How to change your life for the better in 21 days, forming habits

Grow » goal setting

Mindvalley • December 23, 2021 6:21

Maxwell Maltz, who worked as a plastic surgeon in the 1950s, one day began to notice a strange pattern among his patients.

When he performed surgery—for example, a nose job—he noticed that the patient needed about 21 days to get used to their new face. Similarly, when a patient had an arm or leg amputated, he experienced phantom pain for about 21 days and then adapted to the new reality.

This experience prompted Maltz to reflect on his own period of adaptation to change and new behavior. He noticed that it also took him about 21 days to form a new habit. Maltz wrote about this experience and said, “These and many other commonly observed phenomena generally show that it takes a minimum of 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to gel.”

In 1960, Maltz published this quote and other findings about behavior change in a book called Psycho-Cybernetics. It became an absolute bestseller, with more than 30 million copies sold worldwide.

But here a problem arose.

In the decades that followed, Maltz's work influenced almost everyone in the field of personal growth.

And as more people told Maltz's story - like a game of Broken Phone - people began to forget that he said the word "minimum" and simplified his thought to the phrase: "It takes 21 days to form a new habit." .

It is easy to understand why the myth of “21 days” was spread so quickly and willingly. The timeline is short enough to be inspiring, but long enough to seem believable. Who wouldn't love the idea of changing their life in just three weeks?

A similar experiment was conducted by the US National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Participants were given glasses with lenses that turned the image upside down. After 21 days, their brain was so accustomed to seeing it in the projection that the “miracle” of the lens gave it that it perceived the imaginary reality as reality.

So 21 days is the minimum to get your brain used to a ritual. But in the case of glasses, the subjects were essentially given no choice: they did not take off the glasses. Can the same thing be compared to trying to start going to the gym regularly? Read every day? Eating better? All these habits require our actions.

Why 21 days?

During this time, a person may form a new habit . This was proven by Bowen and described in the book “A World Without Complaints” (all books on the RECOMMENDED page). During this time, you need to try not to complain about life, not to judge, and to live this time optimistically. This way you can change your life for the better.

Try it and you will win TIME!

Many people remember this experiment. You put on a purple “Life without Complaints” bracelet, and for 21 days you had to not complain about anything. And if it doesn’t work, and yet you somehow failed the test and complained, then put the bracelet on your right hand and start all over again.

What is interesting about the “Life without Complaints” bracelet?

It's a means of self-control
This is your motivator
It will help you learn a lot of new and interesting things about yourself.

This experiment was supposed to teach people to be optimistic. And in 21 days the person stopped complaining and began to feel a little happy. Simply put, he instilled the habit of changing for the better. Everyone who was in this experiment changed beyond recognition and changed their lives for the better.

Therefore, you too will appreciate EVERYTHING that you don’t like in your life now and change it. Let it be just 3 new habits. It's not worth taking anymore.

With this action you will begin changes that have long been “overdue”, and you just can’t start them. You need to introduce new habits to change your life for the better.

Recommended on the topic: Tenacity and perseverance in achieving goals are the main qualities of success

But why habits? Why exactly do they lead to dramatic changes in life?

Why is habit important and what is habit?

A habit is considered to be a certain pattern of behavior that over time develops into a need.

And a person begins to perform this action automatically, since it becomes a physiological need of a person, and the emotional and psychological state of a person depends on it.

Remember when your parents taught you to brush your teeth, at first you resisted, and then over time you developed a need to brush your teeth.

Our character is also based on certain habits. For example, women often have a completely unhelpful habit: “I can do it better myself.” So many people do everything themselves.

Therefore, you should not look for those to blame, you always form everything in your life yourself, including habits. Therefore, it is worth changing something in yourself and everything around you will also change for the better, you will see and feel it yourself.

Difficulties on the way to a new life

From the experience of psychologists observing the internal struggle of people striving for their ideal, we can conclude that half of all episodes of failures and “breakdowns” of patients occur due to the indirect fault of “public opinion.”

The social environment of a person, in which he previously felt comfortable, is an established cell that has its own norms of behavior and way of thinking of its participants. An individual for whom this shell becomes small has every chance of feeling universal condemnation and returning to past habits for fear of being left alone.

Experts recommend that an individual who expands the boundaries of his consciousness and is committed to change gradually introduce into his social circle people who have achieved mental balance or are close to the ideal to which the person strives. Over time, his need for people from his “former life” will completely disappear and the temptation to “fall into old habits” will disappear by itself.

Bad and good habits

Useful habits are more difficult to inculcate in life; psychological barriers must be overcome, because this is a way out of the “comfort zone.”

Bad habits, on the contrary, are easily introduced into life, but are more difficult to get rid of.

The habit, over time, becomes an unconditioned reflex. For example, you train yourself to eat little, that is, in small portions. To do this, you buy a beautiful small plate and start eating from it. And gradually you reach out with your hand towards it.

And if it is dirty or not there, then you will still put a small portion on another plate, but your body will not be very comfortable. Because he gets used to the sight of this small plate.

There is such a “21 day rule”. If a person repeats the same action for 21 days, then it is deposited in the subconscious. We begin to do it unconsciously, because it develops into a need. And our goal is to bring these actions to automation, and by doing this you can change your life for the better.

The ability to refuse

Often bad habits, disguised as an annoying necessity (can’t relax without a cigarette, can’t cheer up without a cup of coffee), hold a person so firmly that he begins to give them the status of a manifestation of personal individuality. When it comes to giving up parasitic actions, the individual defends them with all passion, claiming that without the said cigarettes or drink, he cannot make decisions and will generally “lose himself as a person.”

A paradoxical situation arises - a person seems ready to develop and improve, but at the same time he is aggressive towards an imaginary encroachment on his comfort zone. Nothing good will come from trying to “pull” an object out of its shell, seeing such obvious resistance, because addictions are just the tip of the iceberg, visible on the surface. The reasons for this behavior are known only to the person himself, and until he wants to hold himself accountable, all attempts to improve his life are doomed to failure.

Self-control in the first stages of overcoming is very important, but it does not play such a decisive role in giving up bad habits as the person’s own desire to do so. You can’t lose weight by denying yourself the cakes you dream about at night. But you can convince yourself of the harmfulness of this product by watching a video that shows the unsightly side of their manufacturing technology. You need to hate the habit, and only then there is a chance to be able to give it up forever.

The scientific basis of the 21 day rule or why changes in consciousness occur in 21 days

A completely logical question arises about days: why is it not 35, 30, or maybe 14 days? Why exactly 21 days?

This phenomenon was discovered by Muswell Maltz in 1950, after a series of operations performed as he was a surgeon. It has been proven that a person gets used to looking calmly at his appearance 21 days after surgery. He described these findings in the book “Psychocybernetics,” and scientists around the world paid attention to this.

There is another scientifically proven fact, but this time with astronauts with an inverted image. They were put on glasses with lenses in which they saw everything upside down. The experiment involved 20 people, and the experiment itself was designed for 30 days.

However, it was found that after 21 days the brain adapted and accepted this “upside-down world” as correct. Moreover, they tried to stop the experiment both after 14 days and after 19 days. But in this case the experiment had to be started again. But after 21 days the body stopped resisting and got used to it.

However, scientists from London did not completely recognize this experiment of American scientists and made their own. They took 96 people and spent 12 weeks each developing a new habit. Everyone had a different period of adaptation, but it ranged from 18 to 254 days.

And it depends on the individual characteristics of the body. Let's look at what still affects the fact that we get used to it quickly in 21 days or slowly in 254 days.

Dr. Maltz's "three weeks" system

The concept of “21 days” was introduced by the American doctor M. Maltz in the 50s of the last century and was based on his personal observations of patients. Dr. Maltz wrote down his findings based on the health status of surgical patients. He came to the conclusion that patients need exactly 3 weeks to realize and accept themselves in a changed form - after amputation, plastic surgery or removal of certain organs.

After a while, other specialists continued work on the new concept, and the doctor’s theory that a habit is formed in 21 days received many confirmations.

Rules for forming a habit

A habit is the repetition of the same action for 21 days intentionally, with effort. This time will let you know whether you need this habit or not.
It is worth bringing this matter to the end, i.e. 21 days, need to be repeated day after day. You need to prove to yourself that you can make a difference.
We suggest making a list of their 5-10 habits that you would like to instill in yourself. Of these, first select the one that is most attractive to you and start
This habit should bring you joy, satisfaction, and harmony in your soul. And you should control yourself in a diary, planning or calendar. If you did it, circle it, or write it down, or maybe reward yourself with something when 21 days have passed.
After 21 days, evaluate whether this habit is useful for you or whether you don’t need or value it at all. If NO, then feel free to abandon it and take on a new one.
It is worth trying to look for what would be useful for you in life, and not stop and look

Step-by-step action plan

This technique has already proven itself on the positive side. From a psychological point of view, such a plan of action helps to improve life and look at it with completely different eyes. Every new day you must devote to a specific task. Don’t deviate from the list, and everything will definitely work out:

Photo by Joshua Mcknight: Pexels

Start decluttering your apartment. What can't be fixed, throw it away. Finally, look into the farthest and darkest corners. Place all things in their rightful places. Get rid of junk by simply throwing it away or donating it to those in need.
Take a blank sheet of paper and carefully write down on it the reasons why you can say thank you to fate. Mirror negative emotions and memories, turning them into positive experiences.
Make a list of all the activities that make you a little happier. Don't forget to note even the smallest detail.
Buy a new interesting book. It is desirable that the work be not only exciting, but also truly broaden your horizons. During the remaining days, be sure to read at least a few pages.
Start setting your alarm 1 minute earlier. Let this habit accompany you throughout the marathon of life renewal. Train yourself to do a little exercise.
Get a special notebook in which you will write down some thoughts and feelings every morning. Change everything negative to positive.
Decide what you want to achieve in life and what place to take in society. Model a specific image using visualization.
Write out your budget for the next quarter. Avoid unnecessary expenses and think in advance about the points where you can save money (for example, get up earlier so as not to order a taxi to work).

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

Start setting aside exactly 1 hour every day to look for new sources of additional income. Use even the most non-standard options.
Buy a diary and put it in your purse. Write down interesting thoughts, plans and upcoming meetings in it.
Dedicate this day to reflecting on the effectiveness of your life. Identify the moments that steal your free time. Optimize things and prioritize them.
Pay attention to procrastination. Today, write down five activities that prevent you from concentrating on your main tasks.
From this day forward, stop multitasking. Very often, by taking on several tasks at the same time, you greatly harm the quality of their implementation. Concentrate on one thing and only after completing the current task proceed to another.
Start planning for your next day today.
End each week with an analysis of your personal achievements. Speak clearly about your mood, thoughts, sensations and well-being.
The time has come to tidy up the workplace. Organize as much free space as possible.
Start documenting your nutrition in writing. Celebrate every meal and don't miss out on any little sweets. Analyze the rationality of the nutrition plan and change it if necessary.
Dedicate today to finding recipes for 20 not only tasty, but also healthy dishes. Pay attention to their availability (if you clearly understand that you cannot afford such products, refuse).

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

Gradually include them in your diet. Replace sugary soda and packaged juices with clean water.
Write down 5 positive qualities of your loved one. Starting from this day, regularly add to the list. You can even use simple phrases that express a good attitude towards a given person.
Start communicating with a new person every day. Analyze your environment for toxic personalities. If necessary, limit contact with them.
Start praising other people. Celebrate even the little things. Do it sincerely and without unnecessary flattery.

That's the whole list for the upcoming marathon. At the end of it, your life will certainly sparkle with new colors. This is a purely psychological training that allows you to get rid of apathy, depression and regain motivation for self-development.

What should I do to avoid breaking down and what obstacles might there be?

“Yummy” or a gift for acquiring a new habit.

This is something that can motivate you along the way to forming a new habit. You just need to find a reward worthy of the winner.

Follow up regularly and see the positive experiences of others

Here we strongly recommend keeping a success diary, where you can record regularity and evaluate the results. Perhaps others will begin to see changes and tell you about it. And read and study the positive experiences of others.

Remember that everything is achieved through willpower

Force yourself, negotiate with yourself, just do something somewhere and that’s it, no retreats. The movement should be only forward and without skipping, every day and that’s it.

Successful people share their experience of “instilling” habits

It's worth remembering that once you get your license, you're not that good at driving. But over time you get better and better. And then you “automatically” shift the gearbox, without even thinking, the habit is in your subconscious, and you use it easily and with pleasure.

Make a plan every day and include the habit you are currently working on.
Smile more and rejoice in your victories “over yourself”
Physical exercise will help you overcome your “weakness” and not give up a new habit
Take 2-3 habits and start doing them right away
Try to engage in self-development and read all the time about the benefits of your new habit. Expand your knowledge about it and think about how it will benefit you, too.

Journaling

All your achievements and victories need to be written down in a diary specially created for this purpose, where you can paste both your photographs that motivate you to move forward, and positive pictures from magazines. In addition to your own impressions, your daily diary entry should contain the following 5 points with a detailed report on each:

“What important thing did I do today?”
“Who did I help today?”
“What new have I learned?”
“Can I reproach myself for anything?”
“What conclusions have I drawn today?”

By answering the questions asked, a person will be able to better understand his actions and learn to learn lessons from each situation.