Experience your feelings
Depression is an attempt to avoid sensations. What a depressed person considers to be his character and personality is largely the result of years of self-destructive defense mechanisms that attempt to isolate him from painful or disturbing emotions. But emotions carry important information about life. Trying to avoid them wastes our mental energy and deprives us of vital signals. In addition, we cannot avoid only unpleasant emotions, so we miss the good ones too. We anesthetize ourselves and despondency develops.
The idea that we shouldn't feel the way we do makes no sense and is dangerous: it eats away at our self-esteem like acid. In fact, there is no need to be afraid of feelings at all. They limit themselves. The greatest joy and the deepest pain never last long, but depression can last a lifetime. We are like a buoy on water: the waves can turn us over, but our internal balance, the balance beam, will eventually return us to a stable position. Expressing depressed feelings, when appropriate, can relieve depressed mood. A good cry, a healthy argument, a fair defense of rights, a caring examination of hidden feelings - all this will help you feel better. But be careful where you express them - make sure you find the support and understanding you need.
And something else - psychotherapy
This, too, was not only said by the lazy, but it needs to be repeated. If you don’t know what to do and the stagnation in your life has been going on for many months or even years, then try working with a psychotherapist.
If you are afraid that you will meet the wrong person or you are afraid to spend a good hundred thousand rubles on this, then start with the book “A Diary as a Path to Yourself.” This is a very good pocket psychotherapist that costs only a couple of hundred rubles.
After completing this book, you will almost definitely feel better and it will become clear where to move next.
Understand the reason for sadness
If our mood changes, there are always reasons for it. Something happens that makes us feel one way and not another. Even when we slip into an episode of deep depression and know that its depth is disproportionate to the event that changed our mood, it can be reassuring to know that the event actually occurred. We have a reason to feel this way. We're not crazy.
If you don't believe this or can't identify the factors that cause your mood changes, keep a regular mood journal.
Very soon you will begin to plumb the depths of defensive reactions and notice, in particular, that the depression that hit you like a bolt from the blue last night is probably in some way connected with a difficult conversation with your mother yesterday morning. By the evening you “forgot” about the conversation, but the mood journal will remind you of this.
Knowing what makes us feel bad is the first step to recovery. When you understand the cause of grief, remember that you have only three options: change, avoid, accept. Try to change or avoid the situation first, and if that's not possible, work on accepting it.
Types of blues
Blues are divided into spontaneous and seasonal.
Spontaneous blues can appear at any time. It is caused by troubles at work, unsatisfied desires, fatigue, and failures in your personal life. It begins, for example, when a girl did not wait for a call from a guy, when a student fails to pass an exam, and similar situations.
We are constantly sad in the fall and spring, experiencing seasonal blues
Autumn blues occur only in the autumn period, when after warm days the season of prolonged rains begins. It is even called autumn depression. The sun is not enough. The mood worsens, and it seems that the strength is also becoming less.
Spring blues are also seasonal and occur with vitamin deficiency. Strength is restored after the winter cold, there are not enough vitamins in the diet, you want more sun and warmth.
Avoid Emotional Traps
We spend too much time trying to control what we have no control over, and through mindfulness we can recognize when we are running on empty. If you find yourself in a stressful situation and feel irritated, you need to ask yourself two questions: how important is this in the context of my life and what can realistically be done about it.
It may turn out that many of the things that bother us are not really that important - we simply fall into the trap of emotional infection and become disoriented or begin to feel miserable trying to change what we cannot change. We need to learn to pause, stop the adrenaline rush that makes us feel like we're in crisis, and we need to do this right now.
Don't skimp on extra classes
There is a common phenomenon: when our stress increases (in the fall, for example, we have to keep ourselves warm all the time), we imperceptibly begin to “dump the ballast.” We refuse routines: warm socks, clothes, things that are pleasant to us take time. We stop going to sports and start meeting with friends less often. We think: “Now everything will get better, and I will again include these wonderful things in my normal life.”
Here we make a mistake: these are the very things that provide resources and allow us to recover, fill life with meaning, make it the way we want. When we give up on them, we subtly give priority to something else—for example, we start working more or compulsively surfing the Internet—even though we think we’re reducing the load.
Change your thinking habits
Try not to forget that your basic assumptions about life and yourself are colored by illness. You see the world through dark glasses. You are a pessimist. You believe that bad events are permanent, indicative and occur through your fault, and good events are temporary, limited in scale and simply the result of a coincidence, but it is impossible to consciously allow it. Because of this, you are likely to underprepare, give up easily, and not be as successful as people whose thinking is not affected by depression.
The tragic thing is that you are probably turning this depressive thinking on yourself. Remember all your defeats and other people's successes. You literally cannot remember your own victories and, probably, you consider yourself not like everyone else, but weak, flawed, shameful. You don't take into account that you cannot be in the other person's shoes. The confidence you envy may just be a cover for weakness; the skill you want so badly is forged by training and hard work; The success you crave may have come at a high price.
This way of thinking is just a bad habit, and it can be changed. Use a dysfunctional thought journal or similar tool to help you identify specific depressive thinking patterns. Find your inner critic and silence it. Every time you hear his voice, remind yourself: “This is bad connections in my brain, this is an imposed thought, this is from childhood. This is not me, this is not true about me.”
Cookies
“Try baking cookies or cooking your favorite warm meal. The mind-blowing aroma of gingerbread cookies or cinnamon in an apple pie straight from the oven relaxes and gives positive emotions in itself, and preparing warm, sweet food for yourself is a real manifestation of caring for your nearest and dearest person.
For example, in the series “The Big Bang Theory” Sheldon Cooper was convinced (and for good reason) that if your interlocutor is upset, the first thing to do is offer him a cup of hot drink,” Ekaterina suggests making this a rule.
Set your priorities
The more of your allotted time is spent doing things that give you the opportunity to get what you really want from life, the happier your days will be. The more time you spend doing trivial or unimportant things, the more unhappy you will feel. But you can’t get everything you want, and it’s impossible to please everyone. We have to make a choice.
Think about how your depression skills are preventing you from achieving your goals: you give up too quickly, you are distracted by anger and fear, you cannot concentrate; due to your soft character, you allow others to interfere in your life and prevent you from achieving the desired result; Have you mastered the art of procrastination so much that you don’t even begin to change anything? Get angry with yourself. Don't allow yourself to be led by your bad habits and make a serious effort to follow your own priorities.
Add maximum light
Try to get more sunlight. Get outside during daylight hours for at least fifteen minutes a day. Even in cloudy weather, sunlight still penetrates the clouds and helps support our emotional state. You can also buy a special lightbox, and a light alarm clock with a dawn simulation can help you wake up easier in the morning.
It is better to hunt for light in the first half of the day. About two hours before bedtime, you need to reduce the light intensity - this promotes the production of melatonin and better quality sleep. The blue spectrum of radiation emanating from a computer monitor and smartphones disrupts the production of melatonin, so it is better to give up gadgets two hours before bed - or at least install an application that removes this spectrum of radiation in the evening.
Take care of yourself
Learn to enjoy yourself. Most of us do not experience much happiness, and when we periodically encounter it, we even get scared. We must approach it with caution. The only way to get used to enjoying yourself is to work on your sense of pride. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but with practice you can get used to it. Take a few minutes every day to make a list of your top three accomplishments in a notebook. After a week, review your list of things that brought you satisfaction. If you feel a little proud, you will probably feel a little uncomfortable. Don’t go into theory about why it’s difficult for a person to feel pride - just get rid of this discomfort for a few minutes, and you will see that soon it will completely recede. With practice, you'll soon start to feel a little better about yourself.
Another way is to pay attention to small joys. Most of us who suffer from depression are bad at being “in the present tense”: instead of paying attention to what is actually happening around us, we worry about what will happen next, or we feel bad about what happened before. This habit can also be changed. Cultivate an understanding of how the mind takes you out of the present. If you notice this, bring yourself back. Pay more attention to your feelings rather than your thoughts. Pay attention to the taste of food, the sounds of the evening when the TV is turned off, the flowers around you. Do everything you can to make life more enjoyable. Learn to relax. Play whenever possible. Watch your body and learn to listen to it. Eat tasty and healthy food. Don't abuse alcohol. By neglecting our health or harming our body, we show passive aggression towards ourselves, treating ourselves as unworthy of love.
Autumn blues and depression: 20 tips from psychologists on how to fight and overcome it
Are you feeling the autumn melancholy? Psychologists and experts advise how to effectively fight and cope with the autumn blues and depression.
1. Become a morning person
In autumn, the lack of sunlight becomes greater and greater every day. This can cause seasonal depression with all the ensuing consequences: fatigue, helplessness, apathy and depression.
According to neuroscientist and professor Russell Foster, the main way to overcome the autumn blues is to get outside for at least 30 minutes of fresh air between 6 and 10 am, when sunlight is at its strongest.
“Even on a cloudy day, the light is 500 to 1,000 times stronger outside than in your home or office,” he explains.
“Research shows that exposure to morning light helps reset our internal body clock and effectively combat seasonal depression.”
2. Adjust your sleep schedule
Feeling groggy after sleep and a strong desire to sleep more is a common autumn problem.
Shortening days and longer hours of darkness cause levels of the sleep hormone melatonin to rise, making you want to sleep during the day and making you restless at night.
We often make the problem worse by rearranging our natural sleep-wake system—drinking coffee to wake up in the morning and drinking alcohol to wind down in the evening.
Instead, it is better to accustom yourself to a certain daily routine - going to bed and waking up at the same time.
3. Eat healthy foods
Shortening days and lack of sunlight cause our body to reduce the production of serotonin, the “happiness hormone”.
This causes us to have a strong desire to replenish the lack of serotonin with carbohydrates such as pasta, potatoes and rice. By consuming these foods, we quickly gain weight.
Resist temptation and load up on fresh, seasonal, low-fat foods that are rich in antioxidants and help fight disease:
- Rutabagas, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin—these bright orange veggies are loaded with vitamin C, fiber, and the antioxidant beta-carotene.
- Apples and peaches. Apples contain flavonoids that are beneficial for the cardiovascular system - some of the most powerful antioxidants. And peaches are rich in soluble fiber, which helps improve digestion and lower cholesterol.
- Figs are a high-fiber treat that are also an excellent source of calcium.
4. Organize social gatherings to combat depression
Countless studies show that good friends can relieve depression. But at this time of year it's much easier to curl up in front of the TV than see your mates.
Make it your mission to get out and meet friends at least once a week.
Watching a nice movie together in the evening or just catching up on some sweet gossip over a home-cooked meal is a guaranteed way to feel better.
5. Set a goal
Summer is over and Christmas is still a long way off, so it's really hard to stay motivated and focused in the fall.
To effectively combat the fall blues, psychologist Evie Joseph recommends starting to set small goals, like reading a book you've been putting off for years (even if it's 50 Shades of Gray!).
After this, you can set a more global goal, for example, sign up for yoga or learn a new language.
6. Simulate the sunrise with a smart alarm clock
Wake up with a sunrise simulator that fills your bedroom with rays of “sunlight.”
Research shows that simulating a sunrise alarm clock helps reset our internal body clock and wake us up naturally.
7. Introduce one of the newest superfoods into your diet.
An impressive cocktail of vitamins and minerals, containing 6 times more vitamin C than oranges, 6 times more antioxidants than blueberries, 2 times more calcium than milk and much more iron than red meat - it's no surprise that Baobab Named one of the newest health-boosting superfoods!
The birthplace of the baobab is East Africa; this fruit has been valued by local residents for many thousands of years.
It can be purchased from us in powder form. Add it to yogurt or porridge, and you will no longer be overcome by the autumn blues.
8. Add variety to your sex life
Research shows that we feel sexier in the summer.
Sunlight increases the feel-good hormones serotonin and dopamine, as well as the sex hormone testosterone, thereby putting us in a playful, loving mood.
In autumn, our sexual energy declines, and to prevent this from happening, you need to diversify your sex life and go off the beaten path.
Don't wait until 11pm, when your eyes are already glazed over, to have sex—try it after 8pm, after the kids are in bed, or at lunchtime on the weekend.
"And if you're always waiting for your partner to initiate sex, you'll be missing out," adds sex expert Tracey Cox.
“The initiative can revive the most sluggish sex life. You will begin to have fun and enjoyment when you are active and diversify your usual behavior.”
9. Choose happy foods
The body produces serotonin (the happy hormone) from a chemical called tryptophan, which is naturally found in dairy products, fish, bananas, dried dates, soy, almonds and peanuts.
“Combining tryptophan-rich foods with whole grain carbohydrates such as brown rice, whole grain bread or oatmeal helps the body release insulin, which increases the amount of tryptophan, redirecting it to the brain for use,” explains nutritionist Dr. Marilyn Glenville.
10. Try laughter therapy
Laughter is critical for increasing endorphins, which are vital brain chemicals that lift our mood.
Watch your favorite comedies periodically, get tickets to some comedy show, or invite your friends to watch a light and fun movie.
11. Do a fall detox.
After a wild summer, when we don’t shy away from having a drink, in the fall we need to take a break. Give your liver a rest and it will thank you in the form of a good mood.
Alcohol negatively affects your levels of tryptophan, an amino acid that produces the mood-lifting hormone serotonin.
Drink juices or soft drinks for a week and see how your condition improves.
12. Beat the fall blues with natural supplements
The latest trend in natural mood-lifting supplements is 5-HTP (oxytriptan), a substance that the body converts into the “happy hormone” serotonin. It is ideal to reduce the autumn blues to zero.
“Research has shown that 5-HTP supplementation has a positive effect on depressed mood, and may work faster than antidepressants,” says Dr. Sarah Bruyère.
13. Find motivation to exercise
Increasingly colder weather and shorter days may even make you less motivated to go outside, let alone exercise.
"As soon as fall hits, most people give up going to the gym," says celebrity trainer Elia Siaperas. “But this is the time when you need to look inside yourself and find some extra motivation, as research shows that exercise and workouts are good for boosting your mood.”
14. Take some vitamin D
Sunlight is the main source of vitamin D for our body. And when levels drop during the darker months of the year, some experts believe it can lead to mental illness and depression.
One US study found that after taking vitamin D supplements, subjects felt significantly better and were free from symptoms of depression and sadness.
15. Try meditation
A recent US study found that meditation is a good way to prevent depression and blues.
A simple way to meditate is to light a candle and stare at the blazing flame for 10 minutes, allowing your mind to calm down and be free of any kind of thoughts.
For a more detailed understanding of meditation, read this or this article.
16. Book a vacation
Many of us experience what psychologists at the University of Granada in Spain call “post-holiday syndrome”—feeling tired, apathetic, and demotivated after a summer vacation.
But it's not just travel itself that puts a smile on our face, it turns out that planning a vacation is also very important. Psychologists say that simply anticipating the upcoming vacation is a good enough reason to lift your spirits.
So start looking for where you'll be traveling next year or planning a trip for the next weekend - and do it now!
17. Raise your iron levels
Are you exhausted, pale and find it difficult to concentrate on anything? You may be suffering from iron deficiency, the world's most common nutrient deficiency.
Researchers from the Department of Health suggest that only 1 in 10 people have normal levels of iron in their blood. And even if you don't suffer from anemia, your iron levels may still be low.
Ideally, women should take two servings of iron-rich foods per day - the best sources are found in red meat, fish, eggs, bread, legumes, leafy greens, vegetables and dried fruit.
18. Let nature do its work
“Enjoying a nice walk can boost your mood and self-esteem,” says one study from the University of Essex.
Researchers have found that walking in nature lifts our mood, while walking in an urban environment increases depression.
So get outside and enjoy the beautiful fall scenery by visiting your local park or forest.
19. Give apathy a needle.
Acupuncture can release endorphins in the body and help combat apathy and blues.
"Needles act like switches in the body's energy channels, releasing stagnant energy and allowing it to flow freely," explains acupuncturist Lisa Sherman.
“Acupuncture improves sleep quality and overall health.”
20. Exercise first
If you get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning, you can easily incorporate exercise into your daily routine.
Exercising early in the morning can also energize you for the rest of the day and provide endorphins that will last up to 7 hours after you finish exercising.
blaggos.com
Beauty salons in Vitebsk>>>
Communicate directly
We will have to give up the idea that our loved ones will understand us simply because they love us. If you don't tell a person what you want, don't expect him to fulfill them. If you don't tell people about your feelings, it's strange to expect them to understand us. We must learn to speak in direct, unambiguous language so that what we say and how it matches. We must be responsible and listen carefully to what others tell us. If something is unclear, ask for explanation.
Remember that we depressed people tend to give up easily. We stop talking when we can't seem to get our point across convincingly. We feel tongue-tied, angry and go into a feeling of being misunderstood, bullied, and into a feeling of hopelessness. Instead, try to pause.
Focus on your feelings and express them as “I” sentences. We must learn to use the power of metacommunication, to talk about how we say: “Do I understand you correctly?”, “Have I explained what I mean?”, “It seems to me that your words are contradictory, and I don’t know how to react to them.” " We usually think that communication is just a topic of conversation. However, communication is a complex of relationships between the parties involved. Directness and openness show respect and care and inspire reciprocity. Being shy and introverted can easily be taken as disrespect or hostility.
Eat right
Almost all psychologists agree that our diet directly regulates the mental activity of our brain, and nutrition is no less responsible for our mood than the people around us. Scientists have proven that many nutrients affect our mood. The most important of these are vitamin B and a number of amino acids. If you have already started looking for ways to get rid of depression, consult with your doctor about the possibility of taking amino acids, and also drink vitamin complexes with meals that contain vitamin B.
Learn intimacy
Intimacy allows us to open up to another person, to let ourselves be seen with all our shortcomings - what we most desire and fear in our relationships. It is a process rather than a one-time event or condition. We talked about the universal need for a balance between intimacy and autonomy, but every depressed person I knew needed more intimacy. She heals.
Depressed people fear intimacy more than others. We put on a mask because we are sure that our true self should be ashamed, it is worth nothing. Thanks to long practice, we begin to wear this mask all the time, and no one knows what we think, what we are really like inside. We can deceive everyone around us and appear to be loyal, generous and caring, but deep down in our souls we will be sure that this is all a game. But if you do this your whole life, who are you kidding? Where is the real me - the person everyone loves, or the secret me hidden inside? I affirm that you show the real you to the world. You are responsible for him. The inner self is an artifact of depression, guilt and shame, nothing more than a trick of the brain, but it can dominate life if we don't tell someone about it.
If you simply open up and show your loved ones our secret fears, doubts, imperfections, you can go through a corrective emotional experience - you will be loved and accepted, despite the secrets that you are ashamed of. The gap between our public and secret selves decreases, and subsequently may disappear completely, and we will become a harmonious whole. No secrets - no shame.
Semyon Sokol, showman
- Watch the news less, call your friends more often, love and have sex, and most importantly - always wash your plate after eating buckwheat!
Advice from the editor: a new hairstyle, haircut or color - and all admiring glances are focused only on you, and your mood improves by itself! But so that going to the salon does not turn into an ordeal, we choose only the best hair stylists: 9 best hair stylists in Yekaterinburg according to the Shopping of the Year 2021 award
Ask for help when you need it
Learn to spot the signs that tell you that you are slipping into depression. These early signs vary from person to person: you may experience trouble sleeping, or find it difficult to concentrate, or become angry and irritable. Don't say that everything will pass. Don't convince yourself that you have to be strong. A simple visit to a therapist may be enough to stop the fall.
Create a support system in advance. Establish a relationship with a therapist you can trust and who understands depression. If medications are helping you, don't stop taking them because you think it's a sign of weakness. This is a dangerous, destructive self-hypnosis. Find or create a support group and attend regularly. Invite your loved ones into your plans, think through “advance directives” that they should follow if you become really ill. Remember that if you are ashamed to seek help, this is a symptom of your illness. Be smarter than depression.
The book is provided by the publishing house "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber"
