The topic of trust in relationships with a loved one occupies an important place in the lives of each of us. After all, what we all really lack in life today is trust, sincerity and understanding. And yet, what should everyone do in a relationship so that their loved one trusts us?
“ The man doesn’t trust me ,” says the woman, and cannot find the answer to the question of why, when entering into a relationship with him, she is faced with mistrust.
In the phrase “ a man doesn’t trust me ” one hears a woman’s claim to a man, often based on pride and female pride. It is also interesting that a woman often does not admit that she herself does not trust a man, since she simply does not see it in herself. Although outbursts of jealousy, checking mobile messages, monitoring emails and checking the pockets of a man’s jacket clearly indicate mistrust towards the man. Unfortunately, both men and women are distrustful by nature.
In this article, we will look into this issue, but first I will touch on the very concept of trust.
What is trust and where does it come from in life and relationships?
Trust is a fundamental feeling and is an indispensable condition for human life on earth. Trust is a guarantee of the quality of any relationship, and it does not matter whether it is a person’s relationship with himself, other people, or a person’s relationship with his own life and destiny.
Each person has his own degree of trust; it is formed in childhood and is reinforced by life experience throughout life. The modern world of illusions and the substitution of life values have developed in many people a fear of life, serious relationships, and family values. People today are afraid to let such important concepts into their lives as: fidelity, decency, trust, empathy, responsibility, spiritual purity and chastity.
But it is important to remember that trust is a mutual feeling, and a person cannot trust if he does not feel it in return.
Let’s look at this topic using examples from the lives of several of my clients who approached me with requests to help them understand the reason for a man’s distrust of them.
During the consultations, we analyzed their behavior and the man’s response to them. The goal of our work with them was for clients to learn to understand their men, feel their inner world, be aware of their needs, ask themselves questions correctly, and, answering them, put them into practice with benefit.
He's been betrayed before.
If a person really loves, then it is very difficult for him to survive betrayal. Especially if the partner had a long and serious relationship. If a man is too suspicious, he will not be able to get rid of the idea that he has been betrayed over the next few years.
Here you can directly ask what you can do to gain his trust. In such a situation, the girl must make every effort to help the man forget about what happened. It will become easier for your partner if he sees that you do not devalue his fear.
After a frank conversation, it will be easy to develop a strategy for your relationship.
“Why doesn’t a man trust me?” — question from a client for working on herself
If a man doesn’t trust me, then obviously I’m behaving incorrectly, and I have to reconsider a lot in my own thoughts and behavior, re-evaluate my view of the current relationship and my role in it. What mistakes am I making today, since my husband doesn’t trust me ?
During the consultation, the client said that at the time she met her current man, she was already in a relationship with another man, with whom she had just come that day to the party where their first meeting took place.
Today, remembering and analyzing that situation, the client says: “ The man doesn’t trust me because I used to behave defiantly and liked to attract the attention of other men.” He probably thinks that I still behave this way, so he doesn’t trust me and doesn’t let me go anywhere with my friends.
Let's look at common women's mistakes in relationships with men.
For what reasons do they usually lose the trust of a husband or wife?
The most common reasons for losing the trust of a loved one include:
- treason and betrayal. Moreover, betrayal is not only physical. For example, if you publicly insult or ridicule your loved one, this can also be called cheating, and trust then begins to fade;
Cheating is a common cause of loss of trust in a loved one, and much more often it is moral than physical.
- lie. Deception and trust are incompatible concepts. The more often you deceive your loved one, the less he will trust you;
- understatement. Hiding some facts sometimes hurts no less than lying.
The first stage of building relationships, getting to know each other
As a female psychologist and a woman, I know that the world of female nature is rich in the expression of feelings. Women are very emotional. But, in the first stages of a relationship, it is important for a woman to maintain chastity in a relationship. We are talking about two things here. A woman values inner spiritual purity, through which she perceives the world around her and the man in it. A woman should choose a man, evaluate his masculine qualities, and not twist her soul in front of the first person she meets. A woman must keep a riddle within herself, which she will eventually offer to solve only to one man worthy of her feminine value. The second important point of a trusting relationship is the chastity of the female body and giving it to the man.
In our crazy age of fast-growing relationships, many couples manage to go through all the stages of a relationship in a few days, without stopping at all at the first fundamental level of the emergence of a pure relationship. Before people know it, they have already formed a family and had children.
Lack of responsibility and extreme human carelessness over time lead people to the rapid emergence of problems in relationships and a timely cooling of feelings.
In what situations is it very difficult or impossible to regain trust?
Unfortunately, there are situations when it is very difficult or impossible to regain the trust of a loved one:
- if the relationship between people was on the verge of breaking, and betrayal or another incident simply became a catalyst;
- if the “injured” party is unable to forgive;
- if this is not the first time you lied or cheated on your loved one.
It will be impossible to regain trust if the relationship has outlived its usefulness even before the betrayal, and trust and intimacy were built on habit. Also, everything depends on the characterological and personal characteristics of one of the partners (religious upbringing, low self-esteem, etc.).
Vasily Shevlyakov, sexologist. psychotherapist
https://www.intex-press.by/2018/02/02/otnosheniya-kak-vernut-doverie-partnera-posle-izmeny/
It is also impossible to regain the trust of a loved one if only the guilty party is involved in the process. This situation can happen if the offended partner is completely disappointed in his significant other. Reconciliation is only possible if both parties are willing to restore the relationship.
Restoring trust is a mutual process. If both partners are committed to doing this, then it is possible. Not “how to regain your trust,” but “what should we do with our relationships in which it has been lost.” And what is important here is the quality that arises only with mutual movement towards each other: sincerity.
Ilya Latypov, Gestalt therapist
https://www.psychologies.ru/standpoint/kak-vernut-doverie/
Second period of relationship building, courtship and choice
Can a woman accept advances from different men? Yes, as long as a woman chooses a worthy man, she can accept the advances of several men at the same time. Courtship means communication and spending time together: going to a cafe or theater, or going for a walk. During this period of courtship, a woman pays attention to the man’s behavior, manners, upbringing and attitude towards herself as a woman. At this stage of a relationship, a woman should not immediately give herself to everyone who treats her to a cup of coffee. Otherwise, the price of such coffee is very expensive.
To further expand on the topic of the article, I will once again use an example from the life of one of my clients.
The client admitted that she has a passion for luxury and expensive jewelry, and this passion prevents her from building relationships with men. Remembering her wealthy boyfriend, she said: the man does not trust me and my sincerity in love. He thinks that I am more interested in clothes, new luxury goods, jewelry, but not in himself.
As a female psychologist and a woman, I explain to my clients the importance of appreciating the masculinity in a man.
Let me give you another example from the practice of one of my clients. She said: the man doesn't trust me . She could not accept and understand why she could no longer accept the advances of other men. What's wrong if I just go out with a friend? The man doesn't trust me and wants to limit my freedom. I am a woman and I need the admiration and compliments of men, let him not think that no one likes me.
This example speaks of a woman’s lack of self-confidence. A woman is trying to convince herself that she is confident in herself as a woman. Otherwise, why does she need confirmation of her beauty from all the men around her?
As a female psychologist, I will give a recommendation to women: do not have the habit of comparing your man with others, admiring him, and citing other men as an example. This behavior will push a man away from you, and he will find someone for whom he will be the best. Remember that accepting advances from other men is unacceptable when you are married or in a relationship.
Let me give you another example of a situation that arose in one married couple.
How could it happen that a man does not trust me and is jealous of my colleague?
This married couple had been living together for 6 years, and they worked in the same company. One day, the cause of the conflict was office gossip that followed a corporate party, at which, for some unknown reason, only the wife was present. The husband felt ill and left the party early. And his wife, at the request of her boss, stayed at the party to discuss some work issues.
As a women's psychologist, I recommend that married women, in order to avoid conflict with their husbands, not attend such events without their husbands, remaining in the company of other men.
The man does not trust me , believing that I had a pleasant time in the company of other men. I only now understand what he felt inside and how he was worried.
The client asked to help her regain the man's trust . My man doesn't trust me anymore ? At first he began to be jealous of me, then to control me, and now he stopped trusting me altogether. It seems to me that he has lost interest in me.
Living together under one roof forces many to reconsider their views on family.
“I don’t believe in hiring, I believe in firing”
Since 2012, one of the founders and manager of amoCRM, Mikhail Tokovinin, has been selling cloud software to businesses for analyzing and improving sales. Initially, the entrepreneur set out to conquer not only Russian but also foreign markets. Things were going well for him at home. Four years after its founding, the controlling stake in the company was bought by 1C Corporation, at which time amoCRM was valued at 1.5-2 billion rubles. But the attempt to enter the North American market ended in failure. But Tokovinin does not give up and now sets his sights on Latin American countries. Having conquered them, he will again try to conquer the USA.
Ideonomics spoke with Tokovinin about scenarios for entering the markets of other countries, whether remote work is really effective, what lessons from mistakes made help build a team, and why pride sometimes gives an entrepreneur a chance for a successful business.
“Business grows not because of your efforts, but in spite of your mistakes”
Have you never worked for hire?
Have worked! Yes, I had my first businesses, from school until I was 21 – there were five or six of them, and all of them were misunderstandings. At the same time, I worked part-time in a photo laboratory as a system administrator, and then by chance I ended up as a manager of a video rental chain, where I worked for two years as the general director.
So you had management experience early in your career?
Yes, I had 70 people subordinate to me, who for some reason were entrusted to me, a 21-year-old guy. Accidentally. I ruled there for two years, I broke everything, the business went bankrupt. And with a clear conscience he opened his first company.
Plus, the video rental store went bankrupt because, as you said, this niche was rapidly decreasing...
Both. The situation was unfortunate, but this is also a question of the quality of management. When a business grows, every fool can handle it. And when business declines, the demands on managers increase many times over. Doesn't mean it's impossible, but it's very difficult. And I, a 21-year-old, very inexperienced person, have more than experienced what it’s like to manage a difficult, no longer growing business.
It's probably good that you had this experience at the very beginning?
I believe he played a key role in the subsequent success. Basically, it was a fantastic management school, especially because the market was going down. When the market goes up, you don't get any lessons for free.
What are the three main lessons you learned?
The first conclusion: business grows not thanks to your efforts, but in spite of your mistakes. You should always choose a niche that is growing, where you can afford to mess around, but it will still grow. Choosing a niche is the cornerstone.
Secondly, if you happen to be in a working system, then don’t touch anything for at least six months. My big mistake was that I started positive reforms. Before reforming, we need to understand how it works. Any system works on complex connections, established relationships. Until you figure everything out, you can’t touch anything. When joining a new company, a good CEO should not do anything at all for the first six months, but just sit and watch why it works and how it turned out that way.
The third conclusion: it is impossible to motivate people; you need to hire motivated ones. My task was to make the cashiers say: “Thank you, come to us again.” I spent a year trying to do this, but I couldn’t do it. The solution to this problem is not to force employees to say “Thank you, come to us again,” but to hire those who themselves say “Thank you, come to us again.” We are not a secondary educational school, “to improve all children in mathematics.” Business is much more like a sports team, where your task is to initially find those who are suitable, select them and develop them. Many businessmen don’t understand this, they argue that they need to pull everyone in, create a motivation system, KPIs.
For several years after the deal with 1C, you have been sitting on two chairs: on the one hand, you are an entrepreneur, but on the other, you are a manager.
No matter how many shares of the company you have, you are always a shareholder, and the second role is that of a manager. Moreover, if you also prepare financial statements, then you are also an accountant. I have always been a manager, I remain one and it doesn’t matter what my share is.
Do you have to act as a manager?
An entrepreneur is not someone who does as he wants. Moreover, I am very fortunate that I have never had 100% in any business; I have always been able to work in the interests of shareholders. This makes an entrepreneur very strong if he knows how to find and develop common interests with shareholders, and sometimes look at the situation from the shareholders’ side and respect their interests.
What are the features of management in your company, and how did you come to this?
When I was developing custom websites, I often went to different companies for negotiations. I was amazed at how different they all look and work. At some point, I began to recognize the company by its people. If they showed me an employee from, say, MTS, then I would most likely understand that this person works there. I found that they are mentally similar, there is a certain DNA of the company. First, the company owner hires managers who are similar to him. These managers hire managers who are similar to them. Those managers hire employees who are also like them. And at some point, all the people in the company begin to resemble each other.
How are the colleagues in your company similar?
I have said many times that I love people who are insecure. They reach the greatest heights. I don't like self-confident people. Such a person believes that he has achieved everything and does not need to learn anything. Self-confident, impudent people ask for a higher salary during an interview, they sell themselves more beautifully and talk about themselves. And the products are created by insecure, complex guys. They are the ones who are more successful in business. They say, “I'm not good enough. I need to learn more." And I’m trying to recruit into my “football team” those who do beautiful things, not talk beautiful things.
How do you determine that a person is smart but not self-confident?
You won't see it until you try to work with it. I don't believe in hiring, I believe in firing. My principle has always been simple: don’t try to understand anything during an interview, take on everyone, but part with those who didn’t suit you. My conclusion from almost 20 years of management experience: the best people on earth greatly underestimate themselves, and do not sell themselves well during interviews.
“In terms of money, I may not have made the best bet.”
Were you lucky with your partners, or did you also learn to select them according to some principles?
For me, it is not so much the tactical interest here and now that is important, but the strategy for many years to come. This is a story about “marshmallows” (talking about the “Stanford marshmallow experiment” - note from Ideonomics): it’s better to lose now and win later. For example, in 2007 I decided that we do not work with government orders at all. And, in my opinion, since then we have not taken a single government ruble. I realized that government money was becoming toxic and dangerous. I don’t want to give bribes, I don’t want to participate in kickbacks. In the commercial market, the one who really succeeds is the one who performs better. And in the state order, the decision is made by who has better connections and who goes to the bathhouse better. I realized that I don’t go to the bathhouse well and in general I can’t stand the bathhouse. Not my strong point, I will lose the game of government procurement.
The same story happened with amoCRM, when we deliberately abandoned large corporate customers and concentrated on small businesses. I realized that when we work with a corporate customer, the software is not so important, but the ability to sell it and make a presentation decides. And we’d rather make a good product than a good presentation. When you sell physics software, you won’t sell him bullshit, he won’t buy something he doesn’t use.
In short, as in the textbook: “You need to rely on your strengths...”
And, by the way, from the point of view of money, I may not have made the most profitable bet. I’m not sure that I earned more than others, I just chose a more comfortable niche for myself.
Why is your company a resident of Skolkovo?
Yes, we haven’t worked with government orders since 2007, but I must admit, the government has provided us with great help with tax benefits. Skolkovo provided great conditions, which we took advantage of with pleasure and for which we are very grateful. Most likely, next year we will cease to be residents, because they have a rule: benefits are given to those companies whose annual revenue does not exceed 1 billion rubles, and we will apparently have more than a billion.
“The US market has begun to lag behind in technology and it is not very clear why fight for it”
Your business has developed well in the Russian market. How does everything work in the USA, and how is building a business different there?
In Russia we had a qCRM project, which we did not place a big bet on at that time. In 2011, we opened an office in the USA, introduced our product to the American market and renamed it amoCRM. We hired employees, ordered a website, a logo. But in 2012, it became clear that things weren’t working out very well in the United States. We returned to Russia, but the office in the USA continued to work all this time.
How many employees were there?
Three four. In 2021, we decided to once again try to work actively in the USA. We increased our staff and office, held a conference in San Francisco, and gathered 1,500 people. Since then, we have continued to develop our direction in the USA, but now the focus has shifted to Latin America (Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, and other countries). The main team that works with the global market works from Russia. Americans and Latin Americans work there, for example, the director of marketing for global markets is American Jacqueline Philips. The entire team works in Russia with a large time shift, starting later than usual and finishing at midnight.
Why did they move from North America to South America?
North America is a very specific CRM market, very different from the rest of the world. There used to be an idea that if you conquered the American market, you would conquer the rest of the world. Now from a CRM point of view, everything works differently. The US market has begun to lag behind in technology and it is not very clear why fight for it. Roughly speaking, the whole world is moving to instant messengers, but Americans continue to use answering machines. And Latin America is more like the rest of the world than the United States. Plus, there is a feeling that if we conquer Latin America, we will take a quarter of the American market, because every fourth American is from Latin America and speaks Spanish.
In some European countries, fax is still in use...
Yes. These are markets with a very large legacy. When big changes occur in the world, such markets begin to lag behind in terms of technology. Rather, we need to go to those regions that are at the forefront - Asia, Latin America, Russia - and wait for the US and European markets to catch up.
In terms of management, is there a difference in Latin America?
We take into account their culture; there are differences in people and their motivations. But fundamentally there is not a very big difference. All over the world they drink Coca-Cola. She makes slightly different recipes in different countries, some are sour, some are sweeter. But everyone drinks it.
And there you also don’t work with the state and large customers?
Yes, everything is the same. When we work with small businesses, we work systematically with those who will use the product directly.
Do those sales mechanics that exist in Russia work in Latin America?
Yes, why not. People are the same everywhere, they have the same logic, the same behavior, the same psychology.
But are there cultural differences that can influence business development?
There are cultural differences, of course, but they don't really have that strong an impact. Let's return to Coca-Cola. When McDonalds and Coca-Cola came to Russia in the early 90s, they discovered that Russian people did not drink while eating. Soviet people were taught: first they ate, then the compote. And I read somewhere that there was a whole strategy to get Russians to drink while eating. Now a Russian person drinks 500-600 ml, and during meals. On the other hand, people buy Mercedes all over the world for the same reason: a good car, cool, expensive, cool. Mercedes didn't have any fundamental problem.
Yes, only for some Mercedes is a cultural code and message, and for others it is a means of transportation.
Nonsense. All over the world this is a cultural code and message. There are no people who are not proud of luxury goods.
But somewhere they strive for this more, and somewhere not at all...
No, that's nonsense. There is Freudianism here, the desire to stand out from the rest of the males and females. I am convinced that a person has two emotions: indifference and partiality. If you rebel against luxury and, for example, drive a cheap car, you are actually just as partial to cars as someone who buys a Rolls-Royce. You care, you just want to send a different message: “Look how democratic I am, I drive junk.” When I buy a Tesla in California, I want my neighbors to see that I care about the environment. By buying a V8 pickup in California, I also send a message: “Look, I don’t give a damn about your environment.” In some places it is considered cool to drive an old Volkswagen, and in others a new BMW, but both sides are partial to cars.
You once wrote that you come from a family of emigrants and live in two houses. How does it work for you? After all, now there is every opportunity to live in one place and manage a business remotely.
Lately I’ve been trying to live in Russia; only need brings me to the States. I have already answered for myself that Moscow is my home. Any place to live has its pros and cons, there are no ideal places, you always have to make compromises. In America there are more compromises for me than in Moscow.
Have you ever been to Latin America?
We do not yet have an office in Latin America; we work remotely. But I go because my parents live there.
Is there a connection between where an executive is located and the base of his business?
Today you can do business from anywhere in the world. It doesn’t matter where your body is, what matters is where you live mentally. You can be in Yekaterinburg, but be a resident of the Valley, if, relatively speaking, you start the day by reading TechCrunch. But if you are sitting in San Francisco and reading the newspaper “Life”, then your body is in San Francisco, and you yourself live in the Russian outback.
But in general, it is better for a leader to be closer to his people. I don't believe in remote work, I believe in the office.
Why?
Now many people perceive remote work as something new. And I had enough of her. I always left the country for a couple of months to visit my parents and was forced to work remotely. Technology hasn't changed much. When Skype appeared, we got everything we have now: video calls and screen sharing. Over the years, I realized that my office and I are less effective remotely. When we solve problems in person, the pace and speed are incommensurate with what happens remotely.
What exactly is changing?
Remote work is a game of broken phone: you say “sausage” into one colleague’s left ear, and from there a “bicycle” flies into the other’s right ear. And everyone laughs. This is how communications work: to understand each other, we humans have to spend a lot of effort. There is a lot of non-verbal, at the body level.
We are people who learned to communicate with each other in the sandbox, in the classroom, at school, wrote notes, made phone calls. Our communication skills were shaped in a post-Zoom universe. Plus, the sense of shoulder plays a very important role when we sit at neighboring tables. I call it courage. It reigns in the workspace, plays a very important role, and is transmitted non-verbally. You can create courage online, which gaming companies are great at doing [in their projects]: when we sit in the same game online, I am in very close emotional contact with other players. But as soon as I turn off the computer and go make coffee, the courage and magic go away.
Many companies don’t notice the difference with remote work because they weren’t effective before. Few people succeeded in creating an atmosphere of courage, that small room where everyone strives for results. Many simply did not see the sparkling eyes of their employees and did not lead the team to peak performance.
What is important to consider for an entrepreneur from Russia who seeks to conquer international markets?
The problem is that the Russian market is very simple. Therefore, it is impossible to work on the Russian market and the global market at the same time. There are two tactics. The first one is the one we followed: first you calmly build a business in Russia, and then try to transfer it to the West. Few people succeeded, because you still become a Russian company, a strong Russian legacy appears. If all this time, in parallel, you have not been involved in Western markets and have not looked back at them, then you, most likely, will no longer be able to enter there. It’s only now, after seven years, that things have begun to work out; we’ve been growing actively for the last year and a half. Revenue in Western markets is somewhere around 12-13% of Russian revenue, but it is growing much faster than domestic revenue. And if this growth does not stop, then something really significant will happen.
The second tactic is to forget about the Russian market from the very beginning. And, by the way, it is much easier to do this not from Moscow, because in Moscow the temptation to stay and do business for Moscow is very great. Therefore, most successful global startups with Russian roots were not created in Moscow. When you work, let’s say, in Irkutsk, you don’t care whether you work for Moscow or for San Francisco. My persistent advice to regional teams: prohibit yourself from thinking about Russia, completely remove the Russian language, and abandon the Russian market.
In addition, the fewer resources you have, the more focused you need to be. That is, think not about what we do, but about what we don’t do. For example, we do not specifically work with governments and large businesses. One very large bank came to us, but we refused their money. Likewise, we have moved away from boxed products. When we launched cloud CRM in 2010, 80% in Russia did not want the cloud, but wanted a box. Customers called us every day asking for a box. For an ordinary manager or entrepreneur, this was madness: to refuse 80% of clients who came with money. But now, in 2021, we've benefited wildly from this because we don't have to support all these boxes when no one needs them. Now 90% of customers want the cloud. It’s the same with global markets: if you want to enter the global IT market, refuse Russian money. This is a very difficult decision, few people have the balls for it. But if you decide, then you have good chances in Western markets. Russia has good, accessible engineers, it’s easy to make products here, and the average quality in hospitals is good.
Entrepreneurial projects often grow out of a sense of pride. Is this a good or bad motivation for building a business? How to deal with her if she doesn’t let go?
So a man comes and says: the TV should be round. They say to him: “Are you sick?” But he is vain, ambitious, doesn’t listen to anyone and keeps pushing forward with this idea. Pride will kill 99% of such people, and 1% will slip through and become Elon Musks. And everyone will say that they are visionaries and changed our world.
But on the other hand, if you know how to dampen your pride and stubbornness a little, then you dramatically increase your chances of success. At some point, someone will say that they understand your idea that a round TV is awesome, and he also thinks that TVs will become round, but will add: you know, what if we make it oval instead of round? You don't have to completely abandon your idea, but you do need to hear feedback. Sometimes hearing means dramatically increasing your chances of success.
What helped me personally to suppress my pride was the decision not to own 100%, but to do business with partners. I have shareholders who believed me that the TV should be round, but they can still come into the office and say: “Listen, it looks like an oval one will work.” When the company is not all yours, sometimes you have to report to someone, and this is an important skill - to be able to report to someone. Yes, it hits your pride, it’s unpleasant. But it actually makes you stronger. Sometimes you sit down and tell shareholders: “I think we’ve screwed ourselves.”
But this does not mean that you need to be obedient: if you listen to everyone, you will lose. Henry Ford rightly said: “If I had asked what my customers wanted, they would have asked for a fast horse.” In no case. You will never create anything big and visionary unless you are crazy and go for it. Airbnb founder Brian Chesky once said: the idea that someone would rent out a room with an air mattress (originally an AirBed&Breakfast - “inflatable mattress and breakfast” - note by Ideonomics) in his apartment to strangers seemed crazy, everyone was spinning temple. But in his case, the TV turned out to be not completely round, but slightly oval. The balance between visionary tenacity and positive feedback worked.
Interviewed by Svetlana Romanova
A man doesn’t trust me - recommendations from a psychologist
An important and key point in the formation of pure and trusting relationships is the communication of partners with each other. As a female psychologist, I want to draw women’s attention to the ability to talk with their men.
When a woman wonders why a man doesn't trust me and what to do, it becomes obvious that she doesn't understand him. In psychological consultations, I explain to women that in order for them to be happy in a relationship with their man, they must understand them.
In order for a woman to understand a man’s jealous behavior and answer the question: “ Why doesn’t a man trust me ,” you need to talk to him more often. Consultation with a female psychologist helps women understand the world of their man and themselves, realize their desires, evaluate their role and behavior in a relationship with a man, realize their mistakes and find solutions to current situations. A man doesn’t trust me , which means he doubts me and my actions.
How to talk to a man so that he hears you and stops doubting you?
What to do if a man does not trust and is jealous of work? Jealousy and mistrust often hide a man’s fear of losing a woman by losing control over her in a relationship.
Let me give you another example from practice.
The man does not trust me, believing that I go to work not to work, but to do something obscene. I constantly feel guilty towards him, although I do nothing wrong.
I understand that a man cannot read my thoughts, he does not know what lies behind my desire to run to work, but how can I explain to him what he would hear?
Find a support group
If your ideas do not resonate with those close to you, seek support from others, look for those who are ready to share your vision and support you. Find a mentor or a group of like-minded people who support each other's efforts. Surround yourself with people who motivate and who can give constructive feedback.
You can start by finding suitable interest groups within your network of contacts. Give support to others and they will reciprocate. Support is an important aspect of any business, especially for those who do not have it from loved ones in difficult times. Therefore, it is important to invest time and energy in networking to find a group of like-minded people.
Reasons for mistrust
If you can't trust your crush, there's a reason for it. There are several provocateurs that aggravate the situation. It is especially difficult to change your approach to a problem when the previous relationship experience was negative. Under what circumstances is it extremely difficult to trust your loved one?
Past - present
Being disappointed in a person once can result in serious mental trauma for the remaining years. Have you already been married and it broke up after he cheated? Did you have to expose the “double game”?
Negative experiences can destroy the present and completely occupy consciousness. The female inner “I” does not calm down even at the moment when the spouse demonstrates exemplary behavior and devotion! On this basis, many conflicts are born, the main cause of which is the woman’s mental trauma.
“I’m not vindictive, I just have a good memory!”
A common reason for mistrust is hidden behind banal memory. For example, a husband stumbled and, humiliating his dignity, cheated on his chosen one. Time passed, the situation was experienced and forgiven. But the opportunity to forget what happened does not yet exist, which means subconsciously you will wait for a relapse.
Low self-esteem
Most often, the problem surfaces during maternity leave. The woman devotes all her free time to the baby and solving everyday issues. A couple of extra kilos appear, hair roots have grown and a tired look appears. The husband continues to lead his usual lifestyle and, going to a work corporate party in all his glory, provokes several reasons for mistrust in himself. Complexes, fears and worries lead to conflicts.
Lack of self-confidence
How can you trust your husband if you can’t trust yourself? Are you reluctant to flirt with your neighbor or colleague? Chatting with your ex and looking for an excuse to have a cup of coffee with him? Why? Firstly, this is a way to increase self-esteem, and secondly, maybe you are counting on continuing the relationship or changing your partner?
The woman does not exclude a similar scenario for the development of the plot from her partner. Who does he have lunch with at work and why does his neighbor smile so sweetly at him? This is not a complete list of reasons for mistrust. How to get rid of them by learning to believe in your loved one with all your soul and heart? What do the psychologist’s advice “say” in this case?
