How to date a girl? 10 main rules

Author of the material:

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

She said yes, the new couple was successfully created. Sounds like a completed mission in a computer game. However, in virtuality, after the phrase “mission completed,” the player can turn off the toy. But in life it’s not like that – you can’t pause or save progress. Completely relax too. How to behave correctly in a relationship? How to date a girl so that she remains satisfied? What to avoid without forgetting about yourself?

Show leadership qualities.

What does true leadership look like? In the phrase “I said!”, hitting the table with your fist and a majestic expression on your face? Hardly, more like despotism and tyranny. Then what is the answer?

Being a leader = taking responsibility. For safety, for reputation, for feelings. Girls love it when their man:

does not tolerate self-pity. Not to be confused with sympathy. “I was tired from doing nothing” and “I was tired because I worked hard” are different things;
does not allow himself to whine or be capricious in serious situations. If a guy sleepily mutters “morning, you’re so scary” to his alarm clock, but still gets up for work, that’s cute. If he refuses to help carry heavy bags of groceries because “it’s morning,” that’s whining;
solves problems on his own and can even help his partner. Within adequate limits. If it’s not the first time she’s had too much alcohol and crashed someone’s car, it’s better to think about whether such a person is needed at all;
performs male duties around the house or troubleshoots problems in other effective ways. A professional plumber, electrician, gardener, builder, painter rolled into one is either a utopia or an actor in “18+” films. Therefore, if sockets spark in the house, and the young man does not understand them, he has every right to solve the problem differently - call a specialist;
demonstrates determination and confidence. Flood, fire, bankruptcy, bandits or a spider on the wall - girls want to know that their chosen one will not stand aside, but will show heroism by taking action.

Living together means less freedom

If you start living together, this is primarily a disadvantage.

All the shortcomings

What disadvantages can be identified if you started living together:

This is especially a disadvantage if a serious relationship between young people occurs for the first time. You start looking for an apartment, find and arrange your things and begin to get used to each other.
Everyone is used to different things and their own order . This can be such a painful process. Girls, as a rule, are more tidy, and men begin to scatter their things somewhere. Some kind of confrontation may begin here.
First of all, this is the aspect of freedom . It will inevitably seem to both of you that somehow there is less living space. Especially if you lived alone before, there will be a clear problem of personal space. If it’s completely unbearable, then this can become a stumbling block for both of you.

Literally from the first days the question may arise: To live or not to live further?

But behind such a veil of love, everyone can forget about it , when in the first months of a relationship most of the time is spent in bed.

Show intelligence.

More and more girls are beginning to admit that the most attractive part of a man is his brain. Which, in principle, explains female sexual violence against this organ.

To demonstrate intellectual abilities, it is not necessary to learn abstruse words or read textbooks on nuclear physics and Uzbek cattle breeding of the 18th century. Enough:

deepen knowledge in areas of interest;
improve speech , its coherence, the ability to explain clearly and clearly;
increase resourcefulness , ingenuity (logical riddles, puzzles, charades);
expand your horizons , learn new things (books, crosswords, films);
communicate with different interlocutors who can teach you something.

It’s better not to be shy about saying the phrases “Unfortunately, I’m not familiar with this essay,” “Alas, I don’t know the answer to this question,” “It’s a pity, but I haven’t heard about it.” The ability to recognize a gap in knowledge, the desire to fill it, and not to smarten up about the unknown, is also a sign of intelligence.

Be careful.

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Women's ears are an erogenous zone. And it’s not only about the sensitivity of the shells and earlobes, but also about the passionate love for compliments. However, not for everyone. How to use nice words for a girl correctly:

be diverse. Even the best praise gets boring if you use it all the time;
do not forget about sincerity. Saying “You have model height” to a girl who is 1.58 cm is making her think it’s a joke;
pay attention to little things. She's probably already been told that she has a beautiful hairstyle and an elegant dress. It is better to note her femininity, the beautiful line of her shoulders or graceful fingers, “like an aristocrat”;
move away from common phrases. “You are very beautiful/sexy/cute” everyone says, which devalues these words. “When you smile, your eyes sparkle like the surface of a lake on a sunny day” is a rarer type of compliment.

To develop the ability to find the right words at the right moment, it is better to read lyrics. Especially Shakespeare's sonnets. And if giving compliments doesn’t work at all, you can simply quote lines.

Use creativity.

She has already been taken to cafes and cinemas. And she has already received one red rose or a bouquet of these flowers from others. I want to repeat myself and be like everyone else - okay. But if you want to stand out from the rest, leaving them in the distant past and a complete loser knockout, it is better to show originality. For example:

take an interest in origami lessons and make a bouquet of paper flowers;
write her a love letter and send it by regular mail or slip it under her door;
buy paired items - keychains, T-shirts, scarves, pendants;
use personal talent - draw her portrait, write a poem, compose a melody in her honor;
make a poster with a dozen/hundred/thousand compliments for her, general photos, descriptions of the best moments together;
invite her to come up with a new dish or drink together.

Take the self-esteem test

Move to intimacy smoothly.

Even if she is burning with open desire almost from the first meeting, she still wants courtship. Delaying things in this case, of course, is also not a particularly good idea. But moving to a new stage too quickly is no less dangerous. Why?

At first she will be happy, because she herself wanted intimacy.
Later it will seem to her that there is a lot of sex in the relationship, but too little romance.
She will begin to wait for the guy HIMSELF to telepathically guess about her desire for tenderness and platonic relationships. Perhaps hints will be used, as subtle as the difference between the shades of her foundations.
The guy, naturally, will not guess anything. Maximum - he will notice an increase in her refusals in bed.
The situation is heating up. Hysterics, quarrels, scandals. "You do not love me". Parting.

Why does this lead to breakup in many cases? Because the man does not understand the sudden change in her behavior. At first she is passionate and insatiable, and after a couple of months she suddenly wanted to become different. But it was that first version that he liked.

In fact, there was no change in the girl, she initially wanted affection, beautiful courtship. However, she decided to play the role of a bed fight guru in order to attract the guy’s attention.

It’s better to immediately provide her with flirting, compliments and the entire candy-bouquet period so that she has time to get enough of it. Only after this will it be possible to smoothly move on to intimacy, not forgetting to periodically provide her with evidence in favor of the fact “we not only have sex, but also love.”

How to behave correctly with her is already clear . It remains to find out what mistakes are recommended to be avoided. Ideally, this information would be written down in the army regulations and passed down from generation to generation through fathers' cuffs, forever inscribed in the DNA.

However, nothing in the world is perfect. Therefore, to learn about what you should not do in relationships with girls, you will have to read the following sections. They describe mistakes that it is highly desirable to avoid.

What is the relationship between you?

First of all, you need to understand what kind of relationship is between you. This could be one of the options:

You like her, she likes you too (you had meetings);
You like her, but you know nothing about her feelings for you;
She likes you, she likes you too (there haven’t been any meetings yet, for example, social networks).

Let's consider each of the options in more detail.

Your sympathy is mutual. It’s easy for you to communicate, you always find topics for conversation, and sometimes you meet. And you are absolutely sure that she likes you. And this confidence allows you not to waste time and move on to active actions. Here, all that is required of you is to invite him on a date and simply voice your decision to start your relationship.

Most often you can find the second option. You know each other, perhaps you’ve even been on dates, but she doesn’t show much sympathy for you (or doesn’t show it at all). This could be a classmate, a work colleague, a neighbor, or just an acquaintance. Here the beauty of the proposal to meet does not really matter. If she doesn’t like you, then you can’t do anything. But if you cannot come to terms with this course of events, then maybe it’s time to prove your love to the girl?

Recently, social networks have become widely popular, where meeting the person you like is not particularly difficult. And if, in the process of communicating with the girl you liked, you felt reciprocal sympathy, then you should not invite her to meet through the Internet. It is much better to do this live, looking into your eyes.

Don't bend.

This mistake can be made even unconsciously. This happens when you really want to please your girlfriend with something, even to the detriment of yourself.

“She likes melodramas, and I like action films. Well, it’s okay, let’s go to “Blown By the Wind and Sobs”, and not to “Peanuts Strong”... And it’s okay that it’s 48 times, because the main thing is that she smiles.”

There's nothing wrong with giving in to the same movie choice a couple of times. But doing this all the time is a bad idea. Ignoring one's own interests and personality only leads to new problems in relationships.

Ties suit you very well, start wearing them.
Okay (I hate ties, but ok, she'll be so happy).
Shave your beard. You walk like a homeless person. And it’s impossible to kiss - it hurts.
Okay (heh, just six months of beard care).
I don't like your friends. They're always drinking and making dirty jokes. I have already made an appointment for you with Olya Tolik. Good guy. Go.
Yes, he’s good, I’ll go (boring, whining, and Olka natters about everything).
You know... You've changed so much. I loved you before. I can’t do this anymore, that’s it, I’m leaving.
(…)

How to date a girl and remain interesting to her?

Even at school, Sasha was a promising gentleman: handsome, tall, involved in aikido and swimming, from a good family, intelligent, well-mannered.

Classmates, and then classmates, as well as other young ladies they knew, readily admitted: Sasha is an enviable groom, so no one refused him dates.

Sashka could not understand what the problem was. He seems to do everything right: he gives flowers, takes him to cafes, if he promised, he calls and comes, there’s something to talk to him about, he’s not a rogue, he’s not bad at sex. What's the matter?

Desperate to find a way out of this vicious circle on his own, the guy decided to gather a council of friends of both sexes to find out what he was doing wrong.

During the consultation, the main mistakes were discovered that prevented Sasha from meeting girls correctly:

He subconsciously chose girls who had previously had “bad” boys.
That is, good Sasha, such a nerd and a pedant (with a bold + sign) did not fit into this scheme in any way. Young ladies who loved hooligans and rude people were frankly bored in his presence.
The guy was too correct, almost a bore.
Moreover, he demanded the same from his girls. “Are you 10 minutes late for a date? How could you? I should have left earlier!”, “How come you don’t want to go to the cinema? We were going to the cinema. So what if the weather is good and you want to go to the park? We were going to the cinema,” “Why don’t you call? You promised to call around eight. And now it’s already 21.00...” and so on in the same spirit.
It seemed to him that his mission was to change each of the girls for the better.
Therefore, he dragged one to philharmonic societies and theaters, the second gave gym memberships and sports equipment for all holidays, cut the third due to lack of ambition, etc.

There were, of course, other individual little things, but we found the main problems and advised Sasha what to do to date girls for more than 3 months:

be more spontaneous and less boring;
do not try to save anyone or radically change them;
start dating girls like yourself who love sports, eat right, don’t drink alcohol, love plans and lists, are practical, pedantic and punctual.

Things went well. And six months ago, Sasha married the ideal girl, in his opinion.

Don't forget about everything else.

More often, this behavior is typical for the first months of a relationship. When you want to be next to her all the time, and all the men around her are perceived as a potential threat or as future victims. Absolutely everyone - even Arkady Fedorovich, the 73-year-old dean of her faculty.

During this period, friends and relatives suddenly find themselves in the background. Problems may arise at work or at school because your thoughts are always somewhere else. Some hobbies are abandoned, giving way to a new hobby.

Such situations are strange in themselves. But it can be even worse . When she suddenly says something like:

“The question is blunt: either me or your friends!”
“Choose: either you stop going to your stupid football game, or I leave.”
“If you don’t go to samba classes with me, I won’t go to the bedroom with you!”

When someone suddenly begins to demand that you make a choice between yourself and another important part of life, this is a dead end. Requirements will increase over time. As a result, the manipulator will take away everything dear to you, impose ideas and interests, thereby forcing you to live someone else’s life. If at the same time the person refuses to compromise or resolve the dispute peacefully, then the question arises - is there any point in being with her at all?

Take a self-confidence test

Why does fear arise?2

Popularity of the chosen one (“They probably call her out every day. Why did I decide that she would even want to talk to me?”).
Low self-esteem (“She’s a beauty, and the last time I worked on my abs was in physical education in 8th grade”).
Previous failures in love affairs (“I’ll embarrass myself again”).
Fear of being ridiculed (“What if she starts discussing my “tackle” with everyone she knows?”).
Uncertainty about personal feelings (“What if she falls in love with me, and I’m disappointed in her in a week?”).

These fears need to be fought, which is actually quite exciting. The main thing is to know what key points you need to pay attention to.

Do not show or encourage selfishness.

Relationships are a job for two. If one invests in them, and the second is used to only receiving contributions, such a couple will not go far. A family in which “dad works and mom is beautiful” (or vice versa) is suitable for jokes, but not for a happy life. It is better to moderate selfishness and make sure that it is not in the chosen one. For this you will need:

take care of your partner’s feelings and desires;
make compromises on controversial issues;
learn to calmly talk about what doesn’t suit you in a relationship;
thank your couple for their expressions of care and non-conflict;
accept distinctive views, interests and try to implement them separately.

For example, a guy likes football, and a girl likes shopping. Why choose one thing and force your partner to give up his hobby? Let everyone do what they love, alone or with friends.

How to propose in verse

As a thread follows a needle, As waves rush behind a steamboat, So I would like to be with you, And to be always, not in passing.

A cherry blossom petal flies, catching up with another, to continue the journey together.

Love will pour out like a bright starfall, Be with me, my treasure! Air is not air, water is not water, I can only breathe next to you always.

So I thought it would be nice to invite you to meet me! And even though we have only recently known each other, I want more than to be friends

I don’t dare to sing a serenade I’m under your windows, but still, you have to take my word that in the rest, I’m good to everyone.

I am laconic from excitement, Today I decide to tell you - Hurry up and accept the offer to become my girlfriend.

Don't let things take their course.

Girls love romance, attention, surprises (not necessarily material ones). And they want to receive all this regularly. If you cut off the flow of compliments and sharply reduce the time spent together, they will not like it. And if girls don’t like something, then what often happens? That's right, hysterics.

Showing attention to her from time to time and speaking tender words is not so difficult. But the woman will remain satisfied. Perhaps she won’t even grumble when her lover returns from a friendly fishing trip without any fish at all, but with an alcoholic scent. But it is not exactly.