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"Either you're dead or you're moving forward"
Mick Jagger
“Why degrade?!”, someone will be indignant. Because stability as such, in fact, does not exist - it is an illusion.
There is either progress, or regression, or development, or degradation. Everything that stands still automatically degrades.
Therefore, if a person does not develop, does not strive for more than he has and is capable of at the moment, he stops in place and gradually degrades.
Let's take nature: a lake in which there is no movement of water due to underground springs and springs gradually becomes a swamp and begins to bloom. A house in which no one lives for a long time begins to become overgrown with cobwebs and deteriorates.
Everything that doesn’t improve, doesn’t work on, doesn’t update, slowly dies. Body muscles that are not used for a long time gradually atrophy.
Our life is a journey. Whether this will be the path of development or degradation is up to everyone to decide for themselves.
Development is something different for everyone:
- for some, this is the path to financial freedom and success in society;
- for some - mastering new skills and abilities, for others - a career or achieving a goal;
- For some, development is the path to one’s true self, to understanding oneself, self-realization.
In a word, this is movement. This is what ultimately makes each of us happier.
What is the problem with 80% of people?
If everything is so clear and obvious, why then does 80% of the population experience Groundhog Day every day, spinning in the “work-home-work-no-joy” wheel, do not feel the colors of life and rather survive every day than live?
Why do thousands of people endure the wrong relationships, the wrong people nearby, live in the wrong place, with the wrong people and not the way they would like?
In fact, people don't become successful because they don't know how.
There is plenty of information in open sources; there are thousands of personal examples of outstanding personalities and their success stories. There are books and resources for self-development.
The problem is not that there is a lack of knowledge on this topic.
The problem is that most people either do not take any action at all in order to change their lives a little, or take some scattered periodic actions, chaotically and without any benefit in the final result.
Conclusion
In order for the natural development of a person to be stable and constant, we need to put ourselves in such a situation, by getting out of which we develop.
You put yourself in the ass and then get out of it.
But, if you start thinking about how to specifically get into this very ass, options don’t immediately come to your mind.
I can give you several factors that will help you and simplify the process.
Remember, your task is to unbalance YOURSELF!
Bring out your hidden emotions.
Fears.
Challenge yourself to a duel.
Provoke a conflict: with yourself, with a specific person, with society. But action alone is not enough, self-provocation is needed.
How to create emotions for yourself?
1. Publicity effect.
For example: you took a lewd photo. Cool... I sent it to my boyfriend. Already better. You wait for his reaction, your balance has already been shaken. You send it, allegedly by mistake, to a work colleague. Bam! You post it on social media for everyone to see. With each round of emotions there will be more and more emotions, because you, one way or another, are dependent on the environment, and are used to conforming to the framework. You did it, move on!
Find the boundaries of your comfort zone. And tear it to hell. Imagine that every border of the frame tickles your nervous system...
2. Violation of the norm.
By breaking, you create. At all! Have you noticed that breaking something is so cool! So much fun! Therefore, fall in love with this word - VIOLATE!
You create a new yourself. Free and strong. Do what others don't do. Specifically and consciously. Feel the discomfort with your whole body. And absorb the sacred knowledge: “no one cares about you.”
The fact that you will have an explosion of emotions inside you, for the rest of the majority, is just a moment of life that they will quickly forget. And you will be left to be shocked by your own person, who no longer blends in with the crowd.
And if you are disgusted with yourself, then you probably live, at least not as a gray particle of a gray mass!
3. Personal attitude.
Of all your friends, conduct experiments on those who are most dear to you. Who are you afraid of losing? Who hurts you. Who causes delight. Whoever you want. Whom you want, but who doesn't want you. With them, swing the amplitude of emotions.
It is these people who develop you. More precisely, you use them. Start using people. Damn morality! Life is such a thing that if you don’t use other people, they will use you. Or don't you notice it?
4. Ramp-up effect.
It's like an orgasm. I hope this sounds familiar?))
If you approach it quickly, frantically fiddling with your fingers, it will pass quickly, like a cramp.
To cover your head, you need patience... and time.
Imagine a mountain. You need to reach the very peak. If you run headlong, you will soon become exhausted and die. Any conflict or emotion tends to grow if you do not allow it to be resolved completely.
Control it. Let go not for long and hit the same point again. For the patient. Stimulate conflict if it is constructive.
I sometimes ask my most developed and advanced readers, sinners, to give me tasks, from which I develop.
Sometimes they give me such tasks. Horrible! Explosion!
I comply and hate them for these emotions. Or I love them because they give them to me. A crisis!
I worry, I do it, I get used to it! I'm changing! Personality collapse!
I look at the world with different eyes. Stabilization…
What is the reason for inaction?
There is an explanation for this desire to be where you are.
Dynamic balance
In nature there is such a thing as “dynamic equilibrium”. When a lot of effort is put into staying in place. That is, maintain balance.
Externally, the object is motionless, but titanic work is being done inside it. But there is no strength to move forward.
This is one option: when a person seems to be rushing about, wanting something, rushing to extremes.
- He starts running in the morning and stops every other day because the weather is bad.
- Leaves an unloved partner, but returns a week later, “because what would he/she do without me.”
- He thinks about his own business, is tormented by this question, but sits in the office from 9 to 6, because “what if nothing works out?!”
When a person spends a lot of strength and energy on communicating with manipulators, on nurturing his own grievances, on “living in the past,” on everything that requires resources but does not bring anything positive. And there is no strength left to move forward.
What is behind the desire for self-development
That's what we were told
"Develop - or die!" - says TONY ROBBINS: Your happiness depends on mastering these 2 skills, world famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins. Yes, people paid up to 500,000 rubles for a ticket to his performance. And he is far from the first and, of course, not the last in the chain of business trainers, coaches, experts and speakers who are trying to sell us the idea of self-development for the sake of self-development.
All of these concepts seem to have their roots in the idea of the American Dream: the United States is a land of opportunity, and any American can become successful if they work hard and put in enough effort. At the beginning of the 20th century, two books were published there, which became the foundation for the subsequent cult of success and self-development. These are “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace Wattles and “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. And the author of the acclaimed book “The Secret” in the 2000s, Rhonda Byrne, was inspired by History of the secret, the first of them, published Science of getting rich back in 1910.
And now we are reaping the benefits from those “trees” that were planted in America more than 100 years ago.
They fall on our heads from hundreds, if not thousands, of books, articles and blogs. We look at successful people on the Internet - they do yoga, drink eight glasses of water a day, develop mindfulness, go to lectures - and we feel wrong for not doing all these things.
We are unhappy with ourselves
And we suffer from perfectionism, a neurotic desire for an ideal - in certain areas or throughout our lives. At least 30% of How perfectionism affects your (mental) health people fall into this trap, and their number is growing all the time. Perfectionism Is Increasing, and That's Not Good News.
Perfectionism makes us feel inadequate and not good enough. And we are trying our best to fix this. Some work seven days a week, some spend all their money on plastic surgery and beauty procedures (although dysmorphophobia is also involved here - rejection of one’s own appearance), and some focus on self-development.
We want social approval
Conformity is literally built into our biological program. Initially, it was needed for people to unite, interact and thus increase their chances of survival. But the desire to be like everyone else often hinders us.
And if everyone around you is constantly improving, and after work you can only heat up semi-finished products and sit on the couch with your phone, you seem to be disconnected from society and, of course, you feel uncomfortable.
And you’re also afraid of being out of touch and missing out on something important. In other words, you fall victim to the fear of missing out. And to get rid of it, you repeat after others. In English there is even a very successful idiom for such a case: jump on the bandwagon - “jump into a van with an orchestra.”
We want to feel successful
We need to be respected, seen as successful and authoritative. According to the theory of Abraham Harold Maslow, "Motivation and Personality" by Abraham Maslow, it is one of our fundamental needs - next only to the needs for love and acceptance. But often we do not correspond to our own ideas about a successful person: the position is not right, the salary is too low, there are few regalia and bonuses. And this frustrates us and demotivates us.
The path to a high position and a generous salary is long, winding and unclear. Therefore, when we cannot feel successful at work, we try to “get” feelings of success somewhere else.
Where it is easier to get the result, where it will be simpler and more predictable.
I read a book about self-development - it was not a waste of time. I took a 10-lesson pencil drawing course and learned how to at least draw simple still lifes - you can check the box and consider yourself a good student. The same applies to sports achievements: if today you were able to run only 1 kilometer, after a couple of weeks of regular exercise you will be able to complete two - isn’t this a reason for pride?
How to trick your brain and force yourself to do something?
For example, a person wants to improve their physical fitness and start running. But he can’t start right now, because there are a lot of reasons: he doesn’t have running shoes, he has them, but in the wrong color, the weather is bad, and so on.
As a result, he doesn't start at all. Running means straining. There is not enough motivation.
But if there is a beach season on the horizon, an affair with an interesting partner, some important event where you need to be in shape, motivation increases sharply. Because the difference between “want” and “have” has changed.
Basic Concepts
Psychology textbooks tell us that self-development is a person’s conscious work on himself, independent improvement of personality, its development. At the same time, a person concentrates on his own goals, systematically processes and assimilates the necessary information, changes himself and his life.
Having decided to improve, you must clearly understand that self-development is:
- not the acquisition of any superpowers (wings will not grow and gills for unlimited diving will not appear), but a thorny and difficult, but sure path to success in life;
- not the desire for power over other people, but personal growth, which turns a “reproducing person” into a “creative person”;
- not receiving some kind of sacred or mystical information, but introspection, which allows you to change your attitude towards yourself and the world, create harmonious connections;
- not a path to a specific final achievement, but a continuous learning process in which you are both a teacher and a student.
What prevents a person from developing?
Fear of making mistakes
This is the disease of all perfectionists and high school students: “What if I do the wrong thing?”
In fact, mistakes are normal, without them nothing will work out at all.
Confirmation is the stories of outstanding personalities (remember Tesla, Ford, Jobs, Gates), for whom everything did not go smoothly and one failure followed another. But they did not give up - and still achieved their goal!
You can make mistakes, this is the only way to gain experience. The main thing is not to give up and try again. And don’t immediately set the bar too high for yourself, leaving no room for mistakes and imperfections. The path of development is a path of ups and downs.
Danger of stopping
What do you think, if a climber, climbing a mountain, stops for a long time and hangs on a safety rope, how will events develop? That's right: either he, tearing his palms into blood, will begin to rise to the top again, or head over heels, with greater or less speed, will roll down to the very base of the mountain. According to the laws of living nature, any object either develops and improves, or degrades and collapses. Unfortunately, there is no third option.
The most powerful impulse for development that a person receives at birth gradually loses its strength. He has to overcome many filters from “I don’t want”, “laziness”, “tired”, “there are more fun things to do” and, finally, “not the right age”. And now, without realizing how it started, he slides downhill, stupidly flipping through television channels, eating chips, spilling beer on his T-shirt... Horrible!
Psychology (according to A. Maslow) identifies several stages of personality degradation.
Degradation
The first bell is the feeling of being a “pawn”, when a person thinks that everything in his life depends on other people or on current circumstances. This condition is called the phenomenon of “learned helplessness.”
Further more. Taking care of primary needs becomes a priority. A person is limited to worries about what to eat, where to sleep, with whom to have sex.
Gradually, the world around loses its colors and everyone around them receives a tag with a clear definition: “white” - “black”, “good” - “bad”, “us” - “alien”. It is especially scary that at this stage a person develops the same contrasting, without halftones, attitude towards himself. I am a star, I am a nonentity. Both destroy the personality.
And now the reluctance to analyze and think turns into an impossibility. Such a person is unable to think about the preconditions of influences; he perceives any slogans as a given. In this state, a person is an ideal object for manipulators. With magnificent winged gaskets at the ready, he chants the slogans of the only correct political party. This condition can well be considered social death.
Unlike physical, it harms not only the “dead”, but also those people who surround him. This is especially dangerous if in the immediate environment of the degenerate there are children who easily learn similar patterns of behavior. Next to the dad lying stupidly on the sofa, as a rule, you can see a daughter who is stuck on Instagram or a son who spends days fighting tanks (and this is not the worst possible option!).
A terrible and, unfortunately, common picture. I'm sure my blog visitors will agree with this. To avoid such a sad fate, you need to start living consciously, which means:
Constantly invest effort and time in maintaining yourself at a given level, developing, fighting passivity, strengthening willpower.
You can read more about degradation and ways to avoid it here.
Let’s summarize: how to start developing
What success is, everyone determines for themselves. But development is what everyone should strive for so as not to degrade.
This is a continuous struggle, and first of all, with yourself, but rather with your weak qualities that prevent you from living the life of your dreams.
Everyone has a choice. You can sit and whine about what a bad boss, low salary and what a brute your husband is. Or you can tear your butt off the sofa and start doing something.
What choice are you making?
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