You want to hear only good words from your loved one. You want to be sure that no matter what happens around you, your home is the place where you will be supported and understood. But, unfortunately, sometimes the husband says that he doesn’t love or the feelings have passed. How to react?
You can react in different ways. But it is imperative to take into account the character of the husband and the circumstances under which these words came out of him. If your husband says them during any quarrel, then you quickly get used to them and stop noticing them. But hearing this for the first time hurts.
Threat during an argument
In the heat of a quarrel, emotions run high. You really want to hurt your opponent, make him feel more painful. Why not threaten to leave and say that there is no more love?
At the beginning, it’s hard to hear your husband say that he doesn’t love you. But if the husband threatens in this way at every opportunity, then his words are worthless. Doesn't love, but doesn't leave the family? Throws words to the wind. And such an act is not worthy of a real man.
There are two ways to proceed. Firstly, when you both cool down after yet another showdown, talk to your husband and explain that it hurts you to hear this. After all, in fact, you love and value each other.
Most likely, you will not notice improvements immediately. Any work on yourself requires time and work on yourself. If your husband is not ready for such difficulties for your sake, then you can use the second method. He will explain to his husband more clearly that empty threats are fraught with consequences.
The second method is based on the fact that you must take him at his word right during a quarrel. Has your husband said that he doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t want to live with you? Take out your suitcase and start packing your things. Just don't get carried away with the process of collecting things. Watch your husband's reaction carefully. If the husband is scared or nervous, then he is bluffing. He is trying to manipulate you so that you are constantly afraid that you might lose him.
In this case, he is driven by internal complexes, he is not confident in himself. Otherwise, why would a self-sufficient person throw words to the wind?
A psychologist can help you by finding out what is the reason for your husband’s lack of self-confidence. You, of course, can figure out his feelings on your own, but this is a long and complex process that requires complete trust in each other and an investment of mental strength.
If your husband is not ready to change for you, then again you have two ways out of this situation: either stop noticing these words and come to terms with them, or leave him.
My husband really doesn't like me
Your husband does not throw words into the wind; these words were spoken in a calm tone and quiet voice. And this makes them even scarier. If he said so, then it really is so. But what if you are not ready to lose him?
Love is a very complex and multifaceted feeling. Very often it is confused with falling in love, and as you know, it goes away on average within 1-3 years of a relationship.
Marriage crisis
Perhaps you are simply experiencing a temporary crisis when one form of love transforms into another. And during this crisis, your husband, like you, by the way, may feel that he doesn’t love you. Therefore, let’s put aside the panic about “my dear husband doesn’t love me and doesn’t appreciate me” for now, and give ourselves time to think.
What is love anyway and what is it based on? At the beginning of the relationship, he noticed your appearance, character traits that are visible, your voice, laughter, facial expressions and gestures. Then he gets used to them and either accepts them, or they begin to irritate him. Since he is with you, he has accepted you. He got to know you better, knows who you really are.
When you start living together, he overestimates you. Now you are the mistress of your common home. You clean, cook, keep the home comfortable. And the longer you are together, the better you get to know each other. There are more reasons to be together, to love and respect each other.
But before he appreciates you as a mistress, a transformation of his feelings must occur. If before this he had only seen a stylishly dressed bright girl, now it is unusual to see you in home clothes without makeup. And it seems that you are not the girl he fell in love with. And during this period it may seem that your husband does not love you.
Such periods are considered to be crises of relationships. This is a completely normal phenomenon. After all, your feelings transform over time, you also overestimate your man.
Couples who live together for a long time can hardly boast of animal passion in their relationship. But they love each other. In their case, love is a combination of gratitude, respect, falling in love, and acceptance of a partner.
So don't worry about wondering, "why does he say he doesn't love me?" If this is a crisis, then when it passes, your man will probably apologize to you and appreciate your wisdom and endurance. After all, not everyone is able to see true feelings behind idle words.
During a crisis, be restrained. As long as he doesn't leave the family, you can fix everything. Contact a psychologist or try to improve your relationship on your own. But in any case, you will need restraint and patience. When this stage is over, your husband will definitely appreciate you.
He fell in love with someone else
Perhaps your husband said that so that you would let him go. If he has found a lover and fallen in love with her, then under the influence of emotions and hormones he can commit rash acts.
What should you do in such a situation? Listen to yourself, your feelings, your intuition. You know your husband better than anyone else. And it's up to you to decide whether you can forgive the betrayal. After all, without sincere forgiveness it is impossible to restore a relationship.
If the husband admitted to cheating, then most likely he plans to leave the family. In this case, it is better not to keep him by blackmail or threats. You won't be nice by force.
He's tired
Fatigue and especially chronic fatigue force any body to go into energy saving mode. You've probably noticed that when you're tired, you don't want to go to the cinema, or to the museum, or anywhere. Just to get home and lie down in my own bed.
In addition to physical fatigue, there is also emotional fatigue. Psychologists even highlight emotional burnout. This condition is characterized by the fact that a person seems to lose the ability to feel, rejoice, and experience emotions. In their place, a void appears, which sucks them into itself like a black hole.
This is a dangerous condition in which a person commits fatal acts. Most often, young mothers face this problem. It’s difficult with babies: the mother puts her whole soul into caring for him, but does not receive emotional return. The baby smiles when he poops, not at his mother personally. Of course, he will smile, and hug, and say that he loves you very much, but this will be a little later. While mom creates her “emotional investment.”
This is a pretty clear example. But a man can be brought to this state in a few months. Did he give flowers for no reason? Start a scandal. What if he’s trying to make amends for his guilt? Does he share problems with you? Honk back and look solely at the phone. In general, if you do not give your husband emotional feedback, then his reserves of emotions will quickly deplete. He will stop feeling anything for you. It is much more pleasant to talk with friends and colleagues who at least pretend that they are interested.
He is tired and empty. And even if the husband said that he does not love, this does not mean that the family is destroyed. Perhaps he needs rest and your attention. You don't have to start talking a lot right away. You can start with warm hugs and short conversations.
And he could also be tired of constant scandals and reproaches. If it’s hard for you, if you’re tired, then it’s better to admit it honestly. If you don't have the strength to wash the floor, then leave it as is. Tell your husband that you are tired, you have no strength. Maybe he will wash all the floors of the house himself. This is better than making a scandal for him because he trampled with his boots on the floor that had just been washed with heroic efforts.
You can also get tired of the constant chaos and your wife’s unkempt appearance. If you don't have enough time to do everything at once, then prioritize and make a schedule. You don't have to be a super model every day, but you shouldn't let yourself go either. And the house doesn’t necessarily have to be in order, like in the operating room, but piles of things don’t inspire anyone to be happy.
What negative factors accompany this?
- Precarious financial situation. Alas, money matters, no matter how much our whole nature resists it. In fact, of course, what matters is not the banknotes themselves with which our wallet is filled, but the feeling of confidence in the future with which they are associated. And it is quite reasonable that she places special hopes in this area on her beloved husband. After all, he has been a breadwinner from time immemorial, isn’t he? If for some reason these hopes are not justified, then the precarious financial situation of the family union also results in emotional instability.
- Quarreling. Everyone sorts things out. But every quarrel leaves behind scars on the heart. This is, of course, a beautiful metaphor, but it explains well the fact why love is slowly but surely giving way to indifference.
- Routine. By painting your life in gray colors, you are thereby painting over those bright feelings that once motivated you when you got married. Of course, even the most sublime feelings tend to fall down over time, but boring, gray life seriously speeds up this process.
- Cheating or jealousy. Often many people interpret jealousy as one of the manifestations of love, but in reality it only successfully kills it. As well as betrayal: it is difficult after its discovery to look at a person with the same sincere and tender gaze.
How to understand that love has passed?
Sometimes awareness of your feelings and emotions occurs late. This is especially true for couples who have been married for a long time. Habits have already developed, which, according to the classic, are “more valuable than happiness.” How to understand that your husband no longer loves you? There are certain signs:
- he is no longer interested in your opinion, he doesn’t care what you think about anything;
- he generally avoids conversations even on neutral topics;
- you have lost common topics for conversation, you no longer laugh at jokes that only you two understand;
- Now everyone has a protected personal space, passwords in their phones and calls to friends are now made only while in another room;
- my husband said he doesn't love me. And he repeats this with or without reason;
- he does not fulfill agreements, you even get the feeling that he is unreliable, you rely only on your own strength;
- he is annoyed by your actions, you wash cups incorrectly, hang towels incorrectly. If pedantry was not characteristic of the husband before, then this is an alarming sign;
- during quarrels, he does not watch his words, hits the patient, humiliates you;
- you no longer hug, you even watch TV in the evenings at arm’s length from each other;
- when resolving any issue, he puts his interests first, and may even neglect his wife’s interests;
- he makes important decisions without you; when he talks about plans for the future, he says “I” much more often than “we”.
Unfortunately, the statistics are that many families live this way. They just live together, run a joint household, tolerate each other because they are not confident in themselves.
If most of the criteria above describe your relationship, then it's up to you to decide whether to take action. As long as you are together, you have the power to return love. And may your husband love you so much that not a single force in the world can interfere with your happiness.
Signs of lost love
Are there clear signs that will indicate that the husband has grown cold? Yes, these include the following:
- offensive language towards the spouse;
- showing dissatisfaction with the appearance and behavior of the wife in order to offend her;
- ridicule in the company of acquaintances and friends;
- blackmail, screams, threats;
- physical violence, beating.
A man who uses physical and psychological violence and raises his hand is unlikely to love his chosen one. He can find a thousand excuses for his actions and swear his love until the grave, but such a union does not have a happy future. It is worth carefully weighing all the pros and cons of such a marriage before continuing to live with your husband.
