It's normal to sort things out.
Another thing is the nature of these conversations. You can calmly consult and discuss your relationship, tell a man how you feel when he acts one way or another.
Or you can do it differently, like a real bitch - endure, accumulate discontent, and then, getting personal, dump everything ... on his head.
How to speak correctly in a relationship and how to take it to the next level?
There are simple rules of behavior with a man that will allow you to build a harmonious relationship. Claims lead to resentment, a raised tone leads to disrespect, understatement develops into large-scale showdowns.
How to talk to a man so that he hears you and reacts appropriately? Of course, softly and femininely. But for this you need to be in a certain state.
There are 7 simple methods that allow you to “sort things out” without drama or manipulation.
Three point rule
No need to blow his brains out! Let the man breathe out after work. “A well-fed man is no friend to a hungry man!”, “A young man must first be fed, given water to drink, and put to bed...” - even children’s fairy tales point you in the direction.
You can and should talk to a well-fed, rested, satisfied man. And it will give results.
When you want to figure it out quickly, think: will you be comfortable in his place and in such a situation? It’s hard to put yourself in a man’s shoes, and I can understand them.
Then just remember yourself after a sleepless night spent at your child’s crib or hungry and angry, disappointed because you failed an exam; how he said in bed: “Let’s not today,” when you wanted.
Did you introduce it? In such a state, let alone sort things out, you don’t want to live.
Before I forget: I categorically forbid all my students to sort things out in bed, this is one of the most bad habits in sex.
The needs according to Maslow's pyramid have not been canceled.
Feed, let him rest and caress your man and any conversations will be received much better than you think. A woman who behaves exactly like this is every man’s dream.
Control your emotions, don't raise your voice
It is not easy to continue a constructive conversation during an argument. Often the feelings of fear, anger or resentment are so strong that you don’t want to continue the dialogue and find out the reasons for what happened. There are several unproductive behavior strategies:
- Victims. They often prefer not to notice their role in a negative situation.
- Villains. Selfishness is a feeling common to many. Villains consider their partner to be guilty of everything.
- Helpless. In any situation, they prefer to say that they cannot do anything.
The main condition for correctly sorting out a relationship with a man is calm. You should not resolve a conflict during emotional arousal. According to psychologists, before resolving a conflict, it is necessary to let off steam. You should go into another room or slow down. To achieve the proper state, you need to move slowly, breathe and speak quietly.
A number of specific exercises will also help:
- Stand up straight, inhale and exhale intensely. Raise your hands up and take a deep breath again. As you exhale, sharply lower your arms down. Then straighten up and repeat the actions.
- If possible, do a couple of physical exercises. For example, squat, jump, or box.
- During times of anger, beating a pillow helps. Another way is to lie down on a soft surface and beat your feet and hands on the surface.
- If you have strong negative feelings, you need to lock yourself in the bathroom and get water. Then exhale sharply into it, imitating a scream.
- Lying on your back, take three short breaths and then a long, slow exhale. Repeat 5 times.
These exercises will help relieve emotional tension, after which you can build a constructive dialogue.
Choose expressions
But let’s return to the topic of “showing things up.” There are phrases that put a man into a stupor. (drum roll): “ We need to talk” or tougher “We urgently need to have a serious conversation!”
Deadlines in conversations and words like “need” do not work in your favor. And, what’s even worse, they act on a man in a negative way. So forget about them!
Try saying this: “Darling, I really need to consult with you.”
You will see: your man will either be happy or very surprised if you start discussing relationships in this tone.
Clear boundaries
Showdowns should not turn into a real battlefield. You need to learn to indicate your position as specifically as possible in order to avoid any ambiguity. Otherwise, you will definitely remain guilty of something. You need to try not to deviate from the main topic and avoid getting too personal. Clearly setting boundaries will help reduce the severity of the conflict and ultimately resolve it faster.
The more prudence shown in these moments, the better. You should not throw out your irritation just because you have accumulated it. Show tolerance, respect, try to understand your interlocutor, find some significant points of contact.
Think with your head
Plan what and how you will tell your man. Think a hundred times whether what you are about to say is really important. Are your inner complexes and fears whispering nonsense to you?
Don’t be lazy, sketch out your thesis plan on paper. Some women may find this exercise confusing. Planning a conversation with a man? Prescribe a plan? This is some kind of nonsense. But believe me, dear, you can’t even imagine how much garbage you can weed out before even starting a conversation.
I am sure that this will help you structure your thoughts, understand yourself better and convey your thoughts to a man most effectively.
How to talk correctly to strengthen relationships
Remember when you first met your beloved man, you couldn’t talk to him? But time passes, and you begin to communicate mainly only about everyday topics - who will pick up the child from kindergarten, who will pay utility bills, where the family will spend the weekend. Interest in your partner gradually disappears. The longer a couple is together, the less they talk. together.
Communication makes it possible to feel connected to your loved one and recharge with positive energy.
How to start having heart-to-heart conversations on different topics and with the same interest as at the very beginning of a relationship?
- Make time to talk. If, after returning from work and having dinner, the first thing you do is turn on the TV or computer or immerse yourself in your smartphone, then the likelihood that you will switch to your loved one is very small. Set aside just 20–30 minutes for communication. Talk about how your day went, how things are going at work, how he is feeling
- Get your partner interested. Start the conversation with a topic that interests him. This may be the key to trusting communication.
- Listen carefully to your partner. During a call, to save time, you can wash dishes or wipe dust. Yes, you can multitask, but for your significant other this means a lack of interest in what he is talking about and he will stop talking.
Forget about manipulation
Remember one very important rule - what you emit is what you receive. And if you are determined to play with a man and manipulate his feelings, masculine qualities or decency, get ready for a slap on the head from the Universe.
And even if you don’t believe in the cycle of justice, take my word for it - manipulation will not lead to anything good for three reasons.
He will understand. Sooner or later he will see what scheme you are “working”. Just imagine what he will think at this moment and feel how dramatically his attitude towards you will change. Did you introduce it? And still convinced that manipulation is normal?
You will get confused. You will get lost in the labyrinths of your own manipulations and burn out. If you have even a drop of respect for your partner, save your and his nerves from such adventures and better learn to interact with him like a professional woman.
You will disperse . Manipulations lose their effect over time.
One, two, three, and the tenth time the man simply won’t follow your lead. That's it, we've arrived. You will desperately rummage through your chest with instructions on how to control a man, but in vain.
Rules for frank conversation
In order for the conversation to be effective, you must adhere to certain rules.
Be sincere
Frankness allows partners to understand their relationship. But the conversation is not always positive, and then the wife and husband become more and more distant from each other.
Not every person can talk frankly, even if he understands that there are many unresolved problems that have accumulated, and they cannot be solved silently. This may be due to a lack of trust in the partner or lack of self-confidence.
Forget about past grievances
Often during a dialogue a woman behaves incorrectly. The relationship between the spouses is already tense to the limit, and she begins to remember how her husband once offended her. And he withdraws into himself, because all this happened a long time ago, and he does not want to consider himself guilty. And there is already plenty of negativity in life.
And if he knows you well and understands that after hearing his revelations, you will reproach him in the future, you will not expect the truth from him. Calmly remember what happened then, who was to blame for it, and think about how you would behave in that situation. Try to analyze everything and understand that you are both to blame for what happened.
Forgive your loved one and forget about what happened. What happened is gone and don’t remember it anymore. The resentment will go away, and life will sparkle with bright colors. Over time, all the bad things will be forgotten and lose their significance.
Learn to listen to others
Try to accept your loved one with his habits and weaknesses. If he shares his problems with you, do not brush him off, but listen and, if possible, help.
Treat him with respect, your relationship should be built on sincerity and mutual understanding. Give each other tenderness, kindness and love and all this will come back to you doubly.
End the conversation on a positive note
Positivity is something positive. In modern realities, it serves to simplify speech and shorten the phrases “positive emotions”, “positive result”, “positive energy”.
Source Wikipedia
If you managed to get a man to have a frank conversation, tell him that you value your relationship with him, you want to live a long, happy life with him and will try to avoid conflict situations.
The main thing is that your conversation has a positive attitude. By pouring out your soul to each other and talking, you will help each other get out of the crisis situation that has arisen in your relationship.
If frank conversations become commonplace in your family, not a single quarrel will become a reason for breaking off relations.
Talk about your feelings
Truly a magical technique! You are a woman, which means it is simply harmful for you to accumulate emotions in yourself. Finally learn to talk about your feelings!
“Darling, yesterday, when you came, I was just confused and didn’t know how to behave.”
You don't have to memorize the phrase, you need to learn to express feelings through words. All world literature can help you! And remember that after the words “I feel,” a man begins to understand you better.
There are no claims or criticisms in them. You're not going to argue. You are simply articulating your emotions. And he sees you as a conscious and self-sufficient woman and knows that you trust him.
Distinguishing levels
Many people perceive relationships as complicated and nebulous, and attempts to resolve relationship-related problems are often unsuccessful. To overcome all these difficulties, it is advisable to understand how human relationships work.
First of all, relationships are not something homogeneous; different levels can be distinguished in them. The fact that relationships are multi-layered can be found mentioned, for example, in the ancient Indian treatise “The Peach Branch”. There is this saying:
The attraction of the mind generates respect,
The attraction of the soul generates tenderness,
The attraction of bodies gives rise to desire.
This saying is interesting because it suggests: every person can love on three levels - body, mind and soul.
There are many studies devoted to the identification, justification and description of various levels of relationships. For my theoretical concept of identifying levels of relationships, I will use the ideas of Igor Kalinauskas, who believes that in a person as a whole three main parts can be distinguished - body, consciousness and the emotional sphere (soul). Based on these components, he identifies for further consideration such concepts as “individuality”, “personality” and “essence”. The basic instrument of personality is consciousness, essence is the emotional sphere, and individuality is body. Accordingly, we can build relationships with another person at the personal level, communicate with his essence, have contact with his individuality. I have conventionally designated these levels as social, emotional and sexual. Each level is associated with the satisfaction of different basic needs. Social needs are related to a person’s position in society and his joint activities with other people; emotional needs are associated with a deep need for emotional contact; The instinct of reproduction is the basis of sexual needs.
Thus, any combination of human relationships is possible depending on what they are based on
At the same time, it is important to know the corollary of the first rule: we can enter into different levels of relationships with different people and have several levels of relationships with one person
Be careful with the future
I'll be completely honest with you. Go back to point three and never ask a man stupid questions. Especially about your future together. “When will we get married?”, “When will I come to you?”, “How many children do you want?”... No joke - they are stressful and generally confuse a man.
Keep your finger on the pulse and observe a man's behavior, his attitude towards you, his actions. They always speak for themselves.
If he refuses to have a serious relationship or conversation on this topic because he is confused, he is going through a difficult period in his life, etc., there is only one option. He's a beggar. You need to run away from him.
A decent man may also have problems and difficulties, but he will always let you know that he wants to be there and cares about your couple as a whole.
Who is offering to sit down at the negotiating table?
The fact of who exactly is proposing to sort things out can say a lot about relationships in a married couple.
Option 1:
The initiator of negotiations is not a brawler, not a bore, but the most concerned about the happiness and well-being of the family member. It is he (she) who is more interested in her fate.
Option 2:
Behind the attempt to sort out the relationship sometimes lies the internal desire of the initiator of negotiations to quickly free himself from a connection that does not satisfy him. Disassembly is a means to bring the moment of rupture closer. Perhaps provoke him and even look abandoned and offended.
It is quite simple to determine the true motives: if the initiator of negotiations tries to conduct them constructively, it means that he is determined to maintain the relationship, and if he stubbornly reduces everything to a scandal and indiscriminately blames only his partner for everything, perhaps he feels that he does not need the relationship.
More specifics
Specifics and clear argumentation are important conditions in a dialogue with a man if you really want to convey your idea to him. Less water, more meaning.
Men don't take hints. I want to voice this again. Write it down anywhere:
Men. Do not understand. Hints. Not in any way.
Maintain balance. Be specific in your desires, but soft in the tone of the conversation. Keep in mind the points that you would like to talk about with a man and ask for advice. At the same time, look for an approach to him.
First of all, you need this, and the relationship will only benefit from such a well-constructed dialogue.
Learn to give in
When a conflict situation is truly controversial, and you and your partner simply cannot come to a “common denominator,” then a wise woman should make concessions. A woman’s attempts to argue with a man no matter what will only lead to a dead end in the relationship. It is important for a man that his pride is not hurt, otherwise he will harbor a grudge.
In addition, making concessions to your loved one does not mean losing the argument; rather, on the contrary, it is an opportunity for any woman to win much more. In such cases, a man experiences a feeling of gratitude, trust, and, of course, love for his lady of the heart.
