Have you ever felt like a salmon swimming against the current? It seems that you are making every effort, but indomitable forces are throwing you back. Or maybe you felt like a squirrel in a wheel, living through an endless Groundhog Day? Hard work, home routine, problems, stress. Vicious circle. No interest or motivation.
Are you tired. And they were tired not only physically, but from everything in general: from work, boss, spouse, friends, children. You are tired of life itself. It happens…
In this article we will tell you how to bring back the joy of life if everything has become boring.
Tired of everything: reasons
As a rule, the state of “everything makes me sick” occurs as a result of excessive and prolonged stress. Every minor experience requires effort to be processed, and their combined weight sometimes becomes too much for the human energy system to handle. Fatigue causes discomfort, and the mind perceives this discomfort as “everything is tired.” can be a trigger for this condition :
1
High speed rhythm of life
According to psychologist, full member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League Elena Khazratkulova, the main reason for internal exhaustion is the rapid pace of modern life [Kazakova V., 2020].
We have to juggle many tasks at the same time: complete a work project by the deadline; buy a gift for mother's anniversary; take readings of electric meters and pay rent; cure an unexpectedly diseased tooth and have your washing machine repaired. It seems like we are drowning in a sea of responsibility.
To complete the picture, add in the information overload that occurs when we are simultaneously scrolling through the news feed, responding to messages, and listening to an incredibly educational podcast about moose mating season.
Scientists confirm that multitasking reduces productivity and drains a person's energy, making you feel helpless and behind the pace of life. Psychology and behavioral neuroscience professor Daniel Levitin explains that when the brain is forced to constantly shift attention from one task to another, the prefrontal cortex and striatum very quickly burn oxygenated glucose, the fuel they need to function.
As a result of the rapid loss of nutrients, a person feels exhausted and disoriented after just a short time. Both physical and cognitive potential decreases, and the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, increases [Levitin DJ, 2015].
2
Living in accordance with the demands of society
Society puts a lot of pressure on us. By his standards, we should do well in school, get a decent profession after spending 6 years at university, get a well-paid job, start a family, buy a house, etc.
However, everyone's concept of a happy life is different. For example, a person may see great value in preserving the rainforest and dream of the hard work of planting trees somewhere in Brazil, but under pressure from society (family, friends) choose the monotonous life of an office clerk.
The conflict between the ideals imposed by society and personal values will slowly but surely exhaust such a person, ultimately leading to a state of “fed up with everything.”
3
Great loss
Loss can take many forms: the death of a loved one or beloved pet, an abrupt breakup in a relationship, or being fired from a job. Regardless of the reason for the loss, the result is usually the same: an intense feeling of emptiness, confusion and loneliness.
Each person experiences loss differently. The range of emotional, cognitive and behavioral responses can range from subtle changes to profound distress and even dysfunction.
For example, complicated grief is a syndrome that occurs in approximately 10% of bereaved people. It manifests itself as a chronic and incessant state of melancholy. It seems to such people that their life is over, and the severe mental pain that they constantly experience will never go away.
According to experts, the risk of falling into this 10% is among those who are prone to bad mood and anxiety, have experienced several serious losses and adverse life events, and are also deprived of social support.
Other factors may contribute to internal exhaustion, including:
- monotonous, stressful work that does not bring pleasure and is associated with constant stress;
- lack of proper remuneration for work, which creates a feeling of one’s own uselessness and uselessness;
- chronic lack of sleep;
- perfectionistic tendencies and a pessimistic view of the world. Research confirms that such thinking patterns make a significant contribution to the development of stress and subsequent burnout [Hill AP, Curran T., 2015; Wekenborg MK, Dawans B., Hill LK, Thayer JF, Penz M., Kirschbauma C., 2019];
To overcome exhaustion and restore balance, you need to make some adjustments in your life. We have prepared some recommendations for you.
What to do if you're tired of living?
Usually people who are tired of life compare themselves with others. Looking at those who seem to be the most purposeful and motivated, the thought may arise: “They probably have a great goal, a mission, which helps them strive forward, easily overcoming difficulties. And I’m a small person.” This is the main mistake to avoid.
Recently, numerous coaches and self-development masters have been actively encouraging everyone to set big goals for themselves in order to create something meaningful and leave a mark on the world. This concept is not only unrealistic, but can also be a source of great anxiety. According to the president of the Higher School of Methodology, psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov, modern ideology overestimates human potential. There is no individuality due to which a person creates miracles. There are circumstances that help a person do great things [Kurpatov A., 2018].
Therefore, our first advice is this: do not chase the global, but look for micro-meanings. Find a goal that inspires you and take the first step towards it. It is not necessary to be guided by a mission on a planetary scale. The goal must be meaningful enough to motivate you to take action.
For example, set a goal to stay on a diet for 1 day instead of 1 month; clean up the bedside table, and not the whole house at once; run the first 200 meters in your life, and not a 50 km ultramarathon. To ensure your life improves, you need to take small steps. This thesis is confirmed by a classic experiment by psychologists Albert Bandura and Dale Schunk.
They took children aged 7-10 years who had no interest in solving math problems. The goal of the study was to find a way to improve the academic performance of these children. The scientists divided the subjects into groups: the first group solved 6 pages of mathematical problems in each of 7 classes, the second group solved 42 pages.
As a result, children who set small goals for themselves (6 pages per day) were more motivated, faster and completed the exercises better, solving 80% of the problems correctly, but the second group completed only 40%. Interestingly, children from the first group also had higher confidence in their mathematical abilities. Small steps towards the goal not only helped them solve problems, but improved their attitude towards mathematics in general - this is an internal clock that adapts our physiology to different phases of the day with exceptional accuracy, regulates sleep patterns, eating behavior, hormone release, etc. d. [Press release. NobelPrize, 2017]. We can say that our entire body is adapted to life according to a schedule.
So think about structure. To organize your life, we recommend making daily to-do lists. For this:
- At the end of each day, write down 3 things you need to do tomorrow. Remember baby steps. You don’t need to make a list of 85 things to do right away.
- Pick the easiest thing to do and put it at the top of the list. This will mean you must complete it before lunch.
- Complete the remaining two tasks during the day.
- Be sure to make a mark as soon as you complete the task (if you wish, put a tick next to the completed task, cross it out or circle it).
Psychologist, research fellow at the Royal Society of Medicine of Great Britain, David Cohen, sees great benefit in making to-do lists and is confident that they:
- reduce anxiety about the chaos of life;
- provide an action plan;
- are proof of our achievements for a specific day, week or month [Chunn L., 2017].
Try implementing the above tools into your life, track your progress and over time you will feel relief.
And if you want to get to know yourself better, determine your values and understand the motives of your behavior, welcome to the online “Self-Knowledge” program. We have selected special tests and exercises, through which you will learn more than 50 characteristics of your personality. This will allow you to find something you like if you don’t know what to do now; gain inspiration and motivation to move through life with joy; improve social skills in both work and personal life.
“I really need your God!”
I came to his church and looked him straight in the eyes throughout the entire service - naturally, without crossing myself even once. It seemed to me that this would help him “scan” me better. I really thought that “perceptive” was like an X-ray machine. But, as I realized later, my impudent behavior infuriated the priest.
After the service, several people approached him to accompany him to his cell, where he received people. And he allowed everyone to go with him. Except me. I was terribly offended: you see, I came to be baptized, I’m ready to hear the word “God,” but they still don’t want to accept me! But he still decided to follow the “elder”. And he slammed the door right in front of me. Remembering his boxing background, I decided not to argue with him.
My indignation knew no bounds. “I really need your God!” - I decided. But I was not offended for long: the meaning of life was never found, and I continued my “tour of the elders.” There were several more unsuccessful attempts to be baptized by different priests, until the Lord led me to my future confessor.
This temple was not far from home. The same friend told me about him. I came, stood through the service with grief and stood in line for confession - as I was taught. The priest realized that the conversation would take a long time, and asked to come to him after everyone else.
What to do if you're tired of work?
A study by the international recruiting company Hays, conducted in 2021, showed that 79% of Russians experienced emotional burnout in the workplace [Grishin N., Romanova, 2018]. According to a survey by Deloitte, which provides consulting and auditing services, 77% of American employees have also experienced professional burnout. At the same time, 64% of respondents said that they often experience stress, despite the fact that they are truly passionate about their work [Fisher J., 2018].
The World Health Organization defines burnout as a syndrome resulting from chronic stress in the workplace that has not been successfully managed. International statistics are inexorable, and according to them, from 30 to 90% of working people are susceptible to the formation of emotional burnout syndrome. Employees of the penitentiary system, the education sector and medical personnel are in a special risk group [Pronicheva M.M., Bulygina V.G., Moskovskaya M.S., 2018].
What to do if you find yourself among the “lucky ones” and begin to lose interest and motivation? If you're tired of working, use our recommendations that will help you overcome emotional burnout and feel energetic again.
1
Admit you're burnt out
Honesty with yourself is the first step to recovery. Admit that you are exhausted. Most people pretend that they are in complete order, while experiencing total emptiness. Denial only makes the situation worse. The sooner you realize there is a problem, the faster you can deal with it.
2
Change your attitude towards work
If you are tired of your current job, the most effective advice in this case is to quit and find one that will satisfy you. Of course, for many people, changing jobs is not the most practical solution. Some are grateful simply to have it and be able to pay the bills. No matter what situation you are in, there are always steps you can take to improve your state of mind.
Find value in your current work. Focus on the aspects you enjoy, even if it's hanging out with co-workers over lunch. If you can’t see the positives, look for meaning and satisfaction in other areas of life: family, friends, hobbies, sports. Focus on what brings you joy.
Make friends with your colleagues. A Gallup study found that employees who have friends at work do better work, engage better customers, have higher well-being, are less likely to be injured on the job, and are 7 times more engaged at work. compared to those who are not friends with colleagues [Rath T., Harter J., 2010]. Seok-Hwi Song, Ph.D., adds that friendship in the workplace promotes a positive attitude towards work and increases productivity [Song SH., 2006].
3
Leave work at work
There is an illusion that if you stay in touch with your employer 24/7, you will become more aware and better equipped to deal with problems. But when colleagues or clients know that you are always available for work-related questions, it is impossible to completely “leave work” to relax and recharge your internal battery.
Talk to your manager about setting clear time boundaries for resolving work issues. This will significantly reduce your stress levels and help you cope with burnout.
4
Change your guidelines
Guiding principles or attitudes such as “I must do everything correctly and 150% of the time.” I shouldn't be wrong. You need to keep everything under control,” over time they become a burden and suck out the vital juices. You can read about how to overcome limiting beliefs in our articles “Strategies for Overcoming Limiting Beliefs” and “False Beliefs.” Try the following method as well.
Let's say you have the belief “I should not make mistakes at work.” Ask yourself three questions in sequence and answer them honestly, as in the example below.
Question 1: Is it possible to never make mistakes?
Answer: no (although it would be nice).
Question 2: Is this guideline useful?
Answer: no, because I concentrate too much on the details of the work so as not to make a mistake, and as a result I fall behind schedule. This makes me nervous and make more mistakes.
Question 3: Does the guiding principle contain a focus on exclusivity?
Answer: unfortunately, yes.
This kind of logic should lead you to want to rephrase the guiding principle as “I have the right to be wrong.”
The most important requirement for healing from burnout is the willingness to change your thinking. Yes, it is not easy to get rid of old views, but by practicing working with negative beliefs, you can significantly improve the quality of your life.
5
Talk to colleagues, loved ones or yourself
Asking for support is one of the strategies for overcoming burnout, which social psychologist Christina Maslach and psychology professor Michael Leiter mention in their study [Maslach C., Leiter MP, 2016].
Sometimes a short conversation with a colleague can be enough to recharge your batteries. A study conducted with call center workers showed that employees who discussed their problems with a large number of colleagues during breaks between work answered calls faster and were less nervous [Greenberg A., 2010].
Friends and family can't directly relieve your fatigue, but they can listen and provide whatever help they can. For example, your mom might bring a bag of groceries or homemade pie if she knows you've had a rough week and don't have the energy to cook dinner.
If you find it difficult to share your thoughts with others or you are afraid of burdening them, talk to yourself in the second person. According to a study by psychology professors Sanda Dolcos and Dolores Albarracin, referring to yourself as “you” increases the effectiveness of problem solving.
In their experiment, Dolcos and Albarracin asked undergraduate students to give themselves advice and encouragement before solving a series of anagram puzzles. Half of the participants were instructed to use the pronoun “I,” while the rest referred to themselves as “you.”
As a result, those students who spoke to themselves in the second person solved more anagrams, and their level of enthusiasm was higher [Dolcos SM, Albarracin D., 2014].
6
Take a time out
If you're burned out, try to take a full break from work. Go on vacation, ask for days without pay - use every opportunity to get away from chronic stress.
If you're hesitant to take time out because you have responsibilities and deadlines to meet, realize that your health comes first. Focus on yourself and, if necessary, abstract yourself not only from work, but also from those around you.
In most cases, burnout in the workplace can be avoided by being kind to yourself, being self-compassionate and loving enough to always put yourself first.
What to do if you are tired of your loved ones?
A person who is exhausted on all fronts can become tired of even the closest people. What to do if you are tired of your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends or even children? It is worth noting right away that you must choose a solution to the problem that is within your control. This means that you cannot fix another person, but must only work with your own condition.
If you feel that you have outgrown your partner or friend, make a choice: continue the relationship, accepting your loved one for who he is, or break up. This is the adult approach.
When it comes to being tired of your children, realize that they are not a project that can be quickly abandoned. Sometimes they will not respond to your proactive parenting or grow as quickly as you would like. Fatigue is almost synonymous with parenting. Here are some tips to help you regain your strength:
1
Practice self-care
Self-care can increase resilience and energy levels, making it easier to resolve problems with others. When you feel physically and emotionally healthy, it becomes easier to maintain a positive outlook and control the feelings of irritability, hopelessness and pessimism that often accompany persistent burnout.
Create a self-care plan. It may include the following items:
- sufficient sleep;
- healthly food;
- physical exercise;
- walk in nature;
- SPA day;
- breathing practices;
- at least two days off per week;
- trip “wherever you look”;
- watching your favorite movie or TV series;
- not watching toxic/negative news;
- reading;
- hot bubble bath;
- a day all alone;
- listening to music;
- solving puzzles or crosswords;
- allowing yourself to cry;
- hobby.
Create a self-care checklist with activities that resonate with you. It will help you implement the planned habits into your daily life, monitor their compliance, track your progress and, if necessary, revise your plan.
2
Be in love
This advice should not be taken literally. If you decide to fall in love again, great, but you can also practice loving what you already have: sports, music, hobbies, food, etc. In this case, by love we need to understand: attention (showing interest, focusing on the object of love), affection (expression of positive emotions), action (direct manifestation of love).
For example, if you love to cook, you will: choose the ingredients for a dish carefully (attention), do it with a good attitude (affection), strive to make cooking a priority in your life (action).
When a person is passionate about what they do, they naturally fall into a state of flow. According to research, a state of flow leads to the highest quality experiences and provides the opportunity to experience an inspired sense of control, ease, satisfaction, merging action and awareness.
As the outstanding psychiatrist and teacher Carl Jung said: “Remember what you did as a child that made the hours pass like minutes. This is the key to your earthly quest."
3
Find a relaxation strategy that suits you
Science has long proven that relaxation techniques demonstrate amazing health benefits: counteracting the effects of stress and hyperactivity by increasing the growth of parts of the brain that regulate cognitive and executive functions, emotions and self-control; increase immunity; reduce cardiovascular problems [Goleman D., 1986].
You can choose any relaxation method that suits you. We recommend paying attention to yoga nidra. This is a simple practice of deep relaxation, which is aimed at scanning your own body with your inner gaze and moving into a state of relaxed consciousness.
In 2002, scientists proved that a yoga nidra session increases the production of dopamine (the feel-good neurotransmitter) by 65%. And a study conducted in 2021 by neuroscientists from Brazil and Thailand showed that yoga nidra is an effective tool for reducing both cognitive and physiological symptoms of anxiety [Ferreira-Vorkapic C., Borba-Pinheiro, C.J., Marchioro M., Santana D., 2018].
It affects the autonomic nervous system, which regulates processes that occur without conscious human effort (heartbeat, breathing, digestion, blood flow) and is divided into the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Yoga Nidra helps calm the sympathetic part, which is responsible for arousal and the fight-or-flight response, and activates the parasympathetic part, which is responsible for calming.
The online program “Mental Self-Regulation” will also help you cope with stress. It contains scientifically proven techniques for managing mental state and is suitable for anyone who is experiencing severe stress due to work or problems in their personal life; has poor control over emotions and, as a result, has difficult relationships with others; worries about any reason; has difficulty withstanding failure and is prone to apathy.
Everyone can experience the state of “tired of everything”: from a diligent worker working hard for the benefit of the organization, to a diligent housewife who takes care of children, domestic comfort and aging parents. Friends, if you are tired of everything, slow down. Learn to relax and understand that self-love is the first thing on your to-do list if you want to find happiness.
Good luck!
And don't forget to take part in the survey:
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- How to Prevent Stress and Depression from Tony Robbins
- What is Internet addiction and how to deal with it
- Ways to Increase Self-Awareness
- 7 Scientific Ways to Take Effective Breaks
- Emotions and health: how they are interconnected
- Cumulative stress theory
- Habits that drain energy
- How to avoid burnout
- Where to get vitality when there is none?
- Habits that kill stress
Key words: 1Psychoregulation, 1Self-knowledge
“The attack of pain lasted four hours”
I asked a lot why they drink. Someone says: “I feel happy when I get drunk,” “I become brave, I can meet women.” That is, in alcohol, people find, as it seems to them, the easiest way to become happy.
Living on the street, a homeless person works 3–4 days a month and drinks the rest of the time. But in our community, it’s rather the opposite. But although drunkenness and idleness are prohibited in our country, we cannot force anyone to stop drinking if our wards do not want it themselves.
As terrible as it may sound, alcohol is a part of their life that they do not want to give up. This is their passion. Like someone has a passion for gluttony, a passion for money, a lustful passion. We are all prisoners of our passions.
I’m not an alcoholic or a drug addict, but I understand them perfectly. I also can’t resist doing what I can’t do. One day we were given several tons of Seven-Up. And I liked it so much that I bought myself a special refrigerator for it - I had to break the doorways to get it in! - and turned off the Seven-Up in liters. They told me: this is harmful. “Seven-Up” can’t be harmful, it’s delicious!” - I answered. And then I had a terrible attack. My stomach hurt, but I refused to understand that my unhealthy passion for soda was to blame. And after waiting for the pain to go away, he drank his favorite potion again. The new attack lasted four hours - even the ambulance did not help. Only after these torments did I stop drinking Seven-Up. Although I still didn’t have enough for a long time.
That's how it is with homeless people with alcohol. You want the forbidden fruit so much that you don't care. But some are saved—in the literal sense of the word—by disability. After all, if they continue to drink, another limb will be amputated or another stroke will occur. The sense of self-preservation kicks in—it sounds crazy, but it’s effective.
