Where to start self-development for men and women: a detailed guide

Greetings, dear friends. Do you want to be successful? I think everyone wants it. It is difficult to talk about any achievements in isolation from self-development. If a person is not moving anywhere, he has nothing to brag about. He mechanically lives his life, remaining in a gray mass. All events pass by: the promotion of colleagues, the weddings of friends, the birth of children. Is he a loser? No, he just voluntarily remains on the “sidelines”, sits in the notorious comfort zone. Faina Ranevskaya said: “If you expect that someone will accept you for who you are, then you are just lazy. Because usually the way it is is a sad sight.” She is right. What to do? How to develop yourself every day?

What is self-development

Before moving directly to practice, let's figure out what self-development is.

In simple words , self-development is active work to improve yourself and your life. You can develop personal qualities, professional skills, cognitive functions, physical abilities, etc.

Why is all this needed? Our world is designed in such a way that it is impossible to reach a certain point and stay there forever. If you stop moving forward, a rollback will certainly follow.

If you don't develop, you degrade.

Imagine that you sweated in the gym for a year, ate right and finally got yourself into perfect shape. “Well, now you can relax,” you conclude and go all out. I think there is no need to continue further, the result is already clear.

The same thing happens in all other areas of life. You won't achieve success until you start investing time and effort into self-improvement.

If you are ready to eke out the life of a dull average person lying in front of the TV every evening, you can close this article. Leave the process of self-development to bright, ambitious, caring people. Just don’t be surprised later why you suddenly found yourself at the bottom, and don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

Get organized

No, we're not talking about washing dishes and dusting, but rather about getting rid of trash and organizing space. If you devote at least 10–15 minutes to this every day, your things and papers will always be in order. And this is important, because because of bedlam we lose precious minutes, get angry, get upset - although we could be doing something more productive.

A well-organized space is important for any business. As they say, first sharpen the ax and then chop the wood.

You can perform small tasks every day that will help rid your home of unnecessary things. For example, dismantling one shelf in a closet or clearing the desktop of all unnecessary things. Or maybe delete unnecessary emails and sort files on your computer into folders, because order in the virtual space is also important.

In what directions can you develop?

Let's outline the amount of work. I will list the most important areas of life, and you try to objectively assess the state of each of them.

To make it easier for you, I have prepared a short survey about every aspect of your life. It consists of statements that you will need to confirm or refute. For each true statement, award yourself 2 points. Count the points separately for each item.

Health

The most important area of life, the foundation and basis for everything else. Let's see how things stand here.

You don't have bad habits.
You exercise regularly.
You try to eat healthy and avoid food waste.
Your night's sleep lasts at least 7 and no more than 9 hours.
In case of illness, you always responsibly follow the doctor's instructions.

If you score less than 6 points, you need to improve your health first. And the sooner the better.

Relationship

This area concerns not only love and family relationships, but also any interactions between people.

You have a permanent partner.
You easily find a common language with new people.
You are a peace-loving and non-conflict person.
You have many friends.
You prefer communication with people to loneliness.

Of course, relationships are not an area that a person cannot live without. But, you must admit, life surrounded by loved ones and loving people is much more pleasant than the life of a lonely hermit.

Career

Work is not just about making money, as some people think. This is the main internal support of the personality. Through this sphere, a person makes his contribution to society, takes a place in the social hierarchy, and finds his purpose.

Do you like your job.
You are considered a professional in your field.
You never stop learning and implement new knowledge into your work.
By doing your business, you feel that you are benefiting society.
In your opinion, you receive a decent payment for your work.

Finance

No matter how they tried to convince us from childhood that money does not buy happiness, we are all skeptical about this idea. Money gives freedom, but isn’t this true happiness? Rate your relationship with money using the following statements:

You have no outstanding loans or debts.
Your income covers all your basic needs.
You manage to save some money and build up savings.
You don't make impulsive purchases that you later regret.
You regularly keep track of your expenses and income.

If you are struggling in this area, you may want to improve your financial literacy.

Brightness of life

So that life does not seem too bland, there must be some pepper in it. Namely, interesting, bright and eventful leisure time.

You have an exciting hobby.
At least once a year you go on a trip.
You spend your leisure time actively and intensely.
You are able to find interesting and beautiful even in the most ordinary things.
You rarely feel bored.

Spirituality

But the depth of life is given by immersion in spiritual spheres. It doesn't have to be a religion at all. You can practice eastern spiritual practices, study philosophy, and cultivate virtues.

You practice meditation and auto-training.
You are interested in self-knowledge and self-immersion.
You read books on philosophy, theology, ethics.
You often think about the meaning of life and other eternal questions.
You are involved in charity work.

Start to engage in spiritual development when you put the other areas in order a little or in parallel with them.

Now that you have an idea of how things are going in each area of your life, you can outline a work plan. Start with the most important areas (health and work) if you have problems in them. Then improve yourself in the rest, starting with the most neglected ones.

Tips from psychology

Self-development in psychology has a different nature, depending on a person’s needs. At the beginning of your development path, you should decide on your goals. It is necessary to understand what is not satisfactory in your current life and begin to move in the chosen direction.

If there is a lack of free time, psychologists recommend alternative improvement methods that take from 5 to 15 minutes. Develop yourself as quickly as possible without being distracted from work:

Instead of music, listen to audiobooks and lectures. A long drive to work or home will be useful;
Read 1 useful piece of advice, fact, or success story every day. This amount will not overload the brain, but the information will be stored in the head;
Practice meditation. During your lunch break, you can do breathing exercises;
Find sites on the Internet with information of interest, save them in bookmarks and open them whenever possible.

How to start self-development, everyone decides for themselves. If one person likes to read educational books, another will like training and live communication. The main thing is not to stand still, any action will be justified and will be beneficial.

Recommendations for men

For dessert, I have prepared for you gender-specific recommendations for self-improvement. They will help highlight your strengths and achieve harmony. Let's start with men's.

Develop physically

Strength training and cardio are a must. They can be diluted with gaming and extreme sports, sports tourism, yoga. If you haven't done any of this before, start gradually.

Learn martial arts

I highlighted martial arts as a separate item, since this is training not so much for the body as for the spirit. They develop courage, patience, endurance - qualities so necessary for men.

Train your masculine character

In addition to the three listed, there are at least a dozen more truly masculine character traits. Diplomacy, endurance, ability to take responsibility, dedication and others. Think about which of these are lame in you, and focus on them.

Learn to make decisions

Every day a man has to make many important decisions. The fate of other people, for example, a wife and children, depends on some of them. If situations of serious choice put you at a dead end, you need to learn to make decisions. Otherwise, one day you will hear an offensive “not a man” addressed to you.

Create a motivational notebook for yourself

This is a pocket book that will inspire, remind you of your goals and help you stay on track. You can turn to her if you are depressed, confused or drowned in procrastination.

Choose a notebook that is compact, sturdy, and cute. Write in it:

basic life values;
your mission - as you see it;
long-term and short-term goals and plans to achieve them;
your main strengths;
mottos that motivate you;
mantras that help you calm down and support you;
the positive feedback you received (feedback from clients, praise from colleagues and managers);
inspirational quotes.

You can also add pictures that illustrate your goals. Any creativity is welcome. This is your personal pocket motivator, compose and design it however you like. By the way, you can create not a paper notebook, but a document in the cloud.

Recommendations for women

For the fair half of humanity, we also have some advice.

Look after your beauty and take care of yourself

A man can be a little more beautiful than a monkey and still be successful with the opposite sex. This trick will not work for women. Dedicate at least 5 hours a week to self-care.

Develop physically

Dancing, aerobics, swimming, yoga, and Pilates are perfect for ladies as physical activity. Strength training should also not be neglected, especially if your figure is far from ideal.

Read books for women

I don’t mean the women’s pulp novels and memoirs of Olga Buzova. We have a selection of high-quality literature for women for you - take a look.

Develop feminine energy

In the process of self-development, be sure to pay attention to accumulating the energy of femininity. The books we talked about above, as well as special women's courses and practices, will help you with this.

Also try to cultivate in yourself qualities that are traditionally considered feminine: gentleness, tolerance, mercy, altruism.

Update your wardrobe

Learn to dress modernly and appropriately, highlight your strengths and hide your flaws. I advise you to use the services of a stylist. It will set the vector for further independent work in this area.

Look for your blind spots

These are flaws or features that you don't know about, but that could be worth working on. For example, intolerance towards certain categories of people or a lack of certain skills and competencies.

To identify these blind spots, blogger Celestine Chua suggests 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself to pay attention to what sets you off.

If some phenomenon or event bothers you, you can try to understand the reasons and work on them.

For example, you are terribly infuriated by modern bloggers: it seems to you that they are engaged in nonsense and get money too easily. Perhaps you are angry for a reason, but because you yourself would like to make money by creating content, but you don’t dare or can’t find a good idea. So, it’s worth thinking in this direction.

Another example: you are scared of corporate parties and generally any crowded events. Yes, the reason may be that you are simply an introvert. But what if you are afraid because you lack the ability to communicate, make connections, and make connections? This is a reason to learn more about networking and practice it more actively.

Typical mistakes at the beginning of the journey

The path of self-development is not a smooth highway along which you will rush at breakneck speed into a bright future. Rather, it can be compared to a path in a dense jungle. On the way you will face many obstacles. I'll tell you about a few so you can be prepared for them.

Postponing actions until later

In other words, procrastination. Once you give in to it, you risk never reaching your destination. Therefore, be alert and do not cut yourself any slack. Don't put off until tomorrow what you promised yourself to do today.

Laziness

Every time you feel the urge to indulge in doing nothing, take on your work with renewed vigor. Otherwise, laziness will very quickly destroy everything you have achieved. Fight laziness until victory, spare no effort and resources.

Alignment with other people's landmarks

Each person is unique, therefore everyone has their own path. Don't blindly copy other people's models. Pass all the information received through yourself and adapt it to your characteristics.

Remember, the only person you should compare yourself to today is you yesterday.

Taking failures to heart

Be prepared for the fact that not everything will work out for you the first time. This is fine. Take mistakes and mistakes as valuable experience that will be useful in the future. Learn to persevere through failure and not give up when faced with obstacles.

Fanaticism in action

Some particularly impressionable people literally throw themselves into the deep end when they get excited about the idea of self-development. They become fixated on this process and cannot think about anything else. Such fanaticism does not lead to anything good. Don’t go to extremes, dose the load wisely, stick to the rule of the golden mean.

How to make a self-improvement plan

How to change your life for the better and where to start

If a person does not know how to begin self-development and self-improvement, it is necessary to draw up a clear action plan. Without an exact sequence, a beginner risks giving up within a week without calculating the load.

Plan in notepad

Women's Day is difficult to plan and allocate time for reading literature or attending courses. Self-development plan for a woman, where to start:

Make a list of important things to do for the week. Every evening you need to plan your day;
The morning should start with a good mood, for this you need to get enough sleep;
The girl must determine the direction of development: family, relationships, career. Every week you can alternate directions, devote more time to one thing;
Find the problem: problem in relationships, stagnation at work, complexes. Then decide for yourself what you want to get in the end;
Set a minimum goal. For example, the goal is “to spend the weekend with your loved one and not quarrel” or “to do more work this week than last”;
At the end of each week, you need to summarize, praise yourself for your successes and analyze your mistakes. Set new goals for yourself every week.

How a man can begin to develop himself, a step-by-step plan:

Decide on your desires. You need to ask yourself the questions “What do I want to get?” or “Why do I need self-development?”;
Clarify your desires; you cannot formulate them with the phrases “I want everything to be good at work” or “I want a lot of money.” Instead, you can say, “I need to learn how to negotiate” or “I need to get a promotion”;
Make a list of what you need to do to achieve what you want. For example, the item “Learn negotiation strategies, read an article or watch a video on this topic” or “I need to learn how to use this computer program”;
Make a schedule for the week, which will include a point to achieve the goal;
At the end of the week, analyze what you have done and write down your results.

Man writes in a notepad

Note! An action plan, or instruction, is a mandatory component at the beginning of the path to development. Without understanding his actions, a person risks getting confused and stopping. Keeping your goal in mind and looking for ways to achieve it is something you need to do every day for personal self-development.

How much does it cost to develop yourself?

Many philosophers have been and are looking for answers to this question, but they cannot offer us a universal recipe suitable for everyone. Maybe it’s for the better, since everyone’s comfort zone is different, and its boundaries cannot be contained within a certain framework.

It is important to understand that development is a constant process, just at each stage there are new goals and tasks to be solved.

I would like to emphasize that development at 3 years is no less important than development at 25 years. Many of our habits, inclinations and even creative moments are instilled from early childhood, so why not constantly develop and improve them. And here we are talking about hunger (in the good sense of the word), creative, spiritual, intellectual hunger, when, feeling thirsty, you strive to fill yourself with fresh water. At first you get saturated with a few drops, and then even one glass is not enough for you.

Health

Nutrition

Reduce your sugar intake. The World Health Organization recommends eating a maximum of 25 grams of sugar per day. A Snickers bar contains 30 grams.
Eat no more than 5 grams of salt per day.
Don't overeat. Scientists have found that people who don't overeat live longer.
Don't eat fast food.
Don't eat flour. Favorite pies contribute to obesity and increase the risk of diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. They also cause excessive gas formation and bloating.
Drink more water rather than tea and coffee. These drinks lead to yellowing of teeth and leaching of vitamins and microelements. If you eat them with food, it will “rot and ferment” in the stomach.

Physical activity

The WHO recommendation is 150 minutes of physical activity per week. Run, do push-ups, pull-ups, do abs and squats.
Walk 10,000 steps - 7 kilometers per day.
Do exercises.

Dream

Sleep 6 to 8 hours a night.
Sleep in a dark room. Otherwise, the hormone melatonin, which is necessary for the functioning of the body, will not be produced.

Treatment and prevention of diseases

Once every 6-12 months, undergo a full examination to identify diseases in the early stages.
Take vitamins. For example, ascorbic acid.

Personal self-realization

In addition to the basic needs at the level of the body, there is an instinctive desire for self-realization, when, when interacting with the outside world, a person displays talents and knowledge through actions.

It is possible to succeed as a person provided that you have developed intelligence and internal freedom that determines your occupation.

The process of becoming begins with the search for purpose. To identify goals and dominant traits, personal, material, and time factors should be analyzed.

Self-realization plan

Ask yourself what you can handle easily.
Immerse yourself, impartially evaluate negative and positive qualities.
List what you would like to do. Intentions must be true, and not imposed by social stereotypes. Often problems arise because a person chooses the wrong field. An artist at heart cannot become a good financier.
Next to it, write down the aspects necessary for a particular type of activity.
Compare notes, note the prevailing character traits. Calculate how much time and money you are willing to spend on mastering a new profession or organizing a business. Decide who is your authority. Compare the facts with reality, form an idea of the future.

Determinants of development

Determinants are factors and conditions that play a leading role in the development of something. In our case, these are the leading factors in the development of personality.

Heredity

In the article “The Concept of Personality in Psychology: Essence and Structure” we found that the phenomenon of a person as a person implies consideration of both elements: biological and social. The innate characteristics of a person, that is, temperament and body constitution, inclinations, etc., undoubtedly contribute to the formation of personality.

Initially, theories about personality followed only this approach. It was generally accepted that heredity transmits genes, genes form the hormonal background, which forms the physique and psyche, and they give the shape of personality.
A little later it became clear that individual characteristics make their contribution, but social factors have a greater influence on personal formation.

Environment

Personality is formed under the influence of the psychology of the group, with whose members it is on an equal footing. The environment influences the formation of personality through:

culture;
installations;
norms and values of family, circle of friends, and other social groups;
structure of the country.

The social environment shapes character, which is one of the elements of the personality structure.

Interesting fact: it has been scientifically proven that even the birth order of a child plays an important role in the formation of personality. Thus, children born first and subsequently having a brother or sister are more likely to:

care about social acceptance or rejection;
hardworking and responsible;
prone to cooperation and submission to authorities;
do not seek to break the rules;
are distinguished by ambition;
prone to feelings of guilt and anxiety.

Situation

This factor began to be identified as a separate category not so long ago. It is assumed that it restrains both the social and the natural in man. This is a kind of personality regulator.

It is no secret that some situations dictate the style of behavior and the boundaries of what is acceptable or unacceptable. The more often a person finds himself in a situation of forced behavior, the easier it is for him to constantly show himself in this form.
However, precisely because of the situational nature, it is impossible to judge a person’s personality in isolation.

Currently, attempts are being made to identify specific situations, their descriptions and the essence of the influence on the individual. But in practice this is very difficult to do. For now, to assess a personality, it remains necessary to have information about his behavior in various situations.

Activity as a condition for personality formation

The main condition for the formation of personality is activity:

labor,
educational,
gaming,
communication.

Each activity is specific and plays a certain role in human development, meets his age needs, and develops certain components of personality. You can read more about activity in the article “Human activity – what is it in psychology. Types of activities and their characteristics.”

Development criteria

From the above, we can highlight the criteria for personality development, or personal growth:

strengthening subjectivity;
integrity and integration into the world;
productivity growth;
development of mental (spiritual) qualities and abilities.

A characteristic feature of a mature personality is overcoming egocentrism and acquiring a broad identity (the ability to identify oneself with the world, society, situations, nature; a sense of community and understanding).

In children and adolescents, personality development is assessed according to the characteristics of socialization and reflection.
In adults - by the ability to self-actualize, the ability to accept responsibility and stand out from society, maintaining a connection with it.