A child is sick of school: school phobia - myth or reality?

Schoolphobia – myth or reality?

Our psyche tries to protect us in any way. One way to get away from trouble is to get sick. This phenomenon is called psychosomatics. Such reactions can occur in both adults and children. School is a place where a child receives not only knowledge, but also communication experience. Unfortunately, problems can arise both with mastering the school curriculum and in relationships with other people. It is always easier for us to blame a child lying on the sofa and looking at the ceiling for idleness than to try to understand what lies at the basis of his behavior.

Young children love to learn and explore the world - this is in our nature. Therefore, a decrease in cognitive activity should alert parents.

The British psychologist Cyril Burt was the first to speak about mental disorders associated with anxiety and fear of school in 1925. He noticed that students who survived the First World War and hid on school grounds continued to experience panic attacks when they got to school in peacetime.

When talking about school phobia, it should be understood that we are not talking about simple one-time absenteeism. School phobia is a serious psychosomatic disorder when a child, for example, feels sick or has a fever at the thought of going to school.

According to American and French scientists, 1-2% of schoolchildren experience extreme manifestations of school phobia. It lies in the irrational fear of going to school. The child really suffers at the time of the attack. Here are just a few symptoms that a student may have:

1. Diarrhea.
2. Tachycardia.
3. Headache.
4. Stomach ache.
5. Nausea or vomiting.
6. Loss of consciousness, etc.

School phobia is not a behavior disorder, but an anxiety disorder. In other words, the child does not go to school not because he is lazy and truant, but because he experiences real fear. Often the reason is not so much the fear of school itself, but the fear of leaving home and separation from parents.

How to prepare lessons?

It is only at first glance that it seems that you have learned it and are ready. For such children, whose bunny ears immediately grow near the school board and the tail that appears from somewhere on their back is shaking, proper preparation is a real help in coping with stress.

• So, in a familiar home environment, knowledge is always demonstrated easily and without embarrassment. Who does your child give a report to? Or is he alone in his room reading a book, and you are fully confident that this is how it should be, waiting for the results? From another child - yes, you can expect it, but not from someone who has such a fear of a public response. Let's find grateful listeners and create an audience. Mom, dad, grandmother, and even a long-eared pet can become those listeners who will help train the ability to pull themselves together. Yesterday's kindergarteners, who just came to 1st grade, are ready to sit dolls and soft toys so that they listen carefully to their lessons.
• Psychologists advise that when preparing homework, you must retell them, even if you have already set your teeth on edge and think that you know everything. Repetition - you know, mother... And at the same time, also use a mirror, observing from time to time how you look from the outside.
• You must present your oral answer in detail. Such advice is given to athletes before competing. You need to imagine the situation in all its variants, even think about what will happen if it fails. How to hold on and not lose your temper, where you can make a mistake and how to immediately correct this mistake, what to answer to the bully Petka, how to resist the arrogant gaze of the nerd Vaska and how to gracefully get out of the situation in front of that same Tanka. People call this “laying straw.” When you know what awaits you, it’s only half scary.

And when a satisfied and happy child with the coveted A or his solid B returns home, it is important not to forget this success, but to consolidate it, having sorted out all the details again and in a good way, to remember the pros and find the cons and not to stop, but to work further. And everything will definitely work out!

Brilliant answers to you at the board!

Your “SchoolLa” :)

Simulation or phobia? How to understand that a child is really afraid of school

“He just wants to go for a walk, he’s a malingerer!” – you can often hear about such children. Indeed, children often look for a way to escape from their school responsibilities and do more fun and interesting things. One-time absenteeism, periodic “inflammation of cunning” may well occur in every child. But when it comes to a real phobia, the following signs are observed:

Regularity of symptoms

If a child consistently begins to show pain symptoms on the same day and refuses to attend school, this is a major warning sign .

If we are talking about a specific subject, then this will be any day of the week when this subject is on the schedule. If the phobia is associated with a school environment, then every Monday or Sunday evening the child will begin to get sick and be completely cured by Friday evening or the beginning of the holidays. However, the symptoms are real . The temperature rises for real, and not from a cup of tea, nausea and vomiting are real, fainting is not fake. The child is really suffering. And the symptoms do not disappear immediately after the door closes behind the parents.

Negative attitude towards school

The child tries to avoid the topic of school or its specific aspects (teachers, subjects, classmates). At the mention of school, he becomes despondent, closes down, and shows symptoms of illness.

Nightmares

Nightmares can also indicate problems with school life. If a child constantly suffers from nightmares, you should pay close attention to this.

This is how the fear of school is described in the novel “Phobia” by Fanny Vandermeersch:

“I hear bursts of laughter. Beads of sweat appeared on his back and temples. My body tenses and my heart races. In front of me is no longer the entrance gate, but a large gray mouth with sharp teeth, ready to grab me as soon as I come forward and close behind me. There's a buzzing noise in my head. Fast. Irregular. I open my mouth, looking for air. I can hardly breathe deeply. My vision is blurred. He's coming back, I can feel it. I'm going to stretch out on the floor again. Shame. They will all look at me and laugh. I take a deep breath, but there is no more air. I'm suffocating..."

A panic attack is a serious test for any person, so you should not treat childhood experiences with disdain.

Forming communication skills

Try to avoid negative constructions. Convince from your experience or give vivid examples:

• You know that Baba Yaga was very beautiful in her youth? It’s just that now she has become old, she doesn’t take much care of herself, no one cares about her, she lives alone and is angry at the whole world all the time. That's why it looks so scary. But in fact, she is very unhappy (we appeal for sympathy)/perky (show the song from the cartoon “The Flying Ship”)/smart (read an excerpt from the fairy tale where Yaga gives advice to travelers).
• And as a child, I was also afraid of other children, and dad was afraid.

  But my dad and I became friends and became a family! Can you imagine if we sat like beeches in different corners? (emotions, facial expressions and the mood of parents in such dialogues are the main active force).

If the child’s fears fit into age norms, and rare manifestations of fearfulness do not disturb the peace and sleep of the family, then parents are quite capable of independently coping with the psychological and pedagogical task:

Reasons for being afraid of school

There may be many different reasons behind the reluctance to go to school. Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult for children to determine what triggers their phobia. Moreover, what worries one child may not frighten another at all. Therefore, let’s look at the main causes of school phobia:

Family problems, fear of separation

Children's fears can manifest themselves in different ways in different situations. If the family is uneasy, then leaving home for school is unwise. And fear shifts from family problems to school. Children cannot control this; they experience it at the emotional and physical level.

Such students, as a rule, do not have problems with academic performance or with classmates, but they are so attached to one of the family members that they simply do not want to leave home.

Problems with learning, fear of failure

The school and parents place serious demands on their children's academic performance. Not all schoolchildren can withstand this load and study calmly.

Unfortunately, there are children who simply find it difficult to master the program due to the characteristics of their psychophysical development. For example, children with dyslexia have difficulty reading and understanding what they read, making it more difficult for them to learn and be successful in school.

Receiving more and more negative reactions from parents and teachers, the child withdraws more and more into himself and begins to fear the consequences of his “underachievement.”

“Again deuce...”: what is behind a child’s low academic performance?

Bullying

Bullying from classmates can be a serious challenge. A child who is subjected to emotional and physical abuse day after day begins to be afraid to go to school, because nothing good awaits him there.

Conflict with teacher

Sometimes children have conflicts not only with peers, but also with teachers. If the teacher was unable to establish contact and establish a good relationship with the student, then each time it will be more and more difficult for the student to cope with stress. Typically, if the problem is related to a specific teacher and a specific subject, the child will show symptoms on certain days of the week.

Perfectionism

Some children prone to perfectionism overestimate their strengths. And when they fail to meet their own expectations, they have a breakdown and become reluctant to go to school. Therefore, you should not demand from children to “perfectly perform” anything.

Treatment

1. The presence of psychotherapy, namely its play form, is important. It is important that a psychologist from the school where the child attends is included in the process of healing from fear. This specialist will be able to clearly assess the student’s condition directly within the school walls, and will understand the reasons that provoked fear. A school psychologist will teach you how to adapt to school.
2. Group classes that teach communication skills and conflict interactions with other children have proven themselves well.
3. If the cause of the phobia lies in bullying or mobbing, then a psychologist must work with the school staff.
4. Art therapy. An opportunity to get rid of a phobia with the help of art, expressing your feelings in it. There is choreography, drawing, vocals, music lessons, and much more. Often the specialist stops the child’s attention on drawing and asks him to depict his fear.
5. Cognitive behavioral therapy. The task of a psychologist is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The specialist will ask specific questions necessary to determine the extent of the phobia. It is important that the child himself wants to be cured of fear and is interested in recovery. This type of therapy includes two parts: individual sessions (between the student and a specialist) and homework (get to know peers, do school exercises on your own, participate in a class event).
6. When deciding on the use of medications, two important points must be taken into account. First, the age of the patients indicates the need to select a safe medication. Secondly, drugs of this category affect the state of the central nervous system, which is still at the stage of development, so the risk of consequences cannot be excluded. That is why taking medications is permissible in very severe and advanced cases, when the baby is completely unable to control himself. When a mild case occurs, therapy with a psychologist and socialization treatment are sufficient.

It is important that parents understand that spontaneously taking medications is unacceptable. The treatment process should be under the strict supervision of a specialist, and medications, if necessary, should be prescribed on an individual basis, taking into account the characteristics of the child and the advanced state of his condition.

What should parents do?

So, the child complains of pain in the morning and asks his parents to leave him at home. What should parents do?

1. Pay attention to your child's words. The desire to skip school rarely arises out of nowhere. Even if this is not a phobia in clinical manifestations, there is some reason hiding behind the refusal, and it is better to find out and try to eliminate it peacefully (we recently wrote an article about this in detail).
2. If a child complains of pain, try to understand the degree of its severity and, if necessary, call a doctor.
3. If you notice a pattern in your child’s reluctance to go to school, if any mention of school causes a severe reaction in the child, contact a psychologist.

Research shows that the success of treatment for school phobia is directly affected by the duration of the disease. The longer a child misses school and is afraid, the stronger the phobia will manifest itself. In some cases, fear of school may remain forever.

It is important to treat your child with understanding, and not to humiliate him by calling him “lazy” and “whining.” Support your student, if necessary, accompany him to school, inform the administration about the problem, ask for help. Talk to the teachers so that they do not put pressure on the child, as this will increase the phobia.

Do not limit yourself to somatic treatment only, feeding your child cough tablets - this will not solve the problem with mental health.

If you go to psychotherapy with a child, follow through with it. In the early stages of correction, parents see improvement and often stop treatment. There are many reasons for this: the price of services, the need to spend time, visible success. However, to achieve a sustainable result, it is necessary to continue therapy. Otherwise, the first victories will quickly pass, and then the situation will return, and maybe even worse.

If parents understand that there is no serious problem behind truancy, it is worth paying attention to the “secondary benefits” of truancy. Perhaps it is more interesting at home than at school, it is safer at home, there is no need to “blush” at the blackboard, he has no friends, etc. Talk to your child, help him solve the problems he has. Sometimes it is enough to lower the bar of expectations and allow students to get C grades in order to return the child to class.

If nothing helps and the child categorically does not want and is afraid to go to school, think about family education, in parallel with psychotherapy. Then there will be a chance to return to school after some time with the least mental and physiological problems.

Adviсe

Parents must take a responsible attitude towards the child’s condition and not turn a blind eye to his fears

1. If you notice that your child is showing signs of fear of school, you need to immediately find out what could have influenced this. It is important to talk to him carefully, unobtrusively, to find out what exactly scares him.
2. During this period, it is unacceptable to raise your voice at your son or daughter, put pressure on them, or force them to study under pressure. Such actions will further aggravate the developing situation, because the already depressed state will be reinforced by negative emotions.
3. Your task is to establish communication with your offspring. The child must trust his parents with all his problems. It is necessary to spend more time with the baby and relax.
4. Explain to your child why all children should attend school. Note that you would like your child to be smart and you could be proud of him. Tell your son or daughter that there are many children waiting for him at school with whom he could make friends.
5. Tell your child how you liked to study, what good things happened to you during your school years. You shouldn’t convince your child that everything positive awaits him at school. The child must be prepared for possible difficulties.
6. In elementary school, it is desirable for the mother to accompany and meet her baby, especially in the first year of school. A child needs to feel protected and safe.
7. Problems can arise in unprepared children. That is why it is so important to go to kindergarten and study at home with your child, preparing him for various school sciences.
8. Often the first impetus for the development of a phobia is bad grades. The child literally has low self-esteem. The parents' task is to respond correctly to their offspring's bad grades. With your actions you should motivate your child, and not turn him against school discipline.

Now you know what the fear of going to school is called. Any child can face this problem. The task of parents is to be able to notice changes in their child’s behavior in time, to understand what exactly affects him. Don’t be afraid to seek advice from a psychologist, in particular a school psychologist. It is unacceptable to turn a blind eye to the presence of a phobia in a child.

Is it bad to be nervous?

In stressful situations, it is more difficult to concentrate and think calmly, especially when you need to use your head. For example, it is difficult to remember the right ticket in an exam or answer a topic during a presentation at the blackboard. If you worry about little things and stress yourself out, you can become a pessimist. For some, nervousness pushes them into bad habits, which is not good for their health.

It's not all that scary. Psychologists have proven that nervousness does not always hinder us. Sometimes it becomes an impetus for development. Experienced fear can motivate you to work on yourself. A student who is criticized will either neglect his studies or begin to make progress. People of art, experiencing the pangs of creativity, create masterpieces. Finally, experiencing stressful situations adds to life experience. If circumstances repeat themselves, a person knows how to deal with them. In short, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Stress can help you develop memory

Meet the teachers

The goal is to collect information about the child's life in the classroom, as well as to inform teachers about his psychological state and introduce the necessary adjustments if necessary. This measure is often tense, as each side tends to believe that the other is to blame - parents accuse the school system of toxicity, teachers suspect that the child has some problems in the family. Try to work with teachers as a team, avoiding open confrontation.