“I make good money, but sometimes I feel like a real poor person. And all because my wife is a shopaholic. What should I do to help her refrain from making spontaneous purchases?
We've been together for 7 years. At the very beginning of our life together, I did not notice any special squandering in my wife. But as soon as she went on maternity leave, something unimaginable began. The entire family budget is spent on her endless purchases - frankly, this is rubbish that fills all the shelves and cabinets in the house. She simply cannot stop when there is at least some amount in her wallet. He comes from the store with bags full of all sorts of nonsense - clothes, shoes, trinkets. He buys for himself, for me, for his son. And then my salary is simply not enough to “make it” until the end of the month - I take money from my parents.
I’m trying to help my wife get rid of the habit of buying everything - I took away all the credit cards, I try to go shopping with her or alone. But nothing helps - she doesn’t want to throw away all the accumulated trash, she constantly borrows money from her friends, and has switched to online shopping. It's worse than alcoholism, in my opinion. The relationship is falling apart at the seams."
— Alexey, 33 years old
What associations do you have with the word “shopping”? Most likely, these are only positive emotions. But psychologists agree: shopping can become the same addiction that can undermine health and destroy relationships with loved ones, like gambling and even drugs. Not only the addict himself suffers, but also his relatives. Let's figure out how to help a person who is at the mercy of spontaneous purchases. Is it possible to treat shopaholism?
Signs of shopaholism
Shopaholism (in psychology - oniomania) is an irresistible desire to buy something without a clear need. In this case, shopping becomes both relaxation and entertainment - in fact, the only source of pleasure. [1]
Shopaholism, like any addiction, develops gradually. At first, a person simply enjoys looking at goods on display. Feeling this emotional uplift from the release of endorphins (hormones of joy) into the blood, he begins to make purchases. Then shopping develops into a habit, and during life’s difficulties it becomes the only way to relieve stress. Over time, addiction crowds out everything else from a person’s life, becoming the main passion. The former emotional high from countless purchases is no longer there. But if a person stops shopping, depression hits him. The last stage in the development of shopping addiction is the complete degradation of personality. A person does not control himself, going to the shopping center again and again. [2]
What symptoms define a shopaholic?
- He spends more money on purchases than he earns. Paying utility bills, running a normal life, necessary food - all this is in the background. The first is to enjoy the purchasing process itself.
- He often buys completely unnecessary things, “clogging” all the free space in the house with them.
- He constantly discusses purchases or plans for his next shopping trip.
- In an emotional outburst, he can take out a large loan to buy the desired item. He doesn’t care about the consequences, the main thing is to get the goods immediately.
- He experiences mood swings - from an emotional high from a purchase to apathy, when for one reason or another it is not possible to acquire what he wants.
- He does not admit that shopaholism complicates life and spoils relationships with loved ones.
Let us help you give up shopaholism
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Sellers of happiness
Trading companies, in particular, bear a significant share of responsibility for the growing number of “shopping addicts.” Shops are turning into entertainment centers where everyone, young and old, has something to do. You can enter there in the morning and leave at night. Pressure is also exerted by aggressive advertising, which is difficult even for adults to resist, let alone children and teenagers. Moreover, advertising strategies for promoting goods today are specially developed taking into account human psychology. Of course, this effect is imaginary. Advertising slogans put pressure on the delicate strings of the soul: “After all, you deserve it!”, “They will envy you!”, “I can afford it”... Manufacturers today are not selling a product, but a dream of happiness, love, respect, which each of us needs .
It's hard to imagine a woman indifferent to fashionable new things. After all, the desire to please the fair sex is in the blood. But sometimes a woman’s natural penchant for dressing up goes beyond all boundaries. And there are reasons for this. If 5-6 centuries ago fashion changed no more than a couple of times a century, today this happens at least twice a year, and collections in stores are updated even more often. How can I resist here?
How to identify a shopaholic: addiction detection test
Sometimes it can be difficult to determine whether a loved one is a shopaholic. Many people simply love shopping - choosing clothes, looking for interesting offers from their favorite brands, keeping an eye on promotions and sales. But all this does not mean that a person exhibits psychological disorders.
Do you suspect that your love of shopping with a loved one is gradually developing into mania? Analyze his behavior. Shopaholism is not just a waste of money. This is also the emotional state of a person when making purchases. It is important to evaluate the entire range of signs indicating oniomania.
We invite you to take a test to understand whether there are grounds for concern in relation to your loved one. [2] Answer “yes” or “no” to 10 statements.
- A person is so passionate about teleshopping that he often orders what he needs and what he doesn’t need from them.
- A loved one, despite all the agreements, often violates the inviolability of his personal or family savings for the sake of making purchases.
- Many of the things a person buys hang in the closet right with the price tags, because he does not wear them.
- A person is aware of all the sales in the nearest supermarkets and certainly goes there to “buy everything on the cheap.”
- A person always buys extremely expensive gifts for friends and relatives, even if he cannot afford it.
- A person constantly borrows money or takes out loans from banks.
- A loved one takes a very long time to pay off accumulated debts, which causes his relationships with friends to deteriorate.
- For a short time after a purchase, a person experiences a feeling of guilt due to thoughtless spending.
- A person constantly hides his real expenses and lies about the number of purchases made.
- A loved one becomes apathetic, irritable or even aggressive if, for one reason or another, they cannot buy something.
Count the number of positive answers. If there are more than 6 of them, your loved one is already close to joining the ranks of shopaholics. Support him and help him overcome his addiction.
Risk factors
More often than others, people who experience addiction are:
with low levels of self-esteem;- prone to aggressive behavior;
- easily suggestible;
- poorly adaptable to new conditions;
- unsure of themselves;
- overly emotional;
- self-centered.
It is important to understand that shopaholics are not born. It’s just that for some reason a person begins to devote more and more time to shopping and gradually loses control of himself in them.
How to become shopaholics: causes of oniomania
There is an opinion that shopping is a great way to cheer yourself up and get rid of stress. This is partly true because of the positive emotions that new things bring us. But shopaholism becomes a disease when a person falls into a vicious circle: first the pleasure of shopping, then the feeling of guilt and self-disappointment from inordinate spending of money, and then shopping again to relieve stress.
Psychologists believe that oniomania is more susceptible to people who lacked parental attention and care in childhood. Having become adults, they continue to suffer from “dislike” and turn purchases into some kind of gifts to themselves. Those who grew up in poor families as children are also prone to shopping addiction. In this case, numerous purchases become the easiest way to prove your worth to everyone around you. [3]
But still, the main reasons for shopaholism, according to psychologists, are the personal characteristics of a person and his relationships with others. [2] Let us indicate the reasons that can cause dependence:
Inadequate self-esteem
When a person is not confident in himself, he begins to acquire things that would make him more attractive and significant in the eyes of others. There is a risk that the situation will get out of control, turning into shopaholism.
According to psychologists, it is women shopaholics who often become addicted due to low self-esteem. Not satisfied with their appearance, they begin to fill their closets with clothes, jewelry, and cosmetics. Men “suffer” from this less often. [3]
Emotional discomfort
Anxiety, chronic stress and depression, a tendency to anger and hysterical outbursts - emotional discomfort often causes the development of shopaholism. A person tries to fight negative emotions with the help of purchases. Naturally, addiction does not solve deep psychological problems, but only aggravates them.
Problems at work or in the family
A person’s inability to successfully resolve conflicts (whether at work or at home) encourages him to become dependent. This can be any bad habit, including shopaholism. Numerous purchases give a person the illusion of control over their life. In this way he tries to escape from constant problems.
Loneliness
Active shopping gives the buyer maximum positive emotions due to the release of joy hormones. This helps a person fill the inner emptiness and not feel so lonely.
According to psychologists, loneliness and a feeling of inner emptiness often lead specifically to female shopaholism. Women, listening to imposed stereotypes, are more worried about the fact that they have not started a family by a certain age. [3]
Low level of self-regulation
Due to innate personal qualities, acquired habits or upbringing, a low level of self-regulation can cause the development of shopaholism. A person does not work on himself, is not able to recognize his emotions and refuse unplanned expenses, saying a decisive “no” to a new purchase.
Types of Shopaholics
All people prone to unplanned purchases can be divided into 3 types. [4] This classification helps to build a plan to combat addiction and better understand its root causes. Observe the behavior of your loved one to understand which group of shopaholics he or she belongs to:
Spontaneous
Does not consider himself dependent and does not recognize problems. Although he almost never passes by the “sale” icon on a product and often makes unplanned purchases.
Deliberate
Rarely buys unnecessary things, being practical. But when he sees something he needs in a store, he certainly takes several copies (with different textures, tastes, smells). He loves discounts and bonuses - when he buys mountains of promotional goods, he is sure that this way he saves money.
True
He buys everything at once, without thinking about the consequences. Guided by only one thing - momentary desire.
Why you should overcome your addiction to unnecessary spending
Nowadays, surrounded by bags with logos of fashion brands, you can’t see beyond your nose. Remember what time of year it is now. Walk through the park, stepping on the yellow leaves that rustle so pleasantly under your soles. After all, feeding the ducks in the pond will bring joy to wonderful creatures. Pay attention to the songs of street musicians; they create the magical atmosphere of the city.
But this is all true happiness!
After all, life is like a flea market: who knows when real treasures will turn up.
movie "Shopaholic"
Nature and the environment help us cope with all the difficulties that fate throws at us.
How to help a loved one get rid of shopaholism
Many psychologists compare shopaholism with gambling addiction and mobile addiction. These are also bad habits without the use of chemicals. But they cause no less harm than alcoholism and smoking.
It seems that the symptoms of shopaholism are not so pronounced as to pose a threat to the health of the addict. But oniomania has serious social consequences. And the main task of loved ones is to convince the shopaholic of this. Try to explain to a loved one that an uncontrolled craving for shopping means constant quarrels in the family over money, debt pits, and the destruction of relationships with friends due to the inability to repay them on time with borrowed money.
When an addict says to himself “I am a shopaholic”, recognizing the existing problem, it will be much easier to help him. By working together, you can build a strategy to combat addiction. But it is important to immediately agree that you will do this entire journey without lying about your spending on spontaneous purchases.
According to psychologists, strict prohibitions and ultimatums almost never work with addicts. It's the same with shopping addiction. Taking away money and credit cards, not letting you leave the house to go shopping, emotional blackmail - all these are inappropriate methods for combating oniomania. A shopaholic will come up with a lot of excuses to get out of “house arrest” and will find money for his next purchase anywhere. And in some cases, addicts even resort to theft and fraud in order to get the thing they want. [3]
Be prepared for the fact that an addict, trying to get rid of clothing shopaholism, will certainly encounter withdrawal symptoms. Without receiving a dose of adrenaline from shopping, a person may feel apathy and depression, and become aggressive towards others. It is important not to leave an addict in this state. He needs your help and support.
Ways to combat shopaholism
“My husband is a shopaholic. He is 36 years old, married for the second time. We've been together for 3 years, but I didn't immediately understand that he was just raving about shopping. At first, I even considered the exorbitant waste of money on my husband’s part to be a virtue - wow, how generous. But then it became alarming. He buys both what he needs and what he doesn’t need—we don’t wear or eat that much. It is simply impossible to stop your husband in the store.
And now I'm in real panic. I started finding hidden things in the apartment - my husband buys them and hides them so that I don’t see and cause scandals. I set an ultimatum - if even one purchase appears in the house without my knowledge, it will be immediately thrown away. It seems that my husband understood me. But the idyll did not last long - again shopping and unnecessary expenses. From his son from his first marriage, I learned that my husband had even gone bankrupt in the past because of his addiction. Of course, I heard about women who are shopaholics, but I didn’t know that this “happens” to men too. I don’t know how to deal with the shopaholism of a loved one.”
— Irina, 30 years old
Treatment of oniomania, like any psychological addiction, requires a competent approach. Psychologists give the following recommendations:
Journaling
Invite the addict to keep a personal diary, where he would describe his feelings at the time of spontaneous purchases and record the money spent. This will help to understand what exactly pushes him to endless shopping trips - problems at work, stress, fatigue. When the cause is known, it is easier to find ways to combat addiction.
Spending under control
It is important that a shopaholic does not have access to “free” money. The family budget must be managed by a person who is not prone to spontaneous purchases, otherwise complete financial collapse cannot be avoided. Take on all the necessary expenses yourself, leaving the addict only a small amount for “pocket expenses”.
But it is important not to take away the money, but to peacefully agree on such a distribution of finances. Don't forget that strict bans won't work. A shopaholic who has recognized the problem will agree to this.
Interesting hobby
It is important that the addict understands how ineffective fighting a bad mood through shopping is. Invite him to take up an interesting hobby. Better yet, look for a common hobby with a shopaholic.
It is important to develop a positive model of behavior - as soon as stress hits, you don’t need to run to the store, you should just do what you love.
Financial literacy
An “experienced” shopaholic is not aware of the damage that an addiction causes to the family budget. It is important to convey this idea to him. It's time to teach a shopaholic to be smart about money. Keep a list of income and expenses together, plan large purchases, make shopping lists before each trip to the store.
Don't buy into discounts
For those victims of shopaholism, who are already too late to educate, we can recommend the following “treatment”:
● Always pay in cash only. Credit cards create the illusion that you are not spending your own money, and they also make it difficult to control your expenses. ● Make all purchases strictly according to the list, or better yet, take with you an adequate companion who will keep you from unnecessary spending. Remember that discounts are not a reason to buy; buy only what you really need. ● “Forget” money at home more often, let only the necessary minimum be in your wallet (for travel and lunch in the canteen). ● Even if you really like the item, do not buy it right away, ask to put it off until tomorrow. Usually, sobering comes as soon as the little thing disappears out of sight. Well, if this does not happen, consider it yours. ● Women should not visit the store 10 days before menstruation. British scientists have concluded that the reason for women's reckless shopping is a hormonal imbalance caused by the approach of menstruation.
