Where did this status “everything is complicated” come from, because in a normal relationship everything should be simple and clear. Here is a man, and here is a woman, they love each other, they have common goals, interests and desires, they look in the same direction.
But what to do if everything is wrong in your relationship? If you are constantly haunted by the fear: “What if he is waiting for someone better, and for him I am just a convenient option for a while”?
The “Growth Phase” team, together with the psychologist of the “Woman’s Path” course, Alla Pilipyuk, has prepared a special project for you that will help you determine whether your relationship has a future.
From this article you will learn:
- Main types of unclear relationships:
- Love triangle.
- He feeds you “breakfasts”.
- Love at a distance.
- You put in more than you get out.
- Relationship with a foreigner.
- How to understand that a man is not serious about you?
- What should a normal relationship be like?
You accept each other's past
Each of us has a past. Accepting the fact that in the past your soulmate had a close and beloved person and this person was not you, naturally, is painful, but necessary.
Don't be afraid to talk about the past. You can’t erase words from a song, and if you flatly refuse to even hear that a person had someone before you, then you are simply cutting off a significant part of his life.
In a healthy relationship, as we said above, there are no taboo topics, no senseless jealousy, especially about what is left in the past.
Main types of unclear relationships
Incomprehensible relationships are complete uncertainty. It seems that you live with a man, and are nominally considered a couple, but he does not offer you anything serious. He either remains silent to all your questions, or promises you “mountains of gold.” Let's take a closer look at the main types of relationships that have no future.
Love triangle
Girls who are in the position of a lover often ask the same questions: “Do I have a chance to be loved? Will he keep his promise? How soon will he divorce his wife and put a ring on my finger?” Of course, there are chances that the situation will be resolved in your favor, but they are very low - about one in a hundred. First of all, I propose to figure out why you fell into the trap of a triangle and agreed to the role of a mistress.
- Low self-esteem
. You deserve to be loved, to take the throne of your lawful wife, but you agree to much less - rare meetings and eternal competition with another woman. - There is a fear of loneliness
. What if you no longer meet such a wonderful man on your life path? It's better to meet on weekends than to cry in splendid isolation. - Unconditional love. And faith that he will turn out to be a real, worthy man and will not let you down. And if he said, I’ll get a divorce, then he’ll definitely do it.
- Minimum responsibility
. At first, a woman can take this step consciously. Because he doesn’t want a family, children and extra responsibilities. But the relationship, which seemed like a temporary option, sucks her in like a swamp. It won't be easy to get out of them.
The mistress's position in the triangle is the most vulnerable. A woman gives her beloved man her youth, emotions, energy, and in return receives rare meetings, gifts and nothing more. Because there are no guarantees that he will leave the family. A man in such a relationship feels good and comfortable: he receives energy, achieves self-realization, raises his self-esteem and... returns home to his wife.
Even if he decides to break family ties and you end up in that same 1%, you will have to pay off the karmic debt. For destroying someone's happiness, someone else's life. But most often the woman just waits. Years pass, but nothing changes, and the resources of faith and energy are depleted. The mistress comes out of such a relationship like a squeezed lemon. She gave the man everything she could, but her hopes remained unjustified.
Tips to help maintain feelings for a long time
Falling in love is a feeling that needs protection. Not everyone manages to preserve it for many years. Too many circumstances interfere with a person's life. They can have a serious negative impact. It is important to maintain mutual respect. Love also needs to be constantly maintained. Interpersonal conflicts are inevitable if both cannot communicate. The relationship between a guy and a girl can be judged by the following points:
- Personal boundaries. We must try not to invade the territory of the chosen one. Even if two people live in the same apartment, each needs individual space. To love means to strive to give and demand nothing in return. Respecting the characteristics of your other half will help you get rid of conflicts. Your own territory is the psychological basis of a happy life. You need to accept the interests and hobbies of your chosen one, without trying to change him.
- Mutual respect. It is necessary to abandon judgment and expressed dissatisfaction. If you pester your partner with moral teachings, it will only push him away and offend him. Accept your other half for who she is. Constant quarrels and scandals do not strengthen relationships. It is better when the union of two loving hearts overcomes any reproaches. Only acceptance, sincere participation and dedication make life together bright and fulfilling.
- Constant development. Relationships should not stand still, otherwise they will deteriorate and be destroyed. Each partner should strive to improve their character and reconsider their views on life. This will allow you to get closer to understanding how to make your future together comfortable. The obligations of the husband and wife depend on the desire to save the marriage and escape from difficult experiences. The efforts made are worth trying for the sake of the man or woman you love.
Thus, the psychology of relationships between a modern man and a woman is always dedication. You have to learn to listen not only to your own desires, but also to take into account the needs of your partner. Hard work requires patience and the ability to find compromises in a timely manner. Then any decisions will make sense. You can always find a way out of a difficult situation when people in the family show understanding and respect. It’s just important not to focus on the problem, but to try with all your might to solve it.
Sources
- https://budumna.ru/psihologiya/muzhchina-i-zhenshhina/psihologiya-vzaimootnoshenij-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj.html
- https://onelove.su/psihologiya-otnoshenij-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj/
- https://nolimit.style/otnosheniya-muzhchiny-i-zhenschiny-kak-pravilno-stroit-otnosheniya/
- https://mypsihologiya.ru/otnosheniya/psihologiya-i-urovni-otnoshenij-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj
- https://heaclub.ru/sekrety-psihologii-pravilnyh-otnoshenij-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj-dlya-schastya-i-vzaimoponimaniya
- https://ProPanika.ru/psihologiya/psihologiya-otnoshenij-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj/
- https://damienmilay.com/basis/psihologiya-otnosheniy-mezhdu-muzhchinoy-i-zhenshhinoy-sekretyi-vzaimoponimaniya/
- https://SpbLiders.ru/semejnye-otnosheniya/zdorovye-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshchinoj.html
- https://otnosheniya.temaretik.com/1435422935752378687/idealnye-otnosheniya-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenschinoj/
- https://2womans.ru/otnosheniya/lyubov/psixologiya-mezhdu-muzhchinoj-i-zhenshhinoj/
How to understand that a man is not serious about you?
He lives the way it suits him.
If you live separately, he always chooses the time and place of the date himself, so that it does not interfere with his plans. You communicate little, although his busy schedule allows him to spend more time with you. Even if in the end he invites you to live with him, nothing will change. He will continue to throw socks in corners, disappear on weekends with friends and watch football in the evenings. Simply because he is so used to it and doesn’t really want to take your wishes into account.
There is no “we”.
There are you and him - two strangers with different interests, needs and goals. There are no joint plans for the future, trips, or purchases.
Just listen to his speech: if only “I” and “me” are heard all the time, he puts his interests first. He can tell tales about a wonderful future as much as he wants, but he won’t do anything.
You don't know much about him.
You practically do not know his friends, colleagues and close circle. Parents also probably don’t know that their son has such a beautiful and wonderful you. and at the same time you can meet with him for a very long time and even live in the same territory. He just subconsciously understands: there is no need to introduce someone close to him that he can easily leave tomorrow.
You don't feel like there's a man next to you.
Let's remember what functions are inherent in it by nature itself? Provider, protector, helper. If a man is committed to a serious relationship, he will do everything to make life easier for the woman he loves. If a woman selflessly screws in a burnt-out light bulb or drags a broken computer to the other end of town, what masculine qualities are we talking about here? After all, it is much easier to withdraw yourself and return when you have already solved this problem.
He is inactive.
He just goes with the flow, pours another lie into your beautiful ears - and continues to see you only as a convenient option. From time to time he bribes you with his generosity - he gives flowers, gifts, takes you to expensive restaurants. Frivolous men love to manipulate your feelings, and if you hear the phrases:
- Yes, I’m ready to do anything for you, just wait.
- I don’t have the opportunity to rent an apartment right now, but in a couple of weeks we will be living together.
- If you love me, you won't put pressure on me. I will divorce as soon as I am ready for this - I need to pick up my feet and run away from such a relationship.
If a man wants his beloved to be happy, he will do everything possible and impossible for this. Well, if your partner doesn’t have any special feelings for you, he will look for more and more excuses.
He tells you this directly
. The man makes it clear that he is not going to get married in the near future and children are not included in his plans. But deep down you hope to change him and rehabilitate him. “He will definitely appreciate how smart and hostess I am and will make a decision that is beneficial to me.”
Dear girls, this attitude is a huge mistake. The man has clearly outlined his intentions and personal boundaries, but you simply do not want to accept them. You are simply wasting your time in the wrong, abnormal relationships, and the guys who want and can make you happy are passing you by.
Solemn ritual
The consummation of the marriage received wide publicity. The very moment of intimate relations between those entering into marriage took place in the form of a solemn ritual. After all, the main purpose of this action was to prove that the bride is faithful to her husband, and therefore innocent.
In many nations, blood on a white sheet after the couple’s seclusion served as proof of the bride’s innocence. The very process of deprivation of innocence was accompanied by various rituals: chants at the marriage bed, the posting of special guards at the windows, and the preparation of ritual dishes that give strength. Such rituals were designed to ward off evil spirits and dark forces.
You put in more than you get
With you, a man lives with everything ready: you diligently iron his shirts, prepare a three-course meal and faithfully wait if he is late at work. And believe that he will soon appreciate and understand what a treasure is in front of him - and will definitely ask you to marry you. Years go by, but he is still in no hurry to offer the treasured ring.
You know, if you constantly hear from a man “Right now I don’t have the opportunity to pick you up from work (have a wedding, buy a gift)” - look for a partner who has these opportunities. Because otherwise you will sit there with “noodles” on your ears and wait for him to turn on “man mode”.
If a man is interested in a relationship, you see it.
- He is trying for the sake of your future together. Comes home and tells what worked or didn’t work out for him
- You make joint plans and set goals.
- You feel an emotional impact. Even a simple “Thank you” for a delicious dinner raises a woman’s self-esteem.
- There is a give-receive balance in your relationship. It is important. Because if you go out of your way for him, and the answer is silence, burnout occurs. You can continue to live in the same territory out of habit, but the most important things - love, trust, mutual understanding - will be lost.
Many men take advantage of women's naivety. They make promises, tell tales, bribe with periodic gifts - and things don’t go further than that.
Love at a distance
Love at a distance is just an illusion of a relationship, since in essence the woman is alone. There is no strong shoulder next to her, no protector, she only regularly sees his photo on the screen and expects that someday they will be together.
It’s one thing if you already live together and the man leaves for work (study, personal matters) for several months. And it’s completely different if you are “in standby mode.”
Now imagine what he is doing at these moments? That's right, he continues to live his life and perhaps even with a very real woman. And you are just his energy supply. He makes promises to you, says beautiful words, but when it comes to actions, he backs away.
- Sometimes you receive flowers and gifts from him, perceive them as a miracle and an illusion of a normal relationship.
- He is present in your life sporadically and does not perform the functions assigned to a man by nature itself.
If you consciously enter into such a relationship, you are agreeing to less than you deserve. Perhaps your fear of loneliness and self-doubt speaks to you? But, girls, while you are attached to a virtual image, you lose the chance to find happiness with a real man.
Relationships between a man and a woman
Each partner should have personal space and be free to use their time as they see fit.
If you want a strong relationship:
- Be cheerful. Life is a complicated thing and sometimes things happen that you are not particularly happy about. But you need to think positively and enjoy life, and this will affect your relationship with your partner;
- Feel free to show your feelings, confess your love and give gifts to your loved one. Hug him, say gentle words, talk to him more about current affairs, about your problems. There must be a relationship between lovers;
- Spouses should sleep together, it brings them closer together.
To save a marriage, both spouses must work at it.
Secrets of good family relationships
To maintain a strong relationship, do not forget about these simple tips:
- Don’t make scandals with or without reason, be tolerant of each other;
- Make time to connect with your partner. Even if you are at work all day, find time to discuss family matters and problems with your significant other;
- Support him in any useful endeavors. Your interest gives him confidence and motivates him;
- Learn to listen to each other.
