Incredible facts
Refusing someone can be difficult and awkward. You don’t want to break his heart with careless words, and at the same time, you don’t want to give him vain hopes.
You've been on one or more dates and realized that you're not too interested in going on more dates. How to explain this to a guy or man politely, without cutting off the connection completely and without offending him?
In matters of the heart, it is important to be honest, but also try to be tactful.
Fortunately, there are several beautiful ways to gracefully refuse a guy.
You can use ready-made phrases or change them at your discretion, and also listen to a few psychological tips.
Be honest and straightforward
Honesty is the best solution if you don't want to hurt people unnecessarily. First, you need to be honest with yourself. Everyone deserves a chance, but sometimes we just know things aren't going our way. If you do not feel any attraction, then it is better not to delay in refusing.
Secondly, you need to be honest with him. Don't make things up, be kind and frank. If you are simply not interested in this person, say so. You don't have to explain anything, but if you do have a reason why you can't or don't want to date at this time, state it clearly and concisely.
When it comes to rejection, it is always better to be active rather than passive. Don't waste time by avoiding meetings or hoping your potential partner will take the hint. Deal with it as soon as you get the chance. Give a clear refusal so you can both move on.
Why is it difficult for us to refuse?
Let's figure out why rejections are sometimes so difficult for us. I will list the main reasons and give recommendations on how to deal with them.
- Bad boundaries
Personal boundaries for most people are a vague and uncertain concept. To explain it in simple terms, the boundaries go where a person’s sphere of influence ends. Anything outside of your control is not your territory.
How does this relate to refusals, you ask? I'll explain. You can freely manage your body, your time and attention, so refusing a man you don’t like is entirely within your boundaries. But his reaction to refusal is outside your boundaries - he may be offended, angry and stop communicating with you if you were friends, and you cannot do anything about it.
Many girls are so afraid of being in opposition with someone that they try in every possible way to soften their refusal, which only worsens the situation. The man gets the impression that he is simply being fooled, and he quite naturally begins to get angry.
The good news is that it is through refusals that you can train your boundaries to an ideal state. The next time you have to refuse someone, do it firmly and confidently and allow the person to respond however they want.
- Hyperresponsibility
Hyperresponsibility is one of the main symptoms of neuroticism. It mainly affects infantile, self-centered individuals. This property manifests itself in the fact that a person takes on too much and ascribes to himself opportunities and abilities that he does not have.
If, during a proposal from someone you don't like, you start to feel guilty, you are prone to hyper-responsibility.
At a key moment, thoughts begin to flash in your head that you somehow looked at the man wrong, did something wrong, and gave him false hope. You start fawning over something, making excuses, obscuring things. It looks, to put it mildly, ugly.
What to do about it? Realize that the other person is the same subject as you, who has his own will and is responsible for his actions. His feelings are not the result of any of your actions, and you should not be held responsible for them. At first it can be difficult to give up the idea that you control the universe, but then life becomes much more pleasant and easier.
- Fear of his reaction
Are there any cowards here, admit it? You should not be ashamed of this feeling, it is responsible for safety and is the basis of the instinct of self-preservation. Women, with rare exceptions, are physically weaker than men, so the fear of possible aggression from a rejected admirer is in some cases completely justified. Learn to recognize these cases and you will no longer have to be afraid.
If a man himself is hot and impulsive, you should be careful with him. Do not refuse him in a rude and humiliating manner. Try not to be alone with such a person, especially if you do not intend to enter into any relationship with him. The same recommendations apply to tipsy young people.
Many women are afraid that a man will not survive their refusal - he will drink himself in grief or commit suicide. Such fears are definitely unfounded. If you catch yourself thinking such thoughts, urgently turn on self-irony and stop considering yourself a fairy-tale princess.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated
A straight "no" can sound quite harsh if you don't deliver it tactfully. You have no reason to be offended or disgusted (unless they are truly intentionally aggressive and disgusting). It's flattering to like someone, so be polite and try to show a little appreciation. Remember how much courage it takes to open up to another person.
Finally, don't talk about what happened. If you are in the same company as this person, do not tell anyone about what happened. If you refuse someone, they already feel rejected, there is no need to add embarrassment to this.
He was more than 15 minutes late
Being late is a woman's prerogative. It is men who must languish in anticipation of their beautiful ladies. The guy must arrive on time or even a little earlier. And if he stays for more than 15 minutes without warning, it means he is neglecting you. In principle, if a quarter of an hour has passed since the appointed time, and still no gentleman, you can leave.
Rapper Basta's daughters are growing up as beauties, matching their mother: photo
Researchers discover cause of cat allergies by studying venomous monkeys
Gazmanov's wife showed how her husband's new video was filmed: fans are delighted
Focus on yourself with “I” statements
If you decide to explain to someone why you are not interested in them, try to focus the argument on yourself, not on the other person. Listing reasons why a potential partner is not worthy of you sounds rude and condescending, and it can hurt your interlocutor's self-esteem. Instead, psychologists advise using “I” statements, for example:
- “I don’t see you that way, I’m sorry.”
- “I really enjoy talking to you, but I don’t feel a connection between us.”
- “I’m focused on myself right now, so I’m not interested in dating anyone.”
- "I think you're great, but I'm looking for something else right now."
This way you don’t put yourself above or belittle your interlocutor, but simply explain your point of view. Think of it as an early dissertation on “It’s not you, it’s me.” Only in this case it doesn’t hurt as much as when breaking up.
Show that your answer is final
When you reject someone, do it kindly but firmly, so that your interlocutor understands that the answer is final. Don't keep people on the hook. You may think it's nice that you suggest "staying friends" or "getting to know each other better first," but this will only give hope to your interlocutor and will backfire on you.
After a refusal, even a friendly call or message on a social network can convince you that all is not lost and it’s worth trying further. So don't give hope to a person if there is none. Offer to remain friends only if you have firm confidence that your interlocutor will be able to withstand the relationship in this way. Otherwise, he may think that your “no” means “not now” or “I need to be won over first.”
He constantly talked about his ex
It's completely abnormal to start dating a new girl by talking about your past relationship. A first date is a time to get to know each other, not to dwell on the past. If a guy constantly talks about his ex, then most likely he is still thinking about her, and he is just trying to fill the void with you. It's no better if a guy throws mud at his past lover.
For fans of virtual: do not answer or formulate answers briefly
If most of your dating takes place online, then it may be more difficult for you to get rid of an obsessive admirer. Internet users have no idea who you are and tend to meet as many people as possible. Therefore, unless a potential partner wrote something personal based on studying your profile, you can safely ignore him. By even responding to someone you know you don't like, you're again giving false hope and dragging yourself into a conversation that will only waste your time.
If you still want to respond so as not to seem rude, then online dating experts (there are some!) advise wording the phrases as follows:
- “I looked at your profile. I think you're cool, but I don't see us as a couple, so I don't think we should go on a date. I don't want us to waste each other's time."
- “I already kind of had my eye on someone on the site and I don’t think it’s fair to date you while I’m trying to make things work with someone else. I hope you find who you are looking for."
How to refuse a guy a meeting, date or intimacy
© Getty Images
I'd like to check out
Hello, *name*. I'm going on a trip tomorrow (next week)
, and while I don't mind keeping in touch, I'm afraid I'll be too busy to date.
As much as I would like to spend time together, it will be difficult to do with my schedule. I hope you understand my situation.
I am crazy
*Name*, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you probably won't like me once you get to know me better.
. Do you know why? Because I'm crazy and sometimes I do crazy things. Trust me, you will feel uncomfortable around me.
I think we can remain friends. I would not like to give up my friendship with such a good person like you.
Strict parents
*Name* you are a wonderful guy and I'm sure the other girl will be proud of you
. However, I'm not ready for a relationship right now. My parents are strict and they want me to focus on my studies.
You'll find another girl
*Name*, you are smart, caring, and I love all of these qualities about you. But I have my own life, and I don’t want to start a relationship now.
I'm sure there are many girls who would want to date a man like you
. I just don't think we'll be a good couple.
Unbalanced Brother
I don't want to scare you, but my brother is actually unstable.
, and he won't like it if I start dating.
He's trying to protect me and doesn't want to ruin our friendship, and to be honest, you know we're both not ready for a romantic relationship.
I'm upset
*Name*, I'm upset
your proposal. Not because I don't like you, but because I'm not ready for a relationship right now. Can we be friends after this?
I'll tell you straight
Hello, *name*, of course I'm taking a risk, but I want to say that I enjoyed communicating with you. However, I don't think I'm ready to take it to the next level.
. I'll say it straight: Can we be friends?
Take the initiative if the other person is too persistent
Sometimes you realize that you will refuse a person exactly at the moment when he talks to you. Maybe he behaves too provocatively or seems interested only in getting your phone number (you never know, he suddenly collects them).
In this case, take the initiative into your own hands. If someone persistently asks for your number, respond with something like, “Why don’t you give me your number instead and I’ll call you.” Your interlocutor will feel that he has achieved his goal and will leave you alone.
How to maintain friendships and continue communication
Refusal is always accompanied by unpleasant experiences and negative consequences.
Every woman can prevent them by choosing the right strategy of behavior.
Effective advice from psychoanalysts will help maintain friendship and continue communication correctly:
- Support. A close friend who has been rejected is probably depressed. Despite this, it is necessary to constantly encourage the man.
If you specifically look for a meeting, trying to console a friend, he will think that the girl has feelings for him.
It is enough to accept the young man’s communication and continue to maintain friendly ties. Mutual acquaintances. Most cases indicate that after a refusal, a guy and a girl still have mutual acquaintances and friends.
Meet in common companies, have fun, communicate. Then you shouldn’t cross the line and behave as if the refusal was not sincere. Keep your distance. From the moment when the girl beautifully refused the young man, it is worth paying attention to the behavior.
Inform the man that from now on communication will become friendly.
For a young man to be offended, it is enough to completely stop communicating with him. The approach promises trouble, but if it is the only way out, use it.
Adhering to the suggested advice, do not be afraid to refuse men who are not to your liking. Follow a tactful and delicate strategy - then you can forget about emotional worries.
Almost every girl sooner or later has the need to properly break off a relationship with a guy, or refuse to meet a fan, trying not to offend him. This situation can arise either a week after the start of dating or after six months of a relationship.
A well-mannered woman thinks through such moments in advance, because it is not without reason that they say that everything in life comes back: today you stopped answering calls without clarifying the situation, and one day they will do the same to you. In addition, as you know, men take rejection very sensitively, so it is important to choose the right words and the right tone to soften a conversation that is unpleasant for both of you.
