How to gain self-confidence: regain your former self-esteem in your abilities and not lose your status, psychology of satisfaction

A person can be immensely talented, educated and competent in his field, but remain unnoticed his entire life. And the reason for this is a lack of self-confidence. How to regain your self-confidence and decide to self-disclose? Let's discuss this topic on the blog!

Why does a person lose self-confidence?

There are several reasons for self-doubt:

• features of upbringing in the parental family. Sometimes mother, father and other significant adults believe that you should not praise a child so that he does not grow up selfish or too narcissistic. The child receives only negative feedback, that is, criticism of his mistakes, and gets used to not paying attention to successes. This self-perception stereotype persists into adulthood. It is difficult to get rid of it, because a person’s self-image is formed under the influence of parents, whose authority on a subconscious level is not questioned;
• past failures. Trying to do something, any person undergoes a number of failures along the way. Not everything works out the first time. And some continue to move forward, while others give up, give up and come to the conclusion that they are devoid of abilities and talents;
• comparing oneself with ideal images. Some people compare themselves to businessmen, showmen, artists and writers who have achieved great success in life. And it seems to them that they will never achieve similar results. This view can lead to the abandonment of any attempts to express oneself. Psychologists advise comparing yourself not with other people, but with yourself from the past. Then small successes will become more obvious, and self-doubt will be replaced by the thought of the need to move on.

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The tendency to low self-esteem begins to form in childhood. The genetic factor is also important. Scientists have found that some children have a more excitable right hemisphere; this feature correlates with low self-esteem in the future. Genetics is only 10%, the rest is the influence of the environment on the child and the person’s assessment of his experience as an adult.

That is, all factors can be divided into external and internal. Some people tend to react more to the opinions of others, others listen to themselves. Adequate self-esteem implies a balance of these two components.

In a person prone to the influence of external factors, the level of self-esteem depends on:

1. The authority of the person appraising.
2. How often this opinion is repeated by a large number of people.
3. How many people have the opposite opinion?

If a woman has plenty of evidence that she is beautiful, then a few insults about her appearance will be ignored. If a girl begins to be called ugly en masse, then her self-esteem may worsen, only if internal mechanisms do not work that will help to re-evaluate the insult like: “yes, I’m ugly, but I earn a quarter more than the average person” or “yes, I I’m not pretty, but my husband and children love me very much.”

Undecided girl

If there is no internal mechanism for reinterpreting other people's opinions, then the assessment of a few people can be transferred to everyone else. Then the girl will develop someone else’s opinion to “I’m ugly, which means my husband doesn’t love me, maybe he’s cheating on me.” Fears will appear that will immediately begin to find confirmation, not objective, but subjective. For example, my husband didn’t answer the phone. A girl with high self-esteem will think “I didn’t hear”, while a girl with low self-esteem will think “he’s with his mistress.” A woman enters a vicious circle that will only worsen the relationship and create real conditions for further damage to self-esteem.

Thus, the reason for low self-esteem is the negative factors affecting the girl in combination with the lack of an internal system of coordinates and goals.

In short, there are other reasons for low self-esteem:

1. Inability to see success, dictated by perfectionism. There is no such thing as a perfect person, but people with low self-esteem often consider themselves bad.
2. Negative experience. If there have been failures in the past, self-esteem may drop significantly.
3. Inability to overestimate unpleasant situations. There is a cool technique in psychology - reframing, which consists of finding advantages where there seem to be none.
4. Reluctance to learn. A person who does not want to learn new things will sooner or later be faced with an insoluble situation. Self-esteem, as a result, will fall very low.
5. Other reasons. To improve self-esteem, you need to influence each of them.

Important! There may be other factors that influence a girl’s self-esteem in a particular case. It is recommended that you make a list of such reasons yourself.

Features of female socialization and self-esteem

Patriarchal attitudes are still strong in our society. That is, the male gender is considered a priority and such qualities as courage, bravery, and the ability to quickly make decisions in a difficult situation are attributed to it. Women are dictated to be weak, submissive, and passive. How to restore self-confidence to a woman in such conditions? After all, society itself seems to insist that one should be timid, fearful and indecisive.

The first thing you should do is explore your own personality. Numerous psychological tests and personality questionnaires can help with this. Thanks to them, you can learn much more about yourself and realize that there are no inherently male and female mental qualities. The second step is to evaluate existing achievements. Work, education, work invested in raising children, creative success: all this should raise self-esteem.

You can do a simple self-confidence exercise. You should take a piece of paper and write down all your successes and achievements that seem significant. It is advisable to have at least 10 points. You need to write everything that comes to mind: from graduating from a prestigious university to the ability to cross-stitch or knit. This list can be supplemented and changed at your discretion. But it is important that it is always in front of your eyes. He will regularly remind you that a woman has enough strength and abilities to achieve her goals.

On the second sheet you need to write what achievements the woman would like to make in the future. The list should also be hung in a visible place so that you are better aware of your goals and remember to take steps to implement them. This simple exercise will help you simultaneously keep in mind the goals you need to achieve and remember your resources, that is, your potential and abilities.

Men and self-confidence

Men are often prevented from gaining self-confidence by too severe demands put forward by society. It is believed that a representative of the stronger sex must be successful, earn a lot, support his family, and play sports. Failure to meet these requirements leads to feelings of self-disappointment and frustration.

How to restore self-confidence to a man? First of all, you should remember that all people are different and the pace of personal development may differ. You can’t get everything at once; you have to move towards any goal in small steps.

It is important to be aware of your aspirations and take daily actions to achieve them. Gradually, goals will begin to become more and more realistic, and self-esteem will rise.

Child and self-confidence

Children often lose self-confidence due to their parents' misbehavior. How to restore self-confidence to a child? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

• Praise your child for his achievements, even those that seem insignificant. Adults often forget that children find it more difficult to do things that at first glance seem simple. Cleaning the room, washing the dishes, doing homework: all this deserves praise. The child should be praised for being able to put on his socks or lace his shoes. So he will begin to believe that he can cope with tasks on his own, and does it well;
• discuss the reasons for failure. Under no circumstances should you label your child, for example, calling him a poor student or an ignoramus. The reasons why the child failed to do something should be discussed in order to find the reasons for the failure and eliminate them together. For example, instead of shouting and forcing him to study a subject that is not given to the student at school, you can explain a complex theorem or hire a tutor. It is important to let your child know that failure is a normal part of life. It makes it possible to identify your weaknesses and eliminate them, and is not a reason for self-doubt or refusal to try;
• work together. You can “lend” your child your resources to help him achieve his goals. This will make it clear that teamwork allows you to achieve success faster. Play sports together, discuss the books you have read, making it clear that your child’s point of view is important to you, and help them find the information they need. It is important to work with the child, and not instead of him;
• to be an example. Children always follow the example of their parents. This applies to both good and bad. If you verbally assert that it is important to be confident in yourself, but at the same time behave in the opposite way, what will be learned is what is done, not what is said. Therefore, if parents want to form high self-esteem in their child, they must first of all work on themselves.

Causes of self-doubt

The main reasons for self-doubt:

1. Ignorance of one's "I".

During her life, a woman goes through a number of roles: girl, girl, woman, wife, mother, employee, grandmother. And at every stage of life, she identifies herself with the role she performs. She “merges” with the role so much that if she is taken away, the woman will be confused and will not be able to find her “I”.

For example, when identifying herself with children after they have grown up and no longer need round-the-clock care, a woman loses the meaning of life, which becomes a big blow to her internal mechanisms. If life had its own goals, then as children grow up, life will not lose meaning, only the emphasis on being busy will shift.

1. Lack of meaning in life.

Lack of meaning in life causes anxiety and uncertainty. The woman does not know “where she is going” and “why she needs this.” All actions are accompanied by a lack of positivity and desire. While a woman who knows the highest goal of her life is filled with positivity, confidence in herself and her future.

1. Live only with your head.

If a woman succumbs to progress, the latest technologies and begins to live only with her “head,” joy disappears from her life. Emotions do not burst out, intuition freezes, this can “result” in a woman’s uncertainty. When she cannot explain some action from a scientific point of view, her built inner world will be shaken.

1. Ignorance of your values.

Lack of personal values ​​leads to internal conflict. Without a foundation, a person cannot build his future. He may be lost between the choice: work or family and not understand how he can combine them together and live happily.

1. Personal boundaries.

It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to refuse people around him; he cannot simply say “no,” as a result of which his own interests fade into the background. The inability to refuse leads to the need to perform various tasks that cause discomfort. The constant feeling of which makes you feel uncertain about the possibilities of achieving your goals.

It is difficult for an insecure woman to arrange her personal life and express herself in society: build a career, have healthy relationships with others. A state of uncertainty leads to the fact that a person begins to give in to everyone, infringing on his personal interests, and feels uncertain about the future, in the future. One's own goals are not achieved because decisions are not made independently, but only on the advice of others. As a result, there is anger towards the people around them and envy of their successes. It is very difficult for a woman with such feelings to arrange her personal life, since men want to see a confident person next to them. But a woman is not always able to recognize signs of self-doubt in time.

Personal aspect of self-confidence

There are no absolutely insecure people. Everyone has a certain area of ​​activity in which they feel competent. Every person knows the feeling of confidence. It is only important to extend it to other areas of your life.

How to do it? First of all, answer simple questions:

• What gives you self-confidence? The feeling that the work was done well, the appreciation of others, the joy of the activity? It is important to remember that everyone has their own criteria for success, and you need to know what increases your self-esteem;
• How does the feeling of confidence feel on the bodily level? Maybe you feel a surge of energy, a desire to move, or, on the contrary, you want to freeze to enjoy success;
• When was the last time you felt inner confidence in your abilities? Remember the moment when you felt at your best, try to reproduce it in your memory as accurately as possible.

The answers to these questions will help you understand what it means to you to be confident. You must understand what goal you are striving for and what internal sensations arise in a situation of success.

How to help your child understand his own importance

To begin with, watch your child’s behavior a little. Pay attention to how he presents himself, how he speaks about himself and his work. Find out about his plans, desires, try to understand how he feels in the company of his peers.

A few days of such observations and you will definitely be able to figure out what kind of self-esteem the student has. And if you notice warning signs, then start acting immediately.

After all, whatever one may say, you need to start by analyzing your own mistakes. So here are the most important points:

1. Stop constantly pointing out mistakes to your teenager. And under no circumstances do this in a rude manner. Such things are memorable and actually do no one any good.
2. Praise more often even for the smallest successes and uncertain steps. Try to show care and support, even if you yourself doubt that your dream can come true.
3. Remember that a child should always, in any situation, know that he is loved. Even if he is not the smartest and most successful, he brings C grades and is offended over trifles - for parental love this should not be important.
4. Low self-esteem can arise from the people around the teenager outside the home. If you notice that your child is being bullied and bullied at school, then immediately transfer him to another school. And only then figure out who is to blame for what.
5. Help overcome difficulties that arise along the student's path. But not harshly, without using that daring phrase “Are you weak?” Make sure your child consciously moves from “I can’t” to “I can handle this on my own.”

Once the transition occurs, self-esteem will begin to increase. And if he has been gone for too long, and you begin to feel fear for your loved one, do not hesitate to seek help from a specialist.

Exploring your personality

Before you take action, you should examine yourself. Psychological tests, for example, the Raidas test, can help with this. This technique is intended for people over 18 years of age. It allows you to assess how satisfied you are with your past and current achievements and how they affect your self-esteem.

It is also recommended to take the Eysenck temperament test. Knowing your temperament is very important, since self-esteem largely depends on it. For example, melancholic people tend to doubt their own abilities and be indecisive, while sanguine people actively move towards their goal, even if they often encounter failures. Phlegmatic people more often rationally assess their strengths than representatives of other types of temperament, and choleric people have unstable self-esteem, which can change throughout the day depending on current events.

Confidence Exercise: Acting

Self-confidence exercises may seem strange, but they really work. Often psychologists use an exercise called “Transformation”.

Surely you have met a person in your life who is confident in himself and has achieved great success. This could be a friend of yours, a book hero, a famous businessman, or any public figure. Choose someone who you would like to be like, who also seems to you to be truly successful and has high self-esteem.

Remember how this person talks, how he holds his head, how he walks. Try to transform into him for a while, copying his manner of behavior and speech. Perform simple household tasks, such as mopping the floors, as the person you choose would do. Remember how you felt at the same time, how your reincarnation affected the results of your activities.

Try stepping into this role in situations where you need confidence, such as when you want to talk to your boss about a promotion. Surely people will begin to react to you differently, and you will feel that your self-esteem has become higher. Gradually, you will learn to behave and look confident, such behavior will become natural for you.

Rules for a confident woman

A confident and self-sufficient woman has an image that meets three basic rules:

1. Impeccable appearance.
2. Clear and understandable presentation of thoughts.
3. Restrained behavior when communicating.

A perfect appearance will give you self-confidence. Well-groomed skin of the hands and face, professional makeup and manicure together with stylish clothes will raise self-esteem. Also, an even posture and a beautiful figure will add confidence and faith in your abilities.

When communicating, your gaze should be direct and your head held high. You must be able to restrain the appearance of emotions on your face, especially anger and malice, which will repel your interlocutor. At the same time, friendliness can be expressed simply with a smile.

How quickly you will be understood depends on the ability to correctly express your thoughts. Therefore, there are also rules here, it is recommended:

These rules will help you overcome fear, embarrassment and self-doubt, and become a more decisive, respectable woman.

Find motive

Self-confidence is a feeling that is formed through the experience of any achievements. If a person does not know what he wants and does not develop, he cannot be confident in his abilities. A motivated person believes in himself, radiates optimism and confidence.

Therefore, it is important to work with your goals. How to do it? Here are the simple steps:

• try to realize your true goals. Write on a piece of paper everything you would like to achieve in life, trying not to listen to the voice of your inner critic. At this stage, you can mention any goals: building a house, moving abroad, skydiving, or getting a science degree;
• Mark in red the goals that are most significant to you and are truly yours, and in green - those that are imposed on you by society. You should work only with those aspirations that are in tune with your personality and resonate in your soul;
• Choose among the “red” goals those that you would like to achieve in the coming years. It is advisable to leave two or three;
• write down your main goals in a notebook. Under each, you should create a list of steps that will bring you closer to achieving the desired result. It is important that the goals are achievable in reality, otherwise you risk being disappointed in yourself. The result should be a plan to achieve a goal that motivates and energizes you.

Once you realize your true needs, start taking action. Every day you should take steps that bring you closer to achieving your dreams. Even a small step brings the goal closer. Want to write a book? Make it a habit to write two pages every day. In three months the book will be ready. Do you dream of losing weight? Stop traveling on public transport and buy a machine that you can use for 15 minutes a day. The result will not be noticeable immediately, but sooner or later it will become obvious not only to you, but also to those around you. And it raises your self-esteem. After all, efforts will be rewarded.

When performing this exercise, you must not forget to set a time frame. You must determine when you will achieve your goal: in a week, in a year or in a month. The deadlines can be changed depending on the circumstances, but they must be indicated. Otherwise you won't have the motivation to move forward.

Inventing home beauty rituals

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Affirmations

Affirmations are short statements that are recommended to be repeated throughout the day to achieve the desired state of mind. This is not a conspiracy or prayer for self-confidence, but a psychological exercise that directly affects the subconscious.

Affirmations are formulated as follows:

• choose a statement that resonates with your inner state, or make one up. The statement should consist of several words and be extremely concise, for example: “I believe in myself and achieve everything I want”;
• write the statement on paper and hang it in a visible place, such as above your office desk or on the refrigerator;
• Repeat the affirmation to yourself 20-30 times every day. You can do this any time you want.

It is important that the affirmation gives you an inner lift and charges you with a good mood. Soon you will notice that your self-esteem is growing and your achievements are increasing.

Practical exercises

Here are some simple exercises to help you gain self-esteem:

1. Corset of confidence. Body, mind and emotions are closely connected. Therefore, if you straighten your posture, walk more clearly and speak clearly, confidence will appear on its own.
2. Affirmations. They are more effective if spoken in a confident tone.
3. A calm presence. The technique of being completely “here and now.” You need to imagine yourself as a video camera that simply records what is happening, but does not react to it emotionally. Stay in this state for 30 minutes.
4. Breathing in a square. A technique that allows you to quickly calm down. You need to inhale for four seconds, then hold your breath for the same amount of time, exhale for four seconds and hold your breath again. After several cycles, increase by one second.

If you apply all these techniques, you can quickly become much more confident.

Books worth reading

Another way to boost your self-esteem is to read books that will help you gain self-confidence:

• Eric Larsen, "On the Limit." A week without self-pity." The author of the book suggests testing yourself for strength. In the book you will find a program to increase self-esteem, designed for one week. Over the course of seven days, you will complete difficult tasks, giving up bad habits and playing sports, maintaining a daily routine and achieving the proposed goals. After the course, you will realize that you have learned how to use your time correctly and will understand how to change your life for the better;
• Anthony Robert, "The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence." The author invites readers to think about what willpower is and teaches them to make decisions and act based on the assigned tasks. You will learn to correctly assess your environment in order to determine which people communicate with which increases your self-esteem, and with whom it is advisable not to have anything in common;
• Clarissa Pinkola Estes, "Runner with the Wolves" The author explains how to regain femininity and self-confidence, revealing the sacred meaning of female images in fairy tales collected from all over the world. After reading the book, every woman will be able to discover new facets of character, get rid of fictional shackles and the influence of stereotypes imposed by society;
• Pierre Frank, “How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book." This book is a real gift for those who do not have the opportunity to attend expensive psychological trainings. The author offers a number of simple exercises that will take no more than 6 minutes a day. Thanks to them, you will learn a lot about yourself and your goals, learn to overcome shyness and develop high self-esteem;
• Anne Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea. The book was written by a mother of five children and an aviator, who one day decided to change her life and went to the sea. Ann managed to change her attitude towards people and herself, and she teaches this to everyone. After reading the book, you will learn to distinguish the important from the secondary, begin to appreciate your desires and gain confidence in your own capabilities. Lindbergh describes in detail the psychology of self-confidence and contentment, making it clear that every person is capable of doing much more than he thinks.

How to become a confident woman

Every woman wants to be paid attention to, listen to her opinion and admire her. To do this, you need to become a strong, confident woman, then others simply cannot help but notice you.

You need to know that changing your image will require time and not little. To become a more confident woman, you need to change your inner state, change your attitude towards others and love yourself.

Before starting changes, decide what qualities are inherent in confident and strong women in order to develop them in yourself.

After compiling a list of qualities, note those that you already have and strive to achieve those that you don’t. At the same time, you need to be prepared that this will require an investment of time, willpower, and you need to set yourself up to get results. Stop blaming your genes or upbringing, your life is only in your hands! You can become whoever you want and get everything you need for a comfortable existence .

How not to lose confidence

How not to lose self-confidence? Proceed as follows:

• Don't listen to other people's comments. Sometimes people make comments simply because they want to advance themselves at someone else's expense. Learn to appreciate constructive criticism and ignore empty quibbles;
• don't compare yourself to other people. You should only compare yourself to your past self. Then you will see how you gradually develop, master new skills, and begin to do your job better. By setting the bar too high, you can once and for all lose your sense of self-confidence;
• Praise yourself for every achievement. Make it a habit to remember your small successes every evening or keep a diary in which you will write down what you managed to accomplish during the day;
• constantly develop. How to regain self-esteem and self-confidence? Don't stand still and move forward. Read, watch good films, communicate with competent people, develop logical thinking;
• Learning new skills will help you regain confidence in yourself and your abilities and not lose your status. Physical development entails spiritual development. Try making art. Learn to draw, play a musical instrument. This way you will not only be able to express yourself, but you will also see the results of your exercises every day;
• If you don't know how to regain your former self-confidence, perhaps you are used to seeing only your failures and attach too much importance to them. Any mistake is not a fiasco, but feedback from the world. Thanks to failures, you understand what is worth working on, in what direction you need to develop. Remember: only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Lost self-confidence? What to do? Just continue to act, taking into account the experience gained and adjusting your behavior.

Looking for a hobby

Confident women are actively engaged in self-development. If you don’t like your figure, sign up for dancing or going to the gym. If it seems that we are not successful enough, we go to lectures, business trainings or language courses. We sing and dance for the soul. This will distract you from problems, and even the smallest successes in your favorite business will make you proud of yourself. If you lack motivation, we can be inspired by examples of bloggers who have radically changed their lives.

Self-confidence and work

How to regain self-confidence at work? Follow these guidelines:

1. try not to communicate with colleagues who criticize you too often and make groundless remarks;
2. Try to make a to-do list and complete it throughout the day. By crossing off tasks, you will see that your efforts are not in vain;
3. get a talisman. It’s worth remembering what gives you self-confidence and keeping an object associated with it in your workplace. It could be a photo, a toy, a stone found during a trip. The main thing is that the talisman evokes pleasant emotions and reminds you that nothing is impossible for you.

How to regain lost self-confidence? Work on yourself, don’t give up and continue to achieve your goals and know your strengths! Self-doubt is just an excuse for those who are afraid to live actively and make their own decisions.