Why life doesn't work out
Every person in life wants to be happy, and let everyone have their own happiness, but everyone internally strives for it all the time. So why do some people’s dreams become reality, while others’ lives fail in basic things, not to mention the realization of something more?
There can be many reasons - ignorance of your true desires, incorrect goal setting, lack of discipline... Yes, a lot of things. But no matter what famous coaches say, the main reason why a person’s life does not work out is that a person does not know God within himself. And let the religious fanatics relax now. This does not mean that a person does not go to church, does not follow religion... You can go to church, observe external rituals, but not know God in your heart.
When I write “knowing God within,” I mean that inner sense of connection between you and God that you live or don’t live with every day. The extent to which a person feels the presence of God in his life, the extent to which he knows God within himself. Why is this so important?
When a person does not feel his connection with God, rejects him or simply does not think about him, then in the depths of his soul he lives a lonely life where there is no helper. A person wanders around the world like a homeless child, feeling in his depths hopeless loneliness and fear.
These feelings push people to live with unloved people, so that at least someone will be nearby and distract them from the feeling of loneliness. To escape into the illusory world through drugs or alcohol. Every time a person tries to escape into illusion, to escape from life, this only means that in his soul and heart he does not know God.
Connection with God, complete trust in him through those life situations and people that he sends into life - this is the key to a well-ordered life. Feeling like the master of life, who takes from life only what he needs, a person loses sight of the signs and messages that God sends. He runs past the right people who could enrich his life with happiness and new life experiences, because... they do not correspond to his attitudes. He destroys the opportunities that God sends him out of his convictions that he “deserves better” and chases an illusory better future.
So many people miss the chances and opportunities in life that God sent them, and are left with nothing.
That’s why it’s so important to work with your unproductive beliefs and change your life attitudes to more effective ones. And also, in the morning, open your heart to God every day with trust and prayer, so that he will guide and help you walk along your life path with faith and acceptance of everything that he sends.
“The most serious problems of modern man arise from the fact that he has lost the sense of meaningful cooperation with God in his purpose for humanity.”
Fedor Dostoevsky.
How to deal with it
Periodic troubles happen to everyone, the problem becomes serious when one-time cases become natural, and then generally turn into a way of life. At the moment when a person independently hangs the label of a loser around his neck, it is already very difficult to fight the emerging tendency, and the sufferer himself does not want to make any effort, because he is already accustomed to living as before. It is best to think about changing the strategy of your behavior already at the initial stages, when one-time failures begin to add up to a streak of bad luck.
Since the main reason for the transformation of events into negative ones is a person’s worldview, his assessment of not only current events, but also the world, then it is necessary to start by changing one’s point of view. A positive attitude cannot be taken from scratch and applied to your entire life in seconds - it is a kind of spiritual or psychological practice, a skill that has been developed over the years. A person who strives for good and tries to find positive aspects in any negative situation will attract good luck. The longer you practice this life credo, the more luck you will experience in life.
You can train a positive attitude together with a psychologist, usually using the Gestalt approach or behavioral therapy, but you can also independently look for your benefit in troubles. For example, if a date falls through, then instead of an evening of self-flagellation, you can see this as an opportunity to meet with friends or do additional freelancing, and perhaps devote time to yourself. Even the realization that you got rid of the wrong person so quickly can turn a disaster in your personal life into success. Broken things, torn tights, scratched cars should be considered as a reason for repair, improvement or radical renewal. Instead of crushing, you need to look for the advantages of your development or rebranding.
It's important to start structuring your life because failure can simply be a result of clutter and not knowing what to do in the first place. If you always have an action plan at hand, the tasks of which fit together and allow you to gradually achieve positive results, then your personal effectiveness will increase. Make time for rest so that your concentration and fresh ideas are not reduced due to simple fatigue. It is necessary to provide yourself with maximum physical comfort so as not to be distracted and not nervous about everyday problems.
Rituals that bring happiness can be a good option, and it doesn’t matter whether you use morning prayer, Simoron techniques or your own ideas from a sequence of actions - the main thing is to start performing this program. Its goal is not a magical effect on reality, but to reprogram the brain to perceive the world as friendly, caring and, as a result, bringing good luck.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Tensions in the family, loneliness, financial instability, poor living conditions, illness of a loved one, dissatisfaction with one's own appearance - anything can become a reason for self-pity.
We must admit that things don’t always work out the way we would like.
But this does not mean that you need to endlessly mourn your fate. By feeling sorry for yourself, you are wasting energy that could otherwise be used to turn your life around and change it for the better.
By reveling in the feeling of helplessness, you deprive yourself of hope.
So don’t give in to the “woe is me, woe!” attitude. Instead, try to see the good in your life. Let the glass be half full.
Then think about what you can do to solve the problem that concerns you and give yourself a better future.
Exercise:
1. Make a list of everything in your life for which you are grateful.
2. If possible, join a support group made up of people with the same reasons for feeling sorry for yourself as you. Look for a solution-oriented community where members not only share their pain, but also discuss hopes and plans.
Use envy to your advantage
Envy can be very destructive. It drains us and makes us feel deprived. In addition, it is always followed by shame: it is unpleasant for us to think that we are unable to rejoice at the successes of others.
However, envy can also motivate. It will take you far forward if, instead of lamenting and complaining about your lot, you take constructive action.
These simple steps will help you get rid of a negative attitude and channel envy in the right direction.
1. Try to find out as much as possible about the person you envy.
Try to communicate with this person more often. Perhaps you will realize that he is not as envious as you imagined.
You may well find that even the lucky ones have flaws, shortcomings and weaknesses.
Once you get to know a person better, you will begin to think not “I wish I could do this too,” but “I can do this too.”
2. Get rid of hostility in your thoughts. Stop wishing that the object of your envy does not have what you dream of. Then you will easily move to the next level - to admiration.
Learn to admire other people's achievements without attributing them to your own failures.
3. From admiration you can move on to imitation. Does the person you envy have skills, training, or personal qualities that you could acquire or develop?
Maybe you should adopt his values or copy his plan of action?
4. Take action!
Don't wait until it's too late
Analyzing their lives, many people realize with regret that it bears little resemblance to what they dreamed and hoped for. It's even sadder to realize that your failure to realize your hopes and dreams is largely due to the fact that you yourself were the main obstacle. Or rather, your self-destructive behavior.
This is why it is so important to learn to identify your own patterns of self-sabotage and abandon all forms of its manifestation. If you fail to do this, you seriously risk experiencing the deepest regret in the future, both because of missed opportunities and because of unexperienced satisfaction in life and love not received or not given.
If you continue to live the way you are now, what will you regret when you are eighty? Imagine that you have already reached this age. What important things are not completed?
Let's say you didn't have time to make peace with your father or renew an old friendship. You missed the most exciting events in your children’s lives. Didn't travel much. We never got to the books we wanted to read.
Ask yourself what it takes for you to feel like you have lived a worthwhile and meaningful life.
Often people push out from their consciousness what is truly important to them, just so as not to disturb the existing state of affairs. But know that if you go down this path, you will have terrible regrets later.
And, most likely, it will be too late to change anything.
Exercise:
1. Think about what you can do differently starting today to celebrate your 80th birthday the way you would like.
2. Start doing it.
Be realistic
There is nothing wrong with thinking big and setting difficult goals. But your expectations should always be realistic.
When the chances of success are slim, don’t approach things with the mindset of “I absolutely have to achieve this.” It is better to consider this just a wish that may not come true. In this case, failure will not knock you out of the saddle.
Don't let thoughts about what you want cloud your reasoning.
If you dream of achieving something big (like becoming a Hollywood star), don't turn what you want into something absolutely necessary. Otherwise, you risk spending too much time and energy on unrealistic fantasies, and then completely falling into depression.
Exercise:
1. Ask yourself if what you want can actually happen. What is the probability of this event?
2. Make a list of everything you need to achieve this goal.
3. Rate your goal on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is completely unrealistic and 10 is completely realistic. The lower the score, the more important it is to have a plan in case you fail.
4. Set the bar of expectations - “I want to have this”, “I need this” or “I absolutely must have this” - in accordance with the realisticity of the goal.
When it seems like life is not going well. Question 2.
Life is meaningless, so what to do next?
If there is no answer to the question, or it seems that now all that remains is to live until retirement and from there the road goes straight to the cemetery, then most likely you need to stop and rethink. And right now, and not when you retire.
You suddenly (or again) realized that life is meaningless, nothing works out, everything is in vain, your hands have given up, there is emptiness ahead... This is a good time to take a break - to go somewhere, or at least change your life schedule a little. You need a reboot, and for this it is advisable to “disconnect” yourself at least a little from the outside world or slow down the pace of life.
This point is very energetically charged, although it may seem to you that you are completely exhausted. When you suddenly, with all your despair, begin to understand that life has failed and everything is meaningless, it would be good not to rush somewhere right now, but first to think - where?
Is this where you were going all this time? Or is now just the moment when you can change direction? After all, it is quite normal that you can devote one period of your life to one thing, and then to others.
Take a walk in nature, go to a new place. You can meet with a good friend, talk to a psychologist. Just be with yourself, and after a while you will feel that new thoughts and new strength are appearing. You will no longer feel like your life has failed at all. You will see new goals, and maybe you will change your view of what happened.
