I made my first attempts to outline my desires by area of life in 2011 (I have kept all my diaries and notes since 1998 - so I have physical evidence and can clearly trace these things ;-)) In 2014, I already set specific goals for self-development - specifically and systematically, in every area. And it’s been since 2014 that I’ve set goals every year in all areas – and here’s why.
2014 the year became a turning point for me. In 12 months: I started traveling and visited three countries (Israel, Crete, Germany), studied at two international schools, learned another language, got a driver’s license, a management position at work, met the man of my dreams, got married and on New Year’s Eve. a year ago I found out we were having a baby! It's been just a crazy year! And what’s interesting is that all these changes occurred in accordance with the goals that I set in December 2013.
So, as you understand, in this article I will share my experience - where to start self-development. Here are the issues this article covers:
- 8 stages or Self-development program for women
Here's how my life has changed since 2011, by area:
A ready-made self-development plan - an example from my personal experience
| Life sphere | My situation is: | |||
| 2011 | 2013 | 2014 | 2019 | |
| Self-realization, career growth | Postgraduate studies. Work on the dissertation is progressing sluggishly. | I work as a librarian. She defended her dissertation and received a PhD degree. | Moved to the scientific department. Received 2 certificates in international schools, learned 1 more language. She became the head of the scientific department. | I learned how to create websites, opened my own blog and online project. I left my paid job and started an online business. |
| Personal growth and spiritual development | Low self-esteem, self-doubt, depression, hysteria, attacks of loneliness and apathy. There is no strength to study and work. | I became more organized and learned to work quickly and on time. Attacks of loneliness and apathy continue. | I discovered negative attitudes and began to eliminate them. I learned to accept myself and life situations. Finally felt enough, needed, happy, loved) | I feel like a happy person. I continue to work on internal harmony, increasing personal effectiveness and personal balance in areas of life. |
| Finances (materially well) | Parents help | I work for minimum wage. | I received the desired salary. I live in comfort) | I work for myself, I opened my own business with a decent income) |
| Leisure (Leisure, Travel) | At home in front of the computer | At home in front of the TV and with the phone Goal: start traveling and see the world | Visited Israel, Crete, Germany. | Visited Turkey, Egypt, Spain. Interesting leisure and games with family on weekends |
| Love (relationship with a man). | I'm 24: no relationship. | I’m 26: Relationships don’t work out, the wrong men meet. Got a cat. | I’m 27: I met a man - we got married the same year) | Happy wife - I love and am loved) We pump up our relationship, go on dates). We solve emerging contradictions in an environmentally friendly way (but what would we do without them?!) |
| Home and family | I have been living in a student dormitory for 7 years. Parents are in another city. | I live alone in a rented 1-room apartment. | I moved to a spacious apartment in the city center. | I am a happy mother, wife, housewife) Relations with my large family (parents, brother) are harmonious) |
| Health (nutrition, sports, personal care) | Excess weight, lack of exercise and regular self-care | Sudden fainting + bad habits (smoking, alcohol). problems with blood vessels. | My health has improved, I got rid of bad habits. Normalized the condition of blood vessels. | I feel healthy and energetic. I keep my health under control. After giving birth, I recovered and finally lost a lot of excess weight (8 years later!) I’ve been at my ideal weight for 4 years) |
| Communication/Environment/Friends | 1-2 friends | 1-2 friends | 1-2 friends | Many friends and like-minded people in my city and around the world. |
| Hobbies and interests | None | None | I bake complex cakes and desserts, grow flowers | I'm skiing. I'm drawing. I grow flowers. I bake cakes on holidays) |
My example of self-development is not about “successful success”, not about luck and winning the lottery) My story is about how to systematically work on yourself and gradually change all areas of life, achieve your goals and fulfill your desires: be it meeting a loved one, getting promoted for work, traveling around the world or changing activities.
And in this article I will share with you not only my example of self-development, but specific tools and techniques, tested from personal experience.
Developmental psychology A. Maslow
Maslow's psychology is also humanistic in nature. He paid great attention to research and identified the main qualities of a self-actualized personality, such as: independence, creativity, philosophical humor, the need for solitude and others.
He believed that humanity is on the threshold of a new psychology, which will allow people to fully reveal their potential and abilities, considering a person as a single and integral mental system. Self-knowledge and self-development of the individual underlie theories of the formation of this personality.
Maslow's Key Findings
- Each person has a special original nature, which is received at birth.
- A person develops throughout life and can develop the data that he received initially. At the same time, the environment (family, school) significantly influences further development.
- Nature has given man the presence of instincts and desires, but over the years, “voices-impulses” reduce their strength as a result of receiving education and total control over oneself. It is these voices that help determine what exactly a person needs, what arouses interest, what he is capable of, and not just what meets the norms and rules of society.
- Personality characteristics may be similar for different individuals, or they may be unique, with their own characteristics. Everyone has needs for love, respect, understanding, and there are personal properties and abilities.
- Human nature is studied both by science and by man himself, using self-knowledge and psychiatric methods.
- Most of the internal, deep thoughts and instincts are suppressed by us and pass into an unconscious form as a result of constant fear, fear of condemnation.
- The inner strength of human nature still remains, periodically makes itself felt, and provides an incentive to develop and find oneself.
- The basis of a person lies in what was given initially; it is important to be able to understand and accept oneself. Moreover, in choosing on the path of life, the main criterion should be the opinion of the individual, not society. Personality is dynamic and tends to develop throughout life.
- The inner essence of a person can be subjected to difficult tests, misunderstandings, and feel rejected in life. Often this leads to real illnesses on a mental level. Difficult situations are considered to be the loss of personality, one’s peculiarities, defining properties, when there is no opportunity to achieve one’s projection, a representation of one’s Self.
- Inner strength is initially positive, the main thing is to learn to use it for good, to stimulate the development of creativity, kindness, altruism, and the ability to love.
Secondary qualities
- Conscience or guilt is an indicator of a person’s correct behavior; it is compared with internal attitudes and values. It is worth listening to your conscience, it will show the way to find your true Self.
- Accepting and loving yourself as a person is necessary for a full and healthy life!
- Self-knowledge is the only, main way of personality development.
- Self-knowledge and self-development require significant efforts of the individual.
- It is important to understand the impact of defense mechanisms - regression, defense, self-preservation. By studying psychiatry, you can understand that realism is also needed in life, since false optimism ultimately leads to disappointment in life.
- The theory of free upbringing assumes that the child himself feels what is for his good; he should be given more freedom of choice and action, and not constantly driven into the framework of requirements.
- Only by following the path of understanding and accepting one’s essence, purpose, and satisfying the needs of the individual, one can become a real person and reveal one’s potential. First of all, we are talking about spiritual needs.
- It is important to remember that without difficulties and disappointments . Therefore, a child must be taught to endure the difficulties of life, while the love of parents and their support is the basis for the formation of a strong personality. Abuse of guardianship can lead to infantilism and inhibit the development of willpower.
- A mature personality is distinguished by a type of cognition . D-cognition and B-cognition are distinguished. Moreover, D is selfish , aimed only at one’s own needs, and D is selfless , the ability to do good, to take care of others. The vector of attention of a person with D-cognition is directed more to the outside world than to purely personal interests.
- For a normal life, a person needs a system of values , his own coordinate system, which will allow him to exist in this world. To create such a system, it is important to study yourself, understand goals and motives, what is good and bad, what has a positive impact on your own dignity.
- A person who can be friends with the unconscious level is often inclined to creativity, and aesthetic education should be the basis of education , psychology and all life.
- An important task becomes - to be above ordinary human problems and troubles , to have a simpler attitude towards life, to form a real and healthy perception of life.
Thus, Maslow’s theory involves the search for one’s inner core, self-acceptance and personality development, harmony with the world around us.
“Self-development is...” What does this concept include?
“Self-development” - how often do we hear this word now... But what does this term include?
In fact, each person puts his own meaning into the concept of “self-development” - depending on what worries him and what he feels the need to improve himself.
But still, I will try to give a universal definition of the term “self-development” and, based on it, offer you a plan, directions and stages for self-development.
Self-development is the development of a person in all spheres of life and evolutionary gradual growth, as a result of which a person “sees and understands” more and accordingly improves the quality of his life in all respects.
Very often, “self-development” is equated with “personal growth,” but this is far from the same thing.
Personal growth is one of the areas of life (there are 9 in total) in which self-development is carried out. Personal growth is pumping up the personality: personal qualities, character, developing positive qualities, fighting bad habits, working with beliefs and attitudes. Other self-development tasks are distributed across other 8 areas.
Let's remember the main 9 areas of life - these will be the main directions for self-development:
- Personal growth and spiritual development
- Self-realization, career growth
- Health (nutrition, sports, beauty, personal care)
- Love, relationships.
- Home and family (children, relatives)
- Communication/Environment/Friends
- Finance and material well-being
- Holidays/Leisure/Travel
- Hobbies and interests
That is, personal growth is one of the eight areas for self-development, but not its synonym.
Let me make a few clarifications on the areas. Surely, you noticed that “Love and Relationships” and “Family” are 2 different areas in my scheme. This, of course, does not mean that you need to start a relationship on the side of the family)) But this is a call to pay special attention to your husband and relationships with him - to allocate time for only two, to leave the traditional roles of “mom” and “dad” and be just a man and women who are sincerely interested in each other, go on dates and interesting events.
I have already written special articles on the blog and continue to develop this topic - for example, how to bring romance back into marriage, why go on a date with your husband, etc.)
Basics of self-knowledge and self-development
Self-knowledge always has its own direction, the purpose of knowledge. What does a person study throughout his life? W. James identified 3 main areas:
- Physical personality - includes the bodily shell and everything connected with it (appearance, body organs, health).
- Social personality - arises as a result of understanding and recognition by other people of the personality of another person.
- Spiritual personality is the essence of a person on a spiritual level, the characteristics of a particular individual.
There is also an interpretation of human nature as a biosocial creature. There are social and biological levels. V.V. Stoletin proposed the following classification:
- Biological individual (has a special nervous system, body structure, body characteristics),
- Social individual (emerges in the process of studying the surrounding world, skills and knowledge of humanity),
- Personality (builds his own path in life, makes choices, knows how to coordinate a pattern of behavior).
Self-knowledge is carried out at all levels. Moreover, a person becomes simultaneously the one who studies and who is studied. “I” can change in time - “I am now”, “I was”, “I will be”. At the same time, there are certain relationships between the object and the subject, namely, self-knowledge at the beginning, self-control, self-regulation - as a result of the results obtained.
The basics of self-knowledge and self-development presuppose a clear relationship between concepts.
- Introspection;
- Self-analysis;
- Comparison with others (ideally with yourself);
- Setting goals for the future;
- Self-development.
The theory of self-development is presented in more detail in the works of Rogers.
Basics of self-development and characteristics
The basics of self-development presuppose that a person has the ability to shape his life and achieve his tasks and goals. In addition to activity, this process is also influenced by human activity. He can be socially active (initiative, executive) or socially reactive (impulsive, passive). Social activity goes through the following development paths:
- Standard level : schoolchildren, imitation, repetition of actions.
- Normative-personal - the teenage period, one’s own outlook on life and attitude to certain issues appears.
- Personally productive, productive and creative - an adult who makes a contribution to social life, creates innovations, modernizes the old, introduces elements of creativity into the process of life.
Indispensable conditions for self-development are initiative, and later - consciousness and independence. Social activity contributes to the development of abilities to make one’s own choice of development paths along the path of life, and responsibility for one’s actions appears. Development is impossible without achieving the necessary level of self-awareness, understanding and analysis of one’s personality.
The foundations of self-development directly depend on a person’s inner world and his analysis of real life and the situation at a given stage. The inner world is unique and is partly a reflection of the outer world. There are also suggestions that it develops throughout life, together with the personality itself, under the influence of the surrounding reality.
There are several stages of self-development
- revitalization (the child learns to communicate, understand his individuality),
- animation (the child masters the outside world),
- personalization (learning the rules, norms of life with mentors and understanding one’s role in creating a life story),
- individualization (in the process of communication, an idea of one’s personality is formed, characteristics are revealed, and the need for introspection and responsibility for oneself arises),
- universalization (a person goes beyond his individuality, unity with superhuman values, faith or spirituality appears).
The foundations of self-development lie in a person’s desire for self-improvement, improving his self throughout his life.
Board books for the first time
What to read for self-development is a natural question that arises for a woman who finds herself at the foot of the bookish Himalayas. A huge number of books have been written, but not all will be of value to you. I'll start with a few that have received the highest ratings from the vast majority of readers.
- "Woman Code" How hormones affect your life. Author Alice Vitti knows firsthand how to awaken your femininity and get rid of many women's problems, including health. She wrote the book after recovering on her own and overcoming a bunch of obstacles.
- “What to Dream About” - Barbara Share has inspired many and helped them change their thinking. After reading the book, you will learn how to create luck, rather than wait for it.
- Brian Tracy is generally a great motivator. If you are still looking for something interesting to read for self-development, focus on “Achieving a Goal,” which explains in simple language what is preventing you from achieving personal growth and how to remove these obstacles.
- Vadim Zeland, “Reality Transurfing”. The techniques described in Zeeland's books have changed the lives of many who want to control their reality. These are simple, effective methods that are explained not so much on the esoteric as on the physical level.
How to realize yourself as a man
Nature has assigned the role of protector and breadwinner to men. Get serious about sports, train your body and spirit. Change your job to a new one with the prospect of career and financial growth. Spend more time raising your children, take responsibility for their future, pass on your experience to them. Help your parents, provide them with a decent life, be a support for them, give them a reason to be proud of themselves.
Develop erudition, a man should know a lot. Read books. Don't forget that the sexiest organ in males is the brain.
Travel
If you can’t afford new countries, start with cities in your own for now. Meet fellow travelers and residents of the cities you visit.
Ask yourself (you can also include others) honestly: what negative qualities do you have?
Try to react to the situation in a non-standard way next time. If you like to teach, one day you will agree with your interlocutor, even if you don’t think he’s right. Don't force it - just experiment. Look at yourself from the outside and experience a new role.
It will be fun, and you will learn a lot about yourself!
Why there is no desire for self-improvement
What prevents us from changing? First of all, these are fears, fear of change. Nobody wants to take on extra responsibility, face criticism, or suffer failure. Therefore, going beyond the limits of a comfortable existence requires serious efforts and actions. The longer a person stays in his cocoon, the harder it is for him to get out of there.
The second reason is motivation. It is she who motivates a person to action, makes him move towards his intended goal. The motivational essence of an individual itself reacts to external and internal stimuli and determines the source of motivation. And if an active person has enough of his own attitudes for constant development, then an inert and weak person definitely needs an example from the outside.
The third reason can be called lack of willpower. Inability to control one’s reactions to external temptations, inability to defend personal long-term interests for the sake of momentary weakness. What you should learn first of all is strengthening your spirit, which in essence will be the beginning of self-improvement.
How to improve yourself as a woman
For the fair half of humanity there are no restrictions in choosing directions for self-improvement. Family, career, beauty, education, charity - you can develop in any of these directions, if only you have the desire.
Lead a healthy lifestyle, watch your diet - this prolongs your youth. Add physical activity to your schedule and tighten your muscles. Visit a cosmetologist, go shopping. Don't forget about intellectual development. An intelligent and beautiful woman can achieve a lot in life.
How to approach working on yourself correctly
By getting rid of fears, gathering willpower into a fist and finding a motivating motive, you can begin to change for the better. Not every person is able to “get blown up” overnight and radically change their life. This is not necessary. Let's consider the first 3 steps for a smooth and harmonious transition to the path of personal self-development.
Get your head in order
Listen to yourself. Analyze your life. Try to answer the following questions: “What is important to me?”, “What do I really want?”, “What would I like to do?”, “What brings me joy?” Without deep self-knowledge it is impossible to develop yourself.
Try to formulate the main meaning of your life, why you live, what mark you want to leave. What is your value system? Decide on personal goals in different areas of activity and realistic ways to achieve them.
Start doing something new
Thinking about the meaning of life can take a long time. Therefore, when thinking about understanding yourself, start developing with actions that are unusual for your everyday life. Visit an event that has never attracted your attention before, meet new people, take an unusual trip, and finally sign up for a volleyball club. Why not? It's very exciting.
New events and impressions lift your spirits, broaden your horizons, and help you identify your hidden abilities. Positive emotions liberate, attract good luck, and make it easier to cope with fears.
Select a target
Set a realistic goal for yourself and take at least one small step a day towards it. It is important not to take on an exorbitant burden and not to force things. Break your main goal into subgoals and raise the bar each time. Move little by little, but constantly. The result will not be long in coming. The successes achieved will increase your motivation to continue working on yourself.
“The chicken pecks at the grain, but is full.”
Russian proverb.
And don't put it off until tomorrow. “Tomorrow” means “never.”
Improving social skills
Adaptation in society helps you gain life experience, hone your skills and teaches you to set boundaries for your comfort. Try to “play others”—imagine yourself in another person’s place and look at different situations through their eyes. Try not to evaluate his actions, but simply analyze and call everything by its proper name.
Now complicate the task: sit on a bench in the park and watch passers-by.
What can they do with their lives? What problems might surround them? What are they thinking about now? What are they doing and where are they going? What would you do in their place?
Exercises like these help you “see beyond your nose.” Believe me, this exciting activity will lead you to the best version of yourself. I suggest moving on to the next step:
improving oneself in the eyes of the interlocutor.
This will increase your self-esteem.
- Learn the basic elements of body language. I bring to your attention the following channel, which briefly and to the point talks about body language:
- Get rid of speech weeds - they really tire the interlocutor. Try discussing any issue with yourself in front of the mirror. Hunt for every "uh...", "umm", "uh", "look" and "kinda". Work on being able to pause a little before the weed leaves your mouth.
- Monitor yourself during a conversation: do you have a habit of looking at notifications on your phone? Eat? Get rid of it!
A short video about improving communication skills.
And one last thing. Find clubs that share your interests and visit them at least once a week.
Psychology of Rubenstein
Self-knowledge and self-development of a person occurs in the process of communication with other people, so a person realizes his characteristics and works on personality characteristics. A person’s character is partly an innate thing associated with the type of nervous system, and partly acquired through life and accumulated experience.
To some extent, the study of character is related to Maslow’s theory, since a characterless person does not have a rigid value system, but a person with a strong character clearly understands his purpose and is confident in his coordinate system, adheres strictly to his line of behavior. The concept of “personality” arises as a result of self-awareness of one’s “I” and one’s actions.
Self-knowledge
Self-awareness arises as a result of human development, mastering new knowledge, understanding one’s capabilities, and managing physical processes. Independence develops in the process of mastering speech and service skills, and later manifests itself in the ability to set tasks, goals, and find the main direction for the development of one’s personality.
Self-knowledge and self-development of the individual are important components in a person’s life; these processes are clearly visible in adolescence, when many questions arise before the individual. A person determines his purpose in this world, the abilities and capabilities of his “I”. These are the first attempts to understand yourself.
Each person has character traits and personal qualities that distinguish him from others. Understanding oneself leads to the formation of personality, awareness of the need for changes in certain directions, and the establishment of one’s own principles of life.
A personality is a person with his own worldview, a clear position in life, which arose as a result of great conscious activity, understanding of himself and life in general.
Individuality - a bright, unique person
Personality is a more global concept, and its formation requires quite significant efforts, attention to this issue and determination.
Such a person has his own characteristics, a “handwriting”, and consciously distinguishes himself from the general mass of people, which presupposes independent thinking and the presence of willpower. At the same time, the depth of personality is determined by the richness of the inner world and relationships with people.
Self-isolation leads to devastation of a person, although to a certain extent it is necessary for carrying out internal work and understanding one’s essence. A personality feature is the ability to look at the world from the outside for a more complete understanding of processes.
A developed person also helps others in the process of self-development. A real personality cannot cause indifference; there can be friends or enemies. Such a person always has strength and an active beginning. Self-awareness develops along with a person throughout life; self-reinterpretation occurs in connection with new experiences.
Each person goes through the process of understanding life, asks himself questions and finds answers, understanding what is most important for him and brings value. Accumulated experience and understanding of life leads to the formation of wisdom. Personality is created and built by a person throughout his conscious life, each person develops in a special way.
It is very important to carry out self-knowledge and self-development in a temporary period and ask questions: what was I like? - what am I? - what do I want to be? However, it is important to understand that a person needs to develop his existing potential, and in the process of labor and creation of something, the personality grows. There is a great relationship between a person and his result of activity.
Personality
A person is always of interest if he can create something significant and it is clear that this is not the limit of possibilities. The development of personality over time can be tracked through human activity, in which it manifests itself and constantly develops.
A person’s characteristics are not always at the forefront of actions, but can also be a consequence. And abilities develop as a result of constant practice; the more attention a person directs to a certain area, the higher the likelihood of success in it and achieving high results.
Each person has his own life story, which can be reflected in an autobiography or resume; they will contain data about the person’s training, work, achievements - thus, the relationship of human development through activity can be traced.
In order to become a historical figure, you need to do things, create creations that will be in the public domain and go down in the history of society.
Target
The speed of its achievement depends on the correct choice and formulation of the goal. Not only global, but also small everyday tasks deserve attention.
Real
A realistic goal is one that matches your current capabilities. If you have never exercised, but intend to run a few kilometers tomorrow, then such a goal should be considered fantastic. However, opportunities may change. After just six months of regular training, you can easily achieve what you want.
Short term
Goals that are easy to implement and designed to be implemented in the near future are used to maintain a positive attitude. Write yourself a plan for the week. The list might include tasks such as going to the hairdresser, cleaning out your closet, or reading a few chapters of a book. Since achieving these goals requires minimal investment of time and money, you will notice positive results at the end of the week.
Setting short-term goals and tracking their completion programs the brain to achieve challenging goals. You need to see the implementation of your plans. In addition, with the help of short-term goals, more global ones are achieved. You are sure that losing weight is impossible because you have already tried and failed. First, set a goal for yourself to join a gym. The next task is to reduce your consumption of sweets.
Motivating
The chosen goal must be motivating. Before you start work, think about why you need to achieve what you want. For example, you want to learn a foreign language to advance your career or just because your mother dreamed of it. You should not fulfill other people's wishes, even if it upsets your relatives. Achieving someone else's goal will not bring joy and will lead to loss of time.
