Why do people criticize, how to react and criticize correctly?

Criticism in people's lives is one of its integral components. We criticize ourselves (self-criticism), we like to criticize others (protecting pride or showing influence), but we do not always do it correctly. There is positive criticism, which one should learn to perceive adequately to reality, as well as negative criticism, prompted by anger, envy, and other negative emotions experienced by a particular person. The psychology of criticism is a controversial area of ​​general psychology. She deserves special attention. The publication discusses ways to deal with criticism and tips on how to respond to it. And not only.

Psychology of criticism and its types

Before delving into the topic, let's understand what criticism is. In general, this is an analysis, a value judgment about a particular phenomenon, object, or quality of a person. Sometimes this is a way of expressing and demonstrating knowledge, skills, and abilities. It can be directed not only at everyday things or objects, at people, but also at larger-scale objects: films, paintings, and other works of art.

It should be understood that the concept of “criticism” itself is much deeper than we are used to thinking. Its tasks are not limited to belittling someone’s merits or belittling the qualities of an object or subject. It is needed for:

• identifying contradictions, errors, and analyzing them;
• analysis, discussion of a subject or object in order to give an assessment (example - literary criticism);
• research, verification of facts.

Like any other phenomenon, or rather judgment, criticism can be positive and negative. In the first case, this is a judgment for the benefit, in the second, solely for the sake of humiliating the dignity, belittling the qualities of the subject or object.

What criticism do you face most often?

With a positive one. I am surrounded by friendly people, they are objective.

20%

Positive, but often it is not objective.

20%

From the negative. I am often criticized, and they do it for objective reasons.

20%

On the negative side, criticism is not always objective.

40%

Voted: 5

When is criticism appropriate?

Criticism is appropriate when there is a request for it. It does not have to be expressed in the form of a direct question. When a person gets a job, comes to a master class or studies at university, it is expected that the boss, lecturer or teacher will criticize him. But they must do this from the position of an expert - then the criticism itself will be directed not at the person, but at the results of his work.

In result-oriented criticism, there is an analysis of the error and a way to correct it. This helps to avoid a repeat of the situation in the future. Criticism that is directed at a person does not explain anything, does not motivate and spoils relationships.

Why do people criticize?

Some do this all the time out of habit, others are professional critics. Yes, there are some. This is an independent profession. There are, for example, literary critics, film critics, people who professionally evaluate music, the qualities of people (public relations specialists who create an image for public figures).

Often, the judgments of professionals about the analyzed, evaluated objects and subjects are fair and objective. The point is that fairness and objectivity are literally job descriptions in these examples. Such people do not pursue personal interests, they are not consumed by envy or emotions. They have a purpose. And it is strictly professional in nature.

There are also people for whom criticism is something like a habit. They deliberately look for negative qualities in something or someone in order to show others their “sharp” mind and even superiority. They don't know good intentions. Critics are closer to causticism; they need moral nourishment from the very fact that someone or something is worse than is commonly believed. Unfair judgments are all such people live by. They can be objective, but they do not know how to present themselves and their opinions. Instead of solving the problem or correcting the mistakes made in a fit of desire to condemn everything and everyone, they will stand their ground.

There is a special class of people who consider themselves professional critics, but put forward subjective judgments that are not adequate to reality. A striking example of this is amateur reviews under the auspices of “professionalism” online or in real life about movies, music, and other people (comments under photos on social networks or direct statements). These people are far from professionals, but at the same time they are not driven by such motives as envy, anger or the desire to belittle something or someone. They do not seek to cause moral or material harm; they are driven by the thought of their own “professionalism.”

Thus, in the context of the topic, a professional critic is a person who does serious work and gives objective assessments.

An amateur is a person dependent on judgments about others; he cannot live without it. The fact of searching and finding flaws in objects, things, phenomena, and people is important to him. He enjoys it.

The last type of people indicated are subjective individuals, their judgments have nothing to do with reality. They consider themselves professionals and think that they should teach others. However, unlike amateurs, it should be noted that such people do not “feed” on malice or anger.

Who do you consider yourself to be: a professional, an amateur or a subjective critic?

I criticize people, objects, and phenomena exclusively objectively. I'm professional.

60%

I love to criticize people and things around me, I enjoy it.

0%

To be honest, I constantly criticize everything and everyone, on and off topic, but I do it subjectively.

40%

Voted: 5

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Why does a person criticize? Is criticism helpful?

The man who criticized everything and everyone also criticized one picture. Someone standing next to him asked: “Have you yourself ever created anything so beautiful?” The man replied: “My dear, I don’t know how to lay eggs, but I know very well whether they are good or rotten!” We often encounter people criticizing and being criticized. Why do people criticize? What is the psychology of criticism? Is criticism useful? How to conduct positive criticism? How does criticism affect the human psyche? Criticism can be expressed verbally, in writing, or through action. The dictionary states that criticism is the discovery and demonstration of the positive and negative qualities, shortcomings and excesses, the beautiful and ugly sides of a person, work or issue. A positive or negative assessment of criticism, from a moral point of view, depends on when, where, in relation to whom, to what extent, for what purpose and with what intentions it is carried out. If you look at it from this angle, then criticism can be of two types - positive, i.e. constructive, beneficial, and negative, i.e. destructive, harmful. Based on these factors, the impact of criticism can be just as different. Why does a person criticize? From the point of view of improving personal and social life, it is useful when mistakes are noticed and pointed out with good intentions and in such a way that the person and his environment do not suffer as a result. Such positive criticism carries with it the idea of ​​correcting mistakes. Those who, within the framework of family or society, stubbornly adhere to negative criticism, over time fall into such a state that over time they begin to look for the bad sides in everything. It often happens that this kind of criticism becomes a kind of habit. Destructive criticism may be based on emotions and personal considerations. Rivalry and envy also constantly push a person to criticize. In this situation, there is no good intention or goal to fix anything or solve any problem, and therefore both parties are harmed. In short, one cannot speak with the intention of “beating the vinedresser instead of eating grapes.” Although sincerity in assessments, rejection of emotions and personal considerations in most cases prevents destructive criticism, we cannot help but encounter the latter if we do not learn to determine its place, time, dose and form. Destructive criticism can turn into a social disease. For example, the destructive criticism heard in the media, even of respected persons who have fallen victim to their emotions, is surprising. Critical judgments expressed during many television discussions, instead of a positive approach, aim to cause material and moral damage to the opponent. Whatever this opponent says, a biased assessment is expressed, and then criticism begins. This pattern, which is causing deep wounds in public life, must be changed before it infects the younger generation. Nowadays, when individualism is presented as liberation in the “personal development” invented in the West, personality and selfishness have become excessively widespread. In this situation, one tries to “destroy in order not to be destroyed,” to surpass others in order to succeed, to criticize others in a destructive manner in order to preserve personal interests. As you can see, selfishness and complacency increase negative criticism. Psychology of a critic In destructive criticism there is a lack of empathy (i.e., the ability to enter into someone else’s position - editor’s note), they don’t think too much about the psychology of the opponent. People who have a sufficient degree of this ability are less prone to destructive criticism. People who focus their attention on negative aspects and pessimists often try to find shortcomings. They are impressed by the mistakes and shortcomings of everyone and everything. A conscious or unconscious pessimistic view of things in people who feel unhappy and experience some dissatisfaction for a long time, the tendency to criticize increases. They may not notice the state they are in. People around them should pay attention to them and come to their aid. For example, a pessimistic child during games regards the normal behavior of his comrades towards him as an evil intention, criticizes them and thinks that he is not loved. In such a situation, people who know him closely should pay more attention to him. People who strive beyond measure for perfection in everything, constantly evaluate themselves and others, as if trying to get rid of any mistakes, exposing them to everyone. They criticize others, causing their stress to deepen. For example, a mother striving for perfection does not even agree with her child’s “B” grade, demanding only “A” grades from him. This can cause stress in the child and reduce his academic performance. Demanding and expecting perfection can cause many good things to disappear. Subconsciously, the critic may think: “I know better, I can do better!” Based on this thought, he finds shortcomings in people or events and, in accordance with this, in his characteristic manner, proves that he knows something better than his opponent, thus becoming the cause of increasing selfishness and narcissism. This kind of criticism can gradually become destructive. Some criticize in order to unconsciously hide their own mistakes. Such cases are especially common within organizations. The critic believes that by subjecting others to criticism or finding their shortcomings, he strengthens his own positions and hides his own mistakes. In a family, attributing mistakes to the expense of others also prevents a person from correcting his mistakes and upsets the balance between its members. People who constantly evaluate everything and everyone from a negative point of view not only become stressed and doubtful themselves, but also spread negative energy to their surroundings, which leads to their isolation. Psychology of the criticized Every word spoken is reflected on the opposite side. Reflection can be positive or negative. Before we evaluate, we need to consider why we criticize something, and also anticipate who will benefit and to what extent as a result of it. We must not forget that our words will not only be a message to our opponent, but also that they will influence that person's actions in the future. It should be remembered that assessments that we could not formulate positively may harm the other side.

Criticism puts stress mainly on the person being criticized, and this eventually leads to distance between people and each other. It has been noticed that people who subject everything to destructive criticism are lonely even in their families. People around them stop telling them anything because they are constantly met with negative assessments. Along with criticism, the interlocutor may feel offended and feel alienated. If you constantly talk about a person’s shortcomings, then his self-esteem becomes negative, he feels inferior and a failure. In such a situation, his feeling of anxiety increases, and people in a state of anxiety and stress make more mistakes. Thus, a vicious circle is obtained. Criticism creates stress, which leads to mistakes. A person who makes a lot of mistakes receives more negative evaluations. Criticism can cause both a loss of courage and increased passivity of the opponent, and lead to an increase in his irritation. People who constantly hear negative words become timid due to fear of criticism. And if the person being criticized becomes angry, the dialogue with him is disrupted. Given the presence of many positive aspects, it is inexplicable to emphasize only his mistakes and negative qualities. Ignoring the positive qualities of the person being criticized causes their number to decrease. In a garden full of beautiful flowers, paying attention to only a few weeds can result in fewer flowers. A person who is constantly criticized may feel unhappy and withdraw into himself. How is positive criticism carried out? When assessing any issue or person, the style we choose is very important. Whether the other party benefits from our criticism depends largely on our intentions, which must be made felt through the language we use and the approach we take to the subject. Our manner and style are very important. We must avoid behaving in a way that antagonizes our opponent. Criticism should remain soft, then it becomes positive and constructive. In this way, we set the stage for the other party to “turn on its antennae” and benefit from our opinion. If our intentions and style are not accepted by the person being criticized, then this leads to him moving away from us, and he stops listening to our words. If the object of our criticism, in our opinion, has shortcomings and negative qualities, then our criticism will be subjective. For objective criticism it is necessary to make an assessment in accordance with criteria and standards. Here we can give the following example: if at the beginning of your speech you use the expressions “in my opinion”, “it seems to me”, “I believe”, then the opposite side may take the comments with hostility. However, if you instead begin your comments with “according to such and such research,” “according to the opinion of certain authorities,” basing your standards on objective sources, then this can be the basis for positive results. Criticism of our superiors or people who share their knowledge and experience with us is considered positive because their expression of their views ensures that the other party receives benefits and positive results. Thanks to such criticism, many improve themselves and try to free themselves from their shortcomings. The presence of such an assessment is even necessary from the point of view of upbringing and education. Even if our criticism is aimed at correcting our opponent’s mistakes, this can lead to the opposite result - that this mistake will take root. Instead of saying what a person is wrong about, we should say what he should be like. If our opponent is accustomed to having his mistakes pointed out to him, then it would be wrong to constantly repeat such criticism. Constantly drawing attention to errors can cause them to become entrenched. Instead, it will be more useful to highlight its positive aspects and only point out its shortcomings. In relationships with children, it is important to emphasize their positive qualities. For example, you asked a question in class. One of the students answered, but incorrectly. In this situation, we must, without pointing out the error, reassure the child by showing the positive aspects of his answer, the grains of knowledge contained in his answer, and only then say that the answer is incorrect. Then the student will not be offended and will not lose courage to answer the next question. Those who work in a team should avoid criticizing their colleagues. A person who criticizes opens the door to counter-criticism and causes slander and slander to escalate, resulting in damage to the spirit of collectivism. People begin to constantly see each other's mistakes, the relationships of brotherhood and community are disrupted. We must proceed from the following: “Criticizing everything, objecting to everything is a blow aimed at destruction. If a person does not like something, he should try to create something better. The result of destruction is ruins, and the result of creation is cities.” Is criticism helpful? Positive criticism is beneficial, while destructive criticism is harmful. Criticism is useful in preventing the continuation of erroneous actions and their proliferation. A person has a need to look at himself in the mirror. Positive criticism plays the role of a mirror in which we see ourselves, our mistakes and correct them. Appropriate criticism is necessary for the proper flow of the process where people work in a team, but destructive criticism in such places causes serious problems. Instead, positive criticism should be carried out. Most of us don't like having our mistakes pointed out. Pointing them out using appropriate language and our agreement with such criticism is necessary from the point of view of personal improvement. In the field of education and upbringing, positive criticism not only provides them with support, but also ensures their contribution to the development of science. Let's be partners with our bosses, our subordinates, and our families. Positive attitudes should dominate our daily lives. We see that people who look at their surroundings from this point of view succeed and are greatly loved by others. Conclusion If those who criticize everything do not treat themselves with the utmost severity, this prevents them from correcting their own mistakes. Those who constantly criticize others must be equally sensitive to their own mistakes. The habit of criticizing can open the door to gossip and slander. Therefore, a person who begins to criticize may, after some time, become the object of gossip and slander. Constructiveness and affirmation of positive aspects were always encouraged. “He who sees beauty thinks beautifully, and he who thinks beautifully enjoys life.” This expression should be our standard. If we base our outlook on life on this, we will not offend anyone and will act constructively. Although it is known that it is easier to spoil than to correct, it is noted that the destructive manner of criticism is spreading in our society. It is difficult to act positively in an environment where negative criticism of opponents provides a person with advantages, and it is easy to find people who applaud this. In order to speak like this, taking into account the state of mind of the opponent, before starting criticism, it is necessary to carefully weigh the pros and cons.

Dr. H. Aydinli, "New Frontiers"

Why does criticism offend people?

Human psychology is such that not everyone is ready to perceive value judgments adequately to reality. Even if a person objectively evaluates the qualities or character of the subject of evaluation. Many people turn on a defensive reaction in the form of a retaliatory search for flaws, shortcomings, in the form of a desire to show an imaginary opponent that he is “also far from ideal.” This is often characteristic of people with high self-esteem, inflated out of nothing. This is a problem for them, because even the judgments of well-wishers are met with hostility.

So, let's look at why people might be offended by criticism. Here are typical examples with reasons:

• judgments are not adequate to the facts . An example is amateur, unprofessional criticism. This is when, say, a teacher blames a student for looking for a solution to a problem in an unconventional way, but getting the result. We can’t talk about objectivity here;
• criticism is excessive . There are vulnerable and touchy people who, when faced with being criticized, do not defend themselves using objective facts, but simply “absorb”, being offended. At the same time, they are not ready to do anything even with themselves. Even if the value judgments made against them are objective;
• criticism is a consequence of aggression or anger . Any person, realizing that here and now they are trying to criticize him or are being criticized only because there is a hidden grudge, that a conflict has occurred, may experience a feeling of indignation and resentment. He understands that if it weren’t for the problematic situation, nothing would have happened.

Have you ever encountered criticism that was offensive?

Yes. And often it is judgments that are not adequate to reality that cause resentment. Excessive criticism also hurts.

60%

No. I perceive any criticism objectively and evaluate myself first.

0%

I don't care about criticism. Let them think what they want about me. I know myself better than anyone.

20%

Any value judgment addressed to me hurts me very much. If it's not positive.

20%

Voted: 5

Criticism: good and different

Let's start with the fact that criticism can be different - constructive and unconstructive. A very important skill in the life of any person is the ability to distinguish between these two types of criticism. The matter is complicated by the fact that criticism, in fact, can be not two, but four types:

• constructive both in form and content;
• constructive in content, but non-constructive in form;
• constructive in form, but non-constructive in content;
• unconstructive both in form and content.

Example: a housewife wife did not have time to prepare dinner for her husband’s arrival and asked him to wait half an hour. The husband is very hungry, and he also warned his wife about the time of his arrival in advance. How might his criticism sound?

“I’m upset that you didn’t prepare dinner, although you knew in advance when I would come. I am very hungry. I ask you to time it better next time.” This criticism is constructive in both form and content. The wife will most likely react calmly and take the criticism into account for the future. The evening will end in a warm atmosphere.

“I think you need to think about your ability to plan your day. Until you get over it.” This criticism is polite and constructive, but only in form; its content is incorrect, because there is an inappropriate generalization. Perhaps the wife’s whole day was planned well: she managed to take the child to school, go to the market for groceries, clean up the house, pick up the child from school and take him to additional classes, bring him home, feed him. She had an objectively busy day, and her late dinner was not at all the result of poor planning. Most likely, a woman will react precisely to the form (with aggression, uncertain excuses or offended silence). She will consider herself unfairly affected. However, if the husband is accustomed to criticizing in a constructive manner, then perhaps the wife is also accustomed to responding constructively. It is quite possible that the conflict will be resolved if the husband admits that he was wrong and reformulates the phrase.

“Why isn’t dinner ready?!” As always, there is nothing to eat! Why should I wait, coming home hungry after a hard day?!” This criticism is generally correct in content, but incorrect in form. Most likely, the wife will make excuses, and if the flow of criticism does not stop, then either defensive aggression will “turn on”, or she will be offendedly silent, putting a plate of food in front of him after half an hour. Perhaps she will draw conclusions for herself for the future, because... There is a rational grain in criticism, but its mood will be spoiled. Even though her husband was right about the message, she will feel resentful. The evening (perhaps more than one) will be ruined. When this situation is repeated frequently, mutual understanding in the family is called into question.

"Sad sack! I got a bad mistress!” This phrase is unconstructive both in content and form. Firstly, the husband does not condemn his wife’s actions, but gives a negative assessment of her personality, and moreover, in a rude form. Secondly, such “criticism” does not bring any benefit; it does not help to overcome shortcomings in a person’s actions, but only causes a response surge of negativity. In general, this is the worst type of criticism, literally “corroding”, like rust, any relationship.

Thus, completely constructive criticism works best, i.e. correct in content and expressed correctly and respectfully. Such criticism is necessary for each of us, since it reflects, as in a mirror, our shortcomings, shortcomings, and mistakes. And precisely because she speaks out correctly, we get a chance to correct these mistakes. Of course, such criticism can be unpleasant, but it is the one that has the greatest chance of being heard and perceived.

Other types of criticism cause mainly negative emotions, leading to defensive reactions of either self-justification, or repelling an “attack,” or to silent self-criticism. This path can lead to the destruction of relationships or to the forced preservation of a “good face in a bad game,” when the criticized person is so dependent on the critic that he cannot break off the relationship and decides to endure (“I live with him and suffer, but where will I go with two children?”, “The boss is bad, but the salary is good”). This is a path of dissatisfaction, leading to depression and emotional outbursts.

Rules for using criticism

Criticism will only fully comply with the concept we presented at the beginning of the article (analysis, evaluation, judgment on the principles of objectivity) when it is reasoned and benevolent. Professionals are of the opinion that the combination of benevolence and objectivity is the “golden rule” of any specialist working in the field of criticism. Yes, they are pros at finding disadvantages, they see shortcomings and point out them, but they understand that if they hurt someone or offend them, they will not get results and will not become in demand.

Here are examples of how to use criticism correctly and incorrectly (within different situations):

• school. Teacher and pupil. The latter failed to cope with the task. It’s bad to tell him: “You won’t make an intelligent person.” It’s good: “You need to try harder, you will be able to solve more difficult problems”;
• production. Boss and subordinate. The latter allows for the release of marriage. It’s bad if the boss says: “We don’t need such workers, we’re losing money.” It’s good when he objectively assesses the situation: “This will lead to small losses, we will not feel them. Please be more careful to avoid mistakes in the future. We believe in your professionalism";
• public transport. Young man and grandmother. The latter inadvertently soils the former’s shoes with her stroller. It’s bad if a young man says: “Blind old woman, don’t you see where you’re throwing your junk?” It’s good if he makes a gentle remark: “Granny, you need to be more careful.”

These are just examples.

The most important principles of criticism: objectivity, balance, logic, benevolence, reasoning. Without observing them, any judgment turns into a stream of unfounded verbal anger, even if the presentation is soft.

Determine if criticism is valid

Obviously, the social circle of any of us is not so wide that each time criticism addressed to us comes from a new person. Most likely, the source of criticism is our immediate environment, with whom we are in constant contact. Therefore, do not be afraid to take a break to think about it - after all, the situation will repeat itself soon, but you will already know exactly how objective it is in relation to you.

As we have already said, there can be many reasons to criticize you. The comments or complaints made to you can be either “dummies” or completely constructive. There are 2 simple ways to determine the validity of criticism:

• Brainstorm

So, if you are objective and honest with yourself, then you are quite capable of independently determining how justified you are being criticized. To do this, the situation must be thoroughly analyzed:

- try to understand for what purpose the interlocutor is making complaints to you;

— weigh your actions, give them an objective and independent assessment;

- give an objective assessment of the “critic”, determine whether he is a “toxic person” or objectively wants to help you;

To carry out such an analysis, you will need time. Therefore, do not rush to react as usual - argue or get upset, but give yourself time to think. You can answer directly: “I’ll think about it.” The main thing is, even if you are 100% sure that you are right, always allow for at least a small chance that this may not be the case. And with this attitude, subject the situation to a deep analysis.

• Call a friend

The second effective way that will help you understand whether you are being criticized objectively or not is an outside view from a person close to you, for example, a friend. If you have a trusting relationship, explain the situation to him and let him express his opinion. Perhaps it will help you realize your mistakes, or verify the bias of your claims.

The importance of responding correctly to criticism

You need to take criticism correctly. An incorrect reaction can lead to altercations, conflicts, and other consequences. Especially when it comes to correct judgments, for example, comments from elders about a too noisy group of teenagers sitting on the playground to drink alcohol late at night.

The correct attitude towards criticism is based on:

• introspection . “Is the totality of judgments adequate to the facts?” If yes, then you need to take them calmly;
• rationality of judgments . “Even if there is no judgment, I am sure that some ridiculous remark will not unsettle me.” I know myself better than anyone;
• analysis of the critic . “If a person is a critic, then he cannot live without assessing those around him and looking for flaws. I won’t let him feed on my energy.” Sometimes ignoring or turning everything into a joke, for example, is the best solution.

We do not encourage readers to encourage criticism or turn a blind eye to it. We call for rationality and objectivity. Painful, aggressive criticism, judgments caused by anger or rage deserve a reaction. But not angry. That is why it is extremely important when faced with them: to analyze yourself; reason rationally; analyze the critic.

The importance of the correct reaction is due to the already indicated probability of consequences.

How do you most often respond to criticism?

I am objective in accepting comments and first analyze myself to decide whether the critic is right.

20%

I think rationally in any situation. It seems to me that not a single remark, even the most caustic one, can unsettle me.

0%

I prefer to analyze and evaluate the critic in response.

40%

I prefer to ignore criticism or pretend that I don't care about opinions.

40%

Voted: 5

How to perceive criticism and respond to it correctly?

You need to accept criticism if the critic:

• follows the “golden rule”, that is, is objective and friendly;
• adheres to other rules and principles such as argumentation, logic, while putting pressure on me and not pressing me, not reproaching me;
• strives to give useful advice, making a comment, wants to get a positive result, to guide.

You should not make value judgments if:

• they are just a tool of manipulation. Example: “You cannot gain our respect until you do this, until you become like this. Or can't you?";
• The critic's goal is to humiliate the individual. No one has the right to humiliate someone else's dignity. The reaction to such judgments must be adequate to reality. Remember the “golden rule” and other principles. This is the only way you can give a worthy rebuff.

Reactions to criticism: examples

Here are 10 examples of how people of different personalities and personality types can respond to criticism:

1. Justification . “I am not what they think I am!”; “I’m smarter than you say, because I completed the course...” These are examples. Justification is essentially bad, because the critic sees that the person is not even defending himself, but is looking for reasons for justification, that is, in fact, he has accepted the judgment, but does not want to show it.
2. Counterattack . “That’s how I am!”; “That’s what I hear!” Depending on the context of the situation, a counterattack can lead to either a positive or negative outcome.
3. Adoption . "You didn't do your job well." Answer: “Yes, that’s true, I’ll improve.” You need to make a judgment if it is objective and corresponds to reality.
4. Please clarify the point . “I don’t agree, could you give reasons for your position?”; “This statement means nothing!” It works when a specific judgment has no basis.
5. Rejection . "It's a bullshit"; “You are completely wrong.” Works in combination with a request for clarification of the essence.
6. Avoiding an answer, refusing to demonstrate a reaction . This is ignoring. It works if the critic is a passive amateur. There will be no example: here it is enough to remain silent or move the topic of conversation in another direction.
7. A counterattack to put an unjust critic in his place. “You are talking about something in which you yourself managed to distinguish yourself”; “Your judgments are subjective and baseless.” These are just examples, but even the most aggressive critic can be pacified.
8. Operating with facts . With the help of facts you can refute any judgment. The method works in case of reasoned rejection. Example: “You are wrong, because “fact No. 1”, “fact No. 2”, I do not consider your arguments rational.”
9. Search for alternatives . This is not about alternatives in the truest sense. Example: “Instead of criticizing me, look after yourself.” This is a special case of a counterattack.
10. Humor and jokes . Examples: “You hit where it hurts, you scoundrel!”; “Everyone has known this for a long time, yes, that’s who I am!”

The best option is to translate aggression into humor. This is for the case when the criticism is not benevolent and reasoned, but comes from an aggressor, an evil person. Sarcasm and humor will help defuse the situation, but not always. There are other ways of reacting, depending on the individual.

How to answer

When a person is criticized, a stressful situation is created. There are three responses to stress: fight, flight, and freeze. A person can respond to criticism with aggression and begin to defend himself - this is the “hit” reaction. When a person does not want to listen to criticism, he can simply walk away and slam the door - this is the “flight” response. The worst option is the “freeze” reaction: a person silently listens to criticism or agrees with it, does not defend himself in any way, and then gets upset.

Often people don't understand why they criticize others. Therefore, the response to criticism is “Why did you say that now?” and wait for an answer.

Olesya, Moscow:

“Once my mother came to visit me and could not ignore the wilted flower on the windowsill.
She said: “Your energy is bad, so the flowers are withering.” I asked why she was telling me this. Mom was confused, thought about it and said: “Well, yes, I said something stupid.” And the next day she called and apologized. Sometimes the question “Why did you say that?” helps to understand what is behind a person’s criticism. For example, a husband returned from work and began to criticize his wife: the house is a mess, she didn’t do her homework with the children, and the borscht is tasteless. Perhaps the boss yelled at the husband at work, but the husband cannot fight back, so he takes out his anger on his wife. In such a situation, the wife needs not only to ask why her husband is saying all this, but also to defend personal boundaries - to say that she will not communicate in such a tone and that they can discuss everything when the husband calms down.

What is the use of criticism?

Criticism can be harmful, but sometimes it is useful. It can be destructive and negative, but sometimes it is constructive and benevolent. We will talk about the latter case, because there can be no benefit from harm.

So, criticism based on the “golden rule” and the previously mentioned principles can become the basis for:

• introspection . “Is the man right?” If yes, find the reasons within yourself and work through them;
• self-development and self-improvement . “He talks about real flaws, I will work on them”;
• working through problematic situations . “I can not only work on self-development, but also listen to objective opinions in order to prevent the repetition of unpleasant events in the future.”

Is there any benefit from criticism or is it evil?

There is definitely a benefit. Especially when it comes to the opinion of a person competent in a particular field.

20%

By definition, there can be no benefit in criticism. Why offend or try to prick a person or belittle the quality of some thing? If you don't like it, keep quiet.

20%

Can not say. Probably, everything depends on the case and the type of judgments, on the manner of their presentation.

60%

Voted: 5

How do you know if criticism is fair?

When a person is criticized, his first instinct is often to try to interrupt the accuser and start defending himself, but it is very important to let him finish. :

1. Do the critic's words correspond to reality?
2. What is the criticism directed at - at you as a person or at your actions, actions, your work? Getting personal is rarely constructive, especially when your qualities that are not directly related to the issue at hand are being condemned.
3. Does this person seem to have good intentions and is trying to help you?
4. Is the speaker really interested in solving the problem and achieving mutual understanding, or does he have other goals - for example, he just wants to vent his frustrations or elevate himself by putting you down?
5. Does he demonstrate feelings of envy, anger, resentment, etc. that are not related to the issue at hand? Pay attention to tone of voice, facial expressions, body language.
6. Are you criticized one-on-one or publicly? If publicly, why in front of these people?
7. Is the person addressing you or is his presentation intended for others?
8. Is he competing with you for status or position?
9. Do his words really reflect his opinion or is it something personal?
10. Is he projecting onto you his own problems that you know about?
11. Is he ready to listen to your answer?
12. Does he respect your right to have a different opinion and make your own choices?
13. Is he ready to make concessions to reach a compromise?

FAQ

The following are answers to questions frequently asked by people interested in the topic of criticism.

Who shouldn't be criticized?

You shouldn't criticize people who work hard. Also, you should not criticize people who have achieved success in something. We also urge readers to refrain from making critical judgments about vulnerable and sensitive people. In the first case, first of all, it is worth thinking about why a person devotes himself to work. It is likely that he has reasons: lack of money, an attempt to forget himself, sincere passion for his work. In the second case, criticism will only talk about envy. Instead of criticizing successful people, you should try to achieve something on your own, to conquer some heights. The third is about a situation when a person needs more support, help, but not assessments. They can drive it deeper into themselves and sharpen sensitivity.

Who can you criticize?

A striking example of the appropriateness of judgments is the comments of real professionals. If, say, a manager gives you advice at work, does it softly and tactfully notes what learning them can bring, you should listen. Another example to understand is advice from a friend, significant other, or other person that is not based on something negative. Try to distinguish well-wishers from ill-wishers. This will make it easier to “filter” criticism.

Why is criticism dangerous?

The danger of criticism comes down to the fact that as a result, the likelihood of offending the person subjected to value judgments becomes quite high. If we are talking about strong friendships or warm connections, they can spoil the relationship. Especially if they are subjective. We recommend that you refer to the section “Rules for using criticism”. Knowing them will allow you not only not to offend people, but also to separate valuable advice from subjective judgments on the part of others.

Where does the habit of criticizing come from?

Psychologists note that often the habit of criticizing is a psychological defense. This instrument is developed by people who have previously been subjected to unfounded value judgments, who have suffered from this, and even experienced depression. For them, criticism is a tool for preventing attacks and critical statements from others.

What are people called who criticize everything?

These are critics. If a critic is also a perfectionist, things are bad. Often this combination leads to people becoming toxic and starting to look for something bad, flaws, cons in everything and everyone.

- Who should not be criticized -

I once interviewed journalist Otar Kushanashvili, and he said: “I would never speak out against guys who work around the clock, for example Malakhov and Nagiyev, although I don’t understand anything of what they do.” Now I have also begun to realize this simple truth: you cannot criticize people who work hard. Even if you don't understand anything they do. The rule is: “You don’t have the right to open your mouth if you haven’t achieved anything and don’t know a damn thing about this matter.” And period. Sitting on the couch or at the computer and grumbling does not require much intelligence. But creating something yourself is a difficult thing, not always understandable to those who have never tried to act. As Churchill once said: “We have so many people who know how to govern a state. But, unfortunately, they all already work as taxi drivers or housekeepers.”

§Man critic

¹Why do people constantly criticize others?

People criticize others without thinking that there are no perfect people. People criticize others, although throughout their entire life, any person does more than a dozen wrong things. Be it in childhood or adulthood, at home or at a professional level. People are strongly attached to comfort and stability. And at the same time, if others make mistakes or act incorrectly, then critics believe that they are violating this peace and their rules. They believe that they are being prevented from living a happy life. Such people try to immediately figure it out and be sure to point out the mistakes to others. They begin to explain so that in future they know that they should not do this: that it unbalances them. – That is, a real egoistic position in relationships that turns into internal conflict

Public humiliation

It may be unintentional and not even conscious. This could be an insult in transport, a hasty remark from a boss in front of colleagues, criticism or a remark from a parent in front of friends. It can vary in intensity and level of significance. But humiliation in itself is a gross violation of our boundaries, and if it also happens in the presence of others, we receive a double blow.

And if we don’t know how to cope with it, then even the most fleeting, short-term humiliation can greatly ruin our lives.

How to calmly respond to unfounded criticism

The most common and unpleasant type of criticism is unfounded. In this case, your main weapon should be calmness and prudence. Remember that worries, arguments and aggression will not help you cope with the situation. What will help is the correct attitude, total calm and a competent answer.

When you hear unfounded criticism, do not forget for what purpose it is being done. Increase your own self-esteem, show off your intelligence, unbalance you... In any case, a biased opinion should not have any meaning for you, be calm like a boa constrictor.

Also, be lenient, because most likely you are dealing with a person experiencing internal contradictions, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-realization, etc. Learn to forgive your interlocutor , but do not let him criticize you with impunity. Your weapon is calmness and a razor-sharp response. No disputes or proof. Cut from the shoulder:

“Your opinion on this issue does not interest me” is a universal phrase that does not even leave a chance for further criticism of you. However, be prepared for the fact that the interlocutor will harbor a grudge against you or stop communicating. Maybe for the better?

“Who are you anyway (to teach me)?” - a reasonable question for situations in which the interlocutor is not in a position to criticize you. He is not your boss or coach. Calmly remind the emu of this and enjoy the reaction.

“It’s strange to hear this from a person who...” and continue the phrase, pointing out to the interlocutor that he himself also does not show competence in the issue raised. An excellent answer for cases when the critic doesn’t see a log in his garden, but in yours he finds fault with straws.

“You need to understand the situation first” is a very delicate answer, suitable for cases when criticism of you is based on biased facts. And you don’t have to explain what exactly the critic is wrong about, let him figure it out himself.