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February 22, 2016 — 2 comments
We all have to communicate with each other, express our attitudes, feelings, emotions, views on various things. Topics for discussion can be anything: personal relationships, politics, hobbies, religion, sports teams and much more. However, it is easy to see that not all people share their views with the same zeal.
Some people like to tell stories vividly and emotionally, gesticulate, play with intonation, exaggerate or downplay events. Others like to joke, joke, tell tall tales, no matter what, as long as people are willing to listen to them.
There are also those who like to turn communication into discussions on the principle of “right or wrong” and thus defend their point of view.
Contradiction and inconsistency
A hypocrite constantly gets confused in his words and contradicts himself. Arguing with him and proving the truth will inevitably lead to conflict. As a result, you will find yourself guilty of all sins. He is perfect and always right.
Love changes over time or still weakens
Such a person is filled with unrealistic plans and expectations. He jumps from one idea to another, like a monkey jumping along branches. Needless to say, all his ambitious projects will remain just dreams.
Compliment with foulbrood
A friend says that you performed unexpectedly well at your report. And the new dress hides the flaws of your figure so well. Such praise, like a rotten berry, leaves an unpleasant aftertaste.
It is important to distinguish a compliment from flattery. She hides under the guise of politeness and goodwill. Our society is so accustomed to this type of deception that it does not even notice it. Meanwhile, deep down in the soul, a person feels this deceit and understands that he does not possess all those qualities that they sing about in a sweet voice.
A man actively communicates with his childhood friend: treats him with understanding or confronts him with a choice
The difference between modesty and secrecy is huge! You can guess which ones there are more in Kurganinsk. A modest person is a person completely devoid of any boasting or boasting. This is a highly moral person, possessing true good manners and at the same time high demands on himself.
A modest person, clearly aware of his obvious advantages, deliberately avoids loud public recognition, nobly and tactfully helping others to show off their unique merits. Usually modest people express their opinions with pleasure, benevolence and sincerity, you just have to ask them about it. They are firm, active, consistent and thorough in critical situations. Their position is clear and open.
Sometimes modesty is also confused with timidity and shyness. And in vain, because timidity and shyness determine only the degree of a person’s uncertainty in the correctness of his actions. The above cannot in any way be attributed to the concept of a secretive personality, because the secrecy of a personality comes from the ability to hide not one’s talents and virtues, but one’s true beliefs and habits.
A secretive person seems to wear a mask that pleases those around him, skillfully misleading others about his own tastes, preferences and opinions. He is able to imitate noble feelings, but not experience them. And if a true modest person avoids recognizing his merits out of delicacy and respect for others, then the motives of a secretive person, as a rule, are not so noble.
A secretive person hides not at all out of delicacy and respect for others, but out of considerations of deep arrogance, aggression and distrust, and sometimes even contempt for others. Sometimes even the relatives and friends of a secretive person have no idea about who exactly they lived next to and continue to live with for many, many years. He seems to be quiet and modest, like a family member or neighbor, taciturn and easy-going.
It seems to say what everyone is used to saying and hearing. But, if you think about it, it’s almost impossible to get a completely clear, definite explanation for this or that matter from a secretive person, and his actions are sometimes so inexplicable...
If a secretive person is a leader, then the formulation of tasks in his execution is a real torment for his subordinates. Completing the task itself is reminiscent of the game “Battleship”. The handwriting of such a person is too intricate. Subordinates spend too much time and effort solving the “mysteries” of their secretive boss, who is also an inveterate emergency worker.
Often a secretive person, due to the structure of his personality, experiences a piercing antipathy towards truly modest, sociable, hardworking and sincere people. Of course, the secretive manager will express such antipathy implicitly, but in the form of a series of unexpected and much more urgent, important and difficult production needs that have fallen on the modest person’s head. Moreover, lazy and evasive subordinates, with such a distortion of labor relations, will feel quite comfortable.
You can’t count on the sincerity of a radically secretive person in the family. The nature of such a radical is such that he will definitely find something to hide from his other half. For example, the true size of your salary or any suspicious preferences. Life with a werewolf is unpredictable. And sometimes it is dangerous. Therefore, before getting married, young people of both sexes, out of respect for themselves, their parents and their future children, should try with great care to research who is who your future other half is.
Duplicity
He will flatter you in the eyes, but say the opposite behind your back. These people often judge others: as they say, they will see a speck in someone else’s eye, but will not notice a log in their own. Therefore, listen carefully to how he evaluates others. His speech is replete with malicious comments, unconstructive and derogatory criticism. You won't get sincere praise and admiration from him.
They are great intriguers and gossips. They easily and enthusiastically pit friends against each other, having many methods in their arsenal. At the same time, they remain on good terms with everyone.
Can a provocateur be good?
Psychologists try never to evaluate people in terms of good or bad. Behavior and individual actions are analyzed. Therefore, any provocateur is initially neutral. The way he treats other people is the result of the influence of life events, troubles, one might say, and a provocateur complex.
But it is worth noting that provocative behavior can have advantages:
- This is a good tool in painful communication with manipulators and provocateurs. Once you hit their sore spot, most often they lose the desire to provoke you in the future.
Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash
- Provocative techniques are actively used in psychology and psychotherapy. In very difficult situations, when a person is closed, provocations help him open up, identify those internal problems and complexes that lie behind painful reactions and depression.
Don't keep promises
You lost an earring, he promised that he would buy new and more beautiful earrings. But there is still no gift. You thought that maybe he had simply forgotten, but it was quite the opposite. He thinks you won't remember.
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Liars generally promise a lot. The reason for this lies in immediate benefits. They don't think about whether they will be able to fulfill what they promised.
How to recognize an introvert?
The introversion of human character gives rise to many myths, For example:
- Introverts are lonely and unsociable people. This is one of the biggest misconceptions. Such people develop quite harmonious relationships with others. They build happy families, they have many friends and acquaintances.
- Introverts are very shy. In fact, shy people can also be found among extroverts, who often mask their shyness with rudeness and cheeky behavior.
- Introverts are unemotional. Even animals are endowed with emotions. Finding a person who doesn’t feel anything and doesn’t worry about anything is almost impossible. Indifference to the world around us sometimes indicates severe mental illness, depression, etc.
- An introvert is a person who is always unfriendly. Some aloofness that you may feel when communicating with an introvert does not mean that your interlocutor is unfriendly. Most likely, you simply did not gain his trust.
- Introverts do not like to attract attention to themselves. Among them are many representatives of public professions: politicians, artists, musicians. Due to the nature of their activities, these people arouse interest in wide circles. However, publicity does not prevent introverts from protecting their personal lives and not allowing strangers into it.
How to recognize an introvert if he is not much different from an extrovert? You can recognize such a person by the limited circle of people with whom he maintains close contact. Introverts will not trust their emotional experiences to the first person they meet, which extroverts are often inclined to do. There can be a lot of acquaintances, but the circle of close friends includes no more than two or three people, who do not necessarily have to be relatives. For an introvert, spiritual, not blood, intimacy is important. But even two or three people who were allowed closer than everyone else will never be able to get into the “holy of holies.” These are those inaccessible corners of the soul and heart that an introvert visits in splendid isolation, and the keys to which are always in the hands of their owner.
Problems with emotional intelligence
“Long farewells mean extra tears,” these people like to say. Emotions, in their opinion, are just wasted time. After all, no benefits are visible from them. If necessary, of course, they will portray sadness or even sympathy, but rest assured, this is just acting. They don't understand what emotional support and empathy are. Because of this, their mental health suffers. After all, emotions are a significant part of our soul.
Is it worth checking from time to time where your man goes and who calls him so late?
The difference between a manipulator and a provocateur
The behavior of a provocateur is often similar to the actions of a manipulator. But it is worth understanding that people of these two types have different goals.
The manipulator interacts with you to achieve a specific goal. He knows your weak points and uses them. For example, you and your friend go to a cafe, and every time you look at the menu, she starts complaining about how low her salary is and how stingy her boss is. As a result, you pay for both your lunch and hers.
The goal of the provocateur is to satisfy his vanity by squeezing out of you the reaction he needs. In the situation in the cafe, your friend no longer whines, but openly says that all the people around are greedy, do not understand her, offend her, including you. She alone is the lamb of God, the poor victim.
She says this so that everyone around her can hear. Even if you always help her, most likely in this case you will do everything possible to whitewash yourself, start defending yourself and, of course, pay for lunch out of guilt.
The phenomenon of first impression
The first meeting with a person should not be underestimated. When meeting a partner, all the inconsistencies and rough edges catch your eye. Don't discount a fake smile, unpleasant notes in your voice, or an angry, intense look. All this is hypocrisy - dissonance between the inner and outer selves.
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Trusting your feelings helps you understand others. Then his true goals, desires and thoughts will not be a secret to you. Hypocrites are unfortunate people who are entangled in labyrinths of lies and have lost their face. Their life consists of continuous “seeming” and not “being”. It is dangerous to deal with them, to enter into their game, because there are no winners in it - only losers.
“What can you offer me?”
However, if a leather worker has the opportunity to receive benefits (money, business acquaintances) from another person, then here he is ready to talk as much as he wants and about anything. As they say, the customer is always right. Especially when he pays money. When a leather worker gets a new job, he will certainly inform all his relatives, friends, and acquaintances about it. In the hope that he can help them professionally. For money, of course.
Perhaps, while reading this article, you noticed this property in yourself or in your loved ones. You probably have new questions. Training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan helps to determine our internal properties and characteristics and give direction on how to develop them further in order to get maximum pleasure from life. Free online lectures on SVP, which seem to be specially created for you, help you approach your life systematically and consciously. Register using the link>>
Author Andrey Shmatkov
The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
