How to understand that a guy is lying in a relationship, about feelings, cheating? Verbal and nonverbal signs of lying. A complete manual with rationale and techniques.
The relationship between a man and a woman is a subject for discussion not only among psychologists, but also philosophers, sociologists and various types of researchers. In fact, they have a lot to talk about, given that this is an issue that goes back deep into history. Everyone builds their relationships differently, types, varieties, everything changes over time, but the essence remains the same. Love, family, procreation and everyday life.
However, as we know, all people lie. This is not a whim or a compulsion, but just human nature. The lies can be different, ranging from the fact that he forgot to put on the laundry at home, ending with the fact that he supposedly went on a business trip, but in fact spends time with someone else.
So how can you determine that your boyfriend has started lying and, worse, cheating on you? Next, we will take a closer look at how your young man lies to you: in phone calls, correspondence, SMS messages, in life, whether he lies about his feelings for you, whether he lies when he says that he loves you, and also consider the advice of psychologists and physiologists. Let's get started.
Attention to detail
First of all, it is worth noticing the little things. From them not only the whole picture is built, but it is from them that one can determine the “frequency” of lies. This is how a man lies most often. Oddly enough, women most often lie about little things related to everyday life, while men lie about everything that has to do with their personal life.
What is the easiest way to “catch” such a liar, how to understand that a guy is lying and cheating? It’s very simple, psychologists advise paying attention to the details of the “noodles” that they diligently hang on your ears. During a dialogue with a man, for example, in response to the question “where have you been?”, he will begin to colorfully describe how he was late at work, then got stuck in a traffic jam, and also the clueless neighbor’s children rode the elevator for about 20 minutes, and getting up “I’m so tired” .
Just ask, after this whole tirade, to tell everything in reverse order. The fact is that the human brain is designed in such a way that it is much easier for him to invent than to remember, and when telling a story “on the contrary”, your companion will begin to frantically remember what exactly he lied, will begin to stutter, get confused, stammer, his eyes will run around, his hands will sweat and etc., it’s easier to determine that the guy is lying. These are all clear signs of a liar.
How can you tell if a man is lying to you with questions?
Asking the right questions
A question, not an interrogation, is important. No one, under any circumstances, encourages you to tie your significant other to a chair and, with a soldering iron in your hand, “extort” the coveted truth, poking it in all possible and impossible places. Everything is much simpler. To understand or determine that a guy is cheating, just start asking him leading questions, unobtrusively. An honest person will answer in detail and in order, without nerves and psychosis; on the contrary, a liar will twitch, get angry and avoid answering by any means.
Behavior and sudden mood changes
A “jumping” mood is the moment to find out if a guy is lying about his feelings or even cheating. Psychologists usually attribute mood swings to the fair half of the population, but they do this very recklessly. Now I’ll explain how, imagine a situation... A guy comes home from his friend’s birthday party. There are no visible signs of betrayal, such as the smell of perfume from a shirt, traces of lipstick, but there is no limit to your doubts. You sit down next to him and begin to ask him what was there, how you noted, who was there, and if your partner begins to fidget, actively gesticulate, and at the end of the story he suddenly changes in mood, changing the topic of the dialogue, you can definitely be sure. He's lying.
Gestures and facial expressions
One of the most reliable methods and an obvious “innate” traitor. In this regard, pay attention to small children: when they lie, very often immediately after this, they cover their mouth with their hand. This is evidence of a lie. The same thing works with an adult, despite the fact that over the years this aspect becomes less and less noticeable. So, whether a guy is lying or not can be understood by the following non-verbal signs:
- Eyes
As the sages said, “The eyes are the mirror of the soul.” They are capable of revealing not only lies, but also 90% of the spectrum of all human emotions that lie within (all poker players are virtuoso liars, but even they wear opaque glasses when sitting at the table and playing). Let's find out how to find out if a guy is lying about feelings, cheating, etc. according to the “mirror of the soul” - the eyes.
There are quite a lot of aspects here, from the pupil to the direction of gaze. Now, in order. As you know, pupils enlarge when a person looks at something he likes and decrease during stress. So they also decrease at the moment of lying, due to the fact that a person will be scared if he “gets caught”, so this is how you can understand whether a man is lying to you about something or not. As for the direction of the gaze, probably many people know the expression “the eyes were running”, so don’t be categorical, if this happens to your interlocutor, it’s not always a lie. According to scientific “physiognomists,” a person lies only in those cases when his gaze is directed upward to the left and straight to the left; in other cases, he remembers real sensations, events and sounds.
- Arms and shoulders
Restless hand movements and lack of perseverance indicate that your young man is lying. In addition to the fingers, which indicate excitement, twitching and rising shoulders can also give it away. Nervousness, uncertainty and lies.
- Lips
Another “traitor” who will give you a traitor. Everything matters here, from the shape to the angle of the corners of the lips. They can change in a second, so it is important to “catch” this change in facial expressions. Fear, contempt, excitement and anger, your lips will give it all away. So, for example, if a person purses his lips when talking to you, it means he is keeping silent about something.
True, it’s not worth looking at his lips under a magnifying glass to find out whether he’s lying or not. It is enough to pay attention to this from time to time. If your partner is embarrassed by your views, just say that he has “juicy lips.” This will definitely turn him on.
- Body
In addition to the unilateral movement of the arms, it should also be noted that this applies to the entire body and more. For example, if a person, when answering a question, takes a step back and crosses his arms in his chest, this indicates uncertainty in what was said. If your arms and legs are initially in a “closed” position, it means your interlocutor doesn’t particularly want to have a dialogue.
Also, if a person puts his hand forward when talking to you, but his palm remains open, it means he wants to abruptly end this topic of conversation. A very “talking” gesture is a raised finger, it is simultaneously regarded as intimidation (pay attention to the eyes) and as arrogance. By the way, the latter also includes a raised chin.
- Nose
This moment of facial expressions and gestures is called Pinocio syndrome. A simple and “popular” movement among men has a very funny name. When they speak and lie, their nose often “itches.” A clear sign of a liar. For example, you asked “do you love me?” to understand whether he was lying about his feelings, to which they heard, “yes, of course,” and he immediately began scratching his nose - which means he doesn’t really love, as he says. You stop building pink castles and enjoy life without him. Just don't bend it too much. Suddenly he has a runny nose.
How to break up a cheater in a relationship
Is it possible to restore a relationship after deception?
Yes and no. It all depends on how you are set up. Don't look for advice and help from other people. If only because they did not experience the separation, if there was one, the way you experienced it. They do not know what the reason for the deception was on the part of the partner or yours. They cannot demand that you forgive lies that they did not “sip.”
You can only get a positive result in restoring relationships after deception when you sort everything out with your partner. We can only guide you by pointing out that only through joint efforts with your partner can you decide whether to restore the relationship.
How to create “stress” for a liar and why?
No one is asking to portray Freddy Krueger in order to scare a potential liar and expose him in a lie. In order not to fall for the bait, it is enough to do (unexpectedly, of course) just a couple of actions. They will confuse your interlocutor and it will be more difficult for him to invent anything for you.
- Violate his personal space. Imagine what a shock this is, your husband or boyfriend comes home later than usual, tries to justify himself, and at that moment you come close to him. An effect of surprise is created and it is more difficult for the brain to find excuses, but if your partner tells the truth, then he will not be embarrassed at all.
- Take a higher position. You can sit on a hill or rise above your interlocutor (when changing shoes, for example), which will create a kind of intimidating effect and put the insidious liar in a stupor.
- Don't shout or blame him for anything. This will rather “lead” the liar away from the subject of the dialogue, which will not allow you to “catch” him on the “hook”, because in the future he is unlikely to want to return to this conversation. It’s better to listen to him calmly and ask him again from time to time, and the “smaller” the details are, the more difficult it will be for a liar.
Ways to determine if your husband is cheating
Rely on your intuition.
It is possible that some will consider this strange, but most women definitely experience a feeling when a suspicion of betrayal creeps into their soul. But only in a situation where the spouse begins to regularly stay late at work, you should not immediately blame him for wrongdoing, try to understand the situation.
It is likely that he may be late at the office due to heavy workload . And he will not like that he will be suspected of treason just because he has a large amount of work piled on him. But this is a great starting point for your inner voice. Think about whether his behavior has changed recently? Of course, you won't worry if it's delayed once. But when this happens systematically, you should be vigilant .
Try recording when he acts strange. Record in your notebook any deviation from his usual behavior. Although most husbands try to behave naturally and not show signs of going “to the left,” but if you have been together for a long time, you will definitely notice strange things. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
So why are they lying to us?
This question is asked by the “lion’s” part of the beautiful half of the population. But in fact, “Why?”, “Why?”... It all depends on the degree of the lie itself. If it is small, then most likely your partner did not want to inconvenience you, make you worry, or appear a little better than he really is. This could be a simple exaggeration of achievements or concealment of information that can later harm you. In this case, you should not check whether the guy is lying or not. You need to clearly understand that deception will not always be based on betrayal.
If the lie is serious, then most likely, in addition to the fact that he is simply avoiding conflict, he also experiences tender feelings not only for you. Also, if the lie concerns the financial aspect of life together, then this can be called either “preparation” for a surprise or banal greed.
How to tell if a guy is lying via SMS
Bites his lip
«Why did you come so late?
“, you ask your husband, who showed up in the morning and didn’t warn you that he would be late.
“ You can’t imagine what happened!
I saw a stray dog with a broken leg on the road. I wanted to take the poor guy to the vet, but not a single taxi driver wanted to take us. I had to help myself... ,” the hero tells the tales with gusto, biting his lower lip.
Psychologists believe that such a gesture signals a lie. And the liar himself does not believe in what he says. Therefore, he subconsciously tries to close his mouth so that the truth does not break out.
How can you tell if he is lying via SMS or over the phone?
Well, now we come to the highlight, the type of lie that is most difficult to recognize. Why, you ask? But because it is so impossible to see the interlocutor and understand exactly when and what he is lying about. Let's find out how to understand that a man/boyfriend is lying via SMS or phone:
- Long sentences
It would seem that this is a “so-so” sign, but if you think about it, it is completely justified. The partner has time to think, come up with ideas, consult with someone, or warn someone. After which he dumps a lot of information on your head, which is worked out in great detail, and you honestly believe it. But this point should only be an addition to the others in order to accurately find out whether a man is lying to you or not.
- Replays
When a guy or husband starts saying everything two or three times, not only is it annoying, it is also an obvious sign of lying! “Who is she?” - “Yes, just a classmate. At the alumni meeting we still agreed to meet. We just studied together."
- Silence
When you ask a series of direct questions, or ask for something, and your partner simply ignores or writes something that has nothing in common with the information you convey, rest assured. Lie.
- Pressures on pity and conscience
If, when talking on the phone or in SMS correspondence, He says something like “This is what you think of me, well, everything is clear with you” and everything in the same vein, trying to subconsciously put pressure on you, you know, he’s a liar, a liar, a liar. Yes, yes, like in the comedy of the same name with Jim Carrey.
- "Throwing" arrows
If, for example, to your question “Did you delete the correspondence?”, a guy or spouse answers “Why always me?!”, you should know that this is how he diverts unnecessary attention from himself, which means that, correctly, it’s a lie.
- Change of intonation
While talking on the phone, in the absence of the opportunity to see this “shameless face,” pay attention not only to all of the above signs, but also to the way he says it all. Changes in intonation and tone are also of great importance.
Options for solving the problem
There are three ways to respond to lies:
- First and most important - talk to him frankly . A wise woman will not put off discussing the issue and will find a suitable time for conversation. Talk to him without scandals, in a peaceful atmosphere. Ask your husband about his experiences and problems. If there are serious reasons to suspect him of treason, you can ask about it. Even if he has another woman, you can resolve everything peacefully.
- Give your husband what he wants . Psychology is designed in such a way that if a man doesn’t receive enough of something from his wife (regular sex, positive emotions, stability), then he begins to look for it on the side. Therefore, if your husband sometimes wants to go fishing or football, do not nag him and calmly react to this - this way he will understand that you value his desires.
- Accept him for who he is . Many people are naturally accustomed to embellishment, so if his lie is harmless, accept the person as such. Of course, if he began to deceive too often, then there is no need to tolerate it.
How to solve the problem of your husband's lies?
