Class hour “Can we listen and hear each other”

2.2. Listening exercises

Goal: participants’ awareness of what in their behavior helps their partner to talk openly and in detail about their problems and condition and what can worsen their condition. Familiarization with listening techniques.

1. exercise. Group members sit in a circle. Instructions : “Now we will take a short walk along the seashore.

Please sit down comfortably and slowly close your eyes. Pay attention to your breathing, feel it: the air passes through your nose, throat, enters your chest, fills your lungs, feel how with each inhalation energy enters your body, and with each exhalation unnecessary worries, worries, stress go away... Pay attention on your body, feel it - from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. You are sitting on a chair (in an armchair), hear some sounds, feel the breeze on your face. You may want to change your position, so do so. Now imagine that you find yourself by the sea. You walk slowly along the shore. Look around carefully, what colors, sounds, smells surround you... Look at the sky, at the sea. Pay attention to your state: what emotions and feelings arise in you, how they change during the walk. You are in no hurry and can move on calmly. You might want to go into the water and swim or sit on the shore. Do it... And now it’s time to return to this room, to our circle. Do this at a pace that is convenient for you: you can immediately open your eyes or sit still with them closed. Now we will share our impressions with each other. To do this, we will create groups of 4 people. Try to have mostly those in the same group with you with whom you have not yet worked in a small group.” After the groups have formed, the trainer continues the instructions: “Now everyone will take turns talking about their impressions, about the images, experiences, states that they had during our “walk”, and the rest will listen carefully to the storyteller, without asking questions, without commenting or interpreting what you hear. Try to catch those moments when you stop listening. Spend approximately 3–4 minutes on each story.” After completing the group work, the trainer offers to return to the circle and share their impressions this time about working in small groups. In particular, you can ask the question: “At what points did you stop listening?” When answering this question, group members usually say the following: “I got distracted by my own thoughts when I started comparing what the other person was saying with my own experience”; “At some point an association arose, and I began to think about it”; “I disagreed with what I heard, and at that moment I got distracted”; “At some point, I began to think about what I would say myself and stopped listening,” etc. Summing up the discussion, the trainer has the opportunity to once again draw the participants’ attention to how important it is to be able to listen to another person. 2. The exercise is carried out in small groups - “triples”. Instructions: “During the exercise, two people talk, the third acts as a “controller.” Three conversations will be held: each will talk to each other and each will take turns acting as a controller. One conversation is designed for 8 - 10 minutes. I will keep track of the time and tell you when to switch roles. When talking in pairs, follow the following rule: before expressing your opinion on the issue under discussion, you must repeat what the interlocutor said. Repetition can begin with the words: “You think...”, “You say...”. The controller monitors compliance with this rule and has the right to intervene in the conversation when those talking forget to follow it.” The topic for conversation is suggested by the trainer and depends on the composition of the group. For example, in a group of managers, you can propose the following topic: “Select the three most important qualities that a manager must have to work successfully.” After completing the exercise, it is advisable to discuss the following question in the group: “How did the repetition of the interlocutor’s words influence the conversation.” As a rule, during the discussion the following ideas are expressed:

• this allowed me to check whether I understood the interlocutor correctly;
• made it possible not to deviate from the topic of discussion, to stay in the “track” of the discussion, to talk about the same thing;
• in the process of repetition, the interlocutor’s words were comprehended;
• made it possible to better remember what the interlocutor said;
• improved emotional contact (it’s nice to make sure that you are heard and understood);
• listening to your words as presented by another, you begin to understand yourself better, notice new aspects of the problem being discussed, etc.

Exercise 3 is done in pairs. Instructions: “Now each of you will receive a card (the coach hands out cards with text). Please note: on each card the text is divided into three parts: the first part is devoted to a general description of the situation, and it is read before the conversation begins. The role that the participant - the card holder - will play is emphasized here. The second part of the text contains what you will openly say to your interlocutor, and the third part of the text sets out the true reason for the participant’s behavior in a situation that he is not ready to immediately openly express. The task of the second participant, taking on another role indicated on the card, is to understand the true position of the interlocutor. At the same time, he must use clarification, retelling, further development of the interlocutor’s thoughts, reporting about his state and the state of the interlocutor. Once again I draw your attention to the task: you do not need to solve the problem of your interlocutor, you just need to understand what the matter is. During the work, you will have two conversations: first, one of the pair members will understand the problem of the other, then vice versa.” During the exercise, the trainer can approach each of the pairs in turn and, if necessary, make adjustments to the actions of the one who, using the listed techniques, must understand the interlocutor. After completing the exercise, you can invite participants to exchange ideas about using active listening techniques in a conversation. Examples of cards: I. 1. A son (daughter) persuades his mother (father) to go to a sanatorium. The mother (father) lives with the family of the son (daughter). 2. The mother (father) refuses, saying that it will be difficult for the son’s (daughter’s) family to cope with the household and the children on their own. 3. In fact, she (he) has a new acquaintance (acquaintance), with whom she (he) would not like to part now. II . 1. An employee comes to the head of the department and says that he wants to quit. 2. He says that he has found a job closer to home and will be able to devote more time to raising his children. 3. In fact, he believes that his work is not appreciated according to his merits, he is offended by his boss and decided to quit for this reason. 4.exercise. Participants sit in a circle. Instructions: “I will read different statements to you, but you will have to write responses, using first clarification, then retelling, and then further development of the interlocutor’s thoughts.” The nature of the statements read to the group may vary depending on its composition. For example: “Yesterday our manager again reprimanded me in the presence of my employees. It’s as if this is my first year working, and I need to explain how to distribute responsibilities in the department. I’m tired of all this, it’s high time to put an end to this hassle.” Each statement can be read three times: the first time for participants to write a response using clarification, the second time using paraphrase, and the third time to further develop the thoughts of the interlocutor. After everyone has written their answers, the coach asks each or some group members to read them out. If necessary (if the answers do not correspond to the techniques proposed for training), the trainer makes adjustments himself or involves a group. This exercise allows its participants to understand the essence of the active listening techniques proposed to them and to practice using them, which is the initial step towards developing the ability to listen to another person. 5.exercise Group members form pairs. Instructions: “Now each of the partners will take turns talking about some of their problems. The other person’s task is to understand the essence of the problem, to understand it, using only certain communication techniques: silent listening, clarification, retelling, further development of the interlocutor’s thoughts.” The exercise lasts an average of 30 minutes. To enhance the objectification of behavior and, as a result, increase the training effect, you can give the listening participant cards on which the names of the techniques listed in the instructions are written. Each time, before entering into a conversation, he must choose and show his interlocutor a card with the name of the technique that he is going to use. The exercise can be done in “threes”. In this case, two people talk as described above, and the third acts as a “controller”; his task is, after the first participant in the pair has spoken (i.e., the one who talks about his problem), show the second participant a card with the name of that technique , which he must use when answering the interlocutor. During the discussion, you can address the group with the following questions: “What impressions did you have during the conversation?”, “Which techniques did you use more often, which ones less often?”, “Which techniques did you find difficult to use?”, “What did using them give you?” tricks? Thus, this exercise allows class participants to realize and analyze how they manage to listen to other people, what kind of mistakes they make and why. This exercise also allows you to train your listening skills. Exercise 6 Participants sit in a circle. Instructions: “Now we will do an exercise during which we will need the rules of good listening. Please write them down (you can distribute cards with printed rules to group members). Rules for good listening: 1. Concentrate your attention completely on the interlocutor. Pay attention not only to words, but also to posture, facial expressions, and gestures.

• Check whether you understood the words of your interlocutor correctly.
• Don't give advice.
• Don't judge.

We will do the exercise in pairs. Choose as your partner one of the members of our group whom you have so far gotten to know less than others, but would like to get to know better.” The coach waits until all participants sit in pairs. “Distribute roles among yourself: one of you will be the “speaker”, and the other will be the “listener.” The task will consist of several steps (stages). Each step (stage) is timed, but you don't have to keep track of the time. Every time I will tell you what to do and when to complete the task. First, the rules of good listening are guided by the “listener.” The “speaker” can put them aside for now. So, the “speaker” tells the “listener” about his difficulties and problems in communication for 5 minutes. In doing so, he pays special attention to those qualities of his that give rise to these difficulties. The “listener” follows the rules of good listening and thereby helps the “speaker” talk about himself.” After 5 minutes the coach stops the conversation. “Now the “speaker” will have 1 minute, during which he will need to tell the “listener” what in the latter’s behavior helped him to speak openly, talk about himself, and what made this story difficult. Please take this task very seriously, because it is from you that your interlocutor can learn what in his behavior encourages other people to speak openly, to talk about themselves, and what makes such a story difficult, and it is very important for everyone to know this.” After 1 minute has passed, the trainer gives the following task: “Now the “speaker” will tell the “listener” for five minutes about his strengths in communication, about what helps him establish contacts and build relationships with people. The “listener,” while not forgetting to follow the rules of good listening, must take into account all the information that he received from the “speaker” during the previous minute.” After 5 minutes, the trainer stops the conversation and suggests moving on to the next step. In five minutes, the “listener” must repeat to the “speaker” what he understood from his two stories about himself, that is, about the difficulties and problems in communication and his strengths in communication. During these 5 minutes, the “speaker” is silent all the time and only by moving his head shows whether he agrees or not with what the “listener” is saying. If he makes a negative movement of his head as a sign that he was misunderstood, then the “listener” should correct himself until he receives confirmation of the correctness of his words. After the “listener” has said everything he remembers from the two stories of the “speaker,” the latter can say what was missed or distorted.” In the second part of the exercise, the participants in the pair change roles: the one who was the “listener” becomes the “speaker” and vice versa. All four steps of the exercise are repeated, and each time the trainer himself gives the task for the next step. During the discussion of the exercise, you can ask the group the following questions: “How did you manage to follow the proposed rules, which rules were easier to follow, which were more difficult?” “What was easier for you to talk about - about your difficulties and problems in communication or about your strengths?”, “What impression did that part of the exercise make on you when you were the “speaker”, what impact did the various actions of the “listener” have on you, How did you perceive them?” etc. This exercise, depending on how its discussion is organized, can give very varied results. The simplest way is to reflect on the listening process, as a result of which the ability to listen to another is formed, such barriers to listening as evaluation, the desire to give advice, tell something from one’s experience, etc. are realized. A more complex way is to analyze the feelings that arise during the work , in particular those that accompanied a story about difficulties and problems in communication and a story about strengths. 7. “Continue sincerely” Instructions: Everyone sits in a circle. The presenter approaches each participant in turn and asks them to pull out a card. The participant reads the text of the card aloud and tries to think as little as possible and continues the thought started in the text as sincerely as possible. And the rest, silently, decide how sincere he is. When the person finishes speaking, those who found his speech sincere will silently raise their hand. If the majority (at least one vote) recognizes the statement as sincere, then the speaker is allowed to move his chair one step deeper into the circle (convergence). Anyone whose statement is not recognized as sincere is given another attempt to “pull out” the card and continue the statement. Exchange of opinions is prohibited. Replies about what is being said are prohibited, but the speaker is allowed only one question from each. When everyone is able to speak sincerely, the presenter asks: “Each of you should exhale, then slowly take a deep breath - and hold your breath while I speak. Now, as you exhale, you need to shout out any words that come to mind, and if there are no words, make a sharp sound, anything. Forward!" After such vocal emotional “release,” people usually feel happy. Text of the statement cards:

• In the company of people of the opposite sex, I usually feel...
• I have many shortcomings. For example…
• It happened that people close to me almost caused me hatred. Once upon a time, I remember...
• I have had occasions to show cowardice. Once upon a time, I remember...
• I know my good, attractive traits. For example…
• I remember an incident when I was unbearably ashamed. I…
• What I really want is...
• I know the acute feeling of loneliness. I remember...
• Once, I was offended and hurt when my parents...
• When I first fell in love, I...
• I feel that my mother...
• I think that sex in my life...
• When I am offended, I am ready...
• It happens that I quarrel with my parents when...
• To be honest, studying at the institute was completely...
• Blank card. You need to say something sincerely on an arbitrary topic.

Reviews and comments

Do you know how to listen to your interlocutor? And is this necessary in general, because if a person wants to convey some information, he will do everything possible to do this. Share your thoughts.

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Exercises for the brain. Part two
• How to become better tomorrow
• Effective communication
• Six Key Principles of Effective Communication
• How to be interesting and find contact with any person: advice from a practitioner
• 10 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
• How to improve your listening skills
• How to become an active listener
• 6 Effective Communication Techniques
• Development of communication skills

Key words:1Profiling

Active listening - what is it?

When talking to someone, we are often not fully mentally involved in the process. Our brain is busy with abstract processes:

• strong emotional experiences;
• thinking about personal problems;
• subjective assessment of the interlocutor.

These are familiar communication scenarios that seem normal. We listen, but we don't hear! This is how a passive approach to contact with people is expressed, becoming the cause of many difficulties. Active listening is the complete opposite of how you normally communicate. This is a process of conscious interaction in which attention is focused on the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. There are no background noises in the head, and no extraneous processes (for example, assessment of appearance).

We are absorbed in the moment here and now, so we direct the conversation in the necessary direction to obtain a lot of useful information. It will not be distorted by our subjective mental filters. In addition, by learning the technique of active listening, you can send signals of interest to your interlocutor. They will become a strong foundation for fruitful relationships in the future.

Active Listening Technique: Basic Principles

No matter how eloquent the speaker may be, we can only get the most from the information presented if we learn to listen correctly. This is precisely the goal of active listening. The main factors contributing to its development:

1. Accepting the interlocutor as he is. It represents careful control of emotions and subjective assessments, which can greatly interfere with understanding what is heard.
2. Make eye contact at eye level. It consists of resisting the temptation to look at foreign objects or the clothes of the interlocutor. It's better to look into your eyes.
3. Asking questions. It represents an appropriate clarification of meaning, serving as confirmation of sincere interest in the subject of conversation.

The technique of active listening is used in psychology. Psychologists describe it as the perception of information “with the whole body.” Active listening has been scientifically proven to help us better understand people's situations. When communicating with clients, specialists use techniques for participating in dialogue that help more accurately determine their condition. Deep immersion, establishing trust, and analyzing the patient’s condition provide effective assistance. These points explain the second name for active listening - empathic.

The book “Miracles of Active Listening” will help you study more deeply the technique of establishing contact between active listening and argumentation. The author is a famous Russian scientist, popularizer of science, honored psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter. She was the first to introduce the concept of active listening into our culture, described what it includes, and how it significantly improves the quality of life.

Active Listening Techniques

Active listening techniques are different from techniques. They are based on the development of the skill of understanding the meaning of a conversation deeper than words convey. It was mentioned above that the ability to empathize plays a huge role in the successful implementation of active listening and argumentation techniques. It is this that underlies modern methods, manifesting itself at three basic levels:

1. Empathy. It consists in the manifestation of the same emotions that possess the opponent. For example, when he cries, the listener also has tears in his eyes.
2. Sympathy. It manifests itself in the form of an offer to help the interlocutor when he finds himself in a difficult situation.
3. Sympathy. Represents a persistent favorable, friendly attitude towards the speaker.

Using methods is a way to penetrate into the inner world of another person, when the conversation is not limited to words. It becomes capacious and informative, but also requires great psycho-emotional costs. Although they fully pay off in the subsequent formation of strong, trusting relationships.

The basic methods of active listening were formulated by the leader and creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rance Rogers. They are as follows:

1. Sincere, deep participation in the inner world of the speaking person.
2. Open expression of feelings.
3. Lack of characteristic roles limited to formal actions.
4. Stable fulfillment of obligations towards the interlocutor.

A special place is given to empathic silence. This method involves no comments to allow the other person to speak from the heart. But silence is accompanied by nonverbal signals that make the interlocutor feel interested in his situation and the person as a whole. They include head shakes, gestures, and facial expressions appropriately used in the communication process.

Don't get us wrong

Just don’t think under any circumstances that we are advising you to stop just listening to podcasts, watching TV series, films, commercials in the original and stop delving into the lyrics of your favorite songs. All this is useful, and most importantly – interesting (interest is the key to success in learning a language).

We simply insist that you need to improve your listening skills

, and all the procedures just listed will be, as they say, for the soul.

The pleasure of English has not been canceled!