- October 6, 2018
- Psychology of communication
- Valentina Buravleva
A large number of awkward situations often occur in our lives. In each of these difficulties, someone is to blame, and you always have to apologize for the wrong action. Some easily pronounce the word “Sorry!”, but do not put any meaning into it, and speak only to calm the other person. For others, it is very difficult to apologize even in cases where they bear a lot of blame. How can you make another person believe in the sincerity of your intentions?
Who's right and who's wrong
Before asking for forgiveness, you need to clearly understand what exactly caused the unpleasant situation to happen. Often, during a dispute or conflict, people can no longer understand who is to blame for the current circumstances.
It is necessary to be able to clearly distinguish between two different concepts - the feeling of guilt and the guilt itself. A person can only be held responsible for informed decisions and actions. But even knowing that her behavior will entail unpleasant consequences, he or she still commits an unseemly act. And there are those who are simply mistaken, but do not know what will follow. And yet they still feel guilty.
If a person feels that he is to blame, it is necessary to ask for forgiveness, as well as change something in himself. We need to figure out exactly why the incident occurred and not repeat such acts again. You cannot apologize and then say something bad about the person again. Such people are usually eliminated from your life forever.
What can be done
Before apologizing, it is important to consider a few things. Otherwise, you can mess things up even if you have the best intentions. There is no point in sorting things out when you are irritated. Wait until you both cool down. And a few more tips:
- When figuring out how to ask a girl for forgiveness, in poetry or prose, it is important to be sincere.
A hint of sarcasm is inappropriate, even if you are sure you are right. An expression like: “Sorry, I didn’t think you couldn’t take a joke” can be perceived as mockery. If you are sincere, your eyes and your tone of voice will show it. Even if the offense is unfounded, acknowledge that you may have hurt feelings. A sincere apology removes the wall that is built by the offended person. Destroy this wall and you will notice that the girl is no longer in a defensive position, peace has been restored.
- Different upbringings need to be taken into account.
What may seem like a funny joke to you may be an insult to someone else. There is no need to beg the feelings of another or make fun of them in any way. If it’s common practice in your family to tease each other and no one gets offended by it, this does not mean that this is the norm for others. Don't demand that people adapt to you and understand your jokes. Over time, this may happen, but for now, apologize and no longer make funny jokes about others.
- The emotional background also needs to be taken into account; it is different for each person.
Growing up in the same family, the characters cannot be the same. Some are more emotional, others not so much. You think it’s okay to take your sister’s sweater without permission, but this may irritate her. The result was a scandal. You think that your sister got wound up in vain. Listen to her words, and not to the tone in which it was said. Try to understand what she doesn't like. Understanding will help you come to the right decision. And if you need to ask your sister for forgiveness, then do not hesitate. Understand that she may feel differently than you do.
Sometimes, just one word can hurt a person.
So I, not at all out of malice, offended you, and now I simply cannot find a place for myself. Please forgive me. I'm so sad without you. Don't hold a grudge against me anymore. This quarrel became a big lesson for me.
With you next to me I breathe
With you next to me I burn, With you next to me I live, And without you I die, Forgive me, I beg you!
My prickly hedgehog, stop snorting.
Even though it will hurt, I want to hug you.
Darling, life is about mistakes, we learn from mistakes!
After all, there is no pain stronger than that which lovers inflict on each other. And I stumbled and made a mistake. But the only person who doesn't make mistakes is the one who never does anything. I’m not making excuses, no, I just want you to understand that you are very dear to me, and everything I do is only because I’m afraid of losing you!
The fear of losing you turned my head, and I was wrong. And I ask you, beloved, do not judge me strictly, but understand. I apologize for what I did. I love you very much and will do everything for our happiness! Forgive me, dear.
Three main rules
There are three main conditions that must be met in order to receive forgiveness:
- There is no need to make excuses or try to come up with hundreds of excuses. Instead, you just need to consciously ask for forgiveness. When a person begins to try to justify himself, he thereby transfers the blame to others or external circumstances, and this pushes people away.
- There is no need to demand anything. It is always unpleasant and offensive to feel rejected and offended. Another person is waiting for the offender to admit his guilt and begin to take positive actions to make amends. That is why it is necessary to find the optimal approach, otherwise the resentment may linger for a long time.
- No need to blame. Asking for forgiveness is never easy. A person is emotional and can say a lot of unnecessary things, which he will later bitterly regret. During a conversation, old grievances may be recalled, and instead of forgiveness, people often begin to make claims against each other. It must be remembered that if you blame another instead of asking for forgiveness, the guilt will not be removed. Everything will go further in a vicious circle.
Phrases
The following words work well for an apology:
- "I was wrong". He talks about his readiness to take responsibility for his affairs.
- “What can I do to improve the situation?” Indicates a desire to compensate for damage.
- “I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening again.” Talks about repentance.
- "Please forgive me". An open desire to be forgiven.
Beautiful apologies in verse: short (for SMS)
You probably won’t pick up the phone, but you’ll still open the text message. I hope you understand me... Please forgive me for this harshness.
*****
I sincerely apologize, I don’t know what came over me. Accept my apologies quickly, I’m taking back everything that’s bad.
*****
Don’t be a sparrow of words, I know, They won’t be returned or caught. Forgive me, forgive me, I beg you! I didn't want to annoy you.
*****
It was so stupid, sorry. You're probably offended? All this is like an eclipse, forgive me. I'm very, very, very ashamed.
*****
I sincerely apologize, Let our conflict fade away, Let all the worries melt away. Give your verdict quickly.
*****
Our quarrel was like thunder, It happened in the middle of a clear sky. With apology, with warmth, I ask that she be forgotten.
*****
For all the grievances and insults, I ask you to quickly forgive me. I hope you will give me forgiveness, I hope our friendship will continue!
*****
Please forgive me, I don’t know how this could happen. My mind regrets, my soul cries, and my heart seems to be beating less often.
*****
I'm sorry! My fault! And there is no other explanation. I didn't want to offend you, Please accept my apology from the heart.
*****
I'm sorry for the terrible quarrel, I'm sorry for the accusations, the screaming. I don’t know what came into my head and what came over me.
Forgiveness in a married couple
Conflicts are an integral part of married life. Not a single married couple in the entire history of mankind has been able to avoid their occurrence. Often, one of the spouses can provoke discord in the family through some kind of misconduct. In the heat of the moment, both sides of the confrontation can utter words for which they simply need to apologize later. Of course, there is an option to resolve a quarrel when the partner, after a long period of resentment and silence, simply begins to pretend that nothing happened. But the complete absence of any requests for forgiveness is not the best way to reconcile. During the game of silence, partners experience a lot of negative emotions. It would seem that they can be expressed, but the husband and wife withdraw within themselves. These negative emotions have a cumulative effect. Over time, when the situation repeats, the person simply explodes, throwing out everything that has accumulated.
Such situations lead to disastrous consequences. Naturally, after a major scandal, people need to go their separate ways in order to let off steam and collect their thoughts. You need to formulate all the words you want to say. They must be as tactful as possible so as not to further injure their partner. In this case, defending your point of view without taking into account the feelings of your husband (wife) is the wrong decision.
You won't repeat what you did again!
Explain that you realized everything and drew conclusions, so you won’t do that again. Sharing with the victim what you learned from the situation will provide more confidence that the mistake will not be repeated. For example, in the workplace, if you mispronounce a co-worker's name, don't make excuses and say, "That's a difficult name I've never heard before." Experts recommend saying, “I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you corrected me and I will try not to repeat the mistake."
Both need to be flexible
Of course, the atmosphere in the house largely depends on the woman; it is not for nothing that she is the keeper of the hearth. It is women who are more likely to show flexibility in relationships and are the first to make contact after a quarrel. But a man, if he values relationships, in order to avoid prolonging the conflict, cannot be stubborn; he must ask for forgiveness from his beloved as soon as possible. It’s worth making peace even if you’re right. This is the first manifestation of love and respect for your partner.
That case when it is inappropriate to stand up for what is right
A person’s sense of pride and egoism always blocks the path to reconciliation. Questions arise: “Why should I take the first step?” But you need to appeal to your reason and, relying on such a feeling as humility, take the first step towards reconciliation. You need to choose the right words carefully and pronounce them sincerely. Even if the offense is groundless in your opinion, admit that you may have offended feelings. Heartfelt regret removes the emotional barrier that the offended person has placed between you.
An important part of an apology is acknowledgment of responsibility. You need to convey to the person that you also made a mistake and are trying to correct it. Words of forgiveness must be spoken calmly, without demanding anything in any way. At the same time, it is not necessary to come up with complex speeches to talk to your husband or wife. You can simply ask for forgiveness in your own words. Try to talk about the feelings you feel. Also note that you understand how your ex is feeling. It is not a fact that your spouse will immediately decide to reconcile with you. But in any case, your attempt will have a positive impact on your relationship.
Apologies to a girl in your own words
Sorry for the unnecessary words, for making you worry and cry. I cannot turn back time, correct a mistake, no matter how much I would like to. Believe me, dear, that I have no one dearer than you! Forgive me if you can, because I am very guilty of you...
Honey, I hope it’s not too late to fix everything... I regret my stupid act and want to atone. I'm sorry! Let's never fight again.
***
It pains me very much that in a fit of anger I said so many bad things to you that I greatly offended you with my rudeness. Sorry, dear, because I love you very much and didn’t want us to quarrel. I promise not to do this again.
***
Let's start over with a clean slate, darling! I admit that I acted very rudely. And I want to quickly remove the offense from your heart. Another day without your smile is an unbearable test. I miss you, forgive me...
How to ask a girl for forgiveness?
Of course, quarrels happen not only in married couples, but also among young people in relationships. And apologizing on time is always important to maintain balance in love. As the French say, if a woman is wrong, ask her for forgiveness. Moreover, a man should apologize if he is wrong. You can do this using the following simple methods:
- Present. The most banal, but at the same time one of the most effective methods of asking for forgiveness from a person (and not only from a girl - a gift will help to reconcile with close relatives, for example, with a mother). Depending on what exactly the beloved prefers, it can be a large bouquet of beautiful flowers, a cute soft toy, good perfume (if, of course, finances allow).
- An unexpected pleasure. If the first method for some reason did not work, you can try to do it differently: give your beloved an unexpected surprise. For example, take her to a good cafe, give her an old book, ride horses together.
- Poems. Don't think that this is a stupid or overly sentimental way. A poem written from the heart will help you better convey your feelings. And in this case, you will have a greater chance of receiving forgiveness from your loved one.
- Talk about your feelings. One of the classic ways. To do this, you can write a request on the asphalt under your beloved’s windows, or order a banner. Many representatives of the fair sex will be crazy about such romance. Therefore, you should not be afraid - after all, the love of your chosen one is at stake.
- Record a video and ask for forgiveness on behalf of people - mutual acquaintances. Perhaps the most non-standard way. To do this, it is useful to enlist the help of friends. You need to ask each of them to show a sign with the inscription “He needs you!”, and shoot a video. Your beloved’s heart will definitely thaw after this.
What to do after an apology
Reconnect. Don't ask yourself "what will it look like now," but start talking about something where you can both develop a healthy conversation. Remove your fears and invest your energy in a heartfelt conversation after the apology. After some time, everyone will understand that it is time to let go of the unpleasant situation.
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Give the person time to accept what happened. If, even after the apology process, you realize that the person is still offended, respect their time. You can do your best, be sincere and apologize from the bottom of your heart, but you can't force someone to accept your apology quickly. Sometimes words cause irreparable damage.
Experts say that if you don't say a sincere apology, it means you really don't care and don't need it. However, try to put yourself in the shoes of others and understand their pain. Not only will you be a more considerate friend or colleague, but you'll also be more likely to make the other person feel heard, protected, safe and respected.
How to apologize to a guy
Everything is clear with girls, but how to ask a guy for forgiveness? In principle, you can also use some tips from a man’s arsenal - for example, dedicate a poem or give your lover a nice gift. In the latter case, it is imperative to take into account the guy’s interests - this will make it easier to obtain forgiveness. If, for example, he is a fishing enthusiast or a hockey fan, then he will really like a gift related to his hobby - a fishing rod or a fan scarf.
Using SMS messages or social networks to express your feelings is not recommended. After all, a person is not at all obliged to respond to such messages, and he will have to remain alone with his thoughts for a long time. The best option is to send a regular letter by mail. If you manage to organize a meeting, then you can take a risk and turn it into a romantic date.
As noted at the beginning of the article, it is impossible to live a single life without conflicts. But every person should be able to eliminate it correctly and wisely, as well as derive useful experience from its results. And only wise and loving people can maintain warm family relationships while going through a quarrel.
What is the right thing to do when apologizing? Options for various techniques
Take responsibility. Avoid excuses like “I didn’t mean that” or “why were you offended, it was a joke.” Research says that when we are honest, we can avoid depression and anxiety. Saying something like, “I'm ashamed that I said that,” or “I'm sad that I hurt you,” can ease some of the person's distress in this situation. Be gentle with people.
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Feel the other person's pain. You need to choose the right time to apologize. So as not to make things worse with your words. Start apologizing after the person is ready.
It is also useless to argue about who has the correct version. After all, each of you will remain with your own opinion. You can say this: “The words I said were not pleasant, and I understand why you upset me.” Then you can move directly to the words of apology.
Be sincere during the apology process! Be sure that the justification comes from the heart. Avoid ready-made phrases like “forgive me if it hurts you.” This expression may seem too superficial to be heard. Don't send messages or emails at first. Body and facial language and tone of voice are lost in writing. Always prefer to apologize in person. If this is not possible, then just call.
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