Hi all. When passion cools and physical attraction fades, secret relationships with another man can become unpleasant. At this moment, the girl is wondering how to forget her lover. This is necessary so as not to burden yourself with meaningless relationships. You need to look at them objectively and use methods that will help you get rid of your love addiction to your lover or even to a married man. A married woman will be helped to fall in love with her husband again, raise her own self-esteem and adjust her life harmoniously.
Good reasons to forget your lover
It is always difficult to part with a loved one, because he becomes one of your own and family. If you are still tormented by doubts about whether you should forget the married man you love, first of all you should think about your life. Take a reasonable look to see if the following points are present in the relationship:
- A man who cheats on his wife is untrustworthy. Let's assume that the relationship goes according to the best scenario, he really leaves the family. Think about it, if your beloved is now moving to the left, where is the guarantee that, being in a legal relationship with you, he will give up the search for additional pleasant sensations. In most cases, the new wife takes the role of the previous one, and backup options appear again. Think, maybe you yourself are hindering your own happiness with another man who does not need to be shared with anyone. Is he important enough to break up someone else's family?
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- Different relationship status. If you go from being a mistress to becoming a wife, then you are faced with the same problems that you had in marriage. When a man loses interest in his wife, he wants to get away from everyday life, everyday issues, and established life. If you begin to live with him, then ordinary everyday life will arise. Wouldn’t the lover want to escape from her again in order to find novelty, intrigue, something hot that you are giving him now? Over time, the feelings and emotions that people receive from each other decrease.
- Usually the mistress is given many gifts. The man is constantly trying to please her, to compensate for his absence. He pays for travel, expenses and spares no expense. Generosity is explained by two reasons: the first is the need to keep the girl at any cost, the second is falling in love. When the mistress becomes a wife, there is no point in keeping her, so the feelings subside. If a girl is attracted to money in a relationship, it may end. Add here his responsibilities to his ex-wife and children. Maybe they took out a loan, which will also affect the budget.
- You need to forget an affair with a married man because being a mistress is humiliating. A worthy girl should not take second place in the life of her beloved man. Why only a backup option? Do you like being in hiding all the time, not being able to live freely, to spend time with your partner? After all, if the guy is not going to leave a permanent relationship, the mistress will have to constantly wait for his arrival.
- Another reason to break up with a married lover is the internal side of the issue. Understand yourself: do you really need a serious relationship or do you just like this kind of frivolous connection? If you are not going to create a legal union with a person, then find yourself another man who is not burdened with a family. Then you are free to enjoy the life you like.
Building relationships with your spouse
After solving the issue of how to stop loving a lover, a new problem comes - restoring the relationship with the lawful husband. It’s no longer so easy to abandon a person, trying to forget about everything that connected you.
A woman who betrayed her beloved should be the first to take steps towards her husband. Only in this way can trust, respect and passion return to the couple over time.
The desire to save the family must be mutual, otherwise such relationships are doomed to eternal suffering, reproaches and, as a result, new betrayals.
It is extremely important to sit down and discuss all the misunderstandings that caused your wife to cheat. What exactly might not suit her? Mandatory elaboration of existing problems and maximum efforts aimed at eradicating them will become the new foundation of a strong family.
The woman, in turn, needs to show how important her husband is, how attractive he is in an intimate way, and show more attention. In such difficult periods, it would not be a bad idea to give a man compliments, arrange romantic dinners and joint trips that bring him closer together.
Renewing a relationship with your husband after your wife cheats on you is hard work.
How to get rid of sadness
Whatever the reason for the separation, a woman always experiences strong feelings about this. She is constantly drawn to him alone, he is always in her thoughts, and her heart is breaking with pain. At such moments, it seems that the reasons for separation are not so important. If you understand with your mind that it is irrational to continue a relationship with a married person, find out how to forget your loved one as quickly as possible.
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To get rid of sadness, you must experience it. You cannot deny your own feelings, so immerse yourself in your grief and cry. It is advisable to be alone and allow thoughts to take over you. You may experience different feelings - anger, sadness, disappointment. Try to throw them out in various ways, do not forbid yourself to experience emotions. The faster you rethink them, the faster they will pass. There is no need to wait for this moment, just move on with your life.
It is difficult to say how long it will take to forget your loved one. Every person needs their own period. Know that the pain will disappear, the melancholy will definitely pass. This is hard to believe right now. Don't regret anything. Only the future can be changed, so pay attention to what awaits you, who loves you. You will definitely start a new happy relationship.
To forget your lover, you can use two effective exercises:
- Close your eyes, relax. Imagine the last meeting. Remember all the words, events, relive them again. After that, ask yourself what terrible thing happened when the other person is no longer with you. Imagine yourself in the past and feel sorry for this image. Say warm words of encouragement. Relive past events.
- When phrases appear in your head, words that your ex said, do not try to simply banish them. Mentally or out loud, if no one is around, say: “I agree.” Accept his words and agree with them. This is an important step in accepting the facts that have already happened.
False feelings.
Very often, women think that they will gain nothing by starting a relationship without obligations, for the sake of ordinary sex. But, as a rule, they are wrong. The woman has a complex psyche. She cannot, like a man, forget her partner in the morning. Her feelings often become deeper, and the separation is quite difficult. Therefore, it is better to end all relations with your lover as early as possible, so that you can easily and quickly forget him.
Analysis of situations
Every relationship is special, so the ways to forget a married person will also be different. You simply value some advantages of your relationship; you yourself cannot leave your husband. The most difficult situation is when you need to forget a married man whom you love with all your heart, but he doesn’t love you.
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How to survive the pain of parting if you love him
When a girl experiences serious, real feelings for her ex-lover, the separation causes extreme pain. If you don’t help yourself cope with negative feelings (tears, resentments), the process can become lengthy and turn into depression.
When you cannot be with a person because he has a responsibility to his wife and children, and the prospect of a mistress is impossible for you, then the only way out is to forget the married man you love.
To erase memories of a guy from your memory, you need to increase your self-esteem and confidence. When you respect and value yourself, you realize that you do not deserve such a relationship. You deserve more - a person who appreciates you and makes you happy. How can you love someone who hurts? Figure out why you need to experience this pain, because love is a wonderful feeling that can be mutual and fill a person with energy, happiness and inspiration.
Take off your rose-colored glasses and perceive your lover as he is. You can forget the man you love who is married to another woman without idealizing him. These are his actions and choices towards you.
If you are married yourself
Married women also have lovers. In this case, an affair with a married man is not superficial. There are good reasons for him - the girl has problems with her own husband and is trying to fill the emotional void in the relationship. At the same time, a married admirer may not live up to her hopes and turn out to be frivolous. Then the woman is faced with the question of how to forget her lover if she is strongly attracted to him.
In order to save the family and prevent the husband from finding out about the other, you should end the secret relationship as soon as possible, since men rarely forgive their wives for infidelity, and it is difficult to regain former trust. You need to think about two important tasks: how to forget your lover and love your husband again. The following steps may help in this situation:
- Understand that your husband is an important person in life; you have a lot in common with him.
- Try to restore your former relationship with your spouse. Have romantic evenings and spend quality time.
- Bring back memories with photos.
- Compare two men, highlight those qualities in which the husband is much better.
- Have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse, talk about what you want. Have a constructive conversation: listen to his point of view. You should admit to cheating only if you are sure that it will not completely destroy the marriage.
- Become the same for your husband as you are for your lover. Try to surprise him, entice him, and be interesting to him.
If a relationship with another man appeared, it means that something was wrong in the family. We must try to regain lost happiness, if possible. You only have one life, so you need to think about who you want to spend it with.
If he left you and doesn't love you
If the initiator of the breakup was a man, then the problem arises of how to forget and let go of a married lover. When a girl hoped for this relationship, wanted to become a wife, she needs to try to forget him. You should not create scandals and sort things out - this will only prolong the negative moment. But during this period you need to distract yourself, for example, communication with relatives, friends, and loved ones will help. If your head is constantly busy with work, then other thoughts will disappear.
You can do something new and immerse yourself in some earthly affairs. The main thing is not to call, write or insist on a meeting.
The girl needs to take three mandatory steps:
- To forget someone who does not love, you must accept the situation. Understand that everything is destroyed and there is no more relationship.
- Give free rein to your emotions. To throw out your pain, you are allowed to break dishes, tear sheets, cry.
- You can tell your story on paper or to a person you trust.
Oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin
The last and very important reason why it is difficult for a married woman to forget her ex-married lover is the physical and chemical reactions occurring in the body. Dopamine is a chemical that functions as the pleasure center of the brain. Its job is to make us feel pleasure, such as when we fall in love for the first time. Dopamine is released when we spend time with a lover and creates an internal incentive to repeat the act in order to experience the high again.
Research shows that the feelings we often feel during an illicit affair are actually the result of the release of dopamine.
This creates a cycle in which the brain searches again and again for the experience that led to the pleasurable effect. Often this is exactly what happens when a person seems to be going beyond the usual logic of actions in ways that are uncharacteristic for him. Sometimes people ignore all caution and risk losing everything just to return again and again to another man and experience pleasure again. It's like a natural "drug". At the same time, the withdrawal that occurs when the drug is taken away (the man leaves) is also real.
So it's normal if you walk around with very depressed emotions for a few days or weeks after a breakup. Everything about you will want that drug, but if you can get through the early stages of a breakup, you will find that the craving for another man subsides.
This is why you must be vigilant, even many months after the affair ends, if there may be opportunities to return to the experiences that once led to the release of dopamine.
This also explains why you feel that “crazy love feeling.” This is not love for the rest of your life, but the usual dopamine rush that is felt when you understand the illegality of the relationship. Some people won't like this comment, but it's true.
If you are a devoted spouse, you may think that we somehow justify our spouses' unfaithful behavior. It is not true. The comparison to a drug is not an excuse, but simply a piece of the puzzle that needs to be put together to understand why it is so difficult to stop having an affair.
What exactly to do
If a girl keeps saying: I can’t forget my ex-lover, I want to do it as quickly as possible, but my heart won’t let me, then I need to take specific actions. They will help you get through a difficult period faster.
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Define new goals and dreams for yourself
Do not think that the whole world lies only in your lover. You can achieve a lot in this life. Truly believe that the future can be whatever you want it to be. You gained new experience, made mistakes, so you have become smarter and stronger.
Forget the good times
Girls often return in their thoughts to the past, immerse themselves in memories of how good it was, ignoring even the negative aspects. Delete all photos, messages - anything that reminds you of your lover. Throw away things that are associated with it.
Get rid of gifts
Lovers often give gifts to their loved ones. Looking at these things will only make you suffer and remember. Give them to someone or burn them as a farewell ritual.
Change the decor in your home
If you met in your home, then involuntarily everything will remind you of your ex-man. To get rid of memories, you can change the environment, make repairs, change furniture, linen, cups. All these little things will remind you of your loved one. When you are busy with repairs, problems will fade into the background.
Communicate with people
If you are alone with your thoughts, it will be difficult to survive the pain of parting with your married partner. Try to have an interesting time - attend events, make new friends.
Find a hobby
Determine for yourself what you like to do. If you are passionate about something, this is a great chance to get rid of unnecessary feelings.
Methods to increase self-esteem after a breakup
If a girl enters into a relationship with a married man, it means she has low self-esteem. The partner treats her the way she allows. The first thing to improve is your relationship with yourself, then it will affect other people. Use the advice of a psychologist for this:
- Stop thinking bad about yourself. Women tend to constantly blame themselves for something and point out their shortcomings. Stop doing this. Celebrate your victories, praise yourself even for small actions. Give yourself compliments.
- Take action. Nothing boosts self-esteem like achieving a goal, so you need to articulate your desires. You can help yourself with affirmations. You need to take small steps towards a big goal. When a person completes a task, he feels much more confident.
- Study psychology. In the modern world there is a lot of literature, training, information about self-love. Watch videos, listen to recordings, do practices, and don’t just get acquainted with the techniques. Actively apply the acquired knowledge in life. For example, meditation and mapping will be effective.
- Do good things. When a person selflessly helps another, his value in his own eyes begins to grow, his mood and, consequently, self-esteem improves.
Psychologist's advice
Breaking up a relationship hurts. This tragedy seems so big that it seems impossible to solve it.
Psychologists know exactly what methods will help you forget a married man and survive the pain of separation:
- Switch focus. The suffering is due to the fact that the girl thinks all the time about her lover. You need to learn to manage your attention. You need to do this yourself: when thoughts about him arise, switch them to other life situations. Of course, a change of environment, place of residence, work, that is, everything that is not related to the old relationship will help.
- It's nobody's fault. When a girl thinks about what happened, she believes that if she had acted differently or waited a little longer, the relationship would have worked out. It's great to analyze your own actions, but you can't blame yourself. So this is exactly what you should have done with this person. We need to learn lessons and not repeat similar mistakes. You should ask yourself questions: “What did I do wrong?”, “How can I use this in the future?” This will help you start a new life.
- There is no need to blame your partner or hold a grudge against him either. Sincerely thank him for everything, break this emotional connection that resentment holds. Anger takes energy and sends it to her lover, and the girl remains devastated.
- If a wife has a lover and cannot forget him, then the husband needs to help her with this, taking half the responsibility upon himself. You need to sincerely understand the relationship, understand what did not suit the partners, because betrayal is caused by mutual misunderstandings. When people give and receive from each other what they want, they are faithful. Only a sincere conversation and a strong desire will help restore trust and love between spouses.
If you have decided to break up with the person you love, then you may be worried about how to forget a married man for a long time. Remember that only you can make your life better. Avoid living in suffering. Use the advice of psychologists on how to forget your ex-lover, and then you will be able to open your heart to a new, honest relationship.
A change of scenery
How to forget a lover? The psychologist's advice also includes such an item as a change of environment. It’s great if you have the opportunity to take a vacation and escape to another country for a couple of weeks. Traveling means new interesting acquaintances and fresh impressions. It is advisable to give preference to active recreation rather than beach recreation, so as not to leave yourself time to suffer.
If purchasing a foreign tour is not part of your plans, why not get to know your hometown better? Surely it has attractions with a fascinating history, museums and art galleries worthy of attention. Such entertainment can be found not only in your city, but also in neighboring settlements, visiting which does not involve significant material and time costs.
