Limiting beliefs: what they are, a list of examples and how to remove them

It happens that we really want something. So much so that they are ready to jump out of their pants at the mere thought of it. And everyone seems to say that true desires should come true, but they all do not come true. What's the problem then? Most likely in the negative beliefs that are in our head. They are firmly lodged inside and pulling back. How to detect these installations? What are they? Read the article to find out the answers to these questions.

Concept

The word “belief” itself means the quality of a worldview that gives a person confidence in his own views, knowledge and assessment of reality. In simple words, it is what we are confident about, our strong opinion about something.

As a rule, having some kind of belief, we do not seek to subject it to analysis and logic, since it came to us from people significant to us or appeared in the process of important personal experience. Conventionally, if we heard from our parents from the cradle that honest money comes only with sweat and blood, this belief will accompany us all our lives, unless we make a strong-willed decision to change something in ourselves.

A little later we will look at many similar examples that can be called limiting beliefs. Why limiting? Because they prevent us from creating what we want in our lives. They limit our thinking, make it narrow, put it in a box.

A person who has the attitude given in the example above will think that all honest people are necessarily hard workers with meager wages, and those who live in abundance will certainly steal. And perhaps such a person will mentally desire wealth for himself, but at the same time his subconscious will begin to blink the red light “money = evil.” And who wants to be bad? Thus, a negative belief will not allow you to earn more money, count on the best, or develop financially.

I hasten to reassure you. Every person has limiting attitudes. The only difference is that someone stays in their cocoon all their life and does not know what could be different, and someone makes efforts to change and make their life better. The choice is always yours.

Underlying theories

The following theories are considered fundamental in psychology in the area of relationships and faith:

The theory of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a term for a state of discomfort that occurs when two or more ways of thinking contradict each other. People like their thoughts and attitudes to have meaning, and they actively try to avoid the discomfort associated with cognitive incoherence. The theory of cognitive dissonance helps explain this phenomenon. Dissonance occurs when one thought contradicts or challenges another. According to the creator of the theory, Leon Festinger (1957), one of the most striking examples of dissonance is a smoker. Someone who smokes may recognize that smoking causes cancer but still choose to continue smoking. The thought and acceptance that smoking causes cancer contradicts or challenges the thought and action of smoking, thereby creating dissonance.
Theory of Reasoned Action. Belief in this case is associated with behavior. The concept was proposed by an American psychologist of the 20th century. I. Aizen. The theories of planned behavior help persuade people in a variety of fields, such as politics, health, religion, and interpersonal communication, to fine-tune messages that aim to influence someone's intentions.
Elaboration probability model. It was developed by D. Cacioppo and R. E. Petty in 1980. It is a theory of persuasion that suggests that there are 2 different ways to convince people of something, depending on how passionate they are about the topic. When people are highly motivated and have time to think about a decision, such as choosing a laptop in a store, comparing it with others, evaluating it, persuasion occurs along a central pathway in which the pros and cons of the choice are carefully weighed. However, when people are in a hurry or the decision is less important to them, they tend to be more easily persuaded in the peripheral way, that is, by features. For example, regardless of the quality, a person decided to buy a red laptop because he liked the color.
Narrative paradigm. Walter Fisher (1984) proposed this paradigm as a means of viewing human communication through a narrative lens. Fisher argued that people living across cultures, time, and space use the inherent power of storytelling to communicate, persuade, and help understand the complexities of existence. The paradigm states that all meaningful communication occurs through storytelling or reporting of events. People participate as storytellers and observers of narratives. This theory also states that stories are more persuasive than persuasive arguments.

Examples of limiting beliefs

Here you will find a far from complete list of a variety of negative attitudes in our heads that deprive us of energy and create the illusion of helplessness. It is likely that many of you will recognize your thoughts among these examples.

To make it clearer, I divided them into spheres.

About myself

This is the main category of beliefs that prevent us from living fully. The most common of them:

I am mediocrity!
Nothing ever works out for me.
I won't win anyway, there's no point in trying.
As always, I'm unlucky.
Who needs me so scary/fat/thin/crooked-armed?
I have a bad memory, imagination, etc.
I am a loser!
I am a bad mother (father, husband, wife, daughter, etc.).
After 35 years, it’s already too late to get married, have children, get a second degree.
My hands are growing out of one place.
I am an ordinary gray mouse.
I don't deserve love!
There's something wrong with me.
I have no ability to drive a car because I am inattentive.

About money

An entire dissertation could be written about financial negative attitudes and their impact on our lives. Here I will limit myself to a list of the most common beliefs:

Money spoils people.
You can't earn a lot of money honestly.
It's a shame to be rich; children in Africa are starving.
Poverty is not a vice.
Money is evil!
There were no rich people in our family, and there is no chance for me.
There is not enough money for everyone in the world.
Money can not buy happiness.
It's better to be poor, but with a clear conscience.
Wealth will not bring you any good.
We weren't rich, so there's nothing to start with.
Money causes envy, and envy causes illness.
The rich are all thieves and swindlers.
The rich have their own problems.
Money doesn't love me.
With a lot of money you will have to be wary of robbery. It's calmer without them.
Honest money is earned only through hard work.
Big money means big problems.
Spiritual people should not think about material things.
Money is dirt.
It's a shame to spend it on yourself.
You can’t take your wealth to the next world! This is not something to hoard.

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About love and relationships

Attitudes that do not allow you to build a harmonious relationship with your partner:

Relationships and marriage are a cage.
All men are “k...” (horned animals).
All women are mercantile.
Men only need one thing.
Everyone changes! You can't trust anyone.
Love only causes problems.
It’s good for me and alone.
A woman is incomplete without a man and family.
Family and children are the end of a free life.
A woman must serve her husband, regardless of personal desires and interests.
A woman always bears the burden of everything alone.
They fear smart women.
There are no real men left.
Good men are all married.
Decent girls have already disappeared, they are all completely available.
Love only remains in books and films.
She grew up without a father. I will also raise my child alone.
In relationships there are only quarrels and resentments.

About work and career

Attitudes that hinder professional development:

Without connections you can’t get anywhere now.
Only “their own” people are always promoted up the career ladder.
There are no good bosses.
The women's team is always gossipers.
At my age, they won’t get me a good job anymore.
Nobody needs my experience.
The work doesn't have to be interesting, the main thing is that you get paid.
Opening your own business is too risky! This is not for me.
My colleagues are smarter and more promising than me.
It’s better to get your stable 3 kopecks than to go into the unknown.
Initiative is punishable.
You can’t be the smartest in a team, because they don’t like people like that.
You cannot help anyone in the team, then you will definitely remain guilty.
There are a lot of young and successful people around.
The higher you climb, the more painful it is to fall.

I recommend reading our article on how to become successful.

About health

This area also has its own horror stories:

Everyone in our family was sick.
With age, the number of sores increases.
I'll never be cured.
The young people are getting sick, and what can we say about me?
They don't live long in our region.
All you have to do is go to the doctors and they will immediately find a whole bunch of diseases.
I won’t lose weight anyway, there’s no point in trying.
What's the use of meditation?! It's a waste of time.
No medicine will help me anymore.
They only take care of me when I'm not feeling well.
Healthy eating is expensive.

Other beliefs

There are many more similar negative attitudes that can be identified. For example, about friendship:

There is no such thing as female friendship.
As an adult, you no longer make friends (or it’s difficult to do so).
There are no real friends! Everyone betrays.
There is no friendship! There is only benefit.

About hobby:

This is a waste of time and money.
You can't make money from creativity.
Creating is the destiny of the chosen few.
Nobody is interested in my hobbies.
An adult does not need hobbies.

About rest:

Rest must be earned.
When I rest, I waste a lot of time.
If we are going to relax, then do it in style, and since there is no money, we continue to work.
I have no time to rest.
While I am relaxing, others are busy with useful and important things.

About life and the people around you:

Life is pain.
The world is cruel and merciless.
Life is unfair (meaningless, etc.).
All people lie.
If you don't deceive, you won't live.

Find out how to get rid of negative thoughts.

Destructive career ideas

Have you noticed how many talented, gifted individuals in your circle who know their profession well, are best versed in the material, but, alas, do not occupy leadership positions. What do you think is stopping them from succeeding? Certainly! Internal beliefs. And here is a small list of them:

To get a promotion, you need to have a higher education, but I don’t have it, so I’ll always be an ordinary employee.
Only true professionals can succeed. To be like them, I need to have three higher education degrees, defend a dissertation, take a lot of advanced training courses, and perhaps then I will begin to put my skills into practice.
Under no circumstances should you upset your family. I must go to the educational institution that my parents want and advise.
You need to try or start something when you are young. At 30, 40, or especially 50, it’s too late. Old people are not in demand anywhere.

How to identify your negative attitudes

You have probably already discovered some of your limiting beliefs thanks to the list above. I propose to go further and “get” even more useless husk from your subconscious.

We will do an exercise with you called an “explanatory note.” It will require a sheet of paper, a pen and 30 minutes of time.

Execution order:

Consider one area of your life in which you cannot achieve what you want. For example, finance.
Write the phrase in the center of the sheet: “Why I DON’T WANT to earn 3 times more.” Yes, yes, you don’t want to. Limiting beliefs are limits that you set for yourself. We will remove them.
Now, within the allotted time (you can set an alarm), write everything to justify yourself. For example: “Then my relatives and friends will constantly ask for loans,” “To earn 3 times more, you need to spend 3 times more time, I simply won’t have time to do anything else in my life, my family will suffer,” etc. .

This technique can be used for a wide variety of areas and issues. For example: “Why I don’t want to get married” (for women who supposedly cannot get married in any way). The answers may surprise you. Someone will find that they are afraid of responsibility, someone is convinced that all men are the same, that they cheat and control, and they don’t want to experience all this. And so on.

Now you have a whole list of everything that limits you and does not allow you to achieve what you want. Look carefully at your notes and ask the following questions for each statement: “Who told me this?”, “Why do I think this?” and the like.

In most cases, your mind will not even be able to rationally explain the nature of your negative conclusions. And if something comes to your mind, they say, this happened to all my girlfriends/friends, this is statistics, then rest assured that this is pure self-deception.

Common female misconception

Beliefs cover many topics. But one of the most common topics remains the topic of interpersonal relationships. Many girls say that men cannot be trusted. In ancient times this statement may have made common sense. By adhering to this idea, a woman could protect herself from extramarital affairs, which were strongly condemned by society, unplanned pregnancies, and illnesses. In addition, she could successfully marry and maintain her reputation as an unapproachable woman.

Now everyone has access to effective methods of contraception, and they look at the face of the opposite sex much more confidently.

How to work through limiting beliefs

Our brain is very plastic and easily builds new neural connections to replace old ones. This can be compared to a promotion in a store when they offer to exchange old equipment for new ones at a discount. This is how you and I will replace our previous negative beliefs with new positive ones. Over time, your brain will get used to these formulations, and you will feel how the surrounding reality begins to adapt to your new views.

Let’s continue the example we have already taken about finances, namely: “To earn many times more, I need to work many times more.” This is a limiting attitude, and we will need to replace it with a new, positive one. For example: “My level of earnings does not depend on how much time I spend at work.”

Remember that a new setup will take some getting used to. It's like shoes you just bought that are a little too narrow for your feet. They will have to be worn in and worn as often as possible. Write a positive belief on a piece of paper and hang it in a visible place so that every time your eyes are drawn to a new, unusual phrase for you.

Return to this belief every day, pronounce it as an affirmation, that is, as a positive statement for the right psychological attitude.

This way you can work with any limiting settings. Let me give you a few examples:

“There is not enough money for everyone” is replaced with “The world is abundant, it has an infinite amount of resources, and I can earn as much as I want.”
“Any of my undertakings ends in failure” - “I confidently start any business, take my mistakes calmly and forgive myself for them. Mistakes are normal, they help you grow.”
“I’m afraid to get into a relationship because I don’t want to be abandoned” - “I feel easy and comfortable in relationships. I love myself, I know how to take care of myself, and I happily allow others to love me and take care of me.”
“After the white stripe there is always a black one, and if everything is good now, it will soon become bad” - “I enjoy life here and now. I gratefully accept any changes, as they always lead me to the better.”

Definition

In the Middle Ages, in European universities, persuasion (rhetoric) was one of the main liberal arts that any educated person had to master. From the times of Imperial Rome until the Reformation, rhetoric was elevated to a fine art by preachers who used the spoken word to inspire any number of actions, such as virtuous behavior or religious pilgrimages. In the modern era, persuasion is most visible in the form of advertising.

Belief in Psychology

Political scientists and psychologists who study the process of persuasion in the field of communication studies trace the history of this discipline back to the ancient Greeks.

The heated debate between Plato and the Sophists regarding the merits and place of persuasion in society is very much alive today. Plato hated what many consider to be the dark and dubious part of the faith—greatly exaggerated statements. The Sophists, on the other hand, accepted this side of the faith, arguing for its practical basis and ubiquitous presence in everyday life.

A generation after Plato and the Sophists, Aristotle saw the merits of both schools of thought and saw rhetoric as a tool for understanding the power of persuasion. Aristotle's description of artistic proofs (ethos, logos, and pathos) defined much of the research on persuasion for a millennium after him, and these proofs are still used today. Aristotle's influence on persuasion and, indeed, on communication studies is very great.

Persuasion is also defined in psychology as a skill that requires a lot of practice to master. Understanding people's psychology helps you deliver information more effectively and have a greater impact in your personal and professional lives.

Studying this concept is essential to understanding human communication, and modern research continues to bring new ideas and concepts.

Some theorists emphasize the similarities between education and persuasion. They believe that persuasion is very similar to learning new information through informative communication.

A person's response to persuasive communication depends partly on the message and largely on how the person perceives or interprets it. Words in newspaper advertisements may be more persuasive if they are printed in red rather than black.

Negative attitudes that parents instill in their children

Almost everyone has prejudices that interfere with life in adulthood, but were formed while living with parents or relatives. Such principles are most firmly fixed in the mind, because a person has been guided by them for decades. You may recognize yourself in the following list:

my onion grief;
you are exactly like your father;
if you are not flexible, you will not communicate well with your peers;
You are so selfless, you are ready to give away everything you have.

The Importance of Visualization

To get rid of limiting beliefs, the list of which includes the topic of friendship, love, career, it is necessary to reprogram the consciousness. A visual approach is best. For example: you associate negativity with a gray, rainy day, lilac blossoms or a big storm at sea. Verbal arguments may be powerless in the face of visual symbols.

When thoughts that cause discomfort arise in your head along with association pictures, let them go and imagine only what you want.

Law of Conformity

People accept offers, products and services that receive the approval of the majority of people around them and their peers.

Speaking about the law of conformity, we can distinguish three main categories of people:

Conformists.
Nonconformists.
"Independent".

Conformists make up about 85% of all people. Conformists are interested in what others think of them, and they strive to be accepted by society. Conformists often belong to one of the broad groups or organizations that receive support and approval from society.

Catholics, Lutherans, Republicans and Democrats are examples of mass conformist groups.

When one person at a concert begins to applaud, it is almost impossible for other people not to follow suit.

Public opinion is very easy to sway. People are desperate to follow the majority. Like a sea wave, they either rush forward together, then return back. And the Master of Persuasion can take advantage of this.

Nonconformists make up about 10% of all people. They seek to rebel against social norms accepted in relatively large groups.

Nonconformists stick together. They separate themselves from the bulk of the population with its belief system. They end up establishing their own rules and regulations and thus become conformists within their group.

“Independents” tend to believe that being a conformist is bad. They rarely join together. Entrepreneurs often belong to this group. Unlike nonconformists, “independents” do not rebel against conformity: they use the standards and opinions of conformists for their own purposes.

In almost all cases of life, people try to follow generally accepted norms so that society will accept them. This is why it is so easy to whitewash people who are guided by the principle of conformity.

Law of Expectation

When a person in your authority expects you to perform a certain task or achieve a certain result, you will try to meet his expectations, whatever they may be.

In early January 1991, Israeli citizens were issued respirators to protect them from chemical weapons that could be used by Iraq. After Iraq fired ballistic missiles (January 16, 1991), dozens of Israelis went to hospitals complaining of the symptoms they were told about. These symptoms appear as a result of the action of chemical weapons. The interesting thing is that no chemical weapons were used that day. This example shows that the law of expectation has enormous power. In this case, consequences were observed that were directly opposite to the well-known “placebo effect” (a placebo is a harmless substance that imitates a drug in appearance).

The placebo effect is best illustrated with the following example. During the Korean War, thousands of people were injured. When morphine supplies ran out, the wounded were given a placebo (sweet pills, etc.) instead. Some reports show that 25% of soldiers who received a placebo experienced relief from pain, although there was no medical reason for this.

Replay the situation

Sometimes they resort to trance or in-depth study of thinking in order to return to the origins at the moment when a person formed a parting message. For example, parents often taught that those who have wealth are definitely swindlers. You should find a refutation of this principle, because even among your friends there are many individuals who managed to make a fortune with their own brilliant mind. Another example: “My mother considered all men to be crooks,” this means that she was simply unlucky to meet the one.

Law of Influence

The degree of influence of some people on others depends on the authority, strength and competence of these people in the eyes of those who experience this influence.

Doctors have great influence. Usually people take their words with great confidence. Dr. Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, does a good job of showing how much authority a doctor has in the eyes of nurses. When a doctor calls a hospital and asks them to give medicine to patients, even if it is prescribed by mistake, 95% of the nurses follow the doctor's instructions, contrary to the hospital's rules. This is the power of influence.

The auto mechanic becomes an influential person in the eyes of the consumer. The fate of the machine is in his hands, and for anyone ignorant of mechanics, his word is immutable. If he tells you that you need to adjust something, you are more likely to listen and follow his advice.

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Getting rid of destructive ideas

Sooner or later, parting words from within begin to significantly harm a person. He is content with the little he has. He loses the opportunity to move on, constrained by established boundaries. How to get rid of imaginary attitudes? The first step is to learn to notice the root of beliefs. For example: when a difficult situation arises, and you set yourself up to “I can’t”, you need to cast aside doubts and tell yourself “oh no, I will succeed.”

We should imagine the opposite of what consciousness imposes on us, trying to eradicate the negative. Of course, achieving success in a matter of days will not be possible. Sometimes it takes psychologists years to rid a person of principles that he has used for decades. Every new thought must be challenged. Who said that it is impossible to do what was planned? Why should everything happen this way and not according to another scenario? I build my own life - everything planned will happen according to my desires, any other development of events is unacceptable.

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Method from NLP: “Meta-Yes” and “Meta-No”

Simple steps can change your thinking to a positive one:

It is necessary to identify the limiting principle and rate it on a scale from 1 to 10.
Imagine it as a physical object - a tent, a stone, a billboard with an inscription.
Choose any thing to which you say a firm no. For example, would you sell your soul?
Practice saying this firm refusal without shouting.
Then return to the limiting principle to which you have given physical form and say your Meta-Net. Do this until it is far beyond the horizon.
Next, imagine the person you always say “yes” to. Mom, dad, child, husband, sister.
With your Meta-Yes, lure the positive attitude so that it comes closer.
Give this “yes” a physical meaning and fix it in your head.
Check how old the understanding is still relevant using the same scale from 1 to 10.
Repeat the above steps if necessary.