Other people's anger inevitably makes us feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter whether we become angry in response or simply become confused, not knowing how to react in a difficult situation. The important thing is that we are deprived of our inner harmony and find ourselves in a dangerous situation, where a skilled manipulator can easily catch us and make us out to be a provocateur, an initiator of conflict, and even a mentally unbalanced person. This article will tell you how to deal with another person's anger.
To begin with, you should know that there are 2 types of aggression:
- Open - this includes those cases where a person directly insults, raises his voice and provokes conflict.
- Hidden, this includes unflattering remarks, unsolicited advice and attempts to impose one’s own vision of the situation.
Is it possible to get rid of irritability?
It is important to understand that aggression is not something unnatural .
This is one of the forms of self-defense and self-preservation, with the help of which people can correctly respond to external stimuli under certain conditions.
But when irritability overwhelms a person even for trivial reasons , it greatly poisons life and does not at all contribute to strengthening relationships with loved ones, friends, colleagues, etc.
It is really possible to cope with attacks of aggression. And it's not as difficult as it seems at first glance.
After all, techniques for managing aggression do not require any special abilities or capabilities from a person. What is important is practice and a responsible approach to correcting your own emotional spectrum.
You can overcome aggression in destructive and constructive ways .
In the first case, we are talking about a situation when a person takes out his anger on others, actively transfers irritation to objects in the outside world.
Also destructive methods include suppression of feelings, as a result of which negativity accumulates and destroys a person .
In the second case, various techniques, exercises and volitional effort are meant, multiplied by the desire to eliminate negativity from life.
Features in teenagers
Aggression in adolescence is associated, first of all, with increased independence, as well as with internal self-flagellation. The crisis of growing up is characterized by the fact that a person has new opportunities, strengths and abilities that were previously at the stage of formation, controlled by society or suppressed in principle.
A teenager needs to demonstrate independence, independence, and autonomy. Increased social competence and physical strength create a genuine sense of permissiveness, especially correlating with the desire to be equal to adults, full-fledged members of the vast world. It is obvious to others that psychological and social development lags far behind physical improvement, but the teenager, first of all, focuses on external resemblance to the older generation. He begins to rebel and protest in attempts to achieve new privileges.
It is noteworthy that the more the child felt protected and understood, accepted by his parents before the crisis period, the fewer uncontrollable outbursts of aggression he demonstrates. Manifestations of teenage aggression directly depend on the parenting style that adults adhered to. To annoy parents, a child is even capable of intentionally harming himself, leaving home, becoming addicted to drugs, demonstrating deviant behavior, engaging in sexual relations, and even threatening suicide.
Multiple internal changes that occur during adolescence significantly affect the behavior of a child who cannot join any caste of people - he is too old for a child, but still too young for an elder. In addition, most teenagers are not satisfied with their appearance - criticism of themselves and others, complexes, and fear of being alone are actively developing. Sexual desire involves building certain contacts with peers. To gain the affection of the opposite sex, teenagers often become hostage to popular stereotypes - bright hair colors, non-standard haircuts, all kinds of piercings and tattoos, a specific style of clothing.
Most often, a teenager suffers from low self-esteem and constantly expects criticism and negativity from others, so auto-aggression progresses into suppressed aggression, directed at other members of society.
How to contain or suppress an attack of anger?
Trying to suppress aggression in the long term is not only futile, but also dangerous. After all, by “swallowing” emotions, a person does not get rid of them, but hides them deeper (at the level of consciousness and subconscious).
Sooner or later, the accumulated negativity will begin to destroy the mind and body from the inside, manifesting itself in the form of depression, stress and psychosomatic pathologies.
Also, suppressed aggression can lead to an uncontrollable outburst of rage. After all, sooner or later a person trying to hide negativity and irritation will lose control over the situation .
When a person says that he needs to restrain aggression, this means the ability not to show his emotions outwardly, to refrain from offensive words and actions towards others, as well as to work through and eliminate internal tension/irritation .
You can achieve a similar effect if:
- Look deeper .
It is not the events themselves that cause negativity, but the result of mental work (assessment of the situation). If a person stops for a second and asks himself why he is so angry, then the problem will most likely be resolved. For example, a man was forced to step aside on a narrow pedestrian path to let a teenager pass. Irritation from the fact that the young man did not give way himself did not take long to arrive. The man began to scold the guy. But in this situation, he could think about the reason for his anger and understand that by giving way, he was not harmed (neither morally nor physically). The reason for the anger was the wrong attitude and egocentrism (who is he not to give way to ME?). - Express dissatisfaction . To prevent an attack of aggression, it is enough to learn to express your dissatisfaction in a timely and correct manner. It is necessary to voice your complaints out loud if other people cross personal boundaries, make a mistake, harm you, or hurt your feelings. Instant response tactics will allow you to pacify the brewing “volcano of aggression,” because you will not just suppress feelings, but constructively get rid of them, broadcasting them to the outside world. An example is a situation in which a wife, without waiting for her husband to offer to help with cleaning, begins to get angry. Irritation gradually accumulates, and when a woman completes household chores, she can no longer control herself and causes a scandal. If she had immediately expressed dissatisfaction or asked for help, the quarrel would not have arisen.
- Let off steam. When irritation and aggression are overwhelming, you can get rid of them without harm to others.
For example, scream in a deserted place, hit a pillow several times, run cross-country, or tear up old newspapers.
Symptoms and signs
To understand that a person is showing hidden aggression, it is enough to take a closer look at his behavior, which is observed systematically in practice. Among the main symptoms and signs of suppressed aggression:
- No open conflict
- Hiding sincere feelings
- Ignoring
- Hidden provocation
- Failure to complete a job
- Random insults
- Sullenness
- Stubbornness
- Avoidance
- Touchiness
- Fake forgetfulness
- Causticity, sarcasm, inappropriate humor
A person who demonstrates this behavior is much like a child who is unable to resolve a problem constructively, find a compromise, or give in.
angry girl holds up her hand to stop pretator and end the cycle of abuse
Treatment
You can correct the level of irritability and aggressiveness through special medications.
Among the over-the-counter drugs, one can highlight sedatives based on valerian, passionfol, motherwort and St. John's wort .
Even if they do not have a pronounced effect, they relieve the nervous system and do not provoke side effects.
“Novo-passit” and “Persen” also have a good calming effect .
If aggressive behavior prevents a person from living a full life, working and interacting with society, the doctor may prescribe drugs from the following groups:
- mood stabilizers,
- neuroleptics,
- tranquilizers,
- antidepressants,
- nootropic drugs.
Learning to manage emotions
Trigger : We make a list of situations that provoke anger, ranking them by intensity, from the most powerful to the least annoying. We write down strategies for weakening its effect next to each trigger, for example:
Trigger – children demand attention when I come home from work tired.
A way to ease the trigger is to go to a cafe after work, drink coffee, relax after a hard day and gain strength to communicate with children. Try to find a solution for each trigger yourself.
Thoughts and self-inflation : use cognitive therapy techniques, write down the pros and cons of each thought, correlate thoughts with reality, remove value judgments, develop an alternative thought for each angry one, introduce alternative thoughts into your life after the trigger.
Rumination : the so-called “mental chewing gum” that a person plays in his head over and over again. These are thoughts about the triggering situation that cause new waves of negative emotions.
Advice: learn to put off rumination, set aside one time for it during the day (for example, at seven o’clock in the evening), and not allow it to invade your consciousness at another time of the day.
Emotions of anger, anger, irritation: breathing techniques, Jacobson muscle relaxation, pleasant visualizations and other self-regulation techniques.
Aggressive behavior : use of coping cards. Cards are prepared in advance; alternative methods of behavior that replace aggressive ones are written on them. These cards can be quickly used when anger arises.
How to control your aggression?
Anyone can control aggression and transform it into other, less destructive emotions if they resort to simple and effective methods:
- Avoid detailed advance planning . Often the cause of attacks of anger, dissatisfaction, irritation and aggression are unjustified expectations or situations in which what is happening is out of control. And even if the situation is resolved positively, but does not correspond to the plan developed in the head and its stages, irritation will arise involuntarily.
- Complete rest. High stress, lack of sleep, weakness and fatigue lead to the fact that the nervous system is depleted.
A person reacts sharply to seemingly insignificant moments and “starts up with half a turn.” Taking good care of your own body and strength will help you avoid aggression. - Conversations with loved ones. Sometimes it is useful to complain to family and friends about minor problems and troubles. When a person voices his dissatisfaction, he “frees” himself from negative thoughts and lets go of everything bad, gaining mental and emotional balance. But if there is no one to discuss problems with, they accumulate and create the ground for an attack of aggression.
- The ability to stop in time and listen to your inner voice. Sometimes people, like robots, try to concentrate on the goal and not be distracted by trifles. Life turns into a race for results, during which a person ignores his own desires, background thoughts and needs. Restrictions, even if they have good intentions, contribute to the accumulation of irritation. Sometimes you just need to sit down, relax, listen to music and admire the sunset if you really want to do it.
- Relaxing techniques will help relieve the condition. It is not necessary to study all aspects of proper meditation, all yoga asanas and self-control techniques. You can choose simple and accessible options, such as deep and measured breathing, briefly switching your attention to an object that is pleasing to the eye, or positive affirmations.
Drugs and medicines
Treatment of aggression is possible both at home and in a specialized clinic. However, any measures must be discussed with competent specialists. During the examination, the doctor will establish the causes and characteristics of the manifestation of aggression, study the individual characteristics of the patient, and develop a rehabilitation plan, during which some amendments and adjustments may be made.
Often, not only traditional methods of therapy (trainings, conversations, preventive measures), but also medications and medicines are used to eliminate symptoms.
The duration of treatment is determined by the severity and duration of painful symptoms, the presence or absence of a critical attitude towards attacks of aggressiveness in the patient himself, concomitant diseases, psychological and biological characteristics of the body.
As preventative medications that a person can take on their own, there are vitamins, herbal infusions, and various dietary supplements available without a prescription. Using antidepressants or sedatives without consulting a specialist can lead to the most unpredictable consequences.
How to stop being an aggressive person?
In order to stop being an aggressive person, you need to eliminate the root of the problem. Negative emotions arise as a result of any problems (internal or external).
If the problems are external and at the same time quite obvious, then you can work on a vulnerable area of life (no friends, tense relationship with a loved one, layoffs at work).
If the problems are internal (childhood phobias, personality disorders, psychological trauma), then it will be very difficult or even impossible to cope on your own. Therefore, it is better to consult a specialist (psychologist).
Other Anger Management Tips
It is very important to concentrate your attention on the first signs of anger (it is at this moment that the volitional component of control has not yet been weakened, which means that you can more successfully cope with the effect of an unpleasant emotion).
Be attentive to the factors that cause anger: it is always better to prevent the entire chain than to deal with the consequences
Watch how other people express their anger, focus on the consequences, note the most adaptive behavior for yourself.
You can deal with anger on your own or together with a psychologist.
All people are prone to aggression, but not everyone succumbs to this feeling
Of course, we are all human. Only if some know how to restrain themselves, others give themselves permission to raise a hand against someone or damage property. Why are some people prone to violence and others not?
— The reasons for this are various, and there are quite a lot of theories about this. It is important to say that the model of human behavior is influenced by the family in which the child’s personality is formed. If from childhood he sees physical and psychological violence or is himself subjected to it, then there is a high probability that he will do the same or become a victim of such behavior in the future, says MAX consultant psychologist.
The inability to control is associated with the cultural environment of society and stereotypes. A good example was given by Galina Desyatova, head of the MAKS project, who joined the conversation. Remember: boys often have prints with growling animals on their clothes, and girls often have prints with cute animals. From childhood they show that girls should be restrained, but men can show strength.
“Let’s take another example,” says Oksana. — The children are going to kindergarten. They may use instrumental aggression to protect their toys. Even a minor fight is eventually considered socially acceptable. Boys are told: “You must be able to give change, you’re a man!”
