7 tips from a psychologist on how to teach a child responsibility

How does a responsible person feel?

Responsibility, a sense of internal obligation, can be manifested in certain areas of human life.
This may concern health issues, family, children, work issues. Associated with responsibility are feelings of “ability” and “duty” to fulfill one’s obligations. For every person with an active and positive position, being responsible means, first of all, the need to tune in to the task, understanding the significance of agreements and duty. Sensitive individuals who are pessimistic in responsible situations are dominated by a feeling of anxiety about possible failures. They feel guilty for not fulfilling their responsibilities.

However, in any mood, responsibility is considered an indicator of reliability, people’s readiness to honestly and diligently fulfill agreements and their duties, and also be responsible for any results, including mistakes.

There is a distinction between social and personal responsibility. In fact, there is not much difference. But the second type involves an internal understanding of the need to perform certain work by a specific person. They have a strong character and enormous willpower.

Those who are ready and able, within a reasonable framework, to be responsible for everything that happens in difficult moments of their lives have a responsible position. High-level responsibility is a sign of human maturity.

What does it mean to be a responsible person? This implies:

• The ability to be responsible for one’s actions, everything that happens in one’s life, without blaming others and current circumstances for the negative consequences, results of decisions and actions.
• Awareness of direct participation in the “creation” of one’s own life, as well as the innocence of other people and circumstances for what is happening around.
• The ability to build deep, conscious relationships with the environment. The basis for them is spiritual closeness, respect and love.

Responsibility in approaching something requires a thorough analysis of situations along with forecasting the likelihood of the consequences of various actions, including action or inaction. At the same time, a person understands that there is always a possibility of failure in any situation. Any responsibility is associated with great waste of mental strength; they require thoughtfulness of every decision and common sense. However, the freedom that comes from being able to take responsibility for life outweighs everything else.

How to teach a child responsibility

So, the formation of responsibility occurs individually in each case, however, a number of universal rules and advice can be identified. They will help teach your child to make decisions and understand the consequences of their actions and choices.

Personal example of parents

A child learns about the world, including by looking at his parents. And if you want to instill responsibility in your child, start with yourself. Did you promise to read a fairy tale? Do it. Do you want your son to come to school on time? Don't be late for work yourself. And so on. Otherwise, children see double standards (mom can do it, I can’t), and also understand that irresponsible behavior is still acceptable.

Consistent approach

You can’t just tell your child: “Starting tomorrow, you yourself will monitor the completion of your homework. I won’t remind you.” You need to start small, gradually expanding the area and boundaries of responsibility. For example, today he keeps track of time and starts his written work without delay. Tomorrow he will check his own mistakes. The day after tomorrow - chooses the topic of the essay according to your taste and desire.

Right to make mistakes

How to teach a teenager responsibility if you forbid him to make mistakes or scold him for every mistake?
Correct answer: no way. Responsible behavior cannot be imagined without previous negative experience. Yes, yes, those same mistakes, broken knees, bad grades and other consequences that accompany the decision and choice made. Parents must recognize the child’s right to make mistakes. It is generally difficult to imagine our life without failures; we cannot insure ourselves against them. And you should teach your child how to learn a lesson and useful experience from a mistake. Should you scold or punish for a mistake? In most cases no.

A sequence such as “choice → mistake → punishment → fear of initiative” only discourages the child from taking responsibility. The following connection looks much more correct: “choice → error → analysis of the situation → conclusions, error correction.” This is responsible behavior.

Encouraging independence

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We have already talked about this, but we will repeat it again. Forming responsibility in children is impossible without developing independence. If the mother follows the lesson schedule, fills out the diary, washes the dishes after the child and makes the bed, then we cannot talk about raising an independent and responsible person.

You need to start small: the same washing cups and spoons and dressing yourself. But this applies to small children. If we talk about how to teach a child responsibility at the age of 12 and a little older, then you need to select activities that are age appropriate.

For example, you can instruct your teenager to look for cheap plane tickets, gifts for relatives, etc. Or offer him to buy food for lunch, on his own, not according to the list. Let him buy what he considers necessary, and then see what can be prepared from it.

Establishing a connection between an action and a consequence

A responsible adult understands that every action, decision or choice has a consequence. But young children often do not see cause-and-effect relationships. Parents need to be helped to understand this with specific examples. It is best if they concern the child himself.

Let's say a baby was jumping in puddles, and then his feet got wet, and he started coughing. If you convey this cause-and-effect relationship to him, then next time he will think a hundred times before getting into a puddle. After all, having caught a cold, he will not be able to walk outside, launch boats, or play with other children.

As for teenagers, they usually understand the connection between an action and a consequence. If they stubbornly do not notice it, you can resort to some tricks. Let's say a child spent his pocket money on sweets or entertainment. This means that he will not receive any more money this month, and the purchase of headphones, for which he saved coins and bills, will be postponed indefinitely.

No comparisons

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All people are different, this statement does not require proof and works great in the case of teaching responsibility. So comparing a child with “mother’s friend’s son” is extremely unproductive and even harmful. And if a neighbor’s child at the age of 10 independently traveled to the other end of the city for training, this does not mean that your son is capable of such “feats.”

Moreover, you should avoid making comparisons with yourself in the past. Of course, the phrase “Here I am at your age” flatters your pride, but does not motivate the child in any way. You existed in different life circumstances, you were surrounded by a different environment, and the experience of resolving this or that situation was also different.

Rights = responsibilities

As for teenagers, at the age of 12-16 years old the “rights – responsibilities” combination has proven itself to be excellent. If a child has many responsibilities and he copes with all of them successfully, the wider the list of his rights should be. And on the contrary, if he refuses to fulfill his obligations, then he loses some of his rights.

Along with rights and responsibilities, there are privileges and sanctions. A teenage child must be aware that irresponsibility destroys trust and leads to the imposition of sanctions.

What is each of us responsible for?

What responsibilities do people have? We must be responsible for every decision, choice, aspiration,

because they are endowed by nature with the ability to think. An exception to the rule is individuals with complex brain injuries, as well as those with mental retardation.

Read our article “Breathing practices: characteristic features of basic techniques.”

This quality is manifested:

• When fulfilling parental obligations, all parents must be responsible for their own children;
• In work activity, there are different levels of work. Managers are responsible for the results of the activities of their subordinates, who are also responsible for their area of ​​work;
• In a situation of conflicts of interest, the responsibility of one of the participants in the conflict makes it possible to become a process controller and make an important decision for everyone. He has everything in order with responsibility for his behavior, a sense of duty and strength of character;
• In military service, the command staff is responsible for their subordinates, for their lives and actions;
• When fulfilling any obligations, it presupposes the presence of deadlines and a high level of quality of work performed and services provided.

Species diversity in the development of this quality

In order not to be afraid to take responsibility, you should get a more developed trait:

• Work on yourself, improve self-control. We must be attentive to ourselves, our own statements, not promise impossible things, and make decisions carefully. You need to be patient and the results will definitely come;
• Using the technique of writing tasks to yourself involves writing down on paper, in a notepad, tasks that have specific deadlines. When a person performs his own task, he develops his individual skills;
• Engage in organizational activities. By interacting with people, organizing them, coordinating their actions, each of us is able to achieve our cherished goal;
• Interact with children. In such situations, all human responsibility is mobilized, because an adult is always responsible for the child. There is simply no other way out here.

Independence does not equal responsibility

Photo: https://www.pexels.com/ru-ru/photo/5907606/ We have already mentioned this briefly, but it is worth revealing this nuance in more detail.
If a teenager knows how to clean, walk the dog, cook breakfast, read books, this does not mean that he will clean up without your reminder, get up every morning for a dog walk, or leaf through the literature assigned for home study. Maybe does not mean it will definitely do. If your goal is to instill responsibility in children, then be prepared for the fact that there will be many mistakes, failures, shirking from action and reluctance to make decisions. And that's completely normal. Responsible behavior develops gradually and becomes a skill or habit after a certain amount of time. In addition, experience is also important when parents are not afraid to give their child the opportunity to make a choice.

You also need to set priorities: pack a school backpack yourself or provide this opportunity to your child, but then he will be late for school. If order, strict adherence to all norms, and an unwillingness to face discomfort are important to you, then you will have to forget about children’s independence and responsibility. The child must learn to make decisions and face the consequences of his choice. This is an axiom! If you want, the law of the universe.

Right and Wrong Questions

In the service sector

In the field of management

For managers

For subordinates

Feeling of shame

Shame often accompanies guilt. Although the specific definition of shame varies among experts, let us assume that the feeling

a person feels guilt before himself, and shame - rather before others.
That is, guilt reflects how we ourselves evaluate our actions, and shame is a reaction to how, in our opinion, others evaluate our actions and us in general
.
It’s as if we look at ourselves through someone else’s eyes, and we don’t like what we see. It is important to consider that this is our personal, subjective idea of ​​the opinions of other people
, which may have nothing to do with reality. For example, we may be ashamed of someone for something, although this someone did not even pay any attention to our offense. And on the contrary, a person may not feel shame, although people important to him do not approve of his behavior.