When tension grabs you by the throat, and disappointments pour in like a cornucopia, you seriously begin to think that someone has put a curse on you. Day after day goes by like this, but you cannot find a solution to your problems. And then a close friend or family member appears on the horizon and will give you brilliant advice.
This friendly and optimistic person will advise you to give up on problems and go with the flow. But for some reason you still can’t relax, suspecting your friend of immature thinking. Let's talk about whether this simple advice is the best way to get rid of problems? Can the goal you set be achieved if you surrender to the mercy of the turbulent flow of events?
What does it mean to “go with the flow”?
The origin of another similar catchphrase, “come what may,” is attributed to the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. Apparently, the ruler urged his subjects not to waste energy in the fight against the existing social order. The Emperor advised people to accept things as they are.
As if the current of a stormy river could carry you, washing you to the part of the shore that fate has chosen for you. At the same time, you yourself do not decide anything, but simply gratefully accept all future events. Handy advice for a ruler, isn't it? Thousands of dissenting people will never rebel against the system, but will blindly obey all the instructions of “providence.”
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See opportunities
It is believed that luck does not favor the lazy. And also inattentive. A successful person knows how to see opportunities and take advantage of them. There is an experiment by Richard Wiseman: the scientist gathered people who considered themselves incredibly lucky or, conversely, terribly unlucky, and gave them the task of counting the number of illustrations in a newspaper. The “lucky ones” did it in seconds because they were more attentive and immediately found information in one of the headlines: “Stop counting, there are 43 photos in the newspaper.” When you rush towards your goal and don’t look around, you miss a lot.
There is no secret formula for finding opportunities. It is enough to be open to experiments and not ignore suggestions that come your way. The main thing is that everything is within the law and does not harm anyone. And it is important not to exclude common sense: opportunities must also be sifted out. Self-development is about the choices we make every day.
A small example. There are sweepstakes on social networks where the winner is offered a choice of either 1000 rubles or a prize: a book or something else. Many choose money, because it seems rational and correct. In fact, it is very difficult to spend 1000 rubles with real benefit for yourself; in 99% of cases the money will be spent on unimportant trifles. In this case, the prize is a chance to change yourself and a reason to try something new. 1000 rubles won’t change you, but a book will.
The blog helps me find opportunities. Interesting offers come directly to your direct message. I took a speed reading course, started taking vocal lessons, painted a picture using the fluidart technique, and resumed my English classes. Could you live without it? Undoubtedly! But this is much more interesting. And who knows where this will lead me in six months. Some opportunities attract others. Money to money, chances to chances.
Gratitude fridge. Even notorious revolutionaries like me have drawn up a wish map at least once in their lives. And although I no longer believe in it, I readily admit that it helps many. But that's not what this post is about. ⠀⠀ For some reason, we pay a lot of attention to what we still want to achieve, but we forget about what we have already achieved. It seems to me that in addition to the wish map, you should also keep a map of your dreams come true. For me, these are partly magnets on the refrigerator (putting them on the façade is considered terribly vulgar, but I can’t help it). You look at all these cities and countries and you think: I’m not a traveler! Each new magnet is like a new page in your gratitude journal. The gratitude refrigerator - in my case.⠀⠀ One of the signs of impostor syndrome is focusing on small mistakes and ignoring big achievements. Literally at the last two consultations on self-determination, the girls had an assignment - to write their skills in a column, and next to them - key events in life. And then use arrows to mark which skills led to which events. And every time I heard the answer: “a very difficult task, I sat down to write the first column, and realized that I couldn’t do anything like that, I became sad.” And before that, in the questionnaires the words “I received an education about everything and nothing,” “I do organizational bullshit,” etc. Just a minute: being an organizer is not bullshit!! In general, not everyone can do it. ⠀⠀ We were raised with the attitude that modesty is decorative, there is no need to yak, if you want to ask, raise your hand, and so on. And in the end, you are afraid to praise yourself once again and all your achievements are not anchored in any way. ⠀⠀ Therefore, I suggest a moment to increase self-esteem. Write in the comments what you know/can do (I can, but I don’t also count)? Important: these should not be skills acquired from birth, but the result of your merits. ⠀⠀ For example, I can swim, watch movies in English, read at a speed of 535 words per minute, dance in an empty carriage, type with a ten-finger touch method, scuba dive to a depth of 12 meters, write articles, learn everything about a person from open sources in 30 minutes, organize people and processes, joke, don’t joke, and drop everything. What do you have?
Posted by Zen in the City (@joecooker) May 29, 2021 at 10:59 am PDT
The pointlessness of fighting windmills
In modern psychology, there are two completely different interpretations of this phraseological unit. We all understand that there is no point in fighting at windmills. And if we encounter this insurmountable barrier, it would be reasonable to retreat from our original goals. It’s not for nothing that the ancient sages said that an intelligent person will not rise to the occasion. He will stop, think and will definitely find a workaround.
Psychologists do not suggest relying entirely on the notorious current. This technique must be used selectively. For example, why grieve that nature did not endow you with tall height? Can't you find other ways to stand out from the crowd?
Every person faces disappointment
Your parents weren't rich and didn't leave you a million-dollar inheritance? You couldn't afford to study at the most prestigious university? You don't have enough money to buy an apartment in the city you love with all your heart? Probably, all these circumstances could have a depressing effect on your psyche.
However, you need to understand that everyone's life is filled with disappointing events. The rich go bankrupt, students with prestigious diplomas do not work in their field, and the beauty of architecture is not perceived so keenly by us if we see it on a daily basis.
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This is why you shouldn't focus your energy on what you don't have. Take it as a given: there are things that cannot be changed. Just go with the flow. Somewhere around the bend of the river bed, fate has probably prepared some kind of surprise for you. For now, focus on those aspects of existence that are under your control.
Be flexible
That is, do not resist circumstances, do not cling to plans and be ready to change them. While some theories advise setting a destination and purposefully moving towards it, I advise choosing a lifestyle and a vector of development. If you don't see the end goal, you can jump higher than you planned. In this sense, plans are limiting. Flexibility also allows you to make your life path more interesting.
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Just six months ago I didn’t know that I would write a book, become a diver, buy a second apartment and get an American visa. I didn’t plan anything like this - I just reacted to the opportunities that came into my hands. I didn’t literally plan it: for example, in February I put a bonus on deposit and thought that I would remember about it only a year later, but after a couple of months I withdrew the money ahead of schedule because I came across an apartment that I wanted to buy.
The yellow line is life without fixed plans, while jumps “up and down” do not have poles, they are simply different directions. The red line is life as a series of pre-marked events with a definite end point. Yellow is interesting. Red is more reliable and calmer.
What does it mean to choose a vector or a way of life? Globally, everyone has approximately the same vector - self-development with adjustments to personal abilities and hobbies. Some people are more interested in sports. For some - in books, courses, trainings. For some - in science, conferences. Some people have creative hobbies like drawing, dancing, singing.
I don't consider myself successful. I don’t consider it unsuccessful either. I'm fine with my self-esteem. I just don't apply this criterion to myself. I consider myself cheerful, easy-going, versatile, charismatic, smart, stupid, pragmatic, rational, tough, strong-willed, authoritarian. But I don’t think in terms of success. This is not constructive. ⠀⠀ However, before the Saturday webinar “How to be successful if you are not a careerist,” I received many questions about what I mean for myself in the concept of success. For me, success is, perhaps, mass publicity and fame. When your name is pronounced, every second person understands who they are talking about. For me, Mark Zuckerberg is successful. Olga Buzova is successful. Success is not when you are recognized on the street, but when you walk the streets without being recognized. Do you feel the difference? And I am widely known in narrow circles, so what kind of success can we talk about? ⠀⠀ A bit like impostor syndrome, right? To devalue your own achievements? Yes and no. I am aware that for many I am a reference point and a role model. And I can appreciate the path that I have already passed and be proud of the fact that I was born in the provinces, and live in Moscow, bought a second apartment (albeit with a mortgage), manage the largest women's website in the country, travel, work on myself every day and learning something new. That I have 30K subscribers, after all. ⠀⠀ My colleague told a story about how she once was on a train for an interview and, mentally preparing for it, recalled various facts from her life, what she had to go through, what heights she had achieved. He says it hit me. I sat and cried because I was so fucking awesome. ⠀⠀ This, it seems to me, is an accurate characteristic of success. If you yourself can cry from the degree of your greatness. Can you?))) or what is success for you?
Posted by Zen in the City (@joecooker) May 27, 2021 at 11:42 am PDT
One of the qualities inherent in entrepreneurs is the ability to live in a state of uncertainty. When you don’t know exactly what will happen tomorrow, but you are ready for anything and are able to accept all the gifts of fate with a light heart. In a sense, living without plans means trusting your intuition and taking more risks. Be the businessman of your life.
Parable of one who prays but drowns
Now let's look at this situation from a different angle. In religious philosophy, there is a well-known parable about a man who prays but drowns. According to this scripture, the Lord sees everything, observes everything, but never interferes. The process of personal development is important to God.
The situation was like this: a deeply devout Christian refused to leave his home during a flood. This man decided to continue praying in the hope that God would save him. He refused to get into the boat with his fellow villagers, rejected the helicopter and pushed aside a driftwood that was passing by. The water kept rising and rising, and the man continued to pray.
Eventually the devout Christian drowned. When he came to God and asked in bewilderment why he didn’t save him, the Almighty answered: “I gave you three chances, you didn’t use any of them. What kind of help were you expecting?
Up or down? How to move along the river?
Down or up? Where to go?
About six years ago I wrote an article that was published in the RR newspaper... I recently re-read it... and thought - so many years have passed since these lines were written, and I still don’t know if I would end up on a new river for myself - should you go up or down the river? On the one hand, if you move up and cast up and cast down, the fish see you less. But often such retrieving is too fast, the bait flies in front of the fish’s eyes at such a speed that the fish simply do not have time to grab it...
It would be great if Spinningline readers read and shared THEIR experience in this direction...
Chub fishing on small and medium rivers
When you come to a river that has been recommended for chub, you not only have to find the right place for fishing, but also figure out how to deliver bait to this place. Often very good places are only accessible for fishing against the current and are completely unsuitable for fishing with the current. Most often, this is hampered by the branches of coastal bushes and trees hanging over the water, which do not allow making a targeted cast upstream, or upstream.
Casting direction
But for fishing with a wobbler against the current, casting as such is often not needed: it is enough to open the reel arm, put the bait on the water and float it downstream. At the same time, I can say with complete certainty: over the past 10 years, all of my trophy chub weighing more than 1.5 kg, with the exception of one, were caught by floating a wobbler downstream. There are many reasons for this, but the main one, it seems to me, is one. During the day, a large chub hardly eats; it only grabs what is next to its “hole”. And in order to force him, well-fed and cautious, to rush to the wobbler, it is necessary to hold the bait near the fish site. Therefore, extremely slow retrieval is necessary and often at the maximum possible depth. When fishing upstream, this cannot happen in principle: the bait moves too quickly, faster than the flow, so that the fish often does not have time to see it and attack, especially in muddy water. In addition, upstream fishing requires frequent casting, which can alert the fish and quickly tire the fisherman, despite the fact that the effective retrieve phase is very short, rarely more than ten seconds. But guiding against the current can last several minutes if the place deserves such close attention. By floating a wobbler downstream, it is easier to imitate a natural object, for example, a May beetle that has fallen into the water, the favorite delicacy of the chub. This insect has high positive buoyancy, is almost not wetted by water and, when swimming, tries to paddle with its paws, creating diverging circles on the surface. Therefore, when floating a wobbler, it is useful to slow down the cord by pinching it with your fingers. This must be done intermittently: they allowed the wobbler to accelerate slightly, pick up the flow speed, and then suddenly braked, squeezing the cord. When braking, the wobbler starts up and begins to play, diving slightly under the water. Of course, a beetle that has fallen into the water cannot “go deeper” like that, but this allows the fish’s predatory instincts to turn on, and it attacks the bait.
Rafting distance and good places
The vacation distance depends on your experience and ability to read the river. If there is great depth along the shore, and trees and bushes stand close to the water, this is a very good place and it is worth devoting a lot of time to it, perhaps even several hours. In such places, I usually float the wobbler to the maximum possible distance and start processing the entire area in small pieces. Gradually, from the fragments of the wobbler’s passage of the entire distance, a general picture of the river’s relief along the wiring line is formed, all hits and snags on the bottom and snags are remembered. Moreover, I fish the entire distance in layers, gradually changing wobblers to increasingly deeper ones. Usually, the maximum length of the bait rafting is determined either by the underwater topography of the river (for example, there is no point in rafting further, since the shallow water section begins), or the direction of its flow (bend), or the direction of coastal jets. Usually I act at the limit of reasonable risk, on the verge of a hook, and try to move the bait as close as possible to the shore and, accordingly, to the fish. The wobbler often finds a good place in the river itself.
Let me explain what this means. The principle of guiding a wobbler against the current is similar to rafting with stops: reel in the bait, pause, while the wobbler stands under water, actively playing. There is almost always a pause when you understand from the play of the bait that this place is very good. By moving the wobbler in a “good place” closer or further from the shore by changing the position of the top of the spinning rod and control jerks, you feel the presence of several small local currents. When caught on a faster underwater stream, the wobbler noticeably becomes more active, begins to work with greater frequency and occupies a deeper horizon.
It is precisely this “brazen” behavior of the bait with local movements of varying speeds horizontally and vertically that often provokes a large chub to come out of cover and attack. This tactic allows you to catch very good, sometimes even trophy, chub almost every trip. And often, mind you, at a time when the chub is generally passive throughout the river and even small and medium-sized specimens are not caught. But I must warn you: often the desire to check a place next to a snag sticking out of the water and releasing the wobbler at 50-70 m ends in a dead hook. As a result, you lose an expensive wobbler, and if the cord breaks, you also spoil a promising place, scaring away all the fish. After all, the cord during such a long-distance rafting is by no means straight and can catch some obstacles along the way with the middle part. Although, to be honest, I myself often let the bait go to the limit. You want to check what’s further down the river, but you can’t get close - it’s deep and the current is strong.
Upstream Difficulties
I don’t recommend that beginners rush to master upstream fishing. If you do everything intelligently, and not just throw some bait for the sake of the process itself, then upstream is a very complex fishing technique. In addition to the fact that you need to have some spinning experience and be able to read the river, you need a huge arsenal of baits for proper fishing. And different current strengths and depths require very sensitive spinning rods of different power. In addition, it must be taken into account that with such fishing the percentage of realized bites sharply decreases: the fish has too little time to accurately grab the bait. This especially applies to those cases when there is a fast current in the fishing area, the average depth exceeds 2-2.5 m, and the fish is standing at the very bottom. Then the fish needs time to first rise to the same level as the bait and then attack it. Often the chub does not rise for the bait, and to activate it, a strike is required at the very bottom. To do this, select a pinwheel of a certain weight with a petal shape suitable for a given location.
The reeling speed and position of the spinning rod above the water are chosen such that the rotating petal periodically touches the bottom. With this type of fishing, passive and inactive fish do not need to leave the deep horizon they occupy: the bait is at the level of the fish’s eyes and, one might say, swims into the mouth itself. With all this, despite the rich long-term experience of our team and the huge number - thousands - of baits used, only one decent chub weighing 1700 g, which I mentioned at the very beginning, was caught by upstream. He stood under a snag right in the center of the river. But his capture can be considered more of an accident than the result of my meaningful actions. However, on every fishing trip, when trying to fish upstream, powerful bites occur, the blows are so strong that the wire on the turntables bends. It turns out that we needlessly injured a worthy chub with an excessively fast retrieve.
Therefore, we use this kind of fishing only in those places where it is impossible to fish in any other way, and the presence of fish and the level of its activity must be checked. Moreover, such fishing can hardly be called upstream in the full sense of the word. The method we use is more often called “loop fishing.” The cast is made 30-45 degrees above the fishing point. While the bait, a spinner or a sinking wobbler, is immersed, the required amount of cord is quickly dropped into the water and the entire tackle is buried by closing the reel bow. The current puts pressure on the line, forcing the bait down and across the stream. This technique often allows you to remove most of the small active fish in the posting area. In this case, the bait actually goes “down” relatively little, and the main casting is still done across the river, and then at an angle against the current. When there is a clearly visible hole on the river under the other bank, especially under large trees, then it makes sense to cast against the current. if another position for the spinner on this section of the river is impossible.
A bait that can be accurately thrown over a long distance - most often it is a heavy spinner or a small oscillating spoon with a gliding retrieve on the fall - is sent to the far edge of the pit. The cord must be raised above the water. The bait, once in the hole, catches the entire thickness of the water as it falls. After this, you can start reeling with a reel or immerse part of the cord in water so that the bait works, passing the hole along the entire length. To be fair, it must be said that upstream fishing can still be successfully done during the period when the water has not completely warmed up and some chubs stay in open areas of the river. For example, in bottom depressions, in snags washed away in the middle of the river, next to riffles and drains. Upstream also works during the period of mass emergence of some insects. When the water temperature rises, most of the chubs - and apparently all the large ones, as evidenced by direct observations of submariners - huddle under the shore in shelters, where it is cooler and safer. After this, the effectiveness of upstream fishing becomes minimal.
How can going with the flow lead you to your goal?
What lessons can we learn from this cautionary tale? Sometimes going with the flow and letting go can really help. The hero of the parable was too stubborn and paid for it with his life. But a flexible mind and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances could have saved him.
Each time you accept new game conditions, you have the opportunity to adjust your original plan. It is quite possible that all these edits will be more successful, because they have passed the test of the “current”. This experience is useful because initially we are not able to see all the best opportunities.
You don't have to wake up every day wondering, "What's next?" The next morning you will find yourself in this room again. So why not get outside and explore new possibilities?
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Relax
Efficiency does not mean being 100% busy and having a busy schedule without adding an extra meeting. This is not getting up at 5 am and sleeping for four hours. This is not multitasking and an exploding brain. In order for something new and interesting to happen in life, you need to leave time, energy and space for it. Everything that doesn't make us stronger kills us.
To add more hours to the day and stop always rushing, I rented out my apartment in Khimki and moved closer to work. In my life I now have 3 free hours a day and 60 hours a month. Now I sleep until eight in the morning, always in a good mood, easy to get up for new meetings, because I live almost in the center and it’s a 5-minute walk to the metro, and I spend the free time learning the language, new hobbies and, of course, relaxing.
Question of the day: who is your millionaire? ⠀⠀ Yesterday’s comments to stories showed that we imagine millionaires very differently))) What were the versions: a millionaire is ⠀⠀ - someone who has a million rubles in any form (including if they are invested in real estate, shares etc.) Then the millionaire is me. And half the country too. ⠀⠀ - the one who has a million free money. That is, you can go and withdraw 1 million rubles from your account at any time. A good version, but when a million rubles appeared in my life, I invested it somewhere. And accordingly, you would cease to be considered a millionaire, right? Being a millionaire once a year is so strange. ⠀⠀ - the one who has a million dollars. Especially with the current exchange rate of the ruble, a ruble millionaire seems to be not a millionaire at all. A millionaire must be measured in hard currency. ⠀⠀ My version is like this)) A millionaire is a person with a free million, and this million is replenished. That is, I spent a million this month, and he came to you again the next. It seems to me that it is fairer to call someone who has a net profit of 1 million a month a millionaire. Every month. What do you think - who is this millionaire? And, by the way, what would you spend your free million rubles on then? I invest in real estate, the simplest and not the most effective investment. What would you buy/how would you use it?
Posted by Zen in the City (@joecooker) May 7, 2021 at 11:28 am PDT
