Self-doubt is the presence of doubts in one’s skills, choices, strengths and the execution of one’s plans, on the basis of which fear arises, and in critical cases even a refusal to take active actions. The feeling of self-doubt is closely related to the feeling of wrongness of oneself or the idea that some aspect of life is defective.
A similar sense of self is born in childhood, when a system of self-perception is formed based on the response of others. And if in emotional and active contact with the world there is no clarity in determining which actions and statements should be praised, and which should be punished or rejected, then in the future there will be no elements for building personal ideas about the negative and acceptable, everything is the same and hostile. It is the priority of external assessment of one’s own existence left over from childhood (people’s words, priorities proclaimed in culture) that leads to an increase in uncertainty.
The problem of self-doubt is due to the impossibility of different people reacting in the same way to one event, which means that the idea of the constancy of self-perception through other people's assessments is absurd and only leads to increased anxious uncertainty and exhaustion.
What is self-doubt?
What is self-doubt and how does it manifest itself? Lack of self-confidence – underestimation of one’s own importance and abilities. Similar concepts are considered low self-esteem and inferiority complex.
Uncertainty manifests itself in everything a person does. Quiet voice, timid gait, withdrawal from communication, fear of relationships, agreement with the opinions of others. An insecure person is afraid of everything, and even if the opportunity is given to prove himself and get out of the vicious circle, the person does not use it. He's afraid it won't work out, and he's not sure it's worth it.
Talk to someone about it
When you keep your thoughts inside, they can become distorted, exaggerated, and not very consistent with reality or reasonable expectations. This is true when it comes to questionable thoughts. So release them into the light. Talk to someone close to you about your self-doubts.
By simply letting them out and saying them out loud, you can often hear how exaggerated the thoughts have become. And talking about these doubts with someone who supports you can give you a change in perspective.
What are the external signs of self-doubt?
A person's behavior reveals an insecure person. Please note that it varies. For example, in the first case, a person is afraid to say a word or take an action, speaks with downcast eyes, in a barely audible voice.
In the second case, the person speaks quickly and loudly, trying to attract attention and make a good impression in order to mask low self-esteem.
Outwardly, a person who is insecure looks like he prefers to remain invisible to everyone. He slouches, hides his eyes, walks along the edge or along the wall, lowers his head. The whole appearance shows a desire not to be discovered.
Several important nuances of achieving success
Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.
The list of such conditions invariably includes:
- acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
- positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
- lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
- training in slow, intelligible speech.
It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.
There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.
What is the cause of uncertainty?
Psychologists identify certain reasons for the development of self-doubt. And one of the main ones is copying such behavior , which develops in childhood. It is known that basic skills and behavior patterns are established at an early age under the influence of the immediate environment.
Some of the parents or other family members were timid and shy. The child began to imitate and developed a similar pattern of behavior, becoming insecure and shy.
The creator of the “ learned helplessness ,” Martin Seligman, argued that a child’s type of character and behavior is formed under the influence of adults’ reactions to his actions. For example, parents either do not react to the baby in any way and ignore his achievements, or they react equally negatively or positively.
an inferiority complex as one of the main reasons for the development of self-doubt . The individual is sure that he is not capable of anything and is nothing of himself. How can you be confident with such an attitude towards yourself? Most people have an inferiority complex that grows from childhood. It has been proven that it is directly related to uncertainty, and at any time one can contribute to the development of the other.
Introduction
The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge.
Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else. This quality interferes with the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.
If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!
How to overcome self-doubt through self-development?
Are there effective ways to overcome self-doubt? Or is everything that developed in childhood impossible to correct? There is a way out, and provided that a person is ready to work on himself, results can be achieved after some time.
Knowing yourself helps a lot to help you cope with the complex.
People have been engaged in self-knowledge for many years, and sometimes all their lives, then how can they get rid of uncertainty?
First, in a calm environment, you should think about yourself not from a critical side , but from a real one. Take a blank sheet of paper and honestly write down your own positive and negative qualities. Then analyze what was written and cross out those that are far-fetched or far-fetched.
You are allowed to write down external data (I have beautiful and expressive eyes, a charming smile, a funny and funny nose), as well as skills (I know how to set goals and achieve them, I know three foreign languages). It is also recommended to focus on internal, spiritual qualities (I know how to listen to others and do not give advice until they ask me, I happily help people).
You are not allowed to write about yourself in a mocking, critical or negative manner. Leave a space after each line in the negative column. Once the list of negative qualities is ready, under each item write what to do to make the quality positive. For example, under the phrase “I am overweight” write (I am able to adjust my diet and increase physical activity in order to have a beautiful figure. Over time, work through some points from the negative column and rewrite them into a positive one. Self-esteem will increase, and with it the uncertainty will pass.
How to stop being shy: a guide to action
Faith in success
The most difficult thing is to take the first step towards a more liberated self. It may even seem to you that this is unrealistic, that nothing will come of this whole venture. Drive away these thoughts! This is wrong. You will definitely succeed. Believing in yourself and your success is very important, so stock up on them to the fullest.
You are no worse than others
The next stage is the understanding that you are no worse than other people.
You are the same, and in some qualities you are superior to many. Remember all your strengths and skills. Some of them are not a sin to brag about or at least demonstrate to the world. For example, do you write poetry? Stop hiding them! Join the literary community and show your creations to other people. Although not everyone will like your poems, you will definitely find fans of your work.
Remember: to receive compliments and approval, you need to show people what you can be praised for. If you are closed, then you simply will not be noticed. And learn to love yourself for who you are. Nobody is perfect.
Failure is a learning experience
Criticism or failures in life are not always bad. Perceive your failures not as the end of the world, but as a certain experience that makes you wiser and stronger.
Remember the famous phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?
It may be hackneyed, but it is very true. This is true! Therefore, you can be a little sad, even cry, and the next day pull yourself together and move on to a better life.
Facing your fears
To overcome your indecisiveness, you need to work hard on yourself.
You are probably embarrassed to speak in public. Start by at least making a toast. This is a challenge for many people: to find certain words, assemble them into beautiful sentences and pronounce them publicly, albeit in a small company of close people. It’s better to prepare this short speech in advance, think through all your wishes and repeat several times. You will realize that everything is not so scary. Everyone will definitely like it. Try it! You can also contact strangers on the street more often with various questions. For example, asking how to get to such and such a street. This will also liberate you, you will be less afraid of communication.
Become a pleasant conversationalist
Do you think that in order to have a conversation, you need to have some kind of secret knowledge or have a special relationship with a person?
This is not always the case. Many sociable people talk with others about mere trifles. It wouldn’t hurt for you to adopt this quality, even if it seems stupid at first. Start by talking about the weather, no matter how trivial it may be. Next, you can discuss matters that connect you with your interlocutor. If this is a co-worker, you can talk about the problem of parking near the office building. If the neighbor talks about how the rent bills have increased. The main thing is to start, and the conversation can develop on its own, especially if your interlocutor is more sociable than you. Practice! And you will get involved.
Give compliments
People love to hear pleasant words addressed to them, even if said in passing. And especially women! Give them compliments. You don't have to be full of praise. Suffice it to say that today the young lady has a good hairstyle or a beautiful dress. You will see how she will immediately become more disposed towards you.
The right attitude
Train yourself to be positive every day. A positive state of mind, even from scratch, will help you overcome life's obstacles. Healthy optimism never hurt anyone!
How to overcome uncertainty through sports?
It is known that playing sports has a positive effect on a person’s mood and can increase self-esteem. By playing sports, a person achieves certain successes, which he begins to be proud of. And this, of course, is the path to self-acceptance and the fight against uncertainty.
Exercising causes an increase in the level of happiness hormones, which improves your mood. A person likes external changes, he enjoys the process, which helps to cope with uncertainty.
What someone said or did may not be about you (or what you think)
When someone criticizes you, then it's easy to start doubting yourself.
When someone rejects you and you don't get a second date after the first one, which you thought went pretty well, then it's not a reason to doubt yourself. But what if what he or she said or did actually has nothing to do with you?
Perhaps your coworker who verbally lashed out at you may be having a bad day, month, or marriage.
And you may not have gotten that second date because the other person's mom got sick and he had to focus on that, or because he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and wanted to give their relationship another chance.
You don't know everything that's going on in another person's life. And the world doesn't revolve around you. Therefore, be careful not to make a mistake and build guilt and doubt within without any reason.
How to get rid of self-doubt: additional tips
How else can you get rid of self-doubt? There are some ways that, when used in combination or one at a time, a person can increase self-esteem and gain self-confidence:
- communicate with people, even if it’s difficult. Isolation and refusal to communicate will not lead to increased self-esteem. Be the first to approach and start a conversation, study various interesting topics to become a worthy interlocutor, determine a social circle in which you will be comfortable expressing yourself.
- Focus on events in which you were a confident person. If you need to remember, take the time to write down the details of situations. The idea that you weren’t always overwhelmed by uncertainty will give you strength and raise your self-esteem.
- Don't be afraid to take responsibility. Start with everyday little things, make a choice and be responsible for it. Gradually make more complex decisions, increase the level of responsibility and learn to make decisions at different levels.
- Stop consulting with others on any matter. Take responsibility for your actions and life. Make decisions, make choices yourself.
- Create a mental image of your own insecurities and try to transfer the image to paper. The method will allow you to see the “enemy” and look him boldly in the face. Talk to the figurative uncertainty, convince yourself that it is not needed.
- Choose a talisman that will become a symbol of confidence. Perhaps you already have a “lucky” suit or fragrance, bag or pen. Use or and choose new talismans. Look for options to use them and remember moments of confidence more often.
Self-confidence is a quality that can and should be developed. To do this, you should communicate more with people, not be afraid to take responsibility for life and make important decisions on your own. Confident people behave calmly and do not need approval or advice from others.
Strive for self-improvement, find interesting activities or hobbies to be an interesting conversationalist and an erudite person. Look at others with positivity and notice the joy and good moments around you.
Say stop
First, when your inner doubts surface, act quickly. Don't let them get out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging suggestions. Instead, talk to the doubtful part of yourself.
Mentally say or shout something like: No, no, no, we will not go down this road again.
By doing this, you can break the thought pattern and stop that inner self-doubter from taking over.
Bottom line
Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result!
Be active, decisive and open to people. You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!
Elizarova Lilia · May 21, 2021
