It turns out that you can live a full life without a partner. Now even research shows the positive effects of loneliness. Statements like: “Haven’t found it yet? What a shame! “You’re so beautiful” may seem familiar to some singles. So that from now on you can even better resist such unpleasant conversations, we invite you to familiarize yourself with the most convincing scientific conclusions made in favor of people who do not yet plan to throw in their lot with anyone.
Less worries about money
Everyone can shop extensively online and often order through home delivery services, but single people can do this much easier than those with a partner. A recent American study found that single people are significantly less likely to experience financial difficulties than those who are married with children.
In addition, single people are spared from talking about their expenses and joint accounts, unlike those who are in partnerships. It turned out that every third adult is inclined to lie to his significant other about this. As a single person, you can do whatever you want with your money and are not responsible to anyone.
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You can get rid of a million stupid questions about your personal life
“Aren’t your demands too high?”, “Find yourself a simpler girl,” “Honey, it’s time to lower the bar, otherwise you will be alone all your life” - this is the first part of the ever-irritating questions. The second is based on softer formulations, such as “And do you like being alone?” Yes, I like it. No I do not want to. No, everything is fine with requests. No, I don't need a simpler girl. And what kind of formulation is this eternal “Simpler?” According to the latest data, guys simply don’t consider girls without a higher education sexy, let alone start a serious relationship with them. Therefore, do not let others intimidate you so that you instantly find “at least someone” for yourself.
Independence and sustainability
As a single person, you are only responsible for yourself. But this also means that you will inevitably have to deal with all areas of your life on your own. You should be content with only yourself, and at best you will have to learn to love yourself.
Bella de Paulo writes in her book Singled Out: “Single women often struggle with stigma. So after they succeeded on their own, they became more resilient to social pressure and failure.”
pros
Rest
The pace of life of a modern person is so fast that he sometimes does not notice how the days fly by. Which, in principle, make up this life. And when you manage to pause, a new problem arises - the inability to be alone.
Because there are certain responsibilities to the family, the partner requires attention, and it’s trivial that he simply doesn’t understand how it is to want to be in complete isolation for even a short period of time. This is disturbing and causes restless thoughts that love has passed, that something has happened and the relationship is now under threat.
But it’s so important to gain strength, recover, think about what you usually don’t have time for, where you want to move next, and, in the end, get to know yourself.
Unfree people have to contrive and go, for example, to the mountains and fishing. Some, not noticing their need for this solitude, may begin to get sick, and with such diseases that require complete rest or repel others.
Self-development
A large amount of free time allows you to engage in self-education. You can learn English or Japanese. Or attend training sessions in order to cope with any of your own limitations.
Let’s say we realize the fears that usually “slowed us down” and did not allow us to move forward and realize our plans. Learn the art of oratory and, in principle, speak freely in public without shrinking into an invisible lump.
Freedom is just a great opportunity to take care of yourself. And if at this period of your life it is available to you, be sure to use it. At least just read books for self-development. After all, knowledge helps make life better and happier.
Implementation
Mostly women are afraid of this condition. Therefore, they do not always realize the fact that they simply “escaped” from worries, life’s troubles, and other things, by agreeing to marry the one who called. Thinking that now everything will work out and happiness will come.
But, as you understand, basically these illusions remain illusions. But their owners may lose a lot of opportunities during this family period. For example, by refusing a certain amount of work, you may lose the competition for a vacant position in the enterprise.
So, if you haven’t yet met someone with whom you want to not only fall asleep, but also wake up, realize your ambitions. Ideally, of course, when marriage is not an obstacle to career growth. But, unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.
Hobbies
Some people are so “burdened” with everyday life and work that they are simply unable to allocate time, physical resources, and often finances for activities that bring satisfaction. When the family budget is set and does not include spending on hobbies at all, then all that remains is to wait until the opportunity finally arises to make dreams come true.
For example, men are considered the breadwinners in the family, especially if the woman is on maternity leave. It is necessary to ensure the future of the child; this is not the time to spend money on yachting training and so on.
For those who can easily afford any financial expenses, it will not be entirely convenient to leave their beloved alone during such a period for the sake of such desires and hobbies. Those who are not burdened with responsibility for the good of the family manage their free time at their own discretion. Without making excuses, without feeling guilty, and so on.
Emotional stability
In the case when a person consciously makes the choice to be single for some period, he is able to discern a lot of advantages in this state. The most important thing among them is peace of mind.
Partners are different and things happen differently with them. Some people strive to dominate, others create scandals out of jealousy and unjustified expectations. Or worse, he uses violence against a loved one, is addicted to alcohol or chemicals, gambling, and so on.
Troubles and conflicts, which are inevitable in any relationship, cause a lot of unpleasant emotions, sometimes requiring superhuman efforts and a large amount of resources.
And the emergence of any difficult situation, which is absolutely impossible to cope with, can even lead to exhaustion and depression. This destroys health, first activating chronic diseases in the body, as well as emotional instability.
Best sleep
The absence of annoying sounds such as a partner's snoring means that single people tend to sleep better than couples. Here is what the researchers write in the book Beurer Schlafatlas: “Single people sleep more peacefully than married people because they do not share a bed with anyone. In addition, singles can take any position in bed, lie across the bed, and make any noise they can think of without feeling weird. A single person can enjoy complete freedom and relaxation.”
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Minuses
Negative health effects
If loneliness turns out to be forced, then living it is quite difficult. Left alone with fears, pain, anger, resentment and disappointment, an individual will have to do a tremendous amount of work on himself. To notice your desires and gain satisfaction from their realization.
Basically, they try to cope with these feelings through alcohol and nicotine. Trying to escape from them, not to notice.
In addition, the inability to share your experiences with someone close also causes great stress for the body. Emotions are energy that must constantly circulate to ensure the functioning of all systems. And if you don’t give them a way out, this energy will accumulate in the body. Destroying it gradually, forming into muscle clamps and so on.
Unstable sex also has a negative impact on health. And changing partners, sometimes not very well acquainted, is a risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections.
Low self-esteem
If we return to the stereotypes formed in society, then having a soul mate means fulfillment, fulfillment. Those who find themselves alone look for reasons within themselves. His level of self-esteem simply decreases. He is not chosen, he fails to meet someone interesting in order to build close, trusting relationships.
Thoughts of unworthiness and inadequacy arise. He analyzes his qualities, actions and looks for those to blame for things that don’t work out for him.
And to restore self-esteem, you need to make a lot of effort. Believe me, this is not easy work at all.
Independence
If a person is lonely for a long time, she gets used to coping with various difficulties and tasks on her own. She organizes her life in a way that suits her, without adapting to the interests of others.
And he simply gets used to this freedom. Freedom to manage your finances as you please, vacations and weekends, and, ultimately, your health.
And when a loved one appears, it turns out that she has forgotten how to live with someone. Independence becomes so valuable that for the sake of it it is quite possible to sacrifice the need for stability, the ability to share emotions, and so on. But the internal conflict still makes itself felt.
Insulation
Living in a state of total loneliness isolates you from other people. That is, the person either withdraws from others, withdraws, or becomes overly active and intrusive. What scares off even those who were initially interested.
Gradually, degradation may even occur, that is, the loss of skills and knowledge that one previously possessed. In this case, this is the ability to communicate, behave in society, build friendly, collegial or love relationships.
As you understand, it is impossible to live like this for a long time, at least calmly, enjoying every day. Therefore, unfortunately, a large percentage of people who committed suicide are precisely those who felt unwanted, misunderstood and uninteresting.
Closer friendship
You may have already experienced the moment when one of your friends has a new partner: evening outs together have become less frequent. If this continues for a long time, the friendship may be in jeopardy. Psychologists now report that married couples lose track of their boyfriends over time, especially when they have children. But single people value their friends and family more and can maintain these relationships more closely and for much longer than couples.
Life goals
Any person should know where he is going. If a guy has no plans, his future will seem very murky to him. And this fact will depress a person. Male loneliness after 30 years occurs among insolvent men who have no idea why they came into this world. A person who learns something new every day and strives to realize his plans will be passionate about life. Loneliness will not accompany such a person. A person who communicates with several dozen people every day can easily find a soul mate.
If you still don’t have a purpose in life, then it’s time to find one. Sit down and write down everything you've ever wanted to do. Remember all your dreams - both big and small. You'll take them apart later. If you already know exactly what you want to become, then don’t put off implementing your plan for too long. Enroll in relevant courses that will give you the necessary skills to achieve your goal. And small dreams can become vacation plans. Don't be afraid to take risks and do crazy things. They will help you gain the necessary experience and become an interesting person.
Active participation in political life
One study found that single people are more likely to be politically active than married people. They are more likely to attend political events, start fundraisers, and support petitions. Single people also prefer to become involved in environmental issues and tend to live more environmentally friendly lifestyles.
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The root of the problem
How to overcome male loneliness? The psychological advice that experts give boils down to one simple idea: in order to eliminate the effect, you need to find the cause. A person who cannot get rid of an oppressive feeling must understand why it arises in his soul. It's stupid to think that the right girl will solve all your problems. The root of loneliness lies deep within. A man who does what he loves, has good friends, can carry on any conversation, will be successful with women. And reserved men who are afraid to open their mouths in the company of beautiful ladies will evoke pity, but not admiration. A lot of poems have been written about male loneliness. They reflect the essence of the problems of the strong half of humanity. Men are too often afraid to show the world their true emotions.
If you suffer from loneliness, think about whether everything in your life is as good as you think. Do a simple test. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 parts. Label each part in accordance with the main areas of life: health, career, friends, love, family, leisure. Place a dot in each area as close to the outer circle as you develop this or that area of life. Ideally, you should end up with an even circle. If you get a spider, then you can easily understand what area of life you need to develop in order to get rid of internal inferiority.
More confidence
This is another advantage of living alone. It's always a good idea to get to know yourself and your preferences well before getting into a relationship. So, if you still want to find a partner for life, you can use this time for self-discovery. Scientists have proven that women who start a family at an older age stay with their partner longer than ladies who got married in their youth.
Over time, single people usually become more confident and secure in their lives. This is probably the best foundation for a happy relationship or a serene single life, whatever you desire.
Reasons for male loneliness
Psychologists have written many monographs and dissertations about the causes of male loneliness. Most experts tend to distinguish two groups of single men:
- The first group includes those who remain lonely due to their personal characteristics;
- The second group is people with spiritual characteristics who cannot step over their prejudices.
Every person strives to avoid stressful situations. For many people, new acquaintances bring a number of experiences, doubts, and require significant mental strength. Relationships involve communication, and the man has to talk about himself, about his past life. He will tremblingly await the assessment of his chosen one, because she may not like something in his words.
If he gets a low rating, he will have a desire to avoid new meetings, and the man will conclude that all relationships with the opposite sex will end for him in the same way. It is easier for him to remain alone than to make an attempt to improve his level and still normalize his personal life.
Men can be shy and indecisive by nature, and these qualities are perceived by women as weakness. They treat them with a degree of condescension, thereby exacerbating their desire to never look for new acquaintances. If this happens in adolescence, this psychological trauma can remain for life. The person will become afraid of relationships and will avoid them even in adulthood.
There is a type of man who cannot get rid of psychological dependence and emotional attachment to his mother. They inevitably compare all the women they meet with her, and reject them if they find nothing in common. In their minds, a mother is a model for a future wife, and they are not going to change this position. It will be almost impossible for them to find their chosen one with this approach.
Opportunity to focus on your development
Imagine twin sisters. They are both fond of painting, have similar habits, and only differ in one thing - only one of them has a relationship with a guy. What will happen to the sisters?
A lonely girl will focus on herself: she will develop her talent, complete many drawing courses, open her own workshop and meet famous artists.
The second sister will look at the world with a hazy, loving gaze. She needs nothing except her beloved man, and therefore there can be no talk of any self-realization.
Falling in love and being infatuated with a man can be compared to an exciting TV series that absorbs so much that study, work and even common sense are often sacrificed.
This is why parents of boys so persistently recommend that their sons first achieve something in life, and only then get carried away with girls - romance reduces productivity!
What about our twins? The first one, after a couple of years, will become a famous artist, open a drawing school, meet the ideal man and marry him.
The second one will get married much earlier, but looking back at her sister’s success, she will be jealous. After all, instead of money and fame, she has a mountain of household responsibilities, a second pregnancy and a nervous husband who supports the whole family.
Do you want to achieve more in life? The benefits of being single may inspire you to start your own solo career.
Man: “When you finish your project tomorrow, let’s go out of town for a picnic. Or better yet, go to your mother’s dacha - she just asked for help picking cucumbers.” Cat: “Just mind your own business and don’t pay attention to me. Just don’t forget to put food in my bowl.”
Household duties
When a romantic relationship turns into marriage or cohabitation, the couple is faced with many previously unheard of responsibilities: cleaning up after each other, providing financial support, preparing food for the whole family.
You won’t be able to come home from work, have a sandwich and go to sleep; you’ll have to stand at the stove for 40 minutes and cook a full dinner. But dinner is just flowers...
Cleaning takes the most effort and time. And if earlier you could cope with it in 20-30 minutes, now this time can be multiplied by two or three times.
More people = more trash, more dirty clothes, more unwashed dishes. And if you can still ask your husband to help, then with the advent of children, cleaning can become your second life.
Yes, what sacrifices you will make for the sake of love and family well-being. But until this wonderful moment comes, you can enjoy the carefree life of a “lone wolf.”
Man: “Honey, I’m out of clean socks! And you still haven’t washed yesterday’s dishes! By the way, what are we having for dinner? Cat: “Just change the sand in the tray for me... And stop wrinkling your nose, I buried everything carefully!”
No one influences your decisions
Let's be honest. Throughout our lives, someone influences our decisions. First it’s parents, then friends, then your own family, and so on. We hear advice and reproaches all the time. Yes, we are strong individuals, and we always make decisions ourselves. But, albeit unconsciously, society influences our choices. Even if not radically, it can easily shift the vector of our thoughts. Seclude yourself from society for a while. Think for yourself, with your own head, without hearing anyone around. Let only silence or your favorite music help you choose. Believe me, this way you will choose what you want.
