Causes of stress, Mechanisms of stress, For specialists Irina Vasilyeva How often have you observed bright emotional outbursts of other people? Have you ever thought that this could be a sign of mental illness? After all, psycho-emotional instability occurs quite often. In some cases, it may be characteristic of absolutely healthy people, in others it can be a symptom of certain mental illnesses. How to distinguish one from the other? I will answer these and other questions for you today, dear reader.
When emotional instability is normal
Children and teenagers
If we talk about human life, then any of you will agree that childhood up to 5 years is a period of constant changes, including in mental life. Even the calmest children have periods when parents simply clutch their heads.
The fact is that only closer to four years do most children develop a feeling of shame, thanks to which the child tries to control his physiological and psychological reactions. The complete assimilation of social norms is still far away, therefore sharp transitions from crying to joy, from delight to grief are a feature of age.
The period of primary school age, as a rule, is characterized by a slight calm, after which a storm comes again. Everyone knows that in a teenage child, symptoms of emotional instability are present in most standard everyday situations.
Unstable behavior of a teenager is a fairly common reason for turning to a psychologist. However, with the exception of rare cases, psycho-emotional lability is a normal sign of growing up. In this case, the psychologist works not only with the teenager. Parents of an unexpectedly matured person also have to restructure their views on upbringing.
Adults
In an adult who does not have mental disorders, emotional lability can be expressed in three cases.
- A pronounced demonstrative personality . Such people are actors. It doesn’t matter at all whether acting is their profession or not. They don't care where to play. The main thing is that the audience applauds. Surely, each of you has met such a person in your life. The richness of emotions and their rapid switchability are the constant character traits of a demonstrative personality.
- The so-called cyclothymic personalities. These are people who have their own special rhythm of changing good and bad moods. Some days they flutter like butterflies, while on others literally everything irritates them. Moreover, you will not be able to trace any pattern in this process.
- Infantile personalities. Emotional immaturity, attempts to avoid responsibility, inability to make decisions are symptoms of mental infantilism. The most common reason for this phenomenon is overprotection on the part of parents. Dear dads and moms, if you do not allow your child to show independence and make decisions, then know that you are taking the right steps towards developing infantile character traits and emotional immaturity in him.
Signs to watch out for
He is very negative
A pessimistic approach and lack of faith in the success of any business should alert you. If a person views life through the lens of potential failure, they will also view you and your relationship. Of course, everyone can have moments when sadness sets in. But you need to be able to distinguish between sadness and eternal negativity.
Emotional instability does not make a person bad or doomed to loneliness, it only means that now he needs to concentrate on himself and his state of mind. Independently and at your own request.
It seems like he only has bad impressions from all the relationships he's had
If you have the opportunity to analyze your partner's previous relationships, do so. Did he stay in a relationship for a long time in which he clearly felt bad? This most likely indicates that he does not value himself and believes that he is unworthy of love and respect. But you can never fill that black hole even if you try your best. This is a codependent relationship
which will inevitably lead to suffering for both of you.
He needs dope
It could be alcohol, drugs, or even overeating. A person who is dependent on something is not capable of true intimacy with someone else because he only feels comfortable after consuming something.
The more often a person needs a new “dose,” the less stable his emotional state is. And for him you will never come first. Addiction will always come first.
He always complains about his health
This does not mean that the slightest ailment or some diagnosis should immediately scare you away. But a person who constantly complains about a loss of strength and suspects that he has all sorts of illnesses is not the best candidate for affection. Often the habit of suffering unnecessarily because of one’s physical condition indicates low self-esteem and the fact that all a person’s energy will be spent on trying to cope with some mysterious ailment, and not on developing and strengthening relationships.
He doesn't keep his promises
If a person regularly does not fulfill his obligations and promises, this is definitely not the best sign. You will soon realize that it is unbearable when your boyfriend is late everywhere and forgets to do what he promised. For the same reason, he is always in trouble at work.
He reacts very harshly to everything
For example, he failed to advance his project at work and now he is constantly lying to his boss, promising to quit tomorrow. Or he quarreled with his brother, and now regularly declares out loud that he will never shake hands with him again, while being sure that he himself is not at all to blame. He reacts sharply to minor insults and gets inappropriately angry at everyday situations when something does not meet his expectations.
He has problems in his family
Of course, judging a person by his family is too superficial, but if he did not have loving and reliable parents, then there is a good chance that he was not able to develop these skills on his own.
He lacks empathy
When you share with him some experience - not necessarily negative, it could be excitement about a new play - you rightly expect a response. At least in simple words. If a guy has ignored your emotions once or twice, this can be forgiven, but if he is chronically incapable of empathy, you will have a hard time.
He always competes with everyone
For example, you say that you are extremely stressed at work, and he says that his office is a complete disaster. Moreover, by making such statements, he is sure that he is feigning attention to your words. But in fact, he only always pulls the blanket over himself.
He is always right
Instead of admitting guilt, he will lie, make excuses, blame others and circumstances. In addition, he is afraid of any criticism or minor rejection. In reality, this is because he has difficulties with self-esteem, and he does not like being forced to doubt himself once again.
He avoids problems rather than solving them
He doesn't answer the phone when his grandmother calls, whom he promised to visit three months ago. Or he suddenly changes his phone number because he’s behind on his mortgage and doesn’t want to start a showdown with the bank. An emotionally unstable person finds it difficult to make a decision and work on a problem.
He's always on edge
This can manifest itself in different ways. In the nervousness of gestures and dropped phrases, in pessimistic statements and frequent complaints. Insecure about your appearance. He even looks at the development of your relationship through the prism of potential failure, which subconsciously complicates the situation. Or, on the contrary, he idealizes you to the point of impossibility, and as soon as the first quarrel occurs, he convinces himself and you that he initially knew that nothing good would come of it.
Emotional lability as a symptom of emotional disorder
Today, not all emotional disorders arise due to the presence of a mental illness. Many of them are cured thanks to competent psychotherapeutic influence. I talk about how to work correctly with an unstable emotional state in my online training. The training will be useful not only for those who suffer from emotional instability. I also recommend that young professionals who work in the helping professions take it. I am sure that with the help of the techniques contained in the training, specialists will be able to expand their tools for helping other people.
How to identify an unstable person?
- Due to low self-esteem, he sees life in shades of gray and black.
An emotionally unstable man can certainly experience positive emotions, but quickly catches on and begins to look for negative aspects in what happened. For example, you have been promoted at work, and you convey this news to your loved one. He seems to be happy - this means that the family budget will grow - but he will immediately remind you that now you will have to stay in the office late, complain about overwork and pay less attention to him and the children. - He approached a relationship with you having a negative experience in affairs.
One of the main signs of an unstable, weak-willed man is his enchanting ability to find relationships where he will play the role of an element of the interior. Of course, having completed the affair, the man gets angry, promises himself to never step on this rake again, and enters into exactly the same relationship again. - He has habits that make you anxious .
For example, compulsive overeating or the tendency to wash down all your problems with a glass of something stronger. Only in this way will his condition return to calm and comfortable (for the man himself, but not necessarily for the people around him).
Living with an emotionally unstable man is like a volcano. A rare girl will be ready to endure such a “roller coaster”, where joy is replaced by despair, and hope for a happy future is replaced by a feeling of complete hopelessness. Most likely, the couple will break up in the very near future if everything is left as it is.
Emotional lability as a symptom of mental illness
As described above, psycho-emotional instability is not a separate mental illness, but as a symptom it is included in the symptom complex of many of them. Let's talk about the most common ones.
- Schizophrenia. At the same time, a positive and negative attitude towards a person, thing, or phenomenon can cause violent emotions, ranging from intense to depressed. In addition, delusions, hallucinations, and disorders of cognitive functions (perception, attention, thinking) are often observed in the symptoms of schizophrenia.
- Bipolar affective disorder. It is characterized by alternating “bright” life periods without any signs of illness and phases of mental disorder. The disorder manifests itself as a change in manic and depressive states.
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder. The pursuit of obsessive thoughts, ideas that torment a person so much that he is ready to do anything to get rid of them. Also in this state, anxiety, fears, and phobias often arise.
Many disorders accompanied by an unstable emotional background are caused by chronic alcoholism, drug addiction, trauma or organic damage to the brain, and some somatic diseases. Making a diagnosis and the corresponding consequences (admission to exams, obtaining the right to drive a car, work permit) - in each individual case, a professional doctor analyzes the manifestation of a group of symptoms and prescribes appropriate treatment.
And certainly no one has the right to draw conclusions about your psychiatric status solely on the basis of emotional instability.
Principles of diagnosis and treatment
To exclude possible concomitant organic pathology, doctors at the Leto clinic recommend consulting a neurologist and undergoing a comprehensive examination. If there are signs of a functional disease of the central nervous system, treatment is selected aimed at eliminating its cause and preventing the progression of pathological changes.
If we are talking about emotional lability of a psychogenic nature, the specialists of our clinic conduct psychodiagnostics and offer the patient to undergo psychological tests to make an accurate diagnosis.
We offer several treatment options:
- Individual consultations with a psychotherapist using cognitive-behavioral and psychodynamic approaches, psychoanalysis.
- Group classes with a psychologist are especially effective for alcohol and drug addiction.
- Drug treatment to eliminate increased anxiety, restlessness, and normalize sleep.
- For severe pathologies of thinking - rehabilitation in a specialized center.
If emotional lability causes decreased performance, conflicts with friends and family members, do not self-medicate under any circumstances. Many sedatives and sedatives can cause various complications, so only a doctor should determine how to treat the disorder and select the dosage of medications. You can get a consultation, call a doctor at home or make an appointment by phone 8(969)060-93-93.
The ability to say “no”
In modern society there is a complex associated with refusal. Emotionally strong people can easily say “no” and can set boundaries to make an informed decision.
Such people are not stopped by the disappointment of others; they put their well-being first and can refuse things that, in their opinion, will negatively affect the achievement of their goals. This habit is difficult to develop, but persistence will help you overcome difficulties.
You should start small. You need to say no to five things that are harmful or create problems in your daily life. Gradually the range of answers needs to be expanded. This will help in creating your own comfort zone and expanding it.
Specificity and relationship with temperament
Many people are sure that emotional stability is something that a person is born with. Some people perceive certain situations, surprises and changes more coolly. Others acutely experience almost every more or less emotional event.
This can be observed in the child’s behavior even in infancy and early years. As a rule, this quality is stable throughout life. Its specificity is believed to vary depending on gender and age.
We can say that emotional stability is a psychophysical quality. And it depends largely on temperament, which is also innate. Of course, it can be adjusted by changing living conditions and adhering to certain principles of education, but global changes will not be achieved.
Temperament has a number of properties. These include tempo, strength, rhythm, switchability of mental processes, as well as stability of feelings.
A choleric person, for example, tends to react violently to everything that happens around him, unlike a phlegmatic person. He, in turn, can fall into a stupor at a crucial moment and then sway for a long time. Can he be considered emotionally stable in this case? Not at all. Of course, one should not expect violent reactions on his part, but this does not mean at all that the person successfully coped with stress and emerged victorious from the situation.
Thus, emotional and psychological stability is not determined only by temperament. It largely depends on a person’s self-regulation skills. But this is exactly what you can learn.
What should you do to help your partner?
Psychology experts believe that the behavior of a fickle man can be corrected, but both must want it. You can’t put in effort on only one side and hope that your partner will follow you by inertia. A man must himself realize the tragedy of his situation and do everything to change this situation.
In my opinion, at least a couple of sessions with a highly qualified psychologist will benefit your man. These psychotherapeutic sessions will set a vector of development that can only be supported through joint efforts. I tell you, girls, what to do to achieve harmony in the “Secrets of Women’s Happiness” course and other trainings by Pavel Rakov, as well as in the articles in the “Happily Married” section.
Tell me, have you encountered unstable partners? How were you able to influence their behavior, and did it work for you?
He trusts everyone except himself
Lack of self-confidence is a sign of trauma, most often received in childhood. Childhood trauma often causes people to abandon themselves and their needs in order to survive. When they become adults, they literally give away their power to everyone around them and suffer from it. You may feel good about their trust. But ask yourself: is this trust based on a special intimacy that has stood the test of time, or on the fact that this person is simply catastrophically insecure? In the second case, trust has nothing to do with you - it is only a consequence of unhealed mental wounds.
Why does not having self-confidence mean that this person will hurt you? Because he is easily influenced by the slightest influence. He does not have his own moral guidelines; they have not yet been developed. It is better to rely on someone who can rely on himself. Such a person, if necessary, will be able to support not only himself, but also you.
Openness, sociability, understanding
Strength is not always determined by the ability to accept various challenges. Most emotionally stable people express their feelings and needs openly.
They don't worry about it because for them emotions are not an inconvenience, they know that other people's emotions are just as valid as their own.
A good training for openness and understanding would be to work on communication skills - first with close people, and then with people from a wide circle of friends. Practice improves this skill and makes a person emotionally stable.
Test
Surely many would like to know their level of emotional stability. For this purpose, you can take one of the many simple tests. Some of them include only 10 questions. Here is an example of such a test with answer options and scores:
- Do you often have nightmares? (No – 1; yes – 2).
- Do you easily hide your feelings? (No – 1; yes – 0).
- Do you often feel guilty? (No – 0; yes – Z).
- Is crowded society annoying? (No – 0; yes – Z).
- Do you need people who can console, approve or understand? (No – 1; yes – 2).
- Are you easily offended by jokes directed at you? (No – 1; yes – Z).
- Does your mood change often? (No – 1; yes – 2).
- Is it easy to get used to new people? (No – 2; yes – 0).
- Do you take everything that happens around you close to your heart? (No – 0; yes – Z).
- Do you get angry easily? (No – 1; yes – 2).
By answering these questions, it will be possible to determine what kind of emotional stability a person has (high or low), as well as how strong his psychological defense is.
How to help
Treatment for emotional instability includes psychotherapy, which allows the patient to talk about both current difficulties and past experiences in the presence of an accepting and non-judgmental therapist. Therapy should be structured, consistent and regular so that the patient learns to talk about his feelings, and not release them in the usual ways.
Treatment goals: increased self-awareness, increased impulse control, relationship stability, personal integrity. By doing this, the patient will be able to change rigid patterns previously established and prevent recurrence.
