Currently, one of the most common problems people have is constant dissatisfaction with life. Dissatisfaction with one's own life makes a person feel unhappy. From year to year, the situation related to the well-being of people becomes more acute. People are increasingly feeling unhappy. They cannot enjoy ordinary things that previously gave them satisfaction, and in the pursuit of material values, they become their “slaves,” and because of far-fetched delusions, they exhaust themselves with moral suffering.
Reasoning on the topic that such happiness was touched upon in their works by many psychologists and philosophers, esotericists and mystics, and each has their own instructions for achieving such an extraordinary and desired state. The term happiness refers to something good, bright or living life in complete satisfaction. This simultaneously includes the experience of love and the meaning of life, pleasant everyday moments, the search for a calling, existential categories, and self-realization. The existence of a family, the absence of health problems, having your own car and a constantly growing income also have a positive effect on the level of life satisfaction. All human actions have one goal - to be happy. When a person fails to achieve a goal or fails, dissatisfaction with life arises.
I don't want to live. What should I do?
Why did we decide to tell you this parable? Because many of those who don’t want to live are like this dog. They lie on their nails for years and whine, essentially not wanting to change anything. Or wanting, but not doing anything about it.
They go to work they don’t like, overeat at night, occasionally reproaching themselves for being overweight. They continue to drown their sorrows in alcohol, again start affairs with the wrong people... And it seems like they should get away from this tormenting edge - quit, go to study, break off painful relationships, take care of their health, move to another city... But no, they complain and that’s all sink deeper into the pool of depression. Complaining, enjoying our own grief, feeling sorry for ourselves and crying - we love this more than freedom.
But there will come a time when it hurts you so much that you decide to change everything. Not from the notorious Monday or January 1, but immediately, right now. This moment will be the beginning of your new life.
So, one woman, whose weight was more than 200 kilograms, calmly ate goodies and allowed her children to take care of her. But one day I had a heart attack and called an ambulance. Only they couldn’t carry her away on a stretcher, and she couldn’t go down the stairs on her own, and she almost couldn’t fit through the door of the room... Well, what can you do, they prescribed pills and injections, although urgent hospitalization was required. It was then that she decided to lose weight and turned to specialists because she experienced humiliation, saw fear on the faces of the children, and felt the breath of death.
When death is close, when there is nothing left to lose, when those around you stop feeling sorry, you have only two options - to drive this nail even deeper into yourself, allowing circumstances to crush you completely and committing suicide. Or be smarter than the dog in the parable and rise up!
In the first option, you will personally send your soul to hell, and also turn the existence of your loved ones into it after your death. In the second case, you will have to work hard, but soon the wounds will heal and there is a chance to start all over again.
Where to start a new life and changes
In search of a new life, there is no need to reinvent the wheel. Use proven methods.
- Follow the “here and now” rule. There is no need to put off starting a new life until Monday or the New Year. If you decide to change, then start acting right away. If you're not in a hurry, then most likely you're just afraid of change. Any difficult path begins with the first step - take it, it will bring the goal closer.
- Change your habits . You need to get rid of bad habits. However, we are talking about habits in general, that is, about those actions that you perform automatically. For example, are you used to drinking strong coffee in the morning? Replace it with short physical exercises. Do you like to watch TV series in your spare time? Instead, start reading books. It won't be easy to adjust at first, but it will get easier over time. According to psychologists, it takes two months to develop new habits. After this period, you will notice that you become a different person.
- Make significant changes: change jobs or housing. Perhaps you have long wanted to get a new profession or move to another city. For example, you dreamed of writing a book. So why don’t you first become a participant in some literary competition?
- There is no need to be afraid. You are not a small child who is afraid of being ridiculed because of a mistake. They learn from mistakes and ultimately gain knowledge. Don't be afraid of mistakes, move on.
- Work on yourself constantly. Self-development and self-improvement allow you to achieve inner harmony and contribute to achieving your goals.
Give yourself pleasure
Our emotions are where our attention is. In addition to simple actions “here and now,” you need to concentrate on moments that bring physical pleasure. This is also difficult - and also necessary, even when the slightest joy seems like a crime to you.
No matter what happens in your life, you are still alive. And you are sick with suffering. If you die, absolutely nothing will change, so take care of yourself. Focus on what gives you physical pleasure - the taste and smell of coffee, a hot cup in your hands if you are cold, a warm bath with fragrant foam, clean ironed sheets when you lie under the blanket, a cozy terry robe, the smell of flowers or ripe apples - everything , anything. If you love nature, take every opportunity to be outdoors, look at flowers, sit on the grass under a tree.
If you feel fleeting pleasure - freeze for a moment, record, note, extend the moment. At least several times a day. This breaks the streak of pain, and our body receives a signal that not everything is so bad and we can move on with our lives.
Focus on personal growth
Personal growth can be defined as a set of actions aimed at achieving goals and, as a result, success in different areas of life. To be developed personally means to think outside the box, discover something new, be confident in your abilities and not be afraid of difficulties. All this allows you to increase awareness and develop perseverance, form the habit of moving forward and achieving your goals, despite obstacles.
To really achieve something and complete what you started, you need to constantly improve. If you have set a goal, you must clearly understand what you will need to achieve it. Think about what skills you currently lack or what skills you already have but are not sufficiently developed. Sign up for training courses, take part in master classes, workshops and other projects, read books - do everything to bring yourself closer to mastering the necessary skills.
Look at everything from the outside
This is not a nice phrase, it is a very powerful and fast-acting technique called dissociation. Imagine looking at yourself from the outside, focus on this. Now physically take a step back and mentally look at yourself standing (standing) in the same place. How are you dressed, what position are you standing or sitting in, what is your facial expression? Now take another step back and look at yourself, standing and looking at the figure that comes first. Do this as many times as necessary until the attack of mental pain subsides. And then you will find that you are observing the situation not from the inside, but from the outside.
You are afraid to defend your interests
Reason No. 2 is the fear of confrontation, conflicts and, at the same time, the not always conscious desire not to offend anyone, to please everyone, to be good to everyone. Such behavior may be dictated by the instinct of self-preservation, the fear of death. The cause-and-effect chain here goes like this. If you don’t do as someone asks, or you don’t do it well enough (that is, you won’t please, you’ll disappoint) - you’ll cause anger, displeasure - anger will cause rejection - the consequence of rejection will be rejection, expulsion - and expulsion is tantamount to death. This is where the instinct of self-preservation kicks in. And it forces you to seek the affections of other people at any cost, even to the detriment of yourself and your life.
What to do? Expand your boundaries millimeter by millimeter. Where it is safe for you to make a decision on your own right now or insist on it, do so. Although this will be uncomfortable for you at first, because you are not in the habit of acting based on your own interests. Every time you are able to make your decision and follow through on it, immerse yourself in the feeling each small victory will give you. Enjoy them to the fullest, “imprint” them into your body so that it remembers this high well and strives to experience it at every opportunity. Including when solving more complex problems. Because the more difficult the victory, the brighter and more complete the pleasure from it.
Many people who are accustomed to pulling the blanket solely on themselves, ignoring your interests, will fall away from you. Don’t worry too much about this: the fewer such people around you and the more people who respect not only their own needs, but also yours, the higher the quality of your life will be. Moreover, such separations are to your advantage: in this way you will weed out people who do not have any warm feelings for you, but simply use you for their own purposes. But we will talk about this in more detail later.
Is it possible to prevent apathy?
It is impossible to predict, and therefore prevent, the apathy that occurs with mental illness. “A person may have a genetic predisposition to endogenous depression and schizophrenia. But whether the disease will develop or not, one can never say for sure. But it is not difficult to predict how successfully a person will cope with external and internal crises. They are successfully overcome by those who are in touch with their emotions and desires,”
- says the psychotherapist.
You indulge your weaknesses and procrastinate
Reason No. 5 is the habit of postponing until later any actions that could help you get what you want. Postpone these actions until a more favorable time comes. Until a more successful set of circumstances. Until you receive the required amount of money. Until someone big and strong appears - someone who, with one “snap of his fingers,” can arrange everything in the best possible way, or who will give you a magic pill so that everything happens on its own and you don’t have to do anything yourself, so that you don’t have to strain. Familiar excuses? People who dream of starting a new life on Monday or after the New Year argue in exactly the same way...
And here is another way of thinking that leads to postponing things for later: “Life is already hard and full of problems that you don’t know how to cope with. So, maybe today is the last time to please yourself with a good TV series, something tasty, in the evening on the phone with your beloved friend, wandering on the Internet, and postpone the real actions to achieve the goal until tomorrow? What happens tomorrow? Tomorrow you always want to give yourself another indulgence, relax, rest and postpone everything until the next tomorrow. And this path of self-pity, self-indulgence, and concessions continues not for days, not weeks, or even months, but for years...
If you feel sorry for yourself all the time and do nothing for the sake of your dreams, then your dreams dissolve, your desires and meanings go away, and emptiness and boredom settle in your soul.
What to do? Not only set yourself tasks that need to be solved, but also talk about them to significant people. And to as many people as possible, in front of whom it would be embarrassing and scary to disgrace yourself by not doing what you promised. This is a very powerful engine that will make you get off the couch and start acting right away. Can you imagine how you will be bursting with joy and pride in yourself and the desire to share your achievements when you complete everything you set out to do? How inspired will you feel?
How to overcome an internal crisis
It is important for those who are overwhelmed by an internal crisis to realize their true desires and understand what steps are required to realize them. A common story: a person lives as his parents advise him, or is guided by a script taken from society. He conquers one peak after another, achieves fame and recognition, and becomes rich. At first he is satisfied with everything, he rejoices at his successes, but for some reason internal dissatisfaction grows; from a certain point, what previously attracted and pleased no longer evokes positive emotions. The reason is that a person lives according to someone else’s life plan, which does not coincide with his internal aspirations and values. What to do? – the specialist emphasizes.
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I can’t live like this, there are problems with everything, I’m not happy with absolutely everything in my life
Well, I’ve always been secretive, I didn’t like all sorts of holidays, the company of adults, I liked spending time at home with my parents and sister, walking only in the yard, where I knew everyone by sight. From the age of 14, I began to leave the house less and less, and somehow spent a lot of time thinking about everything. First of all, I started to distance myself from my parents because I remembered how I was sometimes ignored as a child. They just didn’t answer the questions, and once they said that I was talking about all sorts of bullshit, so they were silent in response, they didn’t even look at me. It was a shame to realize this, but apparently it became ingrained in my memory and I began to communicate less with them. At 15, I no longer went outside, only to the store and to school, I started listening to music seriously, played games on the computer and continued to think and analyze, but now it was school events. I realized that, firstly, my friends are very few, and secondly, we have different tastes, but this still did not interfere. I wanted to become a musician, first I grew my hair to shoulder length (for which people began to look at me askance), stopped wearing a uniform (I still dress the same as at school - sneakers, jeans, sweatshirts, windbreakers a size larger), and generally began to stand out. At 16, I began to feel that my friends were uncomfortable with me. They didn’t invite me anywhere (everyone was already drinking, hanging out, well, in short), they could agree on everything right in front of me, and not even look at me. There was one person who also didn’t go anywhere, I considered him a close friend, but then they started inviting him too. Once I asked for such a party, in the end I was almost beaten up by some guy there, and since then I haven’t gone anywhere with them, and they didn’t invite me. I bought a guitar, nothing happened, I was very upset. I started listening to depressive tracks, while communicating on the Internet with people who also had problems in life, this helped me forget about my own. At 17 I was already smoking, the class was reorganized, there were few familiar faces, but everything went smoothly in social terms, no one humiliated or interfered. I didn’t want to do anything anymore, I slept all day long, didn’t eat anything, skipped classes, I suddenly got tired of playing games on the computer and I started to feel sad. I started looking for friends on the Internet, but it didn’t work out well, everyone behaved the same as my former classmates, they drank, hung out, didn’t want to discuss anything and said that I was strange. One day, by the way, I was humiliated at school; a guy from the class said, “You do understand that everyone at school hates you? “It was unpleasant that my whole class was around and no one said anything against it, but he was right, so I don’t blame anyone. At 18 it got really bad, I wanted to give up everything and join the army, and then go to hot spots, kill people, or have them kill me, it doesn’t matter. That’s when I met my future girlfriend on the Internet. It was a great time, we talked constantly, helped me get in the mood for studying, in six months I improved in the necessary subjects and passed the Unified State Exam, because it made sense (otherwise I was just going to come to them drunk, give random answers and go into the army). Well, then everything is clear, I think
What triggers bother you?
Unfavorable circumstances
Boxer-philosopher Mike Tyson said: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Traveling along the road of life, most often we receive this blow from the environment.
Sometimes we feel like the whole world is against us. We can get angry at the cashier who counted the change incorrectly, give up if a colleague suddenly gets sick and doesn’t make the report we need, or get upset because a flight is cancelled. But these are all wrong reactions.
There is no point in being angry about circumstances. This is the same as being offended by a burnt out light bulb. There is no need to be upset and blame someone for what happened. Calm down, accept the situation as it is and act according to it.
Mistakes of others
Does your subordinate make a spelling mistake in a presentation and you reprimand him in front of everyone? Your wife is late for a performance, and you say: “Well, I told you that you need to get ready faster”? A friend commits a risky act, do you think that you would definitely have acted differently?
Pointing out people's mistakes and demonstrating how much smarter you are is definitely not the best way to maintain a good relationship. And most importantly, you won’t fix anything this way.
If you catch yourself reacting like this, learn to stop in time. Don’t rush to prove that you’re right, but think about how you can actually change the situation and help others.
Fatigue
Sometimes after a hard day at work we feel so exhausted that we ourselves do not notice how our ability to self-control is falling. The consequences can be different: someone allows themselves to lie on the couch instead of an evening workout, someone takes out accumulated aggression on their household, and someone makes a disastrous decision at a business meeting.
As with everything else, learning to notice the trigger and your reaction to it is the most important step towards correction. Be more careful about everything you say and do in the evening after a busy day. To avoid trouble, schedule the most tedious meetings in the morning. Then make serious decisions.
Try to save energy. A great way to do this is to create a clear plan of action for the day and follow it without being distracted by other things.
Distractions
Have you ever wasted your work time talking to colleagues, chatting on social networks, or endlessly checking email? You are not alone.
Modern man is forced to work among many distractions. But if you don’t resist them, you will definitely face a mountain of unfulfilled tasks, fatigue and stress.
How to avoid this? Make two lists. In the first, list the most important tasks for the day and indicate the time when you will do them. For example, from seven to eight you train, from nine to one you finish writing a report, from two to five you meet with clients, and from six to ten you devote yourself entirely to your family. In the second list, indicate everything that could prevent you from achieving your goals.
You may realize that a friend who constantly stops by your desk and interferes with your evening activities is actually a distraction trigger. Then you need to "fire" him for a while. Or you might find that you regularly skip your morning workout because you spend a lot of time on social media after waking up. Force yourself to change this habit. Don't be distracted by anything until you've done what you planned.
How triggers work
Triggers are the very signals that influence our behavior. Why is it so difficult for us to fight them? We are just used to reacting to them in a certain way.
Getting out of the habit loop is not easy, but it is possible. First you need to understand that this process consists of three stages: a signal (trigger), a template and a reward. For example, for a smoker, the signal may be stress, the pattern may be nicotine use, and the reward may be temporary relief from stress.
The best way to break a habit is to change the pattern while maintaining the reward and cue.
It's not for nothing that some people start eating a lot when they quit smoking: this is their new response to stress. Of course, this is not the best solution, because instead of delicious pies, you can just as easily choose jogging around the stadium or relaxing music.
Now let's figure out what other triggers are present in our lives and how we can change our behavior patterns.
