How to stop being offended by people - 5 ways to learn not to be offended by trifles

Resentment is a negative feeling that, like poison, slowly spreads from the tips of the fingers throughout the body, gradually poisoning it, and at the same time the soul.
It spoils the mood and relationships between people. Makes you replay unpleasant situations in your head and experience bad feelings again. There are seven basic emotions that a person can experience:

• joy;
• astonishment;
• interest;
• disgust;
• fear;
• sadness;
• anger.

Resentment is a compound feeling. It can be backed up by anger at another person, self-pity, disappointment, annoyance, or something else.

Resentment and touchiness: what is the difference?

Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. The person is trying to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he expected something different, and with all his appearance he demonstrates how strong his disappointment is. Intertwined with the offense is disappointment (one thing was expected, but something else happened), pain and sadness (“I didn’t expect this from you”), excitement and anxiety (what if it happens again), powerlessness (“you are stronger - that’s why you think you’re right”), irritation and anger (“I will take revenge on you”).

Resentment is like the flu: you can have a fever and recover in a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the entire body and cause a chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This condition is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to constantly take offense at all possible irritants, sometimes erecting piles of non-existent problems out of nowhere, showing with all his appearance how unfair the world is to him.

All a person’s feelings are a subjective thing, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all others, since one’s “I” and personal dignity are placed above others.

A few useful things to help you

There are many good projects online that help you become better, smarter, learn to communicate, and overcome inhibitions. There are also some among them that are simply necessary for very touchy people.

In almost every article on psychology, I recommend to readers the Vikium project - it offers various courses, many free programs, tests, and simulators. Below I will briefly describe what may be useful to touchy people.

Before offering courses to your attention, I recommend these two simulators:

1. Emotional intelligence test - you will practice identifying types of emotions, you will be able to better understand the range of your feelings in different situations. When you are clearly aware of what you feel, you can move on to working specifically on these feelings.
2. The “Identification of Emotions” simulator is the same, but the format is slightly different. It is advisable to exercise on this simulator regularly. You will learn not only to understand yourself better, but also to easily recognize the feelings of other people.

Both simulators are free, go through as many times as you want.

Course "Emotional Intelligence"

Description : This course is about emotions in general, not just resentment. Teachers will teach you how to understand yourself correctly. You will learn where the roots of each emotion are, learn to compare your reactions to the world around you with the reactions of other people.

What I like about this course is that the teachers talk about the subconscious basis of every emotion. For example, what causes anger, is depression or panic attacks due to external reasons only. When you complete the training, you will learn how to properly reflect, analyze yourself, and not be led by emotions.

I think it will immediately become easier for you to communicate with your family, build relationships, and move up your career ladder. And most importantly, you will become happier and calmer.

Author : Oleg Kalinichev (director of Paul Ekman's company in Russia).

Cost : 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up

Brain detoxification course

Description : Remember what was going on in your head the last time you were offended. Most likely, you have replayed the situation that caused offense several times, “listened” to the words spoken, and tried to respond somehow. These chaotic thoughts were running through your head and you couldn't stop them.

This is the case with most negative emotions. But most often - with resentment or fear. “Brain detoxification” will help you “cleanse” your head of emotional toxins, learn to concentrate on the positive, and smile. You will become stronger mentally, you will know how to “push away” stress from yourself.

The course is relatively small, including only 10 lessons. The material is only practical, no tedious theory. There are many exercises that you can use on your own in the future when someone tries to throw you off balance. Course format: reading text, video and audio materials.

Author : Victor Shiryaev (specialist in developmental psychology).

Cost : 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up

Course "Effective Communication"

Description : I recommend it to anyone who suffers from resentment, misunderstanding, or inability to build communication. And also for those who still do not have relationships filled with happiness in their lives.

Classes last exactly one month, the curator maintains contact with each student, answers questions and comments. Additionally, webinars are held with practicing psychologists and personal development specialists.

The teacher promises to help everyone who suffers from the words and actions of others. You will know how to control your emotions, how to respond correctly to those who want to humiliate or offend you, how to build constructive communication with colleagues, bosses, friends, and children. If you want to learn how to influence people, lead them, and not just be followed, this is the place for you too.

In each block of lessons, you will first listen to a video lecture, then complete a practical task, discuss it in a webinar with the teacher and other students, and take a test. When you complete the course completely, you will receive a certificate that can be attached to your portfolio.

If within 7 days you decide not to continue your studies, the administration will return the money in full.

Author : Oleg Kalinichev.

Cost : 1,490 rub. for the self-study rate, RUB 2,490. for a tariff with the support of a curator. I recommend the second one, don’t skimp on yourself.

Find out more and sign up

Another very interesting thing is the neural interface from Vikium. This device allows you to analyze electrical fluctuations in the brain during different emotional states: anger, resentment, joy, melancholy. The neurointerface will transfer the material to your computer, from it you will transfer it to Vikium, the site will tell you exactly what you feel, how harmful or dangerous it is for the body as a whole, what to do to replace “bad” vibrations with “good” ones.

That's all for now. If you personally know good training programs, courses and simulators, please tell us about them in the comments, I will add to the article.

Why do people get offended?

Psychologists divide all reasons into four categories:

• Misunderstanding of jokes: most often a person who is touchy is someone who has no sense of humor; even a small teasing can offend him - this is his defensive reaction and an indicator that he shouldn’t do that. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person becomes fixated and carries a grudge for years, developing a plan for revenge.
• Manipulation: wanting to get what is planned, but not seeing the desired result, a touchy person “pouts his lips,” moves away and remains silent - showing with all his appearance that he expects completely different actions.

• Frustrated hopes: people often succumb to fantasies or attribute non-existent character traits to others, expect unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed by reality. With offense they try to show the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change the person.
• Inability or unwillingness to forgive: too high self-esteem and hyperego make people blind to other people's emotions and motives of actions. Moreover, this category of people can combine all three previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid person.

How does resentment develop into resentment?

Due to an excessive sense of self and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: “Why me? Why is it possible for them, but not for me? I deserve better, more.” This plunges a person even more into an illusory reality, invented by him and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the cause of grievances remains unresolved and settles inside, the more a person becomes touchy, fixated on his own experiences and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive touchiness becomes a natural state, destroying a person’s inner world.

What to do if someone is offended by someone

When communicating with each other, friends and colleagues can make bad jokes, make inappropriate remarks, or make jokes. And someone from the company will be offended and stop talking. This means he was more affected than others thought. Grievances are also common both on a family basis and on a professional basis, when the boss undeservedly reprimands for shortcomings, and even in front of everyone.

In any situation, it is first of all recommended to analyze whether there is someone’s fault in the “offensive” situation that has arisen, to figure out what exactly could have offended the person. If guilt is assumed, then the best and most painless way is to simply approach the “victim” and apologize.

Four types of offended people

Psychoanalysts divide touchy people into several types, by analyzing which you can understand why they hold a grudge against you and how to correct the situation.

- People with an eternal victim complex: they are constantly offended by everyone and everything, with or without reason: any careless word, sideways glance or gesture can drive them into deep depression, a week of silence or, conversely, constant whining. This type of overly touchy person in a state of passion can do anything, even attempt suicide, so you need to behave extremely carefully with them.

— Paranoid: people who are touchy due to excessive suspicion, jealousy and fear of being deceived. They hear only what they want, understand the situation only from their extremely subjective point of view and look for a catch in almost everything.

— People with an inferiority complex: their total lack of self-confidence gives rise to a feeling of insecurity; it seems to them that others constantly want to offend, laugh at shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are quietly touchy; they do not make trouble, do not try to manipulate, but simply withdraw into themselves, accumulating a lump of resentment.

— The Avengers: their distorted view of the world, coupled with delusions of grandeur, forces them to constantly scroll through plans for revenge, retribution for insults in their heads and encourages them to further immoral actions. Moreover, the resentment gnawing at them is so great (even over a trifle) that for years they can nurture within themselves a plan for a vendetta worthy of Moriarty himself.

Why is it harmful to be touchy?

Energy is what helps us live a full, bright life, makes us act, create and turn all our craziest ideas into reality.

Resentment is what de-energizes us. Because of it, energy drains into nowhere. You cannot generate new ideas, you do not have enough strength to do household chores:

• cleaning;
• cooking;
• washing.

I don’t even have the strength to do what I love, work or family.

Until a person forgives someone, he remains stuck in the past. This prevents him from using his energy in the present tense. He tries to move forward, but resentment prevents him from taking even a small step.

Deep grief can lead to depression and can also be expressed through real illness. Heart or vascular diseases, various mental disorders, diabetes mellitus are just part of them.

Touchy people are not liked in the team; they try to avoid them. And who wants to be to blame for all their troubles? It is difficult for them to build a career because their boss does not trust them with important matters. It is difficult for such a person to point out shortcomings in his work, because he is immediately offended. And all this affects the financial well-being and abundance of the individual.

Male resentment

Men actually get offended extremely rarely - they rather become upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of their loved ones. The logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the reason for a long time - after half an hour, the male consciousness will find something more interesting to do than dwell on an action that has already passed.

The only thing that can really hurt him and unsettle him for a long time is criticism of his “masculine” behavior: sexual incompetence, comparison with other men, public condemnation and devaluation of his gifts. Then the man can either withdraw into himself, or, maintaining external habitual behavior, keep the resentment within himself for quite a long time, and during a strong quarrel, express everything.

How to properly apologize and ask for forgiveness from an offended person

There is not and cannot be any template or algorithm in this action. The main thing in an apology is not the verbosity, not the beauty of the words, but HOW they are pronounced. You can say without much comment: “Forgive me, buddy,” but say it sincerely, from the bottom of your heart.

One eastern sage told his disciples: people can insult by calling another a fool, a slave or mediocre. But we must always remember that only a fool will call another a fool; Only a slave will see a slave in another; a mediocrity will see someone else's madness in what he himself does not understand. Therefore, you should not be offended by anyone and insult anyone yourself.

Women's resentment

Women hold the palm in terms of grievances: they are offended several times a day, while for some these are fleeting states that cannot even be called an insult - so, you were upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is a fixed idea throughout their lives: “You offended me - you didn’t see my tears,” because of which they begin to poison the lives of themselves and those around them. At the same time, an offended woman looks like a madman: she has absolutely no control over reason, emotions and can say mountains of unnecessary, rude and unnecessary things. It is excessive sensitivity that destroys such women.

Childish resentment

A child’s resentment is a great psychological trauma, which can lead to a lot of complexes, rejection of the realities of the world and a distorted perception of the people around him. The danger is that an unstable child’s psyche cannot cope with experiences, cannot respond correctly to a stimulus and imprints negative experiences on the subconscious, forming an illusory reality.

Most people who are too touchy brought this feeling with them from childhood, they have grown together with it and can no longer live without it. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are instilled in a person during preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. Therefore, next time, before scolding your child for something, think ten times whether it is necessary.

What are the risks of communicating with such a person?

When there is a touchy person in a company, it’s like a boil: it’s very annoying, but no one dares to touch it so as not to cause pain. An imperceptible ring of alienation is formed, which offends the person even more - the circle is closed. In addition, a very touchy person reacts sharply to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for his sensitivity is like adding fuel to the fire.

The constant need to select the “right” words, expressions and actions already indicates that you are being manipulated, which means that the person has understood the power of his influence and will use it every time as needed.

How to stop being offended by little things

People often like to get offended by little things. Why is this happening? We live in a time when tension is in the air. Everyone is busy, everyone has a lot to do and a lot of problems. Naturally, you need to somehow get rid of the negativity. How do we do this? Taking offense. True, not everyone understands that this method is not very effective. In fact, with its help we not only do not get rid of negative emotions, but also increase their number within ourselves. So how to stop being offended by little things ? First of all, you need to understand that the decision to be offended is entirely yours. No one can hurt you or make you feel anything different. All our emotions are the result of our choices. Conscious or not is another question. Resentment will not help resolve the conflict in any way. If you don’t want to solve it, but just want to sulk, that’s your choice. But, again, don't forget how bad this will affect your mental and physical health. Next, you need to understand how to get rid of negative energy in another way. This could be playing sports, playing musical instruments, walking, chatting with friends, etc... In general, something that will occupy your thoughts and use your physical strength. This will be doubly useful - you will get rid of negativity, and at the same time you will improve yourself. So stop being offended and start living for your own pleasure!

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Why don't all people get offended?

The psychology of a touchy person is different: some are extremely rarely susceptible to such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. You can joke with some to the point of foul, while others react sharply even to a comment about their hairstyle. Why is this happening?

In fact, everything depends on the internal state of a person: how self-sufficient he is or dependent on public opinion, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and self-worth. Everyone has their own weak points and pain points: for some they are on the surface and painful, while for others they are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.

How to communicate with a touchy person?

For those around you, this is sometimes a whole problem. How to call a touchy person so as not to offend? How to communicate with him at all if there is no way to end the relationship (he is an employee, relative or husband-wife).

The first way is to try to ignore attempts at manipulation, provided that you really are right. You can ask an uninterested person for their opinion (of course, tactfully, so as not to further offend the offended person).

Second: try to take the situation into your own hands and transform it from emotional squabbles into a calm discussion of the problem.

Communication with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loyalty; it is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different perspective. You need to be lenient towards emotional outbursts - after all, if the reasons for such a reaction are known, then it becomes clear that the touchy person has internal problems through the roof. Have pity on him, only mentally.

The “all-in” method: feign resentment in response. Perhaps, having felt in the place of the “pseudo-offender”, a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended person and mentally scroll through the situation, trying to look at it through his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your fault is that the person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unconsciously, without thinking, hurt a person.

Touchiness

Just as warm clothes protect against cold, self-control protects against resentment and resentment. Increase patience and calmness of spirit, and resentment, no matter how bitter, will not touch you.

Leonardo da Vinci

Perhaps we all have to deal with grievances in our lives from time to time.
Situations when we are offended by someone, or when someone is offended by us, are almost inevitable. This is understandable, our behavior does not always suit other people, and their behavior does not always suit us, and there are many reasons for this. The main reason is our egoism, which forces us to think first of all about ourselves, while other people want us to think about them, or even about them. And we also want other people not to forget about us and to take into account our interests and desires when making certain decisions. But when our expectations for other people are not met, we become offended by them. Touchiness is not the most attractive character trait in a person and many people disapprove of it. However, it is inherent in most people, or rather, in everyone, so we inevitably have to deal with it. In this article, dear readers, I will tell you about why people are offended by each other, how to behave with offended people, and what we should do with our own resentment so that it does not prevent us from achieving our goals and enjoying life. You know, I have always believed and still believe that being offended is the lot of the weak. I know that many of us are offended by someone from time to time, and I, too, sometimes get offended, including myself. We tend to be offended, so this is a normal reaction and there is no need to be ashamed of it. But you and I must understand that this is not the best model of behavior - not the most effective, not the most effective, not the most adequate and not the most beautiful. Therefore, it is better to replace it with another model, a more advanced and, let’s say, mature model of behavior. Below I will tell you about what you can do to give up touchiness and how to do it.

Why do we get offended

To answer the question of why we are offended, we need to pay attention to how we are offended - do we take offense within ourselves in order to feel sorry for ourselves and justify our failures, or do we demonstrate to other people our resentment, our dissatisfaction, our offended by their actions in order to achieve from them a certain reaction that we need. Moreover, one thing is often combined with the other. After all, we all want something from someone, but we don’t always get what we want. What is not a reason to be offended and show other people that they are wrong, and at the same time justify yourself in your own eyes - shifting all responsibility for your failures to other people. For some of us, resentment is a real salvation from internal discomfort. So there will always be a reason to be offended, but being offended is not always appropriate, and often even harmful, so it all depends on how a person is used to reacting to what does not suit him in the behavior of other people. It happens that other people do not live up to our expectations and hopes, so we are disappointed in them - we are dissatisfied with them, we are dissatisfied with their behavior and even with ourselves for trusting these people. We feel offended, we feel betrayed. This happens often. But we can carry our resentment within ourselves, that is, we can be offended unnoticed, or we can be offended so that everyone can see it, and we do this mainly when our resentment allows us to manipulate other people. So, on the one hand, we are looking for a reason to feel sorry for ourselves and justify ourselves, and on the other hand, we want to achieve something from other people through resentment.

All this comes from childhood, when the ability to be offended by adults, mainly by their parents, allows the child to achieve certain concessions on their part. With the help of resentment, children attract the attention of adults, clearly demonstrating to them their weakness and pressing on their feelings of guilt. This is real manipulation, because when we demonstrate our touchiness to others, we try to manipulate them, we try to influence their feelings of guilt in this way in order to induce them to take the actions we need. This is why and why we are offended. Resentment can be spontaneous, when we simply don’t know how else to react to the disappointment that we have experienced because of other people, or it can be purposeful, when we want to influence someone. Why are you offended [if you are offended], dear readers? Think about it. Your resentment may not be doing you any good, regardless of whether you are resentful because it is to pity and justify yourself, or to influence other people, or both. Let's look at what else makes people touchy.

Upbringing . Despite the fact that unfavorable hormonal levels can also affect a person’s touchiness, upbringing still plays a more significant role in this matter. Well, correctly, and even let’s say, a reasonably educated person will not be offended, or in any case, he will not show his offense to anyone. Why, why should we be offended when there are plenty of other ways to survive any failures and disappointments, and to influence other people? A person who is offended demonstrates weakness, people do not respect offended people because they despise weakness because it is not viable. It is much more profitable to act from a position of strength or to interest other people in order to achieve the desired behavior and desired actions from them. Think for yourself - what do we show to other people when we are offended by them and show them our resentment? What they did was wrong—wrong for us, but at the same time, quite possibly, right for themselves? We also show them that we are unhappy with them, that we are not satisfied with their behavior, that we want an apology, for something to be done for us, and so on and so forth. In other words, we want something from people with whom we are demonstratively offended, and at the same time, we see no other way to get what we need from them. What it is? This is weakness. We demonstrate to people our inability to influence them in other ways, we admit our own helplessness. Will this help us solve our problems and tasks, help us strengthen our position in society, in the team, in relationships with the opposite sex? No, it won't help. In rare cases, people can be manipulated by influencing their feelings of pity, guilt, and their desire to be good and correct for everyone, including us. But still, in many cases, touchiness has an extremely limited range of possibilities. In general, we can be offended by selfish people as much as we want - they still won’t change anything in their behavior. But the problem is that if a person is used to being offended, is used to seeking concessions from other people in this way, because he was raised that way, one might even say that he was spoiled, it is difficult for him to give up this behavior, even if his grievances do not work. Or if a person is so morally weak that he is unable to adhere to a different model of behavior with people, then for him grievances are the only salvation. But all these problems can be solved.

Shifting responsibility . The desire to shift responsibility to others also often prompts many people to be offended by everyone who did not help them in some way. Although, why on earth should someone help someone, especially just like that, is unclear. But for some touchy people this is not so important. The main thing for them is that they are not to blame for anything, other, bad, wrong people are to blame for everything. It is they, other people, who are to blame for not meeting the expectations of the offended person, and not he is to blame for placing these expectations on them. Or other people may be guilty of not paying the person the attention he needs and doing little for him, while he didn’t really try to interest them in himself, so that it would be beneficial for them to pay their attention to him. In general, the point is that being offended by other people means seeing them as the problem, not yourself. But what's the point? How many people want to change for someone? How many people want to change, at least for their own sake? So what's the point of being offended by them, what's the point of shifting responsibility to them for how they behave with us? Well, perhaps only for internal peace, for internal comfort, there is no need for anything else.

Manipulation . The desire to manipulate people, including through touchiness, is an innate human desire. You can manipulate people with the help of resentment both consciously and unconsciously. This is done unknowingly mainly by children who simply adhere to the model of behavior that allows them to achieve the desired attitude from adults. And if adults react to a child’s grievances in the way he needs, he will continue to be offended by them in the future. We've all been through this, most of us. But some people, it must be said, have consciously taken touchiness into their arsenal and, with its help, manipulate everyone they can, everyone who allows themselves to be manipulated in this way. And those who see touchy people as poorly educated people and the most common manipulators are not mistaken in most cases. True, sometimes such manipulation looks rather naive, because, as I said above, not many people react to the grievances of other people in the way they, the manipulators, need. And this is correct, since any manipulation is not a way to find a common language with a person in order to get something from him, but at the same time give him something, but a way to achieve what he wants, without taking into account the interests of this person, without taking into account the interests and the desires of other people. This is forgivable for children; they get along with adults as best they can. But for an adult to be offended by people in order to manipulate them, at least it’s not becoming. And as a maximum, I think this needs to be punished, either through counter-manipulation, or by ignoring such people. This is about the question of how to behave with touchy people. Sometimes, of course, you can listen to them and understand them if they are offended not for the purpose of extracting unilateral benefits, but because of their weakness. But still, an offended person must be rid of this bad habit - the habit of being offended.

I would also like to note that children’s touchiness is a natural age stage. Children are forced to act from a position of weakness, putting pressure on the pity and guilt of adults; for them this is one of the few opportunities to achieve the attention they need to themselves and certain concessions. Adults are a different matter; for them, touchiness is more of a disadvantage than an advantage. It’s unpleasant to see how an adult, instead of agreeing on something with other people, prefers to be offended by them and expects that they will make concessions to him. This is ugly and in some cases naive. At the same time, touchiness can be pathological, when a person not only does not know how to react differently to other people if their behavior does not suit him, but even looks for reasons to be offended, in order to make himself a victim, to cry, to show how life is unfair to him and how bad other people who have offended him can be. There is also normal touchiness, when a person is so disappointed with other people that he simply cannot resist expressing his disappointment with them through offense. In this case, such a reaction is an exception for a person and therefore he is offended very rarely, in exceptional cases when his emotions are so strong that it is difficult for him to control them. We have all been so offended at least once in our lives, because sometimes, indeed, some people amaze us with their dishonesty and sometimes even cruelty. And when you are hurt, when you are not cared for, when you have been betrayed, you don’t really think about what your behavior looks like from the outside. Well, non-offensive people are an example for all of us to follow. Those who never take offense get the decisions, actions, and behavior they need from people in other ways, including through the ability to negotiate, interest, and persuade. As a rule, it is very pleasant to deal with such people - after all, they are quite objective in assessing their own and other people’s interests and try to think not only about themselves, but also about other people when they are asked for something. It's a pity that there aren't many such people in our lives.

Be that as it may, sometimes, I believe, you can allow yourself to be offended, especially in those cases when you were deceived, betrayed, let down by a person dear to you, whom you trusted one hundred percent. Still, a treacherous act on the part of someone close and dear to you, and especially a loved one, is a very strong blow, after which it is difficult to control your emotions. But you shouldn’t focus your attention on the offense. It must be experienced and conclusions drawn from the incident that caused it. People hurt us for a reason, but so that we perceive them adequately and do not trust them too much.

But it would be simply wonderful not to be offended at all. People who never take offense at anyone exist, but, as I already said, they are few. Usually these are self-confident people with maturity of mind and good mental health. In addition, such people understand well how to behave in our society in order to obtain from other people the necessary actions, decisions, actions, and the right attitude towards themselves. No one is going to meet us halfway just because we want it, and no matter how much you are offended by people, most of them will think first of all about themselves and their desires, goals, dreams. But our desires and dreams are our worries. Therefore, it is better to adhere to a more effective and efficient model of behavior when communicating with other people. And even if you are rightfully offended by them, try not to show them your offense unless you are sure that they will react to it in the way you want. There is no need to show people your weakness and dependence on them - as a rule, this does not make them kinder and more sympathetic.

How to stop being offended

To stop being offended, you must first find out what result you want to achieve with your offensive behavior? You need to ask yourself this question if you are offended by people demonstratively, if you show them your offense and expect a certain reaction from them. Somewhere in the depths of your soul, you clearly hope that people will make concessions to you, reacting to your resentment towards them, and do something for you that you want them to do. Perhaps you simply expect that they will apologize to you, if there is anything, or perhaps you expect that people will try to atone for their guilt to you for offending you. Surely in childhood, your grievances brought you certain positive results when adults, for example, your parents, made concessions to you. And now you expect that this model of behavior will work in adulthood and you will be able to use your grievances to achieve the same concessions as in childhood.

So think about the outcome you are hoping for. And when you understand what you want, when you realize your calculations in relation to other people, think about other ways to influence them. Well, what kind of ways these could be - it could be the pressure that you can put on others when you have a clearly winning position on a particular issue. These can be the methods I have already mentioned - to interest, attract, bribe this or that person with something so that he does something that you need, being motivated by his desires, and not by a feeling of guilt in front of you. In other words, strive for what you need, not through touchiness, but through other methods of influencing people. You will see for yourself how many of them are more effective and practical.

And do not allow those who are offended by you to make you feel guilty towards them and feel pity for them. If you know that you are right, do not make excuses to anyone, do not look for an opportunity to atone for your guilt if there is none. Behind any feeling of resentment there is always some kind of human desire - the desire of the offended person, which he hopes to realize in this way. If you are this person, then you don’t need to touch the desire itself - you need to find another way to realize it. And there are many such ways. Touchiness, as I said, is not the best way to influence other people. And if someone is trying to realize their desire at your expense, demonstratively taking offense at you and expecting certain concessions on your part, do not react, do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Teach other people to interact with you on normal, mutually beneficial terms, teach them to respect you, and at the same time themselves. Do not feel sorry for those who use pity as a tool of influence; such people do not deserve pity.

Thus, to get rid of resentment, find out why you are offended, what you want to achieve with your resentment, what your resentment will actually give you and how else you can get what you want, how else you can influence people to do something for you? These questions of yours to yourself will make your behavior more meaningful, that is, the way it should be in an adult, reasonable, prudent person who knows how to control himself.

Also pay your attention to the behavior of those people who have achieved much greater success in life than you - learn to react to certain situations from them. This is the easiest way to learn something - you just need to repeat after others, after those whom it makes sense to repeat after. So if you are a touchy person, you definitely need to start taking examples from other people, from those who are not offended by anyone, but are looking for different ways to interact with different people. We all often find ourselves in difficult interpersonal situations when we need to use a certain model of behavior to achieve the desired results. Each of us behaves differently in such situations. Someone is offended if there is a reason for this, and if there is none, then one can be invented, someone is angry, intimidates and puts pressure on people, someone persuades and begs other people in order to get the necessary decisions and actions from them, someone is trying to interest them in something, and so on. There are many ways to influence people, as I already said, and, of course, you need to be able to use them all. But at the same time, you need to more actively master the most effective behavior, abandoning ineffective, childish, unattractive behavior, which often does more harm than good. Therefore, take an example from those who act effectively, practically, competently and beautifully. And leave touchiness in childhood - in adult life you will not need it in the vast majority of cases.

We all want something, we all strive for something, we all want other people to help us realize our desires and dreams, and we expect this from them, we expect them to help us. As children, we expected a lot from our parents and other adults, and as adults, we begin to associate many of our dreams and desires with our friends, bosses, wives or husbands, politicians, and so on. This is the problem with resentment - we expect too much from others and too little from ourselves. But in this life no one owes us anything. If you don’t take care of yourself, it’s unlikely that anyone else will take care of you. Remember this and try not to be offended by other people, especially demonstratively, so as not to show both them and yourself your weakness and helplessness. Adopt a pattern of behavior that inspires respect and allows you to achieve greater success in life.

How to help get rid of resentment?

Explain to the person why you acted and said this and not otherwise. Explain in detail the reason in the smallest detail, make it clear with all your appearance that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really requires it, you need to apologize. Just remember: to apologize means to regret what you did and promise to do it again. Human reactions come from actions, not just words.

Try to explain that offense is a destructive feeling that shows how much the offended person does not respect himself as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have a close relationship if it develops so one-sidedly.

Offended adults

An adult anal person, who remained unloved and undersupported in childhood, carries resentment within himself. An offense against an adult with an anal vector can be a personal offense against a particular person. And it can be a serious offense against the parents, especially the mother.

If a person does not have sufficient fulfillment in life, he experiences stress. He feels that he has not been given enough in life. It doesn’t matter what or by whom anymore. Stress accumulates. All sorts of little things start to stick. The slippers are out of place, there are crumbs on the table, she looked at me wrong, she said it in the wrong tone. It's a shame...

The condition requires alignment and balance. A frequent accompaniment of resentment is revenge.

Resentments are dangerous because the desire to equalize the balance, to repay the insult, finds another addressee surrounded by the offended person. As a rule, these are the closest people, family members. If the bearer of the offense is the husband, then the addressee will be the wife. If she is a woman, she can take it out on the children.

What will the accumulated grievances lead to?

Does everyone know that resentment is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded sense of superiority spurs a person to act rashly: this is how relationships are broken, marriages and family ties are destroyed. Everything happens because everyone puts himself above the other, and this is a manifestation of pride.

Focused on his internal experiences, a person loses the ability to think sensibly, his productivity decreases, which, in turn, can lead to job loss. In an attempt to numb the pain of resentment, some people turn to drinking or taking drugs.

Why does a touchy person often get sick? His nervous system is constantly overloaded with stress, depression and neuroses. Under the influence of feelings, he disrupts his usual diet, which has a detrimental effect on the digestive system: gastritis, stomach ulcers are side effects of stress.

From constant worries, migraines develop, spasms of the muscles of the neck and shoulder girdle (which can lead to problems with the spine). Spasmed muscles, in turn, block the free functioning of the lungs, hyperventilation is disrupted, and this is the first step to colds and various types of inflammatory processes.

In the process of communicating with an offended person, try to convey this information; perhaps common sense will prevail and the offense will go away.