Is it possible to learn to protect yourself if you are easily vulnerable and remind yourself of a reed in the wind? How to stop being weak and become more confident in yourself?
This article is not a collection of useful tips from the “How to become stronger in ten days” series. There are no ready-made recipes in it that will turn you from a sheep into a lioness.
There is no such recipe. Universal recommendations that fill the Internet are suitable for everyone - and no one. They don't take into account the main thing - your personal history of struggling with your own weakness.
What does "weak character" mean?
The problem must be solved with open eyes. And this means that you need to deal with the phenomenon that prevents you from developing in your personal life, business and other areas.
It is believed that a weak character is:
- timid;
- indecisive;
- modest;
- fearful.
In fact, this is not entirely true. Even timid, quiet individuals are capable of action. And what a one! A quiet husband, for example, is able to fight for his betrothed with any rival, showing miracles of perseverance and perseverance. Weakness lies in the inability to develop one's own opinion and follow it. Probably the best synonym for this word is the term “slave.” And this allows you to look at the problem from a different perspective.
Request for help
Asking for help is just as difficult as apologizing. These points are inextricably linked. The request forces the person to admit that he does not know how to deal with the problem. However, if we have done something wrong, it is worth asking for help from those who can guide us.
It's all a matter of who to contact with a question. If you want to get pragmatic advice, contact a professional. But if you're just having doubts, talk to a loved one who will listen to your story. Perhaps together you will find a solution.
Asking for help means not being afraid of your shortcomings. Therefore, if you don’t know what to do, ask. You don’t have to follow every piece of advice, just look at the problem through someone else’s eyes.
Signs of a weak character
Unfortunately, lack of will does not depend on gender, age or race. Men and women can have this characteristic equally. Signs of weakness include the following:
- Inability to make decisions.
- Uncontrollability of emotions.
- Inability to hold the interlocutor's attention.
- Timidity.
- Tendency to complain.
- Envy.
- Lack of personal opinion on important issues.
- Blind imitation of authority.
We have provided only the most superficial characteristics. Moreover, a man more often masks an internal problem with external brutality. For example, he is rude if a wave of shyness rises inside. A woman tends to accept her shortcomings as they are.
Freedom and responsibility
This is what Konstantin Raikin once said about freedom:
“External freedom implies a lot of “don’ts” inside: you can’t steal, you can’t be rude. And not because someone forbade it, but because you yourself decided so.”
Only a strong personality can be free, because freedom implies discipline and commitment. You need to constantly remind yourself of what you can and cannot do. I agree, this is paradoxical, but is it possible to be free, for example, from civil or parental responsibility?
If you want to be free, decide what obligations you follow, what your principles are, what values you adhere to. Weak individuals do not do this; they succumb to the influence of the outside world and call freedom what they chose for them.
In other words, to become free, you must obey your values.
The inner meaning of weakness
So far we have determined how this quality manifests itself in society. But for the development of personality, it is more important why a person behaves in this particular way. If a weak will had a positive impact on life, no one would wonder how to strengthen it and strengthen character. To find a way to solve a problem, you need to understand what is happening in a person’s soul.
- Weakness is often congenital. A person is born with a predetermined set of qualities. They are given to the individual for development. For example, every newborn is not capable of counting, writing, driving, or preparing food for her husband and children. This needs to be learned. This is how a citizen develops. Along with learning skills and rules of behavior, we simultaneously develop the soul. That is, we improve an innate set of qualities.
- Some people are given talent, it should be identified and developed. Others receive from the Lord (the Higher Powers or the Universe) the ability to teach, draw batik, build sand castles, and so on. And each of us must understand where to move and then begin to develop. Moreover, the more problems along this path, the stronger the personality becomes, if it does not break, of course.
- In this sense, weak character is a huge gift. Its presence means that a person is endowed with great potential for development. There is also bad news for such people: you cannot leave the problem without a solution. Otherwise you will never understand the true meaning of happiness.
- The task of a weak-willed person is to overcome the problem and become strong. By the way, if a lady has a weak husband, she needs to help him. After all, a man’s condition depends on female energy. But the opposite is not true. The husband is not able to cope with the weak will of his wife. She will have to work on her own.
Sincerity
In 2004, Frank Warren printed out 3,000 blank postcards and distributed them to passersby, asking them to share any secret they had. He didn’t have much hope for success, but within a week he received more than a hundred completed postcards. Today their number has exceeded a million, and Frank himself became the founder of the Postal Secret project, where people continue to send postcards with secret confessions.
People strive to be sincere. They want to share their experiences and fears, but don't know how. And when they find a suitable way, they gain a little peace of mind. After all, this is how they understand what needs to be fought. For example, here is the text of one of the postcards that came to Warren:
“I am a firefighter by profession, and I am afraid that the day will come when I will not be as brave as I should be.”
You don't have to shout your secrets out loud. First, admit to yourself the reason for your worries, and only then look for someone to share with.
You will be surprised to learn how many problems can be avoided if you decide to be sincere in time.
How to overcome yourself?
At first it will seem that it is impossible to get rid of timidity, envy and other qualities listed above. If you limit yourself to one or two days, then really nothing will come of it.
You should be prepared to work for a long time. And first of all, understand that no one will do it for you. The husband or wife in this case is not a support. Relatives can only provide moral encouragement at the first stage.
There are several points to pay attention to. Weakness is a special quality. It does not always manifest itself in the manner described above. Its most important characteristics:
- lack of opinion;
- statement.
These qualities manifest themselves in various ways. For example, if the husband suggests going on a hike and describes the delights of hiking, the wife happily agrees. She simply does not understand what difficulties lie ahead. She can’t decide whether she wants to walk in the mountains. But this is not weak character yet. Now, if the husband cools down, when the girl has already purchased equipment and chosen the route, comes up with a different plan, and she again follows his lead - it’s worth thinking about. This is a clear manifestation of a lack of personal opinion.
Five Research Questions
We do not like ourselves to be weak and powerless. At these moments we become disgusted with ourselves. But let's try to look our weakness in the face as an experiment. Find out more about her. Without this, we cannot understand how to get along with her.
To make your work more effective, answer questions one at a time, without looking ahead. Answers can be written down in a notepad.
Imagine a typical situation of weakness for you. A colleague forced extra work on you, but you couldn’t refuse. A friend forced you to sacrifice your interests in her favor, and you were unable to say “no” in time. Mom called at the wrong time, and you didn’t have the courage to interrupt her.
You trudge home sadly, think about hot tea and feel like a wuss. “Why am I so weak? - you ask yourself. – Was it really impossible to show character? A rag, a coward, weak-willed!
Wait, let's take a break. Try to understand how you feel when you tell yourself these unpleasant things about you. Anger, anger, humiliation, sadness - this is what my clients usually say.
Imagine using these words to scold a small child in front of you. The child cries and covers his face. He is hurt and offended. What would you say to the offender? How would you console a child?
Why do you think you treat yourself so harshly, why do you scold the child who lives inside you and sometimes makes mistakes?
Whose face appears before your eyes when you imagine yourself in the place of this child? From whom did you hear these derogatory accusations?
How fair do you think these accusations were? How fair are the accusations that you make against yourself? How would you defend yourself if you were your own lawyer?
Take your time and complete the experiment. Support yourself. Tell yourself that you are good and deserve warmth and love.
Developing a plan
It is proposed to work in stages:
- The first step is the most important one. It is necessary to analyze your reactions, then write down manifestations of a weak character. You can focus on the above signs. However, it should be understood that manifestations are not limited to them.
- The second stage is more difficult. It's a good idea to ask your friends to tell you how they perceive your personality. At this step it is worth relying on loved ones. A woman should listen to what her husband thinks about this and vice versa. Based on the results of your work, adjust the list of manifestations.
- The third stage is the actual development of an action plan. Each shortcoming will have to be dealt with separately. Below are the methods recommended by psychologists, as well as those suggested by the experience of people involved in solving such problems.
- The last stage is work. Don't limit your time. Also, don't stress. Do “exercises” by playing like children. Take failures and successes lightly. Know that every person came into this world to be happy. This applies to the weak-willed too. Decide to develop, put happiness at the forefront. Willpower will come if you don't give up. It is important to understand that a woman is also given a husband for internal work on creating happiness. If his will is at zero, he needs to be encouraged and guided. But the husband is not able to help his wife.
What are the characteristics of a tough character?
A good disposition cannot be considered a flaw. Such people are open, easy to communicate and liked by others. They are loved and appreciated, but they also use their gentleness to achieve their own goals. For this reason, those who have a soft character want to become tougher. Without this, it is difficult to achieve success in life and work.
Tough (solid) character is understood as the ability to achieve goals, overcome life's difficulties and defend beliefs. A person with a strong character shows courage and leadership qualities in any situation.
The main signs of a strong character include:
- the ability to think rationally and concentrate on meaningful and useful things;
- the ability to abstract from emotions, not lose composure and navigate difficult situations;
- knowledge of how to put a person in his place in a dispute;
- the ability to defend one’s point of view and protect oneself, loved ones, and friends;
- willingness to take responsibility for your actions and your life;
- composure, endurance and willpower.
Typically, toughness of character is formed when a person finds himself in difficult life situations and is forced to fight. Self-development expert Brian Tracy believes that such circumstances develop a person's psychological resilience and a kind of immunity to difficulties. A person with a strong character continues to move towards the goal, despite psychological discomfort and difficulties that arise.
Author of the book “Grit of Character. How to develop the main quality of successful people" Angela Duckworth considers strength of character to be a useful property. It helps a person in various life situations:
- in conflicts at work;
- disputes and disagreements in which it is vitally important to defend your point of view;
- stressful situations and emergencies.
In such cases, it is important to turn off emotions, quickly find your bearings and make the best decision.
A tough character is useful, but it has its downsides. The main ones:
- emotional stinginess;
- lack of tolerance towards others;
- egocentrism;
- ruthlessness.
Many people associate strong character with cruelty and inaccessibility. People may consider you ruthless even before meeting you in person.
How to Toughen Up and Build Character: Pexels
What weaknesses do girls have in relation to guys?
- Women's main weaknesses in sex are romance and tenderness.
For example, beautiful, sensual foreplay is liked by the vast majority of beautiful ladies. Another female weakness in bed is compliments, enthusiastic epithets with which a man describes her appearance. Many young ladies literally melt when they hear how seductive, exciting, and desirable they are.
- In a man's appearance
An extremely common female weakness is strong male arms with clearly defined veins. Seeing them, the girl already imagines herself in the strong arms of a guy. In addition to hands, female weaknesses and popular triggers in male appearance are: a clearly defined strong-willed chin, strong abs, elastic buttocks and broad male shoulders.
- In everyday life
On an everyday level, women are attracted to men's ability to quickly solve problems that arise. Let me give you an example: your kettle burned down. While the girl sits and worries about the breakdown, the guy will already google several successful replacement models and find out the addresses of stores where they can be bought.
