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What makes a person attractive? Kindness, a sense of humor and responsiveness are qualities that we usually look for in our soulmate. But for some people, the main criterion for attractiveness is intelligence. A sapiosexual is a person who is attracted to intelligence rather than looks. This word has become so popular that it even entered the dictionary. Of course, intelligence has always been an important criterion when it comes to choosing a partner. But the situation is somewhat different when we talk about a sapiosexual. They place intelligence above other qualities of their significant other. You could even say that they find intelligence sexually attractive. I'll tell you everything you need to know about the new trend and how it can affect your relationship.
Who is a sapiosexual?
Marriam-Webster English Dictionary
This word refers to a person who is
“sexually attracted to people with high intelligence
.
” Of course, we all love smart guys or girls. But sapiosexuals consider intelligence to be the main criterion for attractiveness and will not date people they consider “stupid.” You could say they are aroused by the other person's mind. Urban
Dictionary of English slang gives a more detailed explanation of the new word: A sapiosexual is
“ someone who considers another person’s thoughts to be a more attractive aspect of their personality than their physical characteristics
.
Sapiosexual comes from the Latin word "sapien"
, which means wise or prudent.
The word first appeared on dating apps OkCupid
and
Sapio
, which give users the option to define their sexual orientation as sapiosexual. And just recently, the famous British musician Mark Ronson admitted that he is a sapiosexual. The word, which began as a joke, has become incredibly popular, and more and more people are joining this group.
You could say it's something between sexual orientation and a fetish
. If you find talking about literature or science incredibly attractive, you might be one of them. But do sapiosexuals really only value human intelligence? Of course not. They love a sense of humor, kindness and good looks. Physical attractiveness is as important to them as it is to other people. But although they are attracted to other personality traits, intelligence is the most important quality they look for in their partners. It’s quite possible that you love smart blondes or tall nerds. However, it is very common for sapiosexuals to date other sapiosexuals because they are attracted to each other's intelligence.
Biological factor of sapiosexuality
“You need to work not for 12 hours, but with your head,” said the legendary Steve Jobs. And in this he is certainly right. As practice shows, hard physical labor rarely brings wealth, while with the help of extraordinary mental abilities you can secure a comfortable future for yourself.
The modern sapiosexual girl prefers smart men, because she subconsciously looks for a worthy candidate to be the father of her children. A modern male does not need to have developed muscles to take down a mammoth. It is much more important to be smart enough to provide for your family.
Controversies
Attractiveness
is the most mysterious and obscure area of human behavior.
It has been practically unexplored by scientists. No one can answer the question: what makes another person likable? And although we tend to believe that there are “universal” standards of beauty, different people find different personality traits or appearance attractive. Very often we cannot understand what we find in another person. But we must admit, attractiveness is rarely limited only to physical features
. We choose our soulmate based on many criteria, and appearance is only one of them. Scientists have yet to figure out this mysterious problem. But it looks like the new term is here to stay. Today it is fashionable to be an intellectual. Perhaps this is further evidence that traditional ideas about attractiveness are becoming a thing of the past, and we are beginning to value a person's intelligence. We are also talking more and more openly about sexuality. And of course, this influenced our ideas of attractiveness.
At the same time, the new word has many critics who believe that this term cannot be considered a “real” sexual orientation
.
Other people believe that the word simply does not fit into the binary gender system
that we are accustomed to.
Some critics of the new term believe that using intelligence as a criterion for attractiveness could create problems in the future
.
Finally, many scientists believe that it is impossible to name the criteria for a “smart” person. Sapiosexuals date people they consider "smart." And for many people, the new trend looks like a declaration of their own superiority. Therefore, they are very often considered snobs. Of course, few people can enjoy intellectual superiority. But we must admit, there have always been people who valued intelligence above other qualities. This is not just a fashion of the moment or a new dating trend. We can find many examples of similar behavior in culture. For example, Jason Schwartzman's character from the film Rushmore Academy
(1998). Obviously, Max Fischer is attracted not by his appearance, but by the possibility of intellectual communication.
Who coined the term "sapiophilia"?
We have found out who a sapisexual is, all that remains is to understand what sapiophilia is. Some believe that these are identical terms, but this is not entirely true. In the first case we are talking specifically about sexual attraction to the intellect, and the second means love in a purer sense. But to generalize, sapiophilia is almost the same thing, but in a more fetishistic sense.
It is not known for certain when exactly the term sapiosexual appeared. It surfaced in the late nineties of the last century. Then, thanks to the development of social networks and the prosperity of dating sites, this definition was included in user profiles. Since the so-called “love for smart people” increases one’s self-esteem and makes one stand out from the crowd, this began to be actively used by everyone who wanted to assert themselves and look in the best light.
The emergence of “smart” gadgets and the fame of their creators influenced the concept to become trendy. Now this term is probably experiencing the peak of popularity. Previously, it was used little, and then it will join the ranks of other fetishes.
Who do young ladies dream about now? Not about fit Malibu lifeguards or brave firefighters, not even about elderly millionaires. Nowadays, advertising is pouring out of the media with impressive characters who certainly have a high level of intelligence, the prototype of which was the creator of the apple and other equally famous successful “smart guys.” A trend stereotype has been created and launched into the masses.
They love serious conversations
Talking about the weather or Miley Cyrus's new album is not suitable for sapiosexuals. And small talk makes them bored. They love serious conversations and intelligent interlocutors. Science, literature and politics
- these are their favorite topics. Moreover, such conversations literally “turn them on.” They adore people who share unusual thoughts and are always ready to carry on a conversation. They are attracted to people with an unusual view of the world who are not shy about sharing their ideas. You can say that they are ready to talk for hours if they are interested in the topic. Or they immediately become silent when it comes to things that are not interesting to them.
What they like and what they don’t
Sapiosexuals value intelligence above all other qualities in a partner. Most of all they love intellectual and philosophical conversations. A special type of conversation is an argument. Debates and discussions bring incredible pleasure. At this time, the sapiosexual expands his horizons, gets to know and studies his partner. They admire their zeal and thirst for intelligent conversations.
Sapiosexuals focus on the following:
- The brain is the new orgasm.
- I love a man/woman who behaves intelligently.
- Ignorant or stupid people make me feel irritated.
- I like veiled flirting, mind games that make you think about whether a person likes you or not.
- I would like someone to read entertaining literature before starting foreplay.
Sapiosexuals don't like small talk. They may feel uncomfortable when someone nearby starts discussing a new blouse, discounts at the store, or a colleague’s promotion. They also try to avoid aggressive and rude people. In their opinion, they are stupid and cannot express their emotions or opinions in any other way.
They love to study
Such people are offended by everything that broadens their horizons. Staying at home and watching a new documentary about the structure of the universe is the best entertainment
. They love everything that allows them to learn and develop. And of course, they love people who value knowledge. You can meet such people in Chinese or calligraphy courses. For them, knowledge is the fuel that is needed for the functioning of the mind. They are obsessed with new knowledge and quickly get carried away by unusual and interesting theories. The best way to attract such a person is to tell about a new scientific discovery or invite you to a lecture on physics.
They are attracted to interesting thoughts
For them, the way of thinking is the most attractive thing in a person. Such people look for partners with an unusual view of things.
They look for people with whom they always have something to talk about. They often pay attention to a person's intelligence than to their appearance. Of course, appearance is important, but nothing can replace an interesting conversation. They find smart people exciting and inspiring. Their main characters are famous scientists and writers about whom they know almost everything. And of course, they cannot imagine a life partner who does not possess these qualities.
I want MORE information!5
- Man and woman
Sapiosexuals are a rarity these days, and yet such subjects exist. Sapiosexual men do not look at the sexy figure of the stronger sex. Instead of a fashionable hairstyle, he cares about what is in the head of a pretty young lady. The wind and crazy thoughts flying into one ear and flying out of the other will completely push a guy away, even from the sexiest beauty.
Among women there are also sapiosexuals. They like to see and hear a smart man who has read a lot of books and thinks about serious things. It doesn’t matter how heavy his wallet is, the main thing is in which direction his brain functions work. Intelligent young ladies are attracted only to educated guys. They know how to think, reason, philosophize, and engage in deep discussions full of meaning.
- In love with the "brain"
"Sapiosexuality" is not considered a distinct sexual orientation. A person may belong to the category of “sapiosexuals” and have no idea about his peculiarity. At one point, he ceases to be interested in “ordinary” people and is attracted only by educated and intelligent individuals. To understand that a subject belongs to the category of sapiosexual, it is necessary to highlight several important signs.
- No rush
Sapiosexuals do not strive to start a serious relationship right away. They spend quite a long time and carefully selecting a candidate for the position of “second half”. First of all, they pay attention to the mental abilities, intelligence of a representative of the opposite sex, his (or her) manner of conversation, ability to reason. Sapiosexuals consider any rush in love affairs to be a frivolous and harmful decision.
- The importance of the “inner” beauty of the mind
If a girl is not smart and educated enough, she loses her chances of attracting a sapiosexual guy. A slender body, fashionable clothes and a beautiful face fade against the background of stupid chatter, stupid laughs and awkward questions. Limited thinking and poor conversation will not leave a mark on the heart of a sapiosexual.
- Sparkles for a magpie
Intelligent guys and girls disdain displays of wealth and popularity. They are indifferent to any tinsel and demonstrative shine. They do not particularly enjoy going to clubs and discos. They prefer to spend time in a narrow circle of interesting people.
- When silence is golden
What irritates sapiosexuals most is idle talk, stupid talk and fake laughter. They don’t like it when a person speaks out of place and tries to fill the silence with chatter. They often leave or avoid companies if they are bored and uninterested among those present. The best leisure time for intellectuals is a good book or an educational film.
- “Speak” and conquer
Sexually, sapiosexuals are very picky and attentive people. They do not have a lot of intimate experience and will not go to bed on the first date. They do not understand physical attraction to a person who does not attract with his mind.
If a girl is not an interesting interlocutor, a sapiosexual guy will not have a sexual desire for her body, no matter how seductive it may appear. He doesn’t need simple sex with a special someone with whom he can talk about nothing.
- Develop mental abilities
To attract the attention of a sapiosexual man, a woman needs to pay attention not only to her appearance, but also to her education. Love for “homo sapiens” has a chance of being reciprocated if you increase your own intellectual abilities. Such a guy will be impressed by his knowledge of foreign languages, quoting classical works, and the ability to maintain an intellectual conversation.
- The book is the best assistant
Reading books will help expand your horizons and knowledge. It is not enough to have “tabloid” novels with a love plot in your personal library. You need to read deep, informative publications that contain interesting information for thought.
Fiction books of classics with a philosophical bent can become good teachers. Quotes that touch the mind and soul are best written out in a separate notebook. They will be useful for deep life discussions alone or when talking with a sapiosexual.
- Excursions to desired places
You can diversify your dull life not only by going to the nearest cafe or cinema. Museums, theaters and interesting trainings will help you kill “two birds with one stone: have a good time and replenish your mental reserve. The flow of information received must be subject to reflection and discussion. An empty stroll to such events will not help replenish your “mental reserve.”
- Personal development
To find a smart and interesting man, you need to become an intelligent and independent lady yourself. Self-development helps you improve your best qualities. A woman who engages in self-development becomes more interesting, smarter, more attractive and independent. She understands what she is striving for, what goals she is achieving and what kind of man she wants to see next to her. Such a girl understands many things, and at the same time does not become “arrogant.”
Don't turn on the grammar book
Having a head on your shoulders is good, both literally and figuratively. A thoughtful lady is a crown for her partner.
An intelligent woman will never make “stupid mistakes” that have a destructive effect on the relationship of partners:
- She does not demonstrate her intellectual abilities in a demonstrative way.
- By absorbing knowledge, the young lady not only understands, but also experiences a sincere interest in the information received.
- A smart lady will not make fun of a person who is mistaken in the “topic”. Especially if there is a sapiosexual man in front of her, whom the woman is trying to conquer with her mind.
Intellectuals, literate enough women to understand in what situations you should show off your intelligence, and in which it is better to remain silent.
A few bucks for a story about Dante
The feature film "Whore of the Spirit" tells the story of a man who cheated on his wife with educated prostitutes from a brothel. The hero of the film paid money to cheeky girls to discuss the works of Dante.
History clearly demonstrates how important thinking and education are in a woman, even for representatives of the “most ancient profession.” It’s not easy for a sapiosexual man in the modern world. The percentage of stupid women or “empty-headed dolls” with bright, beautiful faces is quite large.
The mind adorns women and men
Eloquence and developed intelligence fill a person with special charm and charm. Such a person is an interesting conversationalist and a comprehensively developed personality. Even in sexual terms, the brain plays a big role. Only a smart partner talks about what can please his other half.
A sapiosexual does not strive for selfish impulses of animal passion. He develops a whole strategy, studies suitable literature, before getting into bed with the young lady and making love. He collects and uses information to build relationships and carnal pleasures. A sapiosexual knows where the erogenous zones are located on his partner’s body, how to touch them and what to do for the woman’s sensual pleasure.
What a sapiosexual doesn't like
The number of sapiosexuals has recently increased significantly. To determine whether a particular person is classified as a “sapiosexual”, it is enough to reflect on the following facts.
Sapiosexuals categorically do not accept:
- Empty talk about “nothing.”
- People obsessed with fashion news and appearance.
- Sex on the first date.
- Stupid and boring people.
Intelligent individuals are abstained from sexual intercourse on the first date. They do not marry at random and act in everything according to the rule: “Measure twice, cut once.”
What does a sapiosexual like?
The following statements confirm belonging to the type of “mentally developed” people. Sapiosexuals have a positive attitude towards the following factors:
- Intellectual and deep conversations with partners.
- If educated and eloquent, a representative of the opposite sex seems more attractive and interesting.
- The appearance of a man or woman fades into the background.
Don't think that sapiosexuals don't like beautiful girls or guys. They will not be attracted to intelligent individuals who do not at all suit their personal preferences. Your partner's appearance certainly matters. But the presence or absence of intelligence plays a decisive role.
Thinking and emotions
Sapiosexuals are sometimes confused with demisexuals. The first ones are in no hurry to fall into the pool of love feelings until they can be fully convinced of the mental merits of the guy or girl. The latter are in no hurry to start a relationship with a partner until they feel a strong emotional attachment to the person. If a subject experiences a strong emotional connection when attracted to an intellectual person, then he refers to the concept of “demi” and “sapio” sexuals.
They hate grammatical errors
They hate grammatical errors and incorrect emphasis on words.
And of course, they stay away from people who cannot speak or write correctly. They are attracted to people who can speak beautifully and correctly. A rich vocabulary is what can attract such a person. They love to read and know a lot of foreign words. In addition, they do not hesitate to make comments if other people make a mistake. Such people react very painfully to slips of the tongue or errors in texts.
Where did the fashion for “nerds” come from?
Every year there are more and more people who consider intelligence the sexiest trait. But this does not mean that sapiosexuals did not exist before. Literature and television played an important role in this.
Sapiosexual - who is he? This is a girl who is crazy about Sherlock Holmes, who is not distinguished by his beautiful body, courageous appearance, or kind character, but has a powerful intellect. When he brilliantly solves crimes using his deductive method, it seems that there is no sexier man in the whole wide world.
Even in the USSR, where sex did not seem to exist, the image of a homely but intelligent bespectacled man excited the imagination of Soviet women. Remember Shurik from Leonid Gaidai’s immortal comedies “Operation Y”, “Prisoner of the Caucasus” and “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Profession”.
They are good listeners
But you shouldn’t think that such people always want to be the center of attention. They appreciate interesting interlocutors and know how to listen carefully. They love
interlocutors who can teach them something and broaden their horizons.
They are fascinated and fascinated by people who say exciting things. They love interesting storytellers and always strive for them. Such people can spend hours listening to an interesting lecturer or a person with an unusual view of the world. Unusual ideas attract and fascinate them. You may notice that such people are often silent and listen carefully. For them, this is another way to get to know their significant other better.
New age relationships
Young people meet and communicate mainly through social networks. You shouldn’t meet the first person you meet on a tram, even if he’s cute. Before a date, young people study each other’s profiles, monitor activity on the page, correspond for a long time and only after some time decide to meet.
Guys now need to show considerable ingenuity and wit to interest a girl. Romance is also present in such communication, but intelligence comes to the fore, and not “Who is he?” or “Who are his parents?”
Dating sites are organized according to the same principle: view a profile, exchange messages, understand the level of intelligence. Maybe it's not worth wasting time.
Hard physical work today is taken over by machines, and professions associated with intellectual work are the most popular, as they bring very good income.
The image of a successful man is reduced to a young man with a tablet or laptop who makes millions from his 50th floor office or simply working in the park. The clothing style includes a checkered shirt, rolled up sleeves, turtlenecks, sneakers: either a professor or a “nerd.” A person who prefers simplicity and convenience, confident in his intellectual irresistibility.
Psychologists believe that it is very good when both partners are smart and have similar aspirations and goals. It strengthens the marriage. The presence of high intelligence in a husband and wife also contributes to a more conflict-free life together.
They love to argue
Such people are not afraid to challenge themselves in debates and boldly participate in all disputes. At the same time, a sapiosexual is not afraid of defeat and is ready to admit his own mistake, because “the truth is most important.” Arguing is a favorite pastime of sapiosexuals.
They believe that the only way to get to know another person is through conversation. You can meet such people in discussion clubs. And of course, they value oratory skills. For them, a dispute is not a fight or even a rivalry. They need to argue in order to better understand other people.
They love to quote
Such a person always has quotes for any occasion in life.
The sapiosexual will bombard you with quotes from books and movies. They are attracted to unusual ideas. And of course, such people love to collect paradoxical thoughts of famous writers or scientists.
Sapiosexuals are considered pretentious and arrogant, but they can be excellent communicators and listeners. They know how to support any conversation and please you with an inspiring quote from your favorite book. Such people can be wonderful companions if you are on the same page. They know how to value other people's feelings and ideas, which is extremely rare. Of course, sometimes their snobbery can be a little annoying. But they understand their soulmate perfectly and always know how to behave. Many people consider them arrogant and pretentious. However, it's nice to see that people are increasingly interested in feelings, and not just appearance.
Causes of sapiosexuality according to Freud
Sigmund Freud believed that sapiosexuality arises at the phallic stage of the formation of psychosexuality in a child. At this stage, parents are the ideal for children. For girls, the father is the strongest and smartest of all men, and for boys, the mother becomes a model of beauty, virtue and prudence. At this time, love for parents of the opposite sex begins. When children become adults, boys subconsciously look for a life partner who resembles their mother, and girls - their father.
According to Freud, the phenomenon of sapiosexuality is far from harmless. If parents behave incorrectly in this situation: they manipulate their children’s feelings, try to tie them to themselves even more, this can have an extremely negative impact on the child’s personal life in the future. Boys may develop a persistent Oedipus complex, while girls will suffer from the resulting Electra syndrome.
