There come moments in life when a woman clearly understands: “Nobody needs me at all.” This is not a complaint to a friend or a complaint to your husband. This is her inner voice speaking, which means her thoughts are sincere, and the pain is enormous. The feeling of uselessness can arise regardless of age, financial security, number of acquaintances, or the presence of a family. At such moments, an emptiness forms inside, and you don’t see how you can improve the situation.
The germ of this sensation, as a rule, is formed in childhood. If the parents were too busy with their career or personal life and did not devote enough time to the child, he could not talk to them, consult - already at that moment he realized that no one needed him, and this feeling was firmly lodged inside. Then different situations can happen - job loss, divorce, and all these emotions come back again. If your problem has the same roots, try to analyze the situation. You know that your parents loved you. Perhaps they simply could not find a way to express their love, tenderness, care.
What to do?
In fact, there is a way out, and even more than one. First, do you really feel the need to be needed by someone? What does this need mean to you?
Many people live enjoying life, satisfying their own needs, fulfilling their own desires and being happy at the same time. These people are self-sufficient, they do not need the love of others, they do not need confirmation of their own importance. Some may call them selfish - but what difference does it make? In reality, the state of loneliness is inevitable. After all, sooner or later the children will grow up and move to their own home, and there is no guarantee that the partner will not fall out of love.
So the most important thing a person can have is to learn to appreciate and be grateful for the moments of loneliness that fate gives. After all, this is an opportunity to devote time to yourself, your interests, and development. All you need to do is use the opportunities that arise correctly.
If this option does not suit you, then there is another option - to become needed: take the first step, help solve someone’s problem, be there when they need it, develop yourself. The problem of a person who does not have good relationships with others may lie within himself. How many happy, cheerful people have you seen that no one needs?
At the same time, gloomy and withdrawn people do not evoke a desire to communicate with them, because with all their appearance they show that they do not want to make contact. A person who smiles always attracts others. It is not surprising - after all, it seems to those around him that he has no problems, and they want to join this atmosphere of carefreeness.
In reality, everything may be different: everyone has problems, difficult situations, issues that should have been resolved yesterday. But there are people who will never show by their appearance that it is hard for them. They know that problems attract new problems. Therefore, these people are always in a great mood - this is their habit. If you develop it in yourself, you will see how the situation will change.
A person's value to others is measured by what he can give them. This could be knowledge, attention, care, help. Take care of yourself, master your profession, acquire the necessary skills, and develop your talents.
If you have something to give to another, someone absolutely needs you. The issue may be that you want to be needed by the wrong people. In these cases, you need to be extremely careful - when you give endlessly without receiving anything in return, sooner or later there is nothing left. This is how this inner emptiness is formed, causing so much pain. This is where complexes, worries, and a feeling of uselessness arise. You need to leave such a relationship.
Absolutely someone else needs you - it's time to look around. Just don’t offer your soul to the first person you meet. Value yourself, and then the person next to you will also value you.
There are many people who need and care about support - both children and adults. There are various funds to help them. If you feel an urgent need to be needed, find out which organizations in your region deal with similar issues. They always need people. This way you will not only save yourself from inner emptiness, but also make the world a better place, and also find new friends.
Requests for help Write your story Help me, please, I don’t know what to do. We dated the guy for 5 years, first we lived with his parents, then we rented an apartment, then he took out a mortgage, and we lived there. Everything was perfect. We were planning a wedding soon and wanted children. But a month ago he said that we needed to break up, that he didn’t want to be with me, and that I needed to move out of the apartment. I tried to improve the relationship, return everything to the way it was before, I turned a blind eye to everything. But he doesn't want anything. I have nowhere to go. My parents are in another country and they have no time for me, we don’t have a very good relationship. Relatives said that it was impossible to live with them. My salary is small, I don’t have enough money to rent an apartment. I stay outside. Why do I need such a life? What is the point of such existence at all? Why can't you just love me? Perhaps the whole problem is with me. I don’t even have anyone to turn to, no one to ask for help, no one supports me or loves me. If I’m not there, no one will even worry. It is very difficult for me to live, realizing that NOBODY needs me. I'm just tired of living like this. I don't see any point further. I will only make life easier for everyone without me. I can not take it anymore…
Miroslava, age: 24 / 10/12/2021
Responses:
Hello, there is no reason to die! I’m just convinced once again that you don’t need to completely depend on men, you always need to have something of your own. Miroslava, I think you need to think about renting a room, not an apartment, as well as changing jobs and finding a new man. This cannot be accomplished too quickly, but within a few months it is possible! You have parents and this is already a huge reason to be on this earth, plus your situation is temporary! Not your whole life will be so difficult, believe me. It’s very difficult for me now, I don’t have children, my beloved cat and my beloved uncle died of cancer, but I’m holding on, I know that I will live at least for the sake of my remaining relatives. I am a believer, I have already been to church 2 times during this period and I help a cat shelter. And despite the fact that I cry every day and how lost the meaning is, I don’t think about suicide. I have to live and hope for the best, the wounds and pain will go away with time and everything will be fine with you too. You will find a husband, love, change jobs and won’t live in a rented room for long. Also in the future you can become a mother - this is a great happiness. All the best to you, everything will work out.
Nina, age: 36 / 10/12/2021
Miroslava, hello. Believe me, I worked with people who were left on the street - there are no hopeless situations. The main thing is to fight and believe. Everyone I knew who was in a similar situation, and who believed and fought, now has no problems with housing. Now you need to first of all think about where to settle for the first time. The salary may not be enough for a rented apartment, but it will certainly be enough for a hostel or hostel. You can live there until you find a second job. You can try to get a job as a courier, where you can choose your working hours - and start saving for a rented apartment. And if you find a rented room in a communal apartment, you have to go there. As for the guy, it’s good that your relationship with him didn’t go too far. You broke up with a dishonest person, which means that you will soon find yourself a decent and honest one. I wish you strength in your struggle and know that if you don't give up, you will win. You are a strong person, I know that. And you will find happiness. Necessarily. You'll see.
Marianna, age: 23 / 10/12/2021
Miroslava, hello! I worked with people who found themselves in a similar situation, having nowhere to live. And from work experience I can say that the main thing in such a situation is not to give up. Everyone who didn’t give up now has their own place to live. All. Yes, it's hard. But now you need to tune in to a fierce fight for your happiness. And you will find this happiness. I promise. Necessarily. Consider maybe renting a room instead of an apartment. And living in a hostel or hostel is also an option. And then - get a second job (as a courier, for example) and save up for an apartment. I don’t know what city you’re from, so I can’t point you to organizations where they could help you financially and legally.
Marianna, age: 23 / 10/12/2021
Hello. Miroslava, you are still in a state of shock, but believe me, you will overcome everything, you will cope, you will win. You can change your job, as they correctly tell you, or find a part-time job. Look for options to rent a room, you can share it with someone, it’s cheaper. You are alone, so it’s easier to get settled and change something, unlike women with children, for example, when there is no one to sit with the baby, or you need to drive/pick him up from school. There are crisis centers for women where they can help. Well, don’t regret the guy, why such an unreliable person. Live no matter what, in spite of everything!
Irina, age: 33 / 10/13/2021
Hello Miroslava. The good news is that your boyfriend showed his true face, namely his essence, it would be much worse if children were born, it would be much more painful and offensive. Well, the situation you find yourself in is not at all a dead end. You can look for an option to care for an elderly person. In such cases, they pay well for caring for the person and plus accommodation. And during this time you can save up money for rented housing. And you should not think that you are alone, the loving Lord is with you. If you turn to Him for help, you will receive this help. For it is said: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. - Gospel of Matthew, And most importantly - Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and it will be given to you according to your faith. William James. Good luck to you.
Ivan 54, age: 55 / 10/13/2021
Hello. You need to live for yourself. All the people around are temporary. Not because they are bad, but simply because someone dies, someone is forced to move, etc. That’s why I don’t like the support of “live, hold on for the sake of children/parents, etc. A record number of relatives and friends have died this year. What does it mean? We need to shift attention to the remaining and new ones. Do parents have their own lives? You are a happy person. Many people, even twice your age, are tormented by parental experiences. Never consider cohabitation in the future. You consider yourself married, and he is free. That's why you can't relax, you walk on a tightrope. If you initially agree to live together and sleep only when married, this will weed out those who want to take advantage. In cohabitation, marriage almost never occurs; during pregnancy, he sends to get rid of the child. “Civil marriage” is the sin of fornication; a man offers it out of cowardice, so as not to bear responsibility. You can live in a crisis center, you will work and help. And then we will see. You will still find true love.
Wild Angel, age: 22/11/28/2021
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When you lose a loved one
Sometimes terrible events happen, from which it is difficult to recover and it really seems that no one needs you. Sometimes dear and close people who were the meaning of life for us leave. There is nothing left to do but gather strength and move on.
Psychologists recommend finding an activity that can distract you for at least some time. It is very important not to close yourself within four walls, but to be sure to come out. Walking will help you come to your senses a little and realize that life has not stopped.
Olga, St. Petersburg
What you need to do to overcome the feeling of uselessness
To begin, set your alarm for exactly 60 minutes. Then sit in your chair, close your eyes and begin to repeat to yourself your negative belief - no one needs me. Without opening your eyes, do not stop repeating this phrase monotonously in your mind until the alarm clock rings.
Did your alarm clock ring? That's it, the Key Word Therapy practice is over. Now you can open your eyes.
Yes, it's that simple. Simple in words. It is not always simple and easy to live all 60 minutes of this practice while your negative belief is “rooted” from your subconscious.
But now, after practice, you feel lightness and calm. In the next day or two or three you will feel as if you have increased strength and energy. This happens because all your energy that you invested in negative experiences about your uselessness will return to you.
It’s so easy to work through any of your negative and limiting beliefs with the help of the practices of Academician Losev. These beliefs are erased thanks to the well-studied effect of dosed monotony on the human brain.
These scientific studies have been well tested, patented, and formulated into specific and effective methods for independent practice - all this together is called the Logical method of erasing negative programs from the subconscious. The author of these developments is academician Stanislav Ivanovich Losev, doctor of sciences and full member of the MABT Academy.
Being needed by someone: pros and cons
In order to get rid of the feeling of your own uselessness, it is important to dissuade yourself of this, which means becoming needed by someone. Or maybe we should leave everything as it is? What are the advantages and disadvantages of overcoming the uselessness complex?
| Advantages | Flaws |
| Understanding that close people, friends, and colleagues need you, relieves a person of the feeling of his own insignificance. He begins to value life and his health more, without taking unnecessary risks, thinking about the consequences of his actions: what if they bring trouble to those who care about you? | Understanding that you are necessary for someone requires special care and delicacy. It's good if the feelings are mutual. And if not? How to get out of the situation without cutting off oxygen to the person who needs you? What if it breaks? It is very important to weaken this one-way connection with the least possible losses. |
| The feeling of being needed helps each of us to overcome difficulties, set goals, and achieve them. In other words, a person perceives his life as something that does not belong only to him, feels responsible to those who support him, and tries to be on top so as not to let him down. | A person cannot afford to take big risks (and sometimes he really wants to). Every step will have to be taken with an eye on those who are worried, caring, waiting, and bored. Sometimes, why not, excessive care is annoying. You have to come to terms with this. |
| The life of a person who knows that he is not indifferent to his other half, parents, children, friends, is filled with meaning. He knows that it is not in vain that he lives on this earth. This gives him powerful emotional support and supports him in difficult times. | Knowing that his family and friends need him, a person should forget about the feeling of absolute freedom. Responsibility to loved ones and caring for them does not allow you to live as you please, take risks, or neglect your health. |
I don't want to do anything! How to deal with this?
Value yourself
Have value for yourself, love yourself and those who have already confirmed that you are important to them and do not pay attention to everything else. I understand that this text does not exude a rosy and positive atmosphere, it is practical and shows the real reality of life. But I don’t want to tell you that just be patient and everything will work out, and so on... No one will praise you if it’s not beneficial for them - this is in the emphasis on new acquaintances or people they don’t know at all. Although there are some kind and good people who will sincerely be ready to accept you if you change, these are only a few.
Keep yourself as you are! This way, you will only surround yourself with people who truly accept the real you. And those who want to be with you for profit will drop out.
If you have a different opinion on this issue, share it in the comments.
From lack of love to complexes
The child realizes his personality through the attitude of an adult. If an adult (father, mother, other relatives) loves, cares, and is interested in life and success, then the child himself begins to love himself and learns to appreciate his individuality. In the opposite situation, a child may doubt his “need” and carry the burden of doubt into adulthood. Attention deficit in childhood can lead to an inferiority complex, vulnerability, the habit of hiding in a shell, vulnerability, insufficient level of self-esteem, and self-doubt. The same thing is the root of problems in building relationships in adult life, both friendly and romantic relationships.
From lack of love to aggression
Violations in relationships with parents can cause a girl or young man to wonder what to do if no one loves you as an adult. There are two possible scenarios. Firstly, the situation can develop into complexes, and secondly, it can become the cause of dislike or even aggression towards others in adulthood.
A person who was “disliked” in childhood can increase his distance from other people in order to avoid the stress of separation, not to be deceived, and to maintain autonomy. So you can completely avoid entering into confidential communication, being content with short-term romances or casual intimate relationships. Another option is to reduce the distance
Intrusive attention can be a way to achieve support and love. There is also a risk here - the risk of dissolving in a relationship, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good
The ability to perceive failures positively
What makes successful people different? As a rule, such individuals perceive all failures only in a positive way. After all, every mistake or unfortunate set of circumstances is only an opportunity to do the right thing next time. Many prominent personalities did just that. For example, the famous writer Stephen King went through as many as thirty publishing houses before he managed to publish the cult novel “Carrie,” and actress Faina Ranevskaya at the beginning of her career was kicked out of a theater near Moscow and called “complete mediocrity.”
In addition, it is very useful to abandon idealization. You can remember, for example, that practically none of the models have the ideal appearance and intelligence of a Nobel laureate. You can love someone simply here and now, as well as yourself. Self-development should bring pleasure, and being fixated on someone does not improve your mood and self-esteem at all. You just need to enjoy the most beautiful relationship in life, that is, an affair with yourself. Also, understand that other people can enjoy this novel too. You need to work on yourself, develop and communicate with other people with pleasure.
Increased self-esteem
People around them love and respect those who move through life easily and are always charged with positivity, and do not delve into childhood grievances and complexes. To correct a situation with low self-esteem, you can, for example, work on your appearance. It’s worth thinking about how to fix everything that can be corrected and irritates you in order to finally learn to love yourself. Maybe you need to lose a couple of extra pounds or visit a solarium? A manicure session lifts your mood no worse than a delicious chocolate bar. You can also change your hairstyle, get a piercing or even a tattoo (possibly temporary). Cleaning, rearranging the house or making repairs also have a “therapeutic” effect.
You can also find a new favorite activity. You can study Japanese calligraphy or skydive - whatever you want. If only it brings pleasure and makes you glow from within. Volunteering also works well; any help to others makes you feel needed. It is worth setting a goal to expand your horizons, learn something new every day, read several books by famous psychologists or watch a motivating film.
