Probably almost every person has experienced disappointment in his life. In people, in animals, in yourself... During such periods of life, you want to withdraw into yourself, not talk to anyone and not trust anyone. However, it is strictly forbidden to do this, otherwise ordinary disappointment in a person can result in real depression. What to do and how to live next is discussed in the article.
Getting wiser
Whenever a person experiences disappointment in people, it brings him a certain experience. It is thanks to the latter that wisdom accumulates. If the disappointment was more or less justified and not far-fetched, then in the future the person most likely will not allow similar situations and will not make the same mistakes. The main thing in this case is that disappointment does not become clinical. Otherwise, a person will never be able to trust people again, and this is bad. Then it will be useless to talk about wisdom and life experience, and you can only refer the disappointed person to a psychologist. True, a case can be called truly clinical if the feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction with others lasts for a long time, and not for a couple of days or weeks.
Five stages on the path from charm to maturity
Psychologists say that a person feels disappointed for as long as it takes to reorient the psyche and consciousness. Moreover, such experience is a mandatory step on the path to maturity.
How the completed process of disillusionment occurs:
First stage: charm.
When a person is CHARMED, it is as if he falls under the spell of: an idea, a hobby, another person, a profession, a new place of work. A very pleasant and necessary state, but also very short-lived.
Stage two: disappointment.
This is a process of disenchantment, when illusions collapse. The main symptoms of the second stage: loss of hope, indignation, attempts to drown out the pain with bad habits (alcoholism, drug addiction), denial. At this stage, people either “break down” or analyze the reasons for their condition. Sometimes they go to a psychotherapist for an answer.
Third stage: recovery.
Those who managed to pull themselves together and get out of a dangerous turn reach this stage. Recovery provides inspiration for creativity and frees up strength for new relationships.
Fourth stage: maturity.
During this period, a person is at the peak of his capabilities. He becomes the Master, not the Victim: he builds comfortable relationships with others, stops complaining, and feels gratitude for any opportunities.
Fifth stage: satisfaction.
This is the satisfaction of being able to pull yourself together and enter a new stage of life. This is the pleasure that an old problem has been solved and no longer bothers you. In general, people who reach this stage become kinder. Perhaps it comes from wisdom.
This is such an interesting transformation. But to pass it, you will have to work on yourself.
Why is this happening
Disappointment in people can occur for many reasons. The most common ones are listed below:
- Betrayal. When a person betrays, it hurts. And this leads to disappointment. And it’s good if only that same traitor becomes the “object of dislike,” otherwise the idea that all people are bastards and that no one can be trusted may creep in. It all depends on the scale of human meanness.
- Treason. This is the same betrayal, but due to the fact that it is committed not just by an acquaintance, but by a loved one, people react to betrayal more violently. Most often, they are disappointed in potential “soul mates” and then are afraid to start a relationship.
- Lie. Lies, especially large ones, are perceived, again, as betrayal. There is a difference, of course, but the meaning is the same: we understand that we have been deceived for a long time, we become disappointed in a particular person, and then, perhaps, we stop trusting people altogether.
- Unjustified expectations. This is the most basic reason; all of the above and many more come from her. Any disappointment occurs because a person hopes for something too much. He builds (in his head) illusions that arose not from the real state of affairs, but from his own imagination, so it is not surprising that they fall apart like a house of cards, leaving the dreamer with nothing.
Important Steps on the Path to Healing
The feeling of disappointment is devastating and instills uncertainty. It leads to many negative consequences, from loss of trust to awareness of the meaninglessness of life as such.
A person feels depressed, helpless, abandoned, unnecessary. He loses hope and faith and becomes a pessimist.
The fact that a loved one turns out to be different is regarded as betrayal and deception.
You forgave, believed, hoped, but nothing changed - and finally, your eyes were opened. Remember four important things:
1. Firstly, disappointment in one person, even very strong and painful, cannot affect your entire life.
Fight your anger, resist the surging depression, but don’t let yourself be drowned.
Crying and worrying are allowed; for some, tears help to let go of the situation.
Chat with friends, look for new hobbies, dance, hit a punching bag - any means are good when you need a distraction.
2. Secondly, revenge is the worst way out of the situation. Pain for pain, an eye for an eye - this is all unproductive nonsense that will only worsen your internal conflict.
3. Third, disappointment can be useful and sobering. It gives a lesson in life psychology .
Next time, you will not blindly trust the first impression; you will be more careful in opening your heart. Or maybe you decide to get rid of illusions forever and learn to evaluate people realistically?
4. Fourthly, you most likely noticed for a long time that something was wrong with this person. You had doubts, suspicions, but you tried to ignore them.
There were a million prerequisites for his final bad act, which became a critical point. Therefore, this is also your fault.
This is normal, we prefer not to notice what is unpleasant to us. Like little children believing in Santa Claus, we hope for a miracle: maybe it just seemed like it?
But now you have to admit that the chosen one is far from ideal, has a hundred minuses and unacceptable qualities.
Getting sober is unpleasant, you'll get a bad hangover, and you don't have to fight it alone.
How to deal with disappointment
After yet another exposure of human vices, unseemly acts and other unpleasant situations, a completely understandable question comes to mind: how to survive disappointment in people? It seems that everyone around you is exactly like the person who did not live up to your expectations. In reality, this is, of course, not the case. The only way to survive any disappointment, including in people, is to understand, forgive and come to terms with the idea that there is no one/nothing ideal on Earth. There is no way without this. Only realizing the futility of trying to find a person without a single flaw can help get rid of disappointment now and prevent similar situations from happening in the future. However, the latter is discussed in more detail below.
How to live after being disappointed in a friend
The more hopes we place on friends and loved ones, the greater the disappointment when they are not met.
And this is the whole root of evil: like a young dreamer, you first look at the world through rose-colored glasses, and then abruptly pull them off - and everything around seems gray and dull.
Perhaps you expected too much from your partner or girlfriend, setting the bar high to achieve the mythical ideal of a relationship?
Disappointed in your loved one, realizing that he is far from a fairy-tale prince, you are ready to withdraw into yourself and break all ties.
Stop: are you in no hurry? Sometimes, when you shake off the glitter and sequins from your fictitious ideal image, you can find a completely normal person underneath.
With complexes and vices, with an army of cockroaches, nervous tics and bad habits - but his own, beloved and dear.
Think about the reasons for this feeling - are they so serious? Of course, if the guy turns out to be a maniac, an alcoholic and a fighter, you should end all relationships and forget about him as soon as possible.
But you will be surprised: some ladies are disappointed in their life partners because they express themselves illiterately, fold their underwear sloppily, or smell bad after the gym.
A frank conversation helps: explain to the person who caused you pain by his actions. What if he repents and is ready to become an ideal for the sake of your relationship?
If the disappointment is too great, the best thing you can do is forgive. Try to take this new experience as a life lesson.
Thank fate for making you stronger. And continue to believe in people - they know how to pleasantly surprise.
How to avoid being disappointed in people in the future
The tips below will help you learn how to avoid feeling dissatisfied with unfulfilled expectations from people.
- First, you should stop idealizing others. It is impossible to find a perfect person, so you shouldn’t even try.
- Secondly, you need to become tolerant of other people's opinions and thoughts. To be disappointed in a person just because of his musical, political or other preferences is stupid.
- Thirdly, you need to try to forget about the person who disappointed you and not judge other people by him. If only because there are simply no absolutely identical people.
- Fourthly, you cannot see everyone around you as an enemy. After disappointment, it seems as if everyone around is bad, but this is not so.
- Fifth, you need to listen to other people. Then in the future there will be no disagreements and shouts from the “rival” in the style: “I already told you about something, what are your complaints?!” and so on.
- Sixthly, you cannot place high hopes on people. The less you expect something from a person, the less likely you are to be disappointed in the future. Treat others the way they deserve and don't expect anything from them.
What is disappointment
Disappointment is a negative emotional state that is manifested by dissatisfaction and a tendency to worry about unfulfilled dreams, aspirations or hopes, as well as a collapse of faith in something or someone.
It occurs after a situation in which a person loses his “rose-colored glasses” and faces reality. It appears when a carefully planned or even idealized result turns out to be unattainable and at one moment all illusions collapse. We can say that disappointment is the other side of hope. Disenchantment is the logical, final stage of charm. If the first is accompanied by joyful euphoria, pleasure or an intoxicating state of consciousness, then the second is impossible without sadness, anger, and emptiness. Disappointment is considered one of the most complex emotional states when a person simultaneously experiences sadness, anger, and resentment. How energy-consuming it can be is shown by the epithets for the word “disappointment”: hopeless, painful, unbearable or even murderous.
A few facts to help you better understand disappointment:
- This is one of the configurations of frustration - a state in which a person realizes the impossibility of achieving what he wants and experiences anger, despair, and anxiety about this.
- Depending on the strength of emotions, it has a wide scale of gradations from “well, okay” to “a complete bummer!”
- If you immerse yourself in it for too long, it can become a personality trait.
- Looking frustrated is trying to be in charge. It is always a question of power and submission.
- This is not an innate, but a culturally learned egocentric emotion. More often used as a reproach or justification for one’s inaction. Less often - for decoration or to attract attention.
- It always contains the image of another “bad” person, therefore it divides and puts barriers between people.
- A disappointed person loses hope and support in life. Therefore, this condition is physically associated with problems with the spine, a feeling of heaviness in the head and arms. If regret accumulates over the years, it literally prevents you from taking a deep breath and leads to lung problems (tuberculosis, for example).
Statuses and statements about disappointment in people
Everyone sometimes wants to show their pain. Then statuses about disappointment in people can be very useful, so that, without complaining to everyone you meet, you can still tell others about what is going on in your soul. Another reason for using them is to turn a situation into a joke or look at it with a new perspective. What primarily helps with this is not ordinary statuses, but wise statements about disappointment in a person. They will not only help you cope with pain, but also think about the future in which you can avoid making such mistakes.
- A dog is man's best friend. He will not betray, will not let you down, will support you in difficult times and will never disappoint.
- Ah, the wedding. Women marry out of curiosity, and men marry out of boredom. The end result is that both sides are severely disappointed.
- The more disappointments you experience in life, the less you believe in the existence of worthy people.
- The main thing is to never expect anything from others. And then you won’t have to experience disappointment in people.
- It's not loneliness that attracts me. I just don’t want to get to know someone again so as not to experience another disappointment.
- There is a beauty in not loving anyone. You don't feel disappointed.
So, now that you know a little more about this feeling, you can avoid it in the future. Treat people more simply - and life will become easier.
How to overcome disappointment with minimal losses
Unofficial statistics among psychotherapists show that disappointment in life is behind the majority of client requests. Of course, in most cases we are disappointed in love relationships. But not only. This state is often associated with career, loss of an old point of view, or getting rid of illusions. In some cases it is experienced as a difficult moment, in others – as a long psychological process.
Waiting for it to “go away on its own” is useless. But you can use a ready-made strategy and move on.
Feel all the painful emotions.
It is necessary to become aware of your emotional reaction, even if it is traumatic. If you don’t admit it, disappointment will become more and more powerful over time and can lead to depression.
Give yourself time to grieve.
To get rid of negativity, you need to live it “to the very bottom.” You shouldn’t blame, beat yourself up, or pretend that nothing is happening. It’s better to set aside a day or a week (depending on the strength of your emotions) and worry to your heart’s content.
Understand your expectations in a specific situation.
For example, disappointment in a person could occur due to inflated standards - for him or for himself. Or because of too active idealization of a partner.
Give yourself time to recover.
Think about what would be the best solution to the situation for you? What lessons can you learn from it? This way you will be able to understand that such a state is not the end, but only a period of life.
Switch to a resource activity.
It will be more useful if it is creativity. Anything, as long as it gives energy and leaves joy. Additional strength will be useful in order to return to your goals and move on.
Conclusions:
- Disappointment is an experience that comes after facing reality.
- It becomes a resourceful state in situations where you need to slow down, reconsider your views on life, get rid of illusions, gain spiritual experience, accumulate potential, find harmony and calm.
- It's part of life. You'll just have to come to terms with it.
Requests for help Write your story Hello. I'm 16. My name doesn't matter, and I'm thinking about suicide. I was disappointed in people, in society and in the world. I'm desperate. I live with my grandmother, my mother is far away and sometimes drinks. If he drinks, he drinks for weeks. This makes me very sad. I swore that I would never drink. Now I'm in 9th grade, I'm studying well and I'm afraid of not passing the exams. This adds fuel to the fire. If I don't pass, I don't see any point in continuing to live. I am complex and not very sociable. But there are friends. I am very receptive and naive. I had a close friend who supported me and talked me out of suicide. We went through a lot together, but not so long ago he left me. This also played a role. I am an analytical person, I read books. But I don’t find answers there either. I don’t see the point in living, it seems to me that no one needs me. And if you think about it, why live? I am very tired now, what will happen next?? I'm afraid to act, I'm afraid of being judged by people. I'm afraid to live. What is a sense of life? To suffer? Fight? Ahhhh I can't take it anymore. Tell me what to do.. Help.
I want to regain confidence in life. , age: 16 / 02/01/2019
Responses:
Hello. Darling, but in life, besides struggle and suffering, there is something else - happiness, love, attention, care, motherhood, joy, etc. Don't focus only on the negative. You study well, which means the exams will go well, the main thing here is to cope with your nerves. With age, you will liberate yourself, become more sociable, more independent, and you will find the meaning of life. Some people dream of their own home, some of a big family, some of travel, some of helping others. I am sure that you also have your own goals and plans. And why suicide?! Nothing is possible from the grave. I wish you health, success and faith in the best!
Irina, age: 31 / 02/02/2019
Hello, honey! I read your letter carefully, your cry for help, and I really want to talk to you. I’m many years old now, but once I was young like you, and all the grandmothers seemed so old and... boring! My classmates seemed stupid and uninteresting, life seemed to be going on empty... My girl, believe me, this happens to everyone! But life, it is multifaceted, multifaceted! Now you can’t even imagine HOW MUCH good, bright, happy things will happen ahead! You are still very young and it is a characteristic of youth to be dissatisfied with everything. This happens to everyone! You don’t have to wait for something magical, you have to try to find joy in the little things. Do a great cleaning in the apartment, put flowers in a vase, buy something tasty - mom will be surprised! Learn a lesson for five, let everyone in the class gasp. Buy a feeder and pour the birds' lunch into it every day. Make someone else happy and then happiness will come to you too. If you, my girl, knew HOW MANY hopelessly ill teenagers would be incredibly happy to have everything you have... But, alas, they no longer have anything to hope for, however, they value every new day, every hour they live... Maybe you Now you’ll say: what do I care about everyone else when ME, exactly ME, feels so bad?! But in reality you are lucky, you just don’t know it. You may not know how to be happy, but you can learn! I hug you tightly! Please live! And you will have everything!
Clear sunshine, age: 57 / 02/02/2019
Hey, don't be upset, sunshine! Please don't think about such a word as "suicide." I understand you and even very much. I myself am 17 years old, the same age as you) But I’m in the 11th grade, you and I have similar problems, only I have the Unified State Examination. I took the State Exam, and I can calmly tell you that you will succeed. After you pass the exams, you will draw conclusions for yourself that the ordinary test that you always wrote at school is even more difficult than the State Examination Test. My advice to you is to leave after 9th grade. I regret not leaving. You are a smart girl! Try to calm down, bunny. This world is cruel and unfair, we are not able to change it, we just need to be stronger and move on.
Zara, age: 17 / 02/02/2019
Hello, it seems to me that your answers to the question what is the meaning of life are not very suitable, as I personally understood, the point is to make mistakes, but always look for a solution to this mistake, but in no case is the solution “suicide”, this the lot of very weak people. Of course, you may think, “This person, unknown to me, writes the same thing that many others write on this site,” but I believe in every person and believe that everyone has the strength to overcome any failure in this world. I’ll tell you a little about myself, I’m not far behind you in age (I’m 19) and I remember the same experiences about GIA. My parents told me, “You’re the worst student in your class, the algebra teacher is complaining about you,” etc., I actually skipped school (because I realized that it’s not scary and maximum teachers can write in my diary “Calling Parents”), yes and I was not good at algebra. And on the day of the algebra exam, I saw the assignments and thought, “Are you serious?” There were not very difficult problems and examples. Of course, according to the result, I received a C, but as a person who gave up on studying, it suited me. I won’t write about the other subjects; even a fifth grader can handle them with a C grade. So this is what I mean, if you study well, then don’t even dare worry about these exams, just maintain your knowledge, but don’t “force” yourself with it. Regarding friends... I had a lot of them and very few left, but maybe that’s just the kind of person I am, people turned away from me the same way, but I take it calmly, the main thing is that I myself don’t do anything bad to them, which means I have to worry Nothing, remember, this is very important in life. And as for a close friend... It means you were not so close to him, this often happens, unfortunately, it’s not for nothing that they say “You need to choose your friends carefully,” but this is all experience and your own mistakes. Sorry, but about parents, I can’t say much... We don’t choose them, that’s a fact, but life shouldn’t end because of them, try talking to her about it. Let the idea settle in her head and then everything might work out (I’m not talking about a 100% probability, in this world there are few things that have a 100% probability, especially in communication with a person, but the chance itself is there and that’s the main thing). I hope you read my message, and even more I hope that what I wrote will be useful to you, thank you and all the best ^^
Rosan, age: 19 / 02/02/2019
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