Revenge
An eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth.
Bible - Leviticus
To take revenge or not to take revenge, that is the question. If I understand Shakespeare correctly, then a person who is constantly in a state of choice is a truly free person. But being free, he is responsible for his choice, agreeing to accept the consequences that will follow. Revenge is always a choice between the desire to take revenge and the opportunity to forgive. And I must say that making this choice is not easy. Every decision will have its own consequences - both positive and negative. On the one hand, a feeling of resentment, a feeling of anger, a feeling of hatred, a feeling of injustice - cause a person to have a burning desire to take revenge. On the other hand, revenge is not always necessary, so you can forgive someone who once harmed you, not for his sake, but for your own sake, for the sake of your future. In this article, dear friends, we will talk about what revenge is, in which cases it is needed and in which it is not, and how you can take revenge on your offenders if you decide to do so.
What is revenge?
Revenge is an action that a person is motivated to take in order to harm people who have previously harmed him. The motivating factor is such feelings as strong resentment, anger, hatred, a sense of injustice, and in some cases, common sense motivates people to take revenge. Yes, revenge can be not only justified, but also necessary. Below you will find out why. In general, if you delve deeper into the understanding of revenge, you can learn a lot more interesting and useful things about it. In particular, we can say that revenge lives in a person for a long time in the form of deep resentment and a sense of injustice, and these feelings sit in a person until he takes revenge. This is a purely psychological problem. If necessary, a psychologist can help a person get rid of severe mental wounds, and then this person will not need to take revenge on anyone in order to calm down and feel comfortable. But it happens that people take revenge out of conviction, considering revenge their duty. And sometimes it happens that a person carries a grudge for a long time, but does not plan to take revenge. But at one fine moment in his life, absolutely by chance, a situation arises when he can take revenge on his offenders and he does it - he takes advantage of the opportunity that has arisen and takes revenge. So revenge can be fueled by feelings, it can be guided by reasonable considerations, or it can simply become a pure coincidence. And it’s quite difficult to just take it and say that it is necessary or not necessary to take revenge, that it is right or wrong. In different situations, solutions may be different. Let's now see when it is necessary and possible to take revenge, and when it is better to refuse revenge.
Why do you need to take revenge?
Let's first look at the arguments for taking revenge. The first thing that revenge contributes to is peace of mind and comfort. The evil and harm that other people cause to us traumatizes our psyche, hurts our soul. And these traumas turn into deep spiritual resentment, which remains in a person until he either takes revenge on his offenders or forgives them. There will be no peace in a person’s soul until he deals with his grievances. And if revenge is the only opportunity to find peace, then, in principle, you can take revenge, especially if there is such an opportunity. Revenge can become for a person a kind of triumph of justice, punishment of evil, compensation for damage caused. Every person has a sense of justice, which allows him to resist and fight evil. It pushes a person to revenge as the only opportunity to restore justice and find peace of mind. If we believe that everything in this life comes back as a boomerang, including evil, then why don’t we ourselves launch this boomerang in the opposite direction, so that the one who caused us harm, pain, damage, evil does not receive something in return? the same thing?
In this world of constant struggle, a person can resort to various methods of defense, including revenge, which is a delayed punishment for his enemies. No one is obliged to forgive anyone, it is a matter of personal choice. Those who talk about the need to forgive and not take revenge cannot understand what it means to live with a feeling of anger and resentment or a humiliated sense of self-worth, when a person ceases to see himself as an individual, when he loses faith in himself, when he gets stuck in the past and again and again experiences pain, suffering, humiliation from his offenders, his enemies. This pain eats away at his soul, makes his life meaningless, makes him a hostage to the situation in which he was inflicted moral and/or physical harm, when he suffered some kind of loss that he cannot accept. To tell such a person that he needs to forgive evil means calling on him to exalt this evil and bow before it. Therefore, you should not condemn those who want to take revenge on their offenders and enemies in order to simply start living again, and not be killed by their anger and resentment. If there is no peace in the soul, if pain, resentment, anger interfere with living a normal life, then a person has the right to get even with those who once deprived him of this peace. Some people live only for revenge, because there is nothing else in their life that is worth living for. It may not be right, but that's how it is.
I believe that every person has the right to take revenge on those who have harmed him and all those who are dear to him. It is not because the human soul cannot find peace until evil is punished that we are all commanded from above to forgive those who have caused us harm. Therefore, everyone decides for himself how he will find peace of mind - through revenge or through other methods of cleansing his soul from grievances and healing it from wounds, including forgiveness. This concerns the psychological side of this issue.
However, this issue also has a practical side, which makes revenge a necessary phenomenon for our lives. The fact is that revenge is a punishment that can overtake anyone. This is true - you can take revenge on any person, no matter who he is. We all know very well that some actions of people need to be encouraged so that people strive to do them more often, while others need to be punished so that people do not do them. Usually we encourage conventional good and punish conventional evil, considering this not only fair, but also useful for our lives. In this way we indulge goodness and stop evil. This makes our life more peaceful. But if a person has committed a bad act towards other people and has not been punished for it, then with a high degree of probability he will do it again in the future. Impunity breeds permissiveness and this leads to more evil in our world. The task of revenge is to stop evil with the help of retaliatory aggression. Or rather, with the help of fear. When an aggressor is afraid of punishment, he behaves more restrained. And if he nevertheless decides to commit an evil act, he will suffer adequate punishment as a edification to others. In this case, one evil balances another evil. Revenge here acts as a guarantee that evil will certainly be punished, no matter who it comes from.
There are people who completely lack such feelings as conscience, pity, and compassion. They live by different rules, by different laws, they have their own beliefs, their own understanding of life. And only one thing stops them from harming other people - fear. It helps keep such people in line. Dull, primitive animal fear is the only thing that can hold back the evil that lives in them. And in order to awaken this fear in them, they need to make it clear that if they commit bad deeds, if they cause harm to other people, punishment will definitely overtake them. Thus, revenge is a kind of law of life [the principle of talion], which is designed to punish evil. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth - this is exactly the principle that is designed to equalize the punishment with the damage caused. But this principle is not flawless, since very often people cause harm to each other without thinking at all about the consequences. They, as they say, do not know what they are doing. And therefore, subsequent revenge in such cases is often not so much the deterrence of evil as its unwinding. Here it is appropriate to recall the words of Mahatma Gandhi, who said that the principle of “an eye for an eye” will make the whole world blind. Therefore, the line between necessary revenge and revenge that creates a chain reaction is very thin.
However, in politics, intelligence services, and the criminal world, revenge is very important. She is a manifestation of strength. If you can take revenge, they fear you, they respect you, they take you into account. No aggression, no harm caused by the enemy, no betrayal should go unpunished, otherwise it will be a manifestation of weakness, which, as you know, provokes the aggressor to display even greater aggression. Therefore, from this point of view, revenge is not so much an insult as a completely practical action, the practicality of which lies in the fact that your enemies and ill-wishers see strength in you and therefore reckon with you. But despite the practical side of revenge, it is not always useful and not always necessary. Let's now see in what cases it is better to refuse it.
Why shouldn't you take revenge?
We will now look at the arguments against revenge. Still, in some situations it is possible and necessary to take revenge, but in others, it is better to refuse revenge. The first and main argument against revenge is meaning. You just have to understand what you will gain and what you will lose if you take revenge on someone. The pros must outweigh the cons. In some situations, revenge leads to the fact that the life of the person who took revenge only becomes worse. And it turns out that such revenge harms not only the offender, but also the one who takes revenge. And if the avenger’s harm is quite significant, then such revenge makes no sense. And it’s simply important to always understand what you will get if you take revenge, what benefit your revenge will bring you. If even this doesn’t make your soul feel any better, for one reason or another, then why even waste your life on revenge? There is no need to think about those whom you are taking revenge on - think first of all about yourself. Evil in this world will still not disappear anywhere, it will always be there, but you seem to have only one life, and it is wiser to make efforts to make it better, rather than strive to make the lives of others worse.
The next point is resources. Revenge requires a variety of resources, primarily temporary. The better your revenge and the more difficult it is for you to take revenge on a person because of his status and capabilities, the more resources it will require from you. Of course, you can always take advantage of an opportunity and take revenge on a person easily and quickly, without much effort, taking advantage of his weakness, problems, mistakes. But, of course, one cannot count on such cases. So if you take revenge purposefully, deliberately and effectively, it will require certain resources. Taking this into account, we can say that the game is not always worth the candle. Because you can use the same resources to improve your life and expand your capabilities, and not on meaningless revenge. And having great opportunities, you will gain power over people and, if necessary, will be able to get even with those of them who once caused you harm. So in this sense, the best revenge on your offenders and enemies will be your success in life, which will make you strong and most importantly happy.
But an even more powerful argument against revenge is your understanding that you should not and are not obligated to take revenge. You see, you don’t have to. No one has the right to dissuade you from revenge, and no one has the right to call you to it. You and only you decide whether to take revenge on you or not - this is your personal choice. Do as you want, as you feel comfortable, and don’t think about other people’s opinions on this matter. Others can do what is convenient and what they need, but you do what is convenient for you. And if you want to take revenge on someone, then ask yourself just one question: why would you do this? Not why, but precisely why? That is, don’t look to the past - don’t bring up your grievances and don’t use them as motivation for revenge, you can get rid of them in other ways - look to the future and say what will your revenge give you? If you see benefit for yourself in it, take revenge. If not, you don’t need to force yourself to do it.
How to take revenge?
If you have decided to take revenge on those who once caused you some harm, offended, insulted, humiliated you, then you need to understand how to do it correctly. You can take revenge on offenders in different ways, depending on who exactly caused you harm. It is important to understand the main thing: revenge is a dish that should be served cold, as the Italian proverb says. The cooler your mind is, the more seriously you will approach this matter and the more successful your revenge will be. Therefore, there is no need to rush with revenge. Time is on your side. The longer your offender goes unpunished, the more he will relax and lose his vigilance. Meanwhile, you will develop an impeccable plan for revenge, which you will then implement.
Revenge also requires a person to be flexible. If you act straightforwardly, you risk failure, the consequences of which may be such that you may lose all opportunities for revenge. Therefore, you are looking for different opportunities to take revenge - the more there are, the better. Study your enemy, find his weaknesses, find out what makes him strong - high position in society, reliable sources of income, connections with influential people, etc. All these supports can and will need to be shaken in order to weaken this person. It is especially important to find out what is the most valuable thing in life for your offender, the most precious thing that he is afraid of losing - this is the target, hitting which, you are guaranteed to cause him significant harm, which means you will be able to take revenge. Usually, what is most valuable to a person in life, he carefully hides and protects, since this is his weakness. And you need to find this weakness and strike at it. It’s like Koshchei’s death, which is hidden in an egg - if you find the egg, you will be able to defeat Koshchei, that is, take revenge on your offender.
Your revenge doesn't have to be a mirror image. Take revenge as best you can, and not in the way that conventionally would be right to take revenge. Asymmetrical actions are often much more effective than a symmetrical retaliatory strike, for which you simply may not have enough resources and capabilities. So, for an eye, you can demand not only an eye, but for a tooth, not only a tooth. You can also use the enemies of your abuser for your own purposes. To do this, you will need to identify them and then either enter into an alliance with them, according to the principle: the enemy of my enemy is my friend, or simply help them in various ways to harm your offender, for example, secretly or openly providing them with useful information about him. So you can take revenge with the wrong hands. Keep in mind that the higher a person's position in society, the more enemies he has. And the weakness of these enemies, as a rule, lies in their lack of cohesion. But if you help them combine their efforts, then they will be able to cope with even a very powerful person. In general, I want to note that revenge carried out by the wrong hands is the best revenge. Playing your enemies against each other or setting someone against your offender so that he harms him, instead of harming him with your own hands, means successfully taking revenge and remaining clean at the same time. In general, there can be many options for revenge. Therefore, always look for the option that is most convenient for you. It doesn’t matter what it looks like - revenge doesn’t have to be beautiful and conventionally fair - it has to be carried out so that you forget about it.
Thus, friends, if you still decide to take revenge, then approach this matter creatively. Be sure to calm down your emotions and use your head to do everything right and get the result you want. Use manipulation to make revenge hidden and unexpected, and also to use other people, including enemies of your enemy, in this matter. I don’t presume to judge whether it’s right or wrong; taking revenge on other people is your own choice and you have to make it. But you must understand that the responsibility for this choice lies with you, and therefore it is you who will deal with the consequences of your decision. You can take revenge by doing everything possible for this, but at the same time make your life worse by losing something and losing in some way. Or you can experience deep and absolute satisfaction from your revenge. You need to be mentally prepared for both of these consequences.
This feeling has some unexpected downsides
Few of our contemporaries agree with church commandments that call on believers to turn the other cheek when enemies hit them in the face. Researchers who work in this area of human psychology are gradually beginning to find answers that shed light on the origins of revenge. According to some experts, this action has some obvious disadvantages. Retaliation is closely related to anger and a violent desire to cause physical and mental pain to someone. However, these feelings and manifestations are thoroughly saturated with negativity, which means they destroy your personality from the inside.
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Aggression is the hidden side of pleasure
The connection between aggression and pleasure is not new. The founding father of modern psychology, Sigmund Freud, understood that people with revanchist sentiments, having achieved the desired result, generally feel incredible relief. However, the scientist did not link aggressive behavior to a special form of pleasure. These findings have only recently become apparent. The results of another series of experiments by David Chester and Nathan De Vol were published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology in March 2017.
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To make some participants feel rejected, the researchers excluded them from the people who played the computer game. Each volunteer was then given a Voodoo doll and pins. As a result, people from the camp of the rejected inflicted many more injections on the doll than those who frolicked in the general mass. This test was repeated twice: first remotely through online services, and then with visual contact between participants in laboratory conditions. In the online version, instead of a voodoo doll, participants were allowed to take revenge on their offenders (in fact, these were not real people, but a computer program) by making an unpleasant loud noise.
What is the role of emotions in the desire for revenge?
To better understand the role of emotions in people’s desire for revenge, the authors of the experiment gave people “potent drugs” that block the occurrence of emotions. They were actually placebo pills with vitamins. And here a strong psychological response was achieved. Revenge was only of concern to those people who did not receive the pills. The participants who took the placebo pill thought that their feelings from the retribution would be dulled, so they did not even think about taking any action towards the “offender.” Apparently, people really wanted to enjoy revenge, but scientists deprived them of this opportunity.
Psychology of revenge
In the first case, the offended person is in the grip of negative feelings, responds in a hurry, and makes many mistakes.
That is why it is believed that revenge must be served cold: the person “cools down”, the ability to think rationally returns, which helps him ideally structure his further actions.
What exactly is revenge? What are the reasons behind it? Revenge can be thought of as the last link in a chain that looks like this (from top to bottom - from last to first):
Example. From a child who was disrespected, humiliated and possibly beaten in the family, grows into an adult with a clear feeling that his person has no value for the world around him. In order to survive, to protect himself from dangerous reality, he has to be aggressive (instinct of self-preservation). Moreover, this is his usual, everyday state, because the threat is everywhere, you must always be prepared.
Such an individual has been traumatized and wounded since childhood. Any external event that he perceives as threatening will be perceived aggressively. But since self-esteem is low, a person has few personal rights (I have no right to be angry, because I am a nonentity). Therefore, “normal” aggression, with the help of protective mechanisms of the psyche, turns into resentment . It is dangerous to express anger, rage, or disagreement - a traumatist knows this from an early age, but he will not punish you with a “belt” for an offense.
The resulting resentment weighs heavily on the soul. She unconsciously reminds a person that he is an empty place, and this is his greatest pain , which he carries throughout his life. Moral wounds become disturbed, and one wants to heal them as soon as possible. But as?
Only when you see that someone else is as bad as you, or even worse. By humiliating, insulting another, making him suffer, the offended person receives relief. He, as it were, transfers his suffering to another, raises self-esteem, rehabilitates his “I”, ego, the core of his personality.
The more crippled the psyche, the more violently a person takes revenge. It is unusual for happy, holistic individuals to take revenge. Their philosophy of life is built on different principles.
A mechanism that encourages people to act
Revenge causes people to retaliate and is a powerful emotional trigger. This experience is very common in the lives of people, regardless of culture, belonging to a particular social class, level of education or upbringing. The consciousness of people does not reject the idea of anger and countermeasures aimed at causing harm to enemies. According to evolutionary psychologist Michael McCullough of the University of Miami, revenge increases crime and misconduct.
More than half of school videos that are compromising in nature are based on the desire to get even with the offender. Approximately one fifth of all murders are committed due to the desire for retribution. This characteristic feature also determines political realities. It is believed that Donald Trump's victory in the American presidential election was led by the sentiments of white working-class Americans, who suffered the most from the globalization of the world economy.
How to get rid of the desire to take revenge
To get rid of vindictiveness, you need to work on yourself, your character.
Revenge is a path to nowhere that brings suffering to both sides of the conflict.
A person thinks that by doing something bad to another, he will do something good for himself, but this is not so. If you plant this thought in your mind, the desire to respond to evil with evil will decrease.
No one says that it is bad to be angry because of the unpleasant actions of people, that you need to turn your left cheek after being hit on your right. On the contrary, you are obliged to take care of yourself, to protect yourself from the negative influences of the outside world. You have the right to any feelings, you can be irritated, angry if someone treats you badly.
Experimental results
Having collected the materials from all their experiments together, the research team came to a striking conclusion. People deliberately look for opportunities to take revenge, as it significantly improves their mood. Thus, the rejected and humiliated try to regulate their emotions. It is curious that in tests for assessing mood after manipulations towards the “offenders”, people scored an identical number of points compared to those who were not excluded from the general group. New long-term studies are required to confirm these findings.
Unfortunately, people seeking revenge cannot foresee the disastrous consequences for themselves. For example, footballer Zinedine Zidane will forever be remembered for headbutting his attacker Marco Materazzi in the chest. And former American President Richard Nixon with his dirty tricks and search for enemies, which ultimately led to his resignation. That is why we all need a deterrent, no matter how sweet revenge may be.
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What to do if someone insults you?
David Chester from Virginia Commonwealth University became interested in studying aggression. The expert quickly realized that too many things happen before a violent interaction occurs between people or in response to abuse. Inside each person involved in the desire to respond to the offender, too many emotions or so-called psychological intermediaries are born. In particular, the scientist looked at how people perceive insults and at what point they decide to take retaliatory steps. Apparently, the key that will lead us to the solution lies in the very desire to strike back.
How vengeful are you?
There are a huge number of tests to determine how vindictive a person you are. Below is a list of zodiac signs detailing each one's level of vindictiveness.
Cancer. By nature he is a very peaceful and kind person, so he will decide to forgive rather than take revenge. There will be a huge number of plans in his head to punish the offender, but he understands that he will harm himself much more than him.
Virgo. Doesn't come at people face to face. He does everything on the sly, using various kinds of dirty tricks so as not to be exposed.
Sagittarius. A non-vindictive person tries to forget his offender and avoid communicating with him so that he does not cause even more harm.
Capricorn. This is the second most vindictive of all zodiac signs after Scorpio. He tries not to attack the enemy directly, but resorts to dirty tricks in order to set him up.
Aquarius. He does not know how to take revenge, like other zodiac signs, he prefers to forget everything, but communication with the offender will be quite strained.
Fish. Creative individuals like Pisces are able to express their anger or resentment in a more peaceful way. They will not directly humiliate the one who offended them, but will decide to bypass him.
