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you are likely to misread other people, send confusing or dismissive nonverbal signals, and engage in inappropriate behavior.
  • Lack of focus : You cannot communicate effectively if you are multitasking. If you're checking your phone, planning what you're going to say next, or daydreaming, you'll almost certainly miss the nonverbal cues in your conversation, or even most of what's being said. Avoid distractions; focus.
  • Inappropriate body language : Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict what is being said. If you say one thing and your body language says another, the listener is likely to sense hypocrisy.
  • Negative body language : If you disagree with what is being said, you will often use negative body language to respond to the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your fingers. Avoid negative signals and remember: you don't have to agree and you don't have to be insincere.
  • Inappropriate physical environment : Noisy cafes or bars are extremely difficult to understand. If you want to have a useful dialogue, choose quieter places.
  • Antipathy to other people's thoughts : We humans are often prejudiced. It is worth understanding this in order to analyze how and why the words of the interlocutor influence our thoughts and emotions in a certain way.

As we see, we can remove many of these barriers. The problem is that this requires a conscious desire and long-term work on oneself. But if you want to succeed in life, you cannot do without developing the ability to communicate effectively.

Examples

  1. Effective communication in conflict. Returning from the army to his parents' house, the son spent the day surrounded by relatives, after which in the evening he got ready to visit close friends. Looking around at the mirror, he heard his father’s demanding voice: “You must be home at 10 pm.” Without stopping what he was doing, the son calmly said: “Forget it, dad. This is already in the past." Conciseness, confidence and calmness in this case were the best way out of a brewing conflict situation, since these are the qualities that are inherent in a mature, independent man.
  2. Effective communication with children . A very indicative scene from the movie “Gentlemen of Fortune”, when the teacher addresses children who do not want to have breakfast: “Children, breakfast is canceled for today, because we are flying on a rocket to Mars, so take the space spoons in your hands and have a good meal, because We’ll only be back on Earth around lunchtime.”

Adjusting to the children's wishes and subsequent rejection of persuasion, which children are prejudiced against, allowed them to switch their attention and look at the situation from a different perspective.

Basic principles of building communication

You need to work on relationships, no matter who you are - a customer or a contractor.
This is more relevant today than ever. This is because the market has reached a point of development where it is difficult to compete only at the level of a product or service; relationships decide a lot. Both with clients and partners.

One of the priority tasks of the business and the competence of each of the employees at the same time is the ability to build effective relationships in all directions: horizontally and vertically; external and internal; with suppliers, contractors and clients.

If we summarize the skills and put them into one ideal idea of ​​​​communication, then this is what we strive for:

— both sides look in the same direction and work for the same result;

— partners keep the same goals in focus;

- are able to negotiate areas of responsibility;

- complement each other's efforts.

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