How to overcome and get rid of shyness and stop being shy about people?

Author of the material:

Inna Trofimova

writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist

Rosy cheeks and an awkward glance down often seem like very sweet gestures. But shyness takes away the opportunity to meet new people, feel confident in front of your boss, and have fun in a group at a party. Some experts say that this is an innate personality trait. But working on yourself will help you get rid of even what took root so deeply in childhood. Let's figure out what shyness is and how to overcome it.

Constriction and stiffness, what is it in psychology?

A shackled person , what is he like? Shyness, shyness or timidity are all the same concept.

A shy person , as a rule, cannot show his emotions as much as he feels, cannot show himself as he is.

Shyness is a manifestation of self-doubt, fear of doing something, expressing one’s feelings and thoughts. A shy person is complex and closed.

There are two types of shyness: a person does not want to do what he does not like, which is contrary to his principles; such timidity is not based on fear and does not harm a person, but only decorates him; shyness, which comes from cowardice and lack of self-confidence.

Stiffness is the fear of expressing oneself, a feeling of internal pressures, difficulty in expressing thoughts. Stiffness is associated with fear or muscle tightness.

Modesty, shyness, timidity, is this a pathology ? What to do? Advice from a psychotherapist:

A shy person - what is he like?

You can often hear about a shy person that he is “not seen or heard.” He usually tries not to stand out from the crowd .

Timid people find it difficult to initiate conversations, especially with those they like, and because of this they often have problems in their personal lives.

They also have difficulty maintaining a conversation because they are afraid to say something unnecessary or incorrect , and worry about what they will think of them.

A shy person, be it a man or a woman, blushes, his voice and hands tremble , he has excessive sweating, “cotton legs,” discomfort in the stomach, he may stutter.

Each individual exhibits “symptoms” of shyness.

But one of the above will definitely be there.

Famous Shy People

Stars are always in the spotlight, that's their job. But many of them are shy when communicating with strangers.

These include:

Beyonce. The singer has always been a shy child. Performing on stage has never been easy for her. During her performances, the artist left her comfort zone, but thanks to her love for singing, she was able to overcome her fears.
Zane Malik. This young guy is in the group One Direction. He is calm by nature; fame did not come easily to him. At the beginning of his career, the singer was shy in front of the public.
Lady Gaga. The flamboyant singer is actually very shy and does not like large companies. The reason is attacks from classmates in childhood, when she was at school. The recognition of fans helped to overcome complexes and worries.
Demi Lovato. The actress and singer had a difficult time at school. Classmates offended the future star because of her excess weight. Only over time, having dealt with this problem, was Demi able to feel confident.
Christina Start. The actress admitted that she is afraid of interviews. During them, she feels anxious when answering questions about herself.

The listed famous people suffered from shyness since childhood, but their favorite activity helped them overcome their inhibitions and become more confident.

Is it good or bad?

Often, shyness is not very good. It can cause discomfort and sometimes interferes with life. After all, because of his shyness, a person does not do what he wants.

For example, he likes someone, but it is difficult for him to make the first move, or to maintain a conversation if the first step is taken towards him. There are also problems at work. Because of fears of doing something wrong, a person does not take initiative or put forward his ideas .

In studies everything is the same. A student may perfectly understand a subject or know the answer to a question, but shyness prevents him from fully opening up and becoming the best.

But shyness is not always a bad thing . It happens that a person has some principles of his own that are difficult for him to cross and he will not do what others do. He does not feel afraid of what is to be accomplished, but simply considers it unacceptable.

Shyness and modesty, what's the difference? Is it true that arrogance is the second happiness? Find out from the video:

How can girls deal with low self-esteem? Read about it here.

And also...

Look for motivation! For example, career. Or a loved one. Or the dream is to dance tango on stage.
Analyze your life and find the reasons for your shyness.
Learn from other people's experiences with shyness.
Develop a sense of humor - it helps to maintain inner balance even in the most extreme situations.
Fight fears : study your fears under a magnifying glass, simulate situations of getting rid of fears.
Do more stupid things and become daring . For example, buy yourself a motorcycle instead of a car. Or sing a song on the balcony in the middle of the night - loudly so that everyone can hear. Change your image radically so that everyone will be stunned by what a fatal beauty you turn out to be. Invite someone you like for a walk.
Play sports . Sport not only gives you beautiful shape, but also strengthens the spirit and also raises self-esteem. Immediately sign up for a gym and look for a trainer who will teach you not only how to create a sculpted body, but how to be yourself.
Constantly ask passers-by how long it is and how to get to house No. 14 . It doesn’t matter that you have a watch, but there is no house number 14 on this street - just ask. Every day - 20-30 times, regardless of gender and age.

Causes

What are the causes of shyness in adults?

Why are people embarrassed to look into the eyes : “the eyes are the mirror of the soul,” and such a statement would be correct. You can learn a lot from the eyes, “read” emotions, and identify lies. Shy people avoid eye contact because they are afraid that feelings and emotions will be visible in their eyes. They believe that their interlocutor can find out what they really think.
I’m embarrassed by my appearance: almost all shy people have low self-esteem. Maybe at some point they were pointed out their shortcomings, ridiculed, or they themselves came to this conclusion. Because of this, a timid person tries to avoid being looked at.
I’m embarrassed to eat in front of people: how can I stop being afraid of people? A person is very vulnerable while eating, which is natural. There is embarrassment in front of people - this is a sign of lack of self-confidence. It happens that timidity manifests itself only in the fact that a person cannot eat in front of others, but otherwise he is quite confident in himself and does not experience fear in other situations. This problem usually has its roots in childhood.
I’m embarrassed to go to the dentist: shyness when visiting a doctor is usually due to the fact that the patient has very neglected teeth and is afraid that the doctor will make fun of him.

How to become courageous and confident? You will find advice from psychologists on our website.

Causes of shyness. How to overcome shyness:

Consequences

Shyness can harm a person and deprive him of many opportunities in life.

Consequences include:

increased fear of the opposite sex;
there is no opportunity to make new acquaintances;
lack of career growth;
hiding creative abilities in front of the public;
distortion of adequate reactions to events;
the appearance of depression.

In society, shy people are unlikely to achieve success. They fear and worship people who are authoritative for them. They can only play the role of subordinates, where they are under the constant control of their superior.

When shy, a person tends to be closed. This prevents him from expressing himself; emotions cannot come out. There is a fear of speaking in front of an audience and demonstrating one's talents.

What is looseness?

Looseness is the opposite of shyness. A relaxed person is not afraid to express his opinion; among people he feels free and not constrained.

He doesn’t care what others think about him; he has no internal pressures . Such a person is often self-confident and clearly knows what he wants, he goes straight towards his goal.

In fact, such people are very sincere, they do not hide behind masks, but immediately show themselves as they are.

How to deal with shyness?

Anti-shyness pills: Scientists are trying to invent anti-shyness pills based on oxytocin (the cuddle hormone). The medicine is believed to relieve people of shyness. Today, unfortunately, there are no pills that would help solve this problem. Sometimes doctors can prescribe some medications that will help cope with anxiety, but the effect of such pills is temporary and they cannot cure.
How to stop being shy and blushing: to stop being shy, you need to work a lot on yourself. First of all, you need to communicate more with people, “step over” yourself, do what is usually not typical. You need to understand that all people are the same, everyone has their own fears and complexes, just not everyone shows them. With redness, things are more complicated. After all, this is an involuntary reaction of the body. You shouldn’t get hung up on this if you feel like you’re blushing; under no circumstances should you stop talking and fall silent. It would be best to translate everything into a joke: “Oh, I’m blushing, it’s a little hot here.”
How to become sociable and not be shy: constant practice in communicating with people is the best medicine.
Yes, it may be difficult at first, but, as they say, everything comes with experience. It is worth starting with those people with whom it is easiest to communicate, with whom you feel the least discomfort. You need to express your point of view, try not to remain silent. There is no need to be afraid to say something unnecessary, because even if this happens, you should remember that it happens to everyone and there is nothing shameful in it. You can start with the topics you are best at. Then the feeling of seeming stupid will disappear, because you are an ace in this field.

Shyness in children

Shyness in children is often a consequence of undeveloped social competence and its correction.

Reasons : sometimes a child is shy because it is so beneficial for him (often, so that the child stops being shy, he will be offered some kind of encouragement), due to his age or because of his temperament, a child may be shy in a new, unfamiliar environment, due to lack of self-confidence due to lack of experience in a given situation.
Shyness in preschool children: at this age, the child becomes susceptible to the opinions of others. Whatever he does, he waits for approval. When others judge him, it hurts him. He becomes unsure of himself, begins to be afraid to do something because it may cause a negative reaction. He tries not to get into situations for which he would be criticized.
The child is embarrassed to answer in class: at school age, children react very painfully to comments in their direction.
This may be the reason why they are embarrassed to answer in class, even if they know the subject well. Also at this age, they have difficult relationships with peers, and their first sympathy often appears for their classmates. Excessive demands from parents and teachers lead to the fact that the child may be afraid to answer insufficiently well, get a bad grade, and then be scolded.

How to relieve a child from tightness and shyness?

Recommendations for parents

How can a child stop being withdrawn? Recommendations for parents: how to rid your child of uncertainty:

You should not blame or scold your child for his shyness. We need to try to listen to him, understand and support him,
if the baby is still too small and already shy, then you can try to simply survive this period. Perhaps it’s just age and will pass soon,
Teach your child how to communicate correctly with other children and how to resolve conflict situations. It is advisable to show this by your own example,
find out why your child is unsure of himself. Perhaps you say or do something wrong, and it hurts him. Try to change your attitude towards your baby. Talk to him, tell him what you really mean,
Perhaps you should seek help from a psychologist. It will help you solve problems that you may not be able to handle.

Shyness can be cute and funny, but usually it only seems so from the outside. Shyness makes life very difficult. You need to work hard on yourself to get rid of it. But it's worth starting as quickly as possible. After all, this is complex and painstaking work.

How to get rid of panic attacks? Find out the answer right now.

Shyness - a character trait or a flaw ? How to learn not to be shy? About manifestations of shyness in children in this video:

Basic values, interests

The inner world is the main wealth of introverts. The character traits of schizoids are such that they are constantly immersed in themselves. The opposite is hyperthymic, open to everything that happens around them. Closed people value their inner world very much, but they often do not care about the external world, since it seems rougher and more primitive than their own fantasies, dreams, and thoughts.

The eminent German psychologist and physician Kretschmer compared introverts to Roman villas, whose facades are very simple, the windows are closed, and rich feasts take place inside. Thanks to this colorful metaphor, he emphasized that the difference between the dull appearance of representatives of this character and their inner world is extremely great. In contrast to hyperthymia, an uncommunicative person is characterized by restraint and secrecy. It is impossible to tell from him what “feasts” are taking place in his soul.