In practice and in life, I often hear the question “ Help me understand the situation ,” “ I have a situation like this in my life, ” or “ How will this situation develop?” »
We use the word “situation” very often in everyday speech:
-We need to thoroughly assess the current situation.
-The situation is not going well
-Let's think together about how to get out of this unpleasant situation.
Moving away from parents
Every person sooner or later faces a situation where they have to move away from their parents. This is not about moving to a neighboring apartment or entrance. The point is that it is during this period that a radical change in all the usual norms occurs. You understand that from now on all responsibility lies with you. Even if your parents continue to help you, it will only be help, and not living your life for you (as parents who practice overprotection often prefer to do). Definitely, a person will no longer be the same as before, since he ceases to be a child in the classical sense and becomes an adult and independent person (especially if he understands how useful separation is).
What types of life situations are there?
In the course of life, a person faces various life situations. A person copes with some things in life easily, but in some cases he has to turn to different specialists for help. This could be, for example, a crisis situation at a turning point in life, or an everyday situation filled with troubles and stress, or a situation of choice that causes discomfort. First of all, in psychology, life situations vary in level of difficulty.
Types of life situations by level of difficulty
Habitual
Situations in everyday life - ill health of family and friends; quarrels or disagreements in the family and with loved ones; conflicts at work; not very successful handling of material resources.
Difficult
Illness of relatives and friends. Acute disagreements in the family and with loved ones. Parting, change of place of residence. Complications at work. Loss of some property, money. Reduced inflow of material and cash resources. These situations can be called difficult situations of everyday life. Our lives are filled with such situations.
Crisis
Death and disappearance of relatives and friends. Divorce, separation. Situation of violence or threat to life. Loss of health. Fire, flood, terrorist attack. Theft, loss of housing, property, money, work.
Drawing from the textbook: M.A. Odintsova “Psychology of resilience”
It happens that life situations repeat themselves, and you seem to be walking in a vicious circle. If this happens, maybe it's time to seek an analysis of your own life.
Wedding
We are not talking about the kind of marriage registration when young people strive to separate from their parents together and do what they want. The point is to approach the issue of marriage with full responsibility. This decision sometimes takes months, years and even decades to make (this is often practiced in the modern world). By that time, each partner understands what skills and values (including material ones) he must have in order to create a strong family.
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Making relationships long-term and harmonious is not an easy task. Therefore, such changes, when people turn from children into husband and wife, and then into parents, are very useful for the formation of their personality.
Manifestation of awareness
The first step, according to psychologists, is to understand not only the situation itself, but also your own attitude towards it. For example, some event happened in life that plunged a person into depression, causing anger and irritation.
People who do not practice mindfulness simply experience negative emotions and try to suppress them, and also try to “deal with” the consequences of the event that caused such a reaction. Those who practice mindfulness do things differently.
To demonstrate a conscious attitude towards your life situation and your emotions, you need to do the following:
- listen to yourself and clearly determine exactly what feeling you are experiencing - anger, resentment, pity, melancholy, hatred, etc.;
- Having identified an emotion, you should track its specific cause, isolating this factor from the heap of troubles;
- carefully analyze the detected irritating factor, write down all its “cons” on paper and find the “pros” in it;
- study the list of “cons” and find in them what you can benefit from.
Having completed the “analysis of the situation,” a person will automatically begin to relate to unpleasant life circumstances differently, much more tolerantly.
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Moreover, at the stage of isolating from the abstract “everything is bad”, a concrete irritating factor that spoils life, it is quite possible to understand that in fact it is quite possible to change the situation. After all, what will need to be eliminated is not something abstract and uninfluenced, but a very specific, clearly defined factor.
For example, a woman is not able to be in the company of her husband for more than five minutes, so as not to become irritated and turn the conversation into a scandal. She cannot do anything about her emotions, and it would seem that the marriage is doomed. But if you put this situation into pieces and analyze it, you will find out that everything is not so hopeless. In fact, a woman is annoyed by her husband, and one specific factor, for example, bad breath or the habit of scratching in public, yawning without covering her mouth. Accordingly, the problem is completely solvable. As soon as the husband gets rid of the habit, the situation “everything is bad” transforms into a second honeymoon.
But, of course, showing a conscious attitude towards unpleasant circumstances and one’s own emotions is not so easy. It is especially difficult to “become aware” if a tragedy has occurred in your life.
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In order to develop the habit of consciously perceiving everything that happens around you and learn to come to terms with objective circumstances and benefit from them, psychologists recommend regularly doing simple exercises.
Betrayal of a friend
You sometimes quarreled, but then quickly made up. We shared secrets, there was never any understatement between you, since all problems were resolved quickly. And suddenly you are faced with the fact that your friend has betrayed you. Accepting this is not only difficult, but at first it is almost impossible. This is not just betrayal, it is a small death of your faith, hope, confidence, etc. Time passes and there is nothing left but to realize that this happened in your life. At first, you are inclined to never trust anyone again. However, later you realize that this lesson was very useful for you.
Now you know how to communicate with people correctly, who to allow to approach and who to keep at a distance. You realize that you should come first for yourself and you should never sacrifice your interests for the sake of others if they are important to you. You have received a “vaccination” that will help you avoid many mistakes in the future.
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Came to visit with holes in socks
Let's start with the hit of all seasons! Suddenly you’ve been invited to visit, and your socks look like you feed moths with them at home. This happens more often with men, but women have the same problem with tights, and they can tear at any time.
What to do
Remember the Japanese wisdom: “Even if you need a sword once in your life, you should always carry it.” You never know when you'll need whole socks. So always wear them! What to do if they break literally on day X? If you have time, run to any large store.
If you can’t buy new socks, use the following samurai tricks: first pull the socks with the holes down, and quickly ask for slippers when visiting. If you don’t have slippers, you can ask the owners if they mind if you go barefoot. You can quickly and discreetly wash your feet in the bathroom; many men do this.
Birth of a child
At first it seems that nothing special will happen. A living toy will appear in the family, which will not be able to radically change your life and attitude towards the world around you. However, as soon as the child is born, everything changes. If not immediately, then over the next few years you turn off the inner child in yourself and realize that you have become a parent. You gladly accept responsibility for his safety, happily give up some of your habits, become more sensitive, caring, and sometimes even sentimental.
Everything is changing, and this is a great happiness, since you already feel like an adult and self-sufficient person who has already achieved a lot at this stage (your heart is filled with pride not so much for yourself as for the well-established circumstances).
Were caught having sex
Kisses also count: who as a schoolchild wasn’t afraid that during the first timid kisses, parents or a teacher wouldn’t suddenly appear behind their back? With age, everything becomes more serious, and then one day you are already worried that your own children will catch you.
What to do
Better hide! Without knowing exactly the situation, it is difficult to give advice. If your parents caught you, get dressed and introduce your partner to them (if he hasn’t already run away). If you were caught committing adultery, our advice is unlikely to help. And if the police caught you in a public place, it’s your own fault, they knew what they were getting into. But there will be more than enough adrenaline and memories.
Parting with a loved one
Fortunately, not all people face this, but unfortunately, the majority of people do. Parting with your loved one at first seems like a real collapse of all hopes. Apathy or even depression sets in, you give up, you don’t want to do anything or change anything. All energy is aimed exclusively at returning to the past. I would like to return to the point when something went wrong and your paths diverged.
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But time passes, you calm down and begin to understand what invaluable experience you were able to gain. This gives you the opportunity to be more selective in your connections, understand people, and experience difficult moments in your life. You learn to live again, change your style, habits, manners and definitely become a different person who is kinder, wiser and more compassionate.
Phases of living through a difficult situation
Life position - what does it mean?
When overcoming difficult moments in life, a person goes through several stages. They depend on the degree of social adaptation of the individual and life competence (knowledge). They can be divided into the following several phases:
- unconscious knowledge - the experience a citizen has that he uses in non-problematic life situations;
- unconscious ignorance - the use of habitual competence in an already changed situation, which cannot give the expected result, but the person does not yet understand this;
- conscious ignorance - searching for an alternative, accumulating information, trying to make internal restructuring and understand one’s capabilities;
- conscious knowledge is the moment when the direction of action is determined, but its implementation has not yet been brought to automaticity and occurs through a set of trials, errors and analysis of the results.
When using conscious knowledge (competence), a person gains experience that gives him the opportunity to remain in the phase of unconscious knowledge in the future. This allows you to put any difficult life situation on the level of everyday life and solve it.
Model of adaptation to THS
Dismissal from work
Many people face this situation, and it seems catastrophic to them. Accepting that you are left out, not in demand and unnecessary in the team, becomes a very difficult and, in some cases, long-term process. However, a little time passes, and you realize that this situation has given you a chance for self-improvement, advanced training, and self-realization. You didn’t even think that you would like another job or profession so much that you would remember your former job as a bad dream.
Factors and structure in social work
Active life position - what is it?
TJS is a position in social work that is determined by the social protection authorities directly when assessing the degree of disruption of a citizen’s connections with his surrounding society and living conditions. As a result of the analysis of the situation, social services determine the scale and direction of assistance from the state.
Proven! A problematic situation can arise both due to a citizen’s own actions and due to the influence of external factors. In any case, the person cannot live and function normally, and he needs help.
The occurrence of THS can be judged by the following signs:
- inconsistency of an individual’s social behavior with generally accepted norms;
- partial or complete disruption of an individual’s social functions;
- the emergence of new demands made by the environment on a person in need;
- uncertainty or lack of prospects for changing the situation.
This also includes the appearance of a stressful state in the subject, which arises in the process of worsening TJS.
The TZS structure includes:
- participants involved in the events in question;
- actions that take place in the THS;
- spatial and temporal coordinates within which the situation is considered;
- individual experiences and how the individual sees and understands the problem situation.
Working with a client, the specialist assesses his subjective and objective inability to cope with the situation and develops a number of the most optimal ways to overcome it.
Objective and subjective family difficulties
Serious illness
Unfortunately, this situation is also not uncommon. The disease becomes a real test not only for the person himself, but also for his loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to survive it, because it requires a long time and a huge number of different actions. However, when a person manages to recover, everything in his life changes dramatically. He begins to appreciate every minute and every second of his life. People who have been around all this time become so close that repentance appears for the smallest offense.
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Understanding that all this could have been lost becomes a priority for making the most important decisions in life. The world is opening up in a new way and definitely from the most positive side. Compassion appears, a desire to share your experience and help if possible.
Death of parents
It is normal for children to bury their parents. Therefore, many people will have to face this situation sooner or later. The closer the relationship was, the more difficult it was to move on from grief and suffering. This is not to say that this pain will disappear over time, it may just subside a little. But this will be enough to become a completely different person. Rethink your past, remember your mistakes, work on them and think about how to live on.
The realization that life has not only a beginning, but also an end is a very wise philosophical conclusion. There is an understanding that sooner or later this end will come, so there is also greater compassion for the other parent or for older people. The feeling of being someone's child disappears. This means that now you are the older generation, and there is an opportunity to stop your children from rash actions, based on your own experience.
Broken heel
“No matter what the day brings, you feel freshness” - if you are over 30 years old, you probably remember the commercial from the 90s, where a woman breaks her heel, and then, without being upset at all, breaks off the second one and joyfully walks on. The bad news: tearing off the heel with your hands will not be easy even for a man; the shoe will most likely break. In general, now women don’t wear heels so often; sneakers and boots are in fashion. But what to do if this is your case?
What to do
Keep a spare pair at work or in the car. If trouble happens on the street and you are going to a meeting, take a taxi home to change your shoes. In the case when there is no time for this, and the meeting cannot be canceled, make a broken heel your trump card! So you can say: “Look how I hurried to you, even I suffered, but I still came!” The one who was waiting for you will probably sympathize with you and even feel a little obliged to you.
