I WANT to forget my ex! — Method 1
Just be honest: how much time a day does it take you to turn this question “How to forget your ex-loved one” in your head? I admit that it is a lot. In addition to time, an incredible amount of mental energy is spent on this. Trying to cope with memories and feelings is not living. Your life is like in a science-fiction thriller where time is stopped - frozen.
I'll tell you a secret. The more you want to forget your ex-husband (boyfriend), the less you succeed. Why? This is the principle of our psyche. The more we fight any feelings, the stronger they become. The process of your ex being in your head seems to be fueled by your burning desire to forget him quickly. It’s as if you are feeding this process with your psychic energy.
What should I do? Let's turn on a wonderful method called “paradoxical intention”.
Paradoxical means “on the contrary.” Intention (from Latin intenti - meaning intention, desire).
How does this method work? I think you have noticed many times that the more you forbid yourself something, the more you want it. After all, the forbidden is sweet.
Therefore, we ALLOW ourselves to think and remember our ex.
I foresee objections. “Well, I’ll never forget him.” No, dear readers. You'll forget! Believe me. Just like you have already forgotten some previous exes. And you don’t remember them, would you agree? And you will forget this.
But for now, to make the task easier, we do the following trick :
We track how much time a day you REALLY suffer because of it. 10%? Or, 20%? Or 5%? It's important to be honest here. Because, you see, you don’t remember and suffer all day long. Besides this, you still work, study, live your life, do things, sleep in the end.
Did you track it? And now: let’s allow ourselves this time to remember him. It's OK. Allow me - and relief and oblivion will come on their own! It is important for us to understand that the ex only sits in our head for some time. Not 24/7!
Author: Ekaterina Kholodova, psychologist. You can sign up for an ONLINE consultation with me via Skype, WhatsApp, Telegram, Viber
Situation 6. When you need support
Inna is strong-willed, smart, strong. Builds a career, runs marathons, learns English. But one day something bad happened to her bright head - she fell in love with a married man. The gentleman talentedly fooled his head and promised to get a divorce. Inna cried, broke off the relationship a hundred times - and returned, succumbing to persuasion, or even on her own initiative. After two years of unpromising history, I decided: “Enough! That's it this time!"
This was her most difficult victory. I felt sick from love and separation, and the abandoned man regularly threw wood into the firebox - either provoking jealousy or begging him to return. But Inna survived, cutting to the quick...
Since then, when Inna’s work isn’t going well, or she hasn’t achieved yet another height, she remembers her ex. And he says to himself: “Remember? You did it! So, you can handle it here too.” And he copes.
ADVICE. Find your footing!
Such memories of exes are worth nurturing and cherishing. They give you strength and allow you to make difficult decisions. In a moment of emotional distress, always remind yourself how cool and principled you are. Everyone in the past could? So, you can handle it now! After all, this method works flawlessly. And this is the case when the thought: “Oh! I remember my ex again..." to the good!
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Help yourself forget your ex! — Method 2
Girls often come to me asking me to help them forget their ex. I'm helping. And the secret of a psychologist’s help is simple. It is that you have the opportunity to say all your feelings and emotions out loud. And this really, really helps to forget and let go of your former loved one. It’s not for nothing that they say: share your trouble and it will be reduced by half. The same goes for your feelings for your ex - share them with someone who will listen, and they will diminish.
But what to do if it is not possible? Do you have any friends who are ready to listen to you competently? And to whom you can honestly pour out ALL your feelings. Because only HONEST, unvarnished pronunciation works.
In this case, writing it down on paper will help us.
The method is not new, and you may have already used it and heard about it. We take paper. And, we pour out on her all our thoughts and feelings regarding the one whom we want to forget, but have not yet succeeded. We absolutely should not be shy and write everything as it is. If you want to swear, write swearing. If you want it kindly, write kindly. The main thing is from the heart. Then - burn it! A very good ritual. The psyche takes it literally. There were feelings - we worked through the feelings - we got rid of the feelings.
Why does this work? I answer.
Don't be skeptical about meeting new people4
The main mistake of many women after a breakup is a “hunger strike” in terms of new acquaintances. They protect themselves from people who could theoretically cause pain. Do not do this. All people are different, and the light did not converge like a wedge on the person with whom I had to part.
Moreover, new acquaintances help increase self-esteem, expand connections, and reduce emotional dependence on past relationships. Rather than sit in one place and think about how to stop loving a guy again, it’s better to start doing it. And new acquaintances will be very helpful with this.
WHY CAN'T I forget my ex? –Method 3
Let's dig deeper. And again, let's be honest with ourselves. Why is it so hard to forget your ex?
In addition to the various feelings that we have for him, the main thing that does not let us forget is HOPE. As our outstanding psychologist M. Litvak said, “hope dies last. But, I would kill her first."
Hope for what?
- Most often, the fact that he “comes to his senses.
- She will understand that I was the best.
- That I loved him better than anyone.
- And that there is no one like me anymore.
- And then, one day, on a gloomy autumn day, he, having suffered, will crawl back.
- By that time he already realizes all his mistakes.
- And, he will change.
- He will crawl back completely different. No, the same, but without all the nasty things he did.”
Approximately this hope lives in the head of a woman (girl) who cannot forget and let go of her ex-man.
But, let's dig even deeper! What is behind this hope? Perhaps your unmet need for recognition? Having not reached the required level of self-love and a sense of one’s own unshakable value?
Why do you need THIS person to give you back the feeling of life? And then, in our reasoning, we can go even deeper.
To the origins, to the parents. To those parents (or other significant adults when you were a child). Which, due to busyness or lack of understanding of pedagogy (after all, only now everyone knows everything) could not give you this deep, unshakable sense of self-worth.
This unconscious belief in our own worth protects us, like a flu shot, from unrequited love and long-term forgetting of an ex.
If it was not enough, we, like little lost children, will sit and wait. Hope. Completely unconscious! But, at the same time, coming up with various excuses for myself - “oh, what sex it was. Oh, what a wonderful time we had...
But the fact remains. The person is no longer nearby. It's time to take a closer look at yourself: maybe it makes sense to love yourself ? To the point where you don’t need confirmation from the man who left you that you are valuable? Where can you look around and see many other great candidates around you?
Accept the fact that it's over
First of all, after your relationship has broken up, you have to come to terms with it. Be honest with yourself. Even if love prevailed in your feelings, something still didn’t work out if it ended. It happens, because not all relationships last a lifetime. For this reason, accept the fact that your relationship was clearly not ideal. However, the end of a relationship does not mean the end of life. There are still many adventures ahead and, of course, great love. It is possible that this difficult period is actually just the beginning of huge changes in your life. Whether it will be better or worse now depends entirely on you and on the angle from which you look at this situation.
How to forget your favorite guy? –Method 4
To forget the ex you love, for whom you still have tender feelings, you need a special technique. In consultations, I usually ask people who want to get a person out of their head, despite the fact that they love. “Do you understand that your feelings are alive? Do you want to kill living feelings? They say yes. And then we come to the main topic of the day:
If you love him, but he is not around (or he simply does not love you), then we are forced to admit unrequited love - love addiction . We have to admit that he doesn't need you. Because, agree with a simple truth: if two people love each other and need each other, then they will be together. Do you agree?
This is a very painful and very important moment to admit that “he doesn’t need me.” You have to believe it. Stop entertaining yourself with illusions. Such as:
- He's shy
- He has things to do
- His health doesn't allow it
- He will divorce his wife and then...
- The children will grow up and then...
Say goodbye to the past3
When a person thinks only about what happened, he cannot exist productively in the present time. Regrets, depression, indignation are processes that cannot change anything for the better, but hinder the process of personal development. To prevent this from happening, you must always focus on what you are doing now.
When going to the store, think about passing cars, people walking past, and the weather. These are “nothing” thoughts, but they connect a person with the present. After some time, the person will notice positive changes in terms of awareness. Now you can establish control over your thinking and throw away unnecessary thoughts far and long.
Stages of living through the loss of the illusion that relationships are possible
Negation
We discussed this stage above. This is where you find yourself when you feed on false hope for the continuation of a relationship. You are denying a FACT. The former beloved man has already disappeared from your life. And you don't want to admit it. This stage is absolutely normal. Don't scold yourself! Everyone goes through this. And we will move on to the second stage
Anger, anger. The desire to blame him. And, often myself in what happened
Sometimes at this stage girls (and guys too) come up with all sorts of revenge. Trolling on social networks, damage to his property, intrigue and persecution... All this is the result of acute feelings of the second stage - anger, rage and resentment.
I have already suggested above a way to get rid of these feelings on paper by writing them down and then burning them. This psychological technique works great for our brain. Feelings find a safe, adequate outlet. Their express accommodation takes place. And, at the same time, we did not harm anyone. Thus, we will have nothing to regret in the future.
Bidding stage
This is where nostalgia and doubt can overwhelm us. At this stage, we begin to see our own mistakes in relationships. And we are trying to get our ex back. At the same time, promising to behave differently. To be more flexible, to endure less (or not at all)…
The bidding stage is attempts to write the “correct” SMS to your ex-lover, to meet him by chance. Somehow attract his attention through mutual friends. If at this stage he fell for it and came back, then the relationship can resume. But, if attempts are unsuccessful, the next stage begins.
Depression. Apathy. Reluctance to move
Prostration. Disbelief in love and complete disappointment.
It is at this stage that love songs irritate us. We cannot see happy couples without disgust. We DON'T BELIEVE. We don't believe in love. We don't believe we'll ever meet anyone else.
And we say: “oh, I’m 20 (30, 40, 50..) I’ll never love anyone again. So I’ll be left alone.” The stage of depression is not the last. Because the last one-
Acceptance of the situation that happened
Dawn after a dark, protracted impenetrable night. And, it definitely happens! Believe me.
The desire to live arises, many plans appear. Enjoyment of life appears. Simple things begin to make you happy. Coffee in the morning, birds outside the window. It is at this stage that the real forgetting of the former beloved husband (boyfriend) occurs. The head is filled with new thoughts. Life is Beautiful! And you are ready to move on!
Pros of breaking up
Breaking up is a reason to take care of yourself
A girl, left alone, must understand that everything that happens in her life is not an accident, but a valuable experience. If she broke up with her lover, then this had to happen. It is important to understand that loneliness also has its advantages:
- there is time to put your thoughts in order, to understand yourself;
- the ability to focus on the true sensations of your feelings;
- you can get in shape, go to the gym;
- grow up and gain important life experiences;
- realize that you are an extraordinary, self-sufficient person.
How to forget your ex QUICKLY? –Method 5
The desire to quickly get rid of thoughts about your ex speaks of a heavy burden for the psyche. If you want it quickly, it means you don’t want to suffer and experience this torment.
I said above that it is better to accept suffering as part of your life and then you will leave the relationship in an environmentally friendly way. It is in this case that you will be able to draw useful conclusions for the future. Which will not allow you to step on the same rake in the future.
But, if you still want to get out of the relationship quickly and forget as quickly as possible, and at the same time “as if nothing had happened.”
Love yourself7
In such a depressing situation, do not forget to love and respect yourself. There are so many people in the world worthy and unworthy of love. The first person you should always love under any circumstances is yourself. Self-love comes from your worldview and successful communication with other people.
Don't let external circumstances change your self-esteem. Self-love should be absolute and self-evident. Only then will you be able to let go of thoughts that cause pain and begin to act according to your interests and well-being.
How to forget your ex FOREVER and start a new life. –Method 6
There is a lot of similar advice on the Internet on how to “ forget your ex-husband forever and start a new life .” And they even teach you how to forget your beloved husband if you have children. And all the advice boils down to what is necessary:
- Switch to something new
- Get carried away with new friends
- Finally, take care of yourself, your beloved, now that the time has appeared
- Regain the energy that you previously spent on him - do something nice for yourself
- Load yourself with things so much that there is not even the slightest opportunity to think about it
- Think over and write down the benefits of a new position without a former loved one - freedom, time, rest
- Use your will to direct your attention to other places.
- And so on….
But, alas. Practice shows that this does not work for everyone.
Why?
Because the main condition has not been met. Namely:
To forget our ex forever, for good, we need to be completely DISAPPOINTED IN HIM!
This is the only way we can truly let go, forget forever.
Disappointment in a person is precisely the mechanism that destroys any relationship forever.
And therefore, I offer you a Psychological conspiracy to forget your ex forever.
And this conspiracy will help you forget even your ex, whom you see every day . After all, this happens. You work together and are forced to see each other. But I still really want to get it out of my head and forget it.
Bring the energy back
You gave a little of yourself when you were in a relationship, then wasted your energy agonizing over the failed romance. It's time to recover. How? Do something that brings you great pleasure. For example, you can get a new manicure, update your wardrobe, or buy some cosmetics. Start enjoying life to the fullest by doing something nice for yourself every day.
Psychologists recommend doing the following: on a piece of paper you need to write down the things that bring joy and happiness. Every day you need to do at least two or three things from this list. However, you should not include strong drinks or eating all sorts of goodies. This is fraught with deterioration in shape and health in general.
Conspiracy to forget your ex forever - Method 7
This is a template, you will insert your data
So-and-so (Name).. You have the following repulsive characteristics. I saw these features with my own eyes. And, “people don’t change.” You will always be like this. Next is a list of what really repulsed you about him. Important! Write this list down on paper. Moreover, preferably in a grotesque , that is, exaggerated form. The list of its shortcomings should be maximum . Reading this list, you must absolutely understand that you simply don’t need such a person!
This conspiracy needs to be written, you can print it out and hang it in a visible place. Your eyes, your brain should see that you are not interested in such a person!
That your life is filled with more interesting things than suffering for this defective comrade. And, even if you need to forget your beloved husband and have children , then this conspiracy will help you in this case too!
Do the cleaning
Another important point after a breakup is putting things in order. Throw away photos and souvenirs, get rid of anything that may remind you of a past relationship. If there is at least a little hope that someday you will be able to remember the pleasant moments of your life together without emotions, then you can hide the souvenir trinkets in the farthest place in the closet. If you have a lot of photos on social networks or on a disk, also delete them or copy them to a flash drive and hide them with trinkets. And if your ex left his things behind, don’t initiate the meeting, but pack them up and mail them. The first few days are the hardest, so be calm and determined.
qimono/Pixabay
Avoid common places
It happens that the sadness and suffering that we experience after a breakup prompts analysis and soul-searching. We remember the past, go to our favorite places, think: “What if...”. But breakups always have a reason. Your relationship probably fell apart because something was wrong. Try to understand this, but only so as not to make mistakes in the future. Now try to move forward.
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