We can talk about connections between people for a long time. What is the relationship between a man and a woman worth? Many poems have been composed on this topic, novels have been written, and songs have been invented. And psychologists are constantly trying to follow the lives of couples in romantic relationships in order to come up with the next technique for resolving conflicts and reviving faded feelings.
It is worth paying tribute to a technique called “closer-further” (“B-D”). In this article we will understand what the essence of this technique is, for whom it is applicable, and what to do if you feel that you yourself have become a victim of such influence.
“Close-far” technique: what is it?
This technique is a kind of psychological technique that involves either moving away from your partner or moving closer to him. Let's give an example. At the beginning of the relationship, the guy looks after the girl, writes and calls her every day, gives her gifts and does not ignore her literally for a minute. Agree, you get used to good things very quickly. As a result, the girl may well lose interest in the gentleman, taking his advances for granted.
To prevent this from happening, the young man suddenly begins to treat his passion rather coldly. Doesn't invite you to meetings, doesn't write SMS. Moreover, he may not even answer calls. As a rule, a girl, trying to regain her previous affection, will do everything possible: she will begin to take the initiative on her own, she will crave meetings and dates. And so, when the young man’s attention returns, her joy will know no bounds.
In general, the “closer-further” technique is a certain method of manipulating a partner. After all, when you start your game, in most cases you already know how it will end. It would seem that everything is quite simple. But how does this technique actually work?
Stage 6 - Reconciliation.
The man finally achieved what he wanted - they left him unstuck, his personal space was restored. Intimacy in relationships is extremely low.
And now the man has a subconscious fear of being abandoned. He begins to look at this relationship in a positive way. He unconsciously decides that it is better to be in this relationship than to be alone.
The man begins to show attention to the woman again. He can apologize, swear that this won’t happen again, give gifts, pour a bucket of attention on the woman’s head. He will do everything to win her again.
A woman, despite her doubts, still wants to feel loved and desired, and therefore she again lets a man into her life.
And both of them perceive separation as the worst-case scenario, so both begin to contribute to the improvement of relations.
The mechanism of operation of the “B-D” equipment
The common people have already given this mechanism a name: “to fill one’s worth.” Here we cannot do without one more small example. Imagine that you are buying an apartment. The seller shows it to you, telling you about all the advantages. You understand that this is an ideal option - it will be quite difficult to find a better one. The seller simply sees in your eyes that you are ready to pay any money for a home. Perhaps it will even inflate its cost. But don't rush. And suddenly leave, saying that you need to think about it. The seller watches with frustration as he loses a potential buyer. You can bet that they will call you back on the same day and offer you the same apartment at the old price or even give you a discount.
The same thing happens between two partners playing cat and mouse. Sometimes you need to let the person know that you can simply disappear at any moment. But we only think about the value of something when we lose it. So the “closer-farther” technique gives the feeling of losing an important person in life. I would like to note that the “B-D” method is actively used in pickup trucks. But who does technology affect more: guys or girls?
And what does the comfort zone have to do with it?
The fact is that when a person offers something new to another (a product, an idea, a service, travel options, etc.), he thereby takes him out of his usual comfort zone. Think for yourself: a person felt so good and calm in his “corner,” but then someone suggests that he change something in his familiar “territory.”
Offering something new introduces a certain amount of uncertainty, tension and risk into people's lives. Naturally, the response will be the appearance of concern, anxiety and resistance, and the person himself will not even begin to think about how good or bad what is offered to him will be for him - in most cases he will simply begin to refuse.
And this is where the main advantages of the “Choice without Choice” technique appear, which include not only the opportunity for a person to remain in a comfort zone, feeling the usual calm and security, but also certain restrictions.
In order for a person to decide to change something, to begin to progress and develop, he must overcome his discomfort, because this is the only way to achieve new results and come to something that did not exist before. And the alternative questions present in the “Choice without Choice” technique help a person to get out of his comfort zone and overcome his own fears.
The “Choice without choice” technique involves offering several ready-made options, thanks to which a person automatically begins to reason in a given direction, as if “jumping” over the stage of his own choice, where he will decide whether to do something or not. Thus, it becomes much easier for a person to understand his plans, find time for the person asking the question in his schedule and make a new decision.
It follows that the “Choice without Choice” technique activates automatic behavior when the initiator of the question gets what he needs, and it is extremely easy for the addressee to make a decision.
But any self-respecting person should know not only how to use this technique and how it works, but also how to protect himself from it.
On whom does the “closer-farther” technique have a stronger effect?
Here the opinions of psychologists categorically differ. Some say that the technique was originally inherent in a woman’s head, which is why it is used in most cases by the fair sex. Moreover, they do this unconsciously: it is simply in their genes to play with the chosen one, sometimes letting him in, sometimes moving away.
Others insist that such behavior is typical of men. They say that they, being hunters by nature, retreat when they realize that the victim is already on the hook. Then they become no longer interested, and they begin to conquer another object. We can say that such manipulation works with almost all people. However, there are nuances to using the technique for both girls and boys.
Relationships between loved ones
Is the attention we give to people important? There are quite a few moral and ethical problems in the sphere of close relationships. After all, some remain helpless in various situations, deprived of sympathy even from relatives. These aspects are very modern and of paramount importance
Studying relationships with loved ones, as well as connections that have developed in teams and society, science identifies a number of concepts and characteristics
These aspects are very modern and of paramount importance. Studying relationships with loved ones, as well as connections that have developed in teams and society, science identifies a number of concepts and characteristics
Classification of relationships and degree of intimacy
Close relationships occur according to a certain program of behavior adopted between two or more people. All interactions are classified by direction and goals. Natural, social, personal types of connections and contacts are known. Their emotional type is also distinguished. It occurs during types of communication, including close relationships. And those are good, bad and neutral according to the nature of contacts.
There are several following levels or degrees, reflecting how close a relationship can develop.
- Acquaintance, communication planning.
- Friendship is a moderate rapprochement in which secrets are not exchanged.
- Partnership with joint affairs, trust.
- Friendship in which the nature of the relationship is harmonious and there are joint activities.
- Love with openness and compromise, willingness to create a marriage.
In large and small teams, similar relationships also develop. At the same time, close unions usually include interaction between the sexes, family (between husband and wife), and family contacts.
Close relationships between the sexes
A man and a woman go through stages from dating to love and marriage, not necessarily all levels. Romantic relationships are also divided into types. 1. Development, joint desire, common activity, which is usually used by rationalists. 2. Absolute and comfortable mutual understanding, based on the desire to be close. 3. Relationships of convenience, when one of the partners or both are pursuing benefits. 4. The experimental nature of the relationship includes attempts by one partner to change the other to suit their convenience. 5. Prolonged intimacy is not a pleasant relationship. Quarrels and disagreements are frequent.
Between husband and wife
Marital ties, as close relationships, are divided by psychologists into the following types.
- One of the marriage partners portrays the child (usually a weak-willed person), and the second takes care of him and controls his actions.
- Mutual dependence: marriage partners from time to time appear as one of the performers of the roles: savior, victim, pursuer (Karpman triangle).
- A merger of partners in which one of the spouses completely subjugates the other, who agrees to part with his personality.
- Forced relationships based on some form of violence. The dependence in this case is large.
- Disconnected ties, spouses are separated from each other, going about their lives.
- Kindred like brother and sister with intersecting views and interests.
- Partnership contacts represent a balanced marriage.
"B-D" for girls
The “closer-further” technique often becomes a lifesaver for girls. It allows you to stir up unprecedented interest in yourself. As mentioned earlier, a man always likes to play the role of a conqueror. It is much more difficult for a young lady to play such a game. After all, it was originally laid down in the genes that she should not take the initiative, but only accept signs of attention.
At first, a woman can fully reciprocate, be open in conversation and do everything so that the chosen one understands that she is disposed towards him. Then the girl introduces a certain chill into the relationship, not always agreeing to come to the meeting. In addition, she can make it clear that besides this guy, she has other gentlemen in her life. The “closer-further” technique with a man works in a similar way, but there are nuances here too.
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Technique: “Closer-further”, how to use it correctly?
This technique is one of the most famous and effective ways to achieve favor with the object of adoration. From time immemorial, it has been unconsciously used by the female half of humanity, but this does not mean that this technique cannot be used against them. To begin with, I want to give the following life analogy.
“Closer and further” is also a kind of bargaining. Bargaining in which one person tries to sell himself for more, and the other tries to spend as little money as possible when purchasing. Unfortunately, in intergender relationships, women mainly play the role of sellers, and men - buyers. Many pages of text could be spent discussing why this happens. In this article I will not pay much attention to this issue, but will only note the main reason. A woman acts as a giver, first of all, because her maternal instinct comes first in importance, while a man’s is sexual (you can read more about this in the article “Why are we so different”). It is this fact that stimulates women to subconsciously use the “Closer-further” technique in communicating with men.
The concept of “closer-further” consists of the following three stages:
1) Person A pays a lot of time and attention to person B and/or looks after him and/or flirts with him and/or gives him positive emotions, etc. (CLOSER).
2) Person A stops paying time and attention to person B and/or begins to treat him negatively and/or ignores his company in every possible way and/or accuses him of something, etc. (FURTHER)
3) Return to point 1.
That is, the meaning of the “Closer-Farther” technique is a periodic unexpected change in the attitude of one person to another to almost the opposite. It is easy to trace the analogy with bargaining. As person A pays more and more attention to person B, his value in the eyes of person B decreases because he becomes easily accessible and B does not have to make any effort to be able to communicate with A
When person A becomes difficult to reach, when B has to compete for attention from A, then the value of person A for B increases significantly. It is known from economics that the value of any product is determined either by its rarity, or its labor intensity, or both.
Women's natural “Closer-further” most often consists of the following. A woman actively flirts with a man, directly and indirectly shows him all the physical delights of her body, hints at sexual intercourse, and willingly allows him to touch her furniture. But when a man expresses a desire to have sex with her, she either says that she needs to wait a little longer, or, what is much worse, accuses him of being a lustful animal and not treating her like a person. There are many variations of this model, but the essence is always the same: a woman gains her worth with the help of hidden lies.
"B-D" for guys
A man must understand that the “closer-further” technique is a pendulum for girls. Here your task is to first give the young lady what she needs. And we are not talking about the material side. It talks about compliments, attention, help and support in all endeavors, care, affection, guardianship. And every representative of the fair sex needs this, no matter how cold and self-sufficient she may seem at first glance.
Then, when you retreat, she will miss the emotions and feelings that she experienced with you. Therefore, the woman herself will begin to look for meetings. But no matter how similar we are as people, there are clear conditions within which the “closer-farther” technique produces positive results.
Using NLP for seduction or the art of pickup
Using NLP for seduction or the art of pickup
Neurolinguistic programming can help a person not only in the professional field, but also in his personal life. Today there are a whole lot of effective NLP techniques for men
, which are capable of turning representatives of the stronger sex into real pickup truck masters. These unique techniques allow you to overcome uncertainty and once and for all forget about failures when meeting girls. They teach men how to make sure-fire proposals and make the best impression on women, winning the affection, sympathy and love of the fair sex.
The secret of the effectiveness of NLP programming techniques used for seduction is that, unlike other pickup methods, they involve influencing the subconscious of girls
These techniques work unnoticed and, just as importantly, very quickly.
The victim of an NLP pickup does not even suspect that they are trying to influence her (if she herself does not know the techniques of neurolinguistic programming). This allows you to avoid resistance on her part, which simplifies the seducer’s task as much as possible.
Mandatory conditions for B-D equipment
The first prerequisite is that your partner cares. The main thing is not to have illusions and adequately assess the other person’s attitude towards you. You can endlessly win, lose, and think whatever you want, and your significant other won't even know you're having fun.
So, if a young man shows attention to a girl, and she accepts him, he may think that he is now at the “closer” stage. Then, having turned on that “further”, he temporarily stops communication and waits for the lady’s initiative. But the expectations turn out to be in vain - she doesn’t remember the guy. The girl was simply pleased to receive signs of attention from the young man, but she did not agree to more. And when the gentleman suddenly disappeared, she only sighed with relief. Like, there’s one less annoying suitor.
Before you move on to the "further" stage, make sure you've spent enough time in the "closer" stage to hook your partner. Sometimes a few dates are not enough to make the other person feel something. Courtship at the “closer” stage can last a considerable period. It should be enough to melt the heart of the chosen one.
According to many people, the B-D technique is considered cruel manipulation towards another person. They believe that only avid pick-up artists do this, who strive to break as many hearts as possible. But, despite such skeptical opinions, sometimes this technique can help save relationships and even families.
Indirect hidden influence
This is a hidden influence towards another person. Here you are not giving the person direct direction (as opposed to direct influence).
There are 5 stages:
Capturing attention. Hidden influence also has no meaning without capturing attention. Distraction
You drew attention to yourself, and then transferred it to something else. That is, you redirect the interlocutor’s attention in a direction that is not related to your real goal
For example, it could be a completely unrelated question, holding out an object, shaking off a speck of dust from clothing, a non-standard thought or a joke. Those. anything that will distract the interlocutor. Hidden influence technique. There may be several techniques. Distraction. We repeat the distraction stage. Expectation. We are waiting for the person's reaction. The wait may take a long time - it depends on your interlocutor.
In hidden influence there is no clear certainty of the result. As a rule, to make a complex change in the interlocutor’s behavior, you need to do several manipulations and techniques.
For hidden influence to work, it must fall into a person’s unconscious thinking. Those. if you made a direct instruction, the person will notice it; and you need the influence to get into the unconscious mind (this is why 2 distractions are made).
Gradually, you will learn to insert all these influence techniques as background in your speech. You will not need to go through all these 5 stages sequentially. Just by talking to a person, you will integrate everything you need on autopilot.
Conclusion: Essentially, we throw an idea into the unconscious of our interlocutor. And the deeper we throw it, the better it will work. Then your indirect influence will go into the background. Those. you will master the techniques of “stuffing”, and will continue to build hidden influence into the natural background of communication with your interlocutor.
“Closer-further” technique in relationships
As a rule, all relationships begin with a “candy-bouquet” period. Everything seems sublime and beautiful. You expect it to always be this way. Often women come to this thought. The man plays the role of the hunter. And he thinks that he can completely relax when his beloved is nearby. He believes that now it is the girl’s turn to contribute to the relationship. The problem is that a man cannot always stop. And the period when he acts as a “recipient” is prolonged. He doesn’t see when he needs to fuel a woman’s interest in him, so he can lose her.
But it happens when everything happens the other way around. A man extols a woman, in his eyes she is a goddess. Soon his chosen one believes that such behavior is the norm. The young lady will want more, and will not value what she already has. That’s when the “closer-further” technique comes in handy. Crazy tricks, original techniques that cause the lady to experience a pleasant shock, work in this case too.
“B-D” in this case will make it clear to the partner what he can lose and will help him realize the value of the relationship. As soon as one of the members of the couple stops performing the usual functions, the other will immediately feel it. After all, as they say, it is not always obvious when we do something for someone. It becomes noticeable when we stop doing this.
Stage 4 - Repulsion.
The woman, in the grip of her fear of abandonment, now begins to run after the retreating man.
She actively seeks his company and attention.
But a man wants the diametrically opposite - he wants to be alone, to regain his former personal space, which, as it seems to him, is being stolen from him.
Because of this, he begins to push the woman away from him, moving even further away.
Like magnets with one pole facing each other, these two people begin to repel each other the more strongly the closer they are to each other.
The longer this happens, the more clingy a woman seems to a man. This relationship begins to choke the man. He begins to show passive aggression - plays the silent game, criticizes, accuses.
Possible risks of the “operation”
Before moving away from your chosen one, you need to be ready to leave forever, no matter how sad it may sound. It happens that it is in the “further” phase that the partner realizes that your relationship was a mistake - he is even better off without you. This is the other side of the coin, which is present in every psychological technique.
But you shouldn’t be afraid of such an outcome. Think about it: is it worth holding on to something that is leaving you? Perhaps everything is for the better, and you are still destined for happiness with another person? Now that you know about this method, you understand how to counter the near-far technique, or use it only with good intentions.
Features of self-defense on the street
The street is not a gym, and compliance with sports and moral rules is not provided here. Almost always any street fight is a fight without rules. Also on the street there is a factor of surprise: a criminal can attack at any time and from anywhere. The stake here is on fear and shock, in which it is difficult to take any adequate action. When walking or going somewhere, you should always keep in mind that an unforeseen extreme situation may arise in which you will have to defend yourself. Of course, there is no need to be paranoid, but you should always and everywhere critically evaluate the situation. The advantage is that when attacked on the street, the defender has many options: from running away to using a wide variety of techniques.
